Today’s secret word:


Say it with me. Dildo. Diiiiildo. It’s kinda funny looking, right? I mean it’s got d’s in it. and d’s kinda look like a half cock and balls. You put a d and a b together and you have a full set: db. You replace both of the “d”s in the word with “b”s and you get Bilbo. As in Baggins. And the “one ring to rule them all?” Totally a sex toy. Tolkein was dirty.

Or maybe not.

Anyway, my point is, it’s just a word. Dildo. It’s not something to giggle over or be ashamed of. It’s a dildo, or as Coyote put it “a BIG RUBBER COCK.” It’s a sex toy, a masturbation aid, much like a vibrator. It’s used for sex, and that doesn’t make it dirty.

Except for the part where it apparently does.

You may or may not be aware of a poll I put up a few days ago asking “Would you buy a dildo if it were shaped like William Beckett’s cock?” It was accompanied by a quote from Beckett from an issue of Kerrang! magazine, which I assumed to be a joke. I have to admit, my reason for putting up the poll wasn’t because I really care if people would buy a dildo shaped like William Beckett’s trouser snake, but because I wanted to see the general reaction.

If you notice, there was no answer in the poll that let anyone say they didn’t masturbate.

I apologize but I was baiting people into saying something, exclaiming “EW! GIRLS WHO USE DILDOS/VIBRATORS ARE GROSS!” People talking about how disgusting the idea of getting off was. And I was pleasantly surprised that it didn’t really happen at first.

But slowly, reactions of “Ew. He’s gross for saying that!” are now showing up. And apparently I’m not allowed to voice my opinion on that in my own poll…so I’m doing it in my blog. Which you can choose to read or not…but be warned, if you post your opinion here you leave yourself open to response in an attempt to encourage debate.

It’s not just that a lot of women are grossed out about the idea of toys, it’s that they seem to be disgusted by the idea of masturbation…of the idea that a woman could enjoy sexual activity. And let’s face it, girls are BUILT to enjoy sex. The clit is a small bundle of “OMG YES PLEASE” and while a guy will blow his load and be done, women can experience multiple orgasms. Yes, there’s a wet spot involved, but that’s why Martha Stewart invented cheap towels.

Shut up. She totally did.

So what is it? Why are so many girls afraid of the idea of physical pleasure? It’s not dirty or naughty, it’s nice. It’s tingly. And getting off is one hell of a way to spend a snowy Friday night when you’ve got no other plans.

Granted, I’m not saying we should display our toys loud and proud for the world to see. I sure as hell know I’m not going to leave my vibrator out on a shelf when my mom comes over to visit.

(“Ashly? What’s that?”“Oh, that’s Esteban, mom.”“Esteban?”“Yes. Because ‘I Constantly Thank God For Esteban.'”)

So…why, girls? Why do we shy away from it, from thinking it, from talking about it, from even typing the word “dildo?” I mean…I know there’s that whole “vagina dentata” thing (literally, “vagina with teeth”) but that’s not literal. It doesn’t bite. Really.