Once, Twice, Three Times a Tomboy (a rebuttal of sorts)

“I wish I could drink like a lady I can take one or two at the mostThree and I’m under the table Four and I’m under the host”-Dorothy Parker

I am really bad at being “a lady.”

I am very good at being polite and cultured in situations that call for it. I can dress up and smile and play nice. I can even control my swearing. But I am very bad at taking a seat and letting the men do all the talking. I am pretty terrible about being seen and not heard. And normally I swear like a sailor, dress like a boy and kick like a mule.

Then again, I really dislike the label of “ladylike.” It implies that there are standards and rules of behavior a woman has to observe that a man doesn’t. Sorry, no. And don’t tell me the term “ungentlemanly” applies, because that’s not the point. The point is, if it’s the same rules of behavior, it’s the same word applied to each.

I’m all for girls who want to be more feminine than me doing so. But at the same time I get sick of the idea that there is something unladylike in being strong, mentally or physically, in fighting your own battles, or in being the person you are no matter what.

No, I don’t approve of celebrities that run around flashing their “assets” all over the place. But I don’t exactly approve of men who do the same thing. Of course, it’s acceptable to oogle a man seen without his shirt, but if a woman wears something low-cut she’s a total whore. My point is, I don’t want to see Britney’s va-jay-jay anymore than the rest of the world. But that’s not unladylike, it’s embarrassing and disgusting.

As for young women having sex, it’s going to happen. How about this, though? We toss out the idea that it’s wrong or dirty for a woman to masturbate. We encourage it as a way to experience sexual pleasure so girls don’t have to run around having sex to get it. Even better, let’s decide to not be embarrassed about discussing safe sex with children of EITHER gender so that they are better prepared for the eventuality of it.

When I was in high school I was in a beauty pageant. This was before I got pudgy, fuck you very much. People were shocked to see me in a dress, “acting ladylike.”

Bitches, I never acted ladylike. I just put on a fucking dress. I was still the same badass motherfucker I always was, I just watched my language and wore heels.

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