Amazon’s Desperate Attempts at Human Contact: the Clinique counter, paper cranes and fuzzy handcuffs
It’s amazing how many of my recent stories begin with “So, my friend Gwen sends me a text message.”
So, my friend Gwen sends me a text message on Thursday asking if I want to go see Sweeny Todd with her and another friend of ours, Laurie, on Friday. I responded saying either that or Cloverfield would be awesome. We figured we’d meet in a coffee shop in Oakland after we all got off of work and figure it out from there.
I ended up getting there early, which was a little weird for me. So I headed to the upstairs of Kiva Han with a coffee, a carrotcake muffin, and my cell phone. And I claimed the “hipster couch.” Which may have been a hipster couch, but was DAMN comfy.
Gwen and I were texting back and forth and when I bragged about my conquest of the couch, she accused me of hipster-dom. For those of you following my twitter, this is when I posted the comment about “hipster with a comfy ass.”
I then quickly got bored. But I had the solution to all of life’s problems. A camera phone:
Look! A chair! And Christmas lights!
This is an artsy picture of my boot. There’s a full color limited edition print, but only abstractfuries has a copy of that one.
Eventually we converaged on the couch and decided to go grab dinner. There was sushi, which is always good, and we were still planning a movie.
And then I brought up the pin-up style shoot I’m doing this spring with Fourth Photography.
Laurie, apparently, has done pin-up modeling in the past. And the look of sheer glee that came over her face when she found out I was doing this is…well, imagine a hardcore, old school, elitist My Chem fan being told that they’re going back to their old sound and Gerard has disowned any fans that only got into them because of The Black Parade. Multiply that by a millionfold.
So, we didn’t so much end up at the movies.
We ended up at The Outer Skin. *this link and the others below it contain adult content*
There was discussion of costumes and boots…and the offer of having an actual costume mistress during the shoot (!). Then there was the discussion of poses and props. Like whips. And riding crops.
Also there was a moment as we paused looking at the inflatable bondage chair.
We adjourned to a Barnes and Noble where we spent roughly an hour looking over books of models in various poses…some very good and some very not so good. And several of them covered in milk. Then, to Macy’s.
Apparently they thought we were there to cause problems, because they immediately called a code 50. I don’t know what a code 50 is, but apparently it pertains to three twenty something girls all looking vaguely punked out (Gwen had in her nose and lip ring, but dresses as preppy as possible otherwise…which is awesome…Laurie is always sort of punk/hipstered out and me…I’m in a hoodie and jeans. What else is new?). There was a disappointing romp through the shoe department and then an even more disappointing moment at the Clinique counter while looking for bright red lipstick.
Upon returning to Laurie’s car she proceeded to open her glove compartment and hand me a pair of absolutely gorgeous handcuffs. Leather, with spikes and roses and lined with red fur.
They were the most comfortable handcuffs ever. She almost didn’t get them back.
Then we got cheesecake. And Gwen made a paper crane with a substance abuse problem:
That crane likes sugar way too much 🙁 It’s never going to get to sleep.
Long story short? Great night. Short story long? Anything written by Dickens.