I’m laughing because I’m terrified

4. Final Destination 3: I actually enjoyed the first movie if only for the scene where a girl gets hit by a bus from nowhere. The second one was just plain bad, and left me and several friends arguing about the logistics of being decapitated by an elevator (my argument: the head would not severe that cleanly. You’d probably get at least some spinal chord hanging from the head or neck areas). But the third one contains the line “Fuck you, Ben Franklin” as well as a death scene were a severed torso flips the main characters the bird. So horribly bad (and okay, I’ll admit, it put me off of rollercoasters for awhile).

3. The Craft: When teenage girls play with witchcraft, everything goes to hell. Especially Fairuzia Balik’s hairstyle. What’s scarier: a horribly portrayed attempted rape scene, a girl throwing a guy out a window using just the power of her crazed screaming of “HE’S SORRY!” or Neve Campbell’s entire career? Your call, people. Your call.

2. Dracula 2000: Gerard Butler feeds on Vitamin C while Jonny Lee Miller wonders if he peaked with Trainspotting. Omar Epps is pissed that Wesley Snipes decided to be in the sequels to Blade meaning that his typical job as The Fill in Wesley Snipes wasn’t open. 7 of 9 tries to have a career outside of Star Trek. And the guy who played Hyde on That 70’s Show becomes nothing more than a tasty treat. See kids, that’s what happens when you believe in Scientology.