LIve VMA Blog

Why the fuck not?

8:49PM Dear Travis: The straight hair? Mistake.

8:50PM Dear Paris: You are NOT Marylin Monroe.

8:51: HI PANIC!

8:56: Y HALLO THAR, FOO FIGHTERS!Oh Dave Grohl, how you so awesome?

8:58: Yes, Linkin Park, you should bring Project Rev to more places.LIKE PITTSBURGH, MOTHERFUCKERS!

9:00 PM COME ON BRIT, MAKE ME PROUD.Oh BIT-BIT…You phoned it in. Your facial expression was screaming “Please don’t let me forget the choreography.” There was no “umph” to your dance moves. And if you wanted to wear that outfit, you really should have started out in a suit and stripped down to it.But it wasn’t a total trainwreck. So, kudos.

And Sarah Silverman pwns.

9:08 PM: I take it back. Sarah, you are upsetting and I would pay so much money for Samuel L. Jackson to come out and bitchslap you right now.

9:11 PM : …Pete, I’m starting to believe you may be a closet furry.

MONSTER SINGLE OF THE YEAR: Rihanna “Umbrella”

9:14: Kanye, lose the glasses. Just…no.

9:22: DON’T LISTEN TO THESE GUYS. VOTE FOR GYM CLASS HEROES.

9:23: And Jennifer Hudson is GORGEOUS

4x THREAT AWARD: Justin TimberlakeUgh. That DOUCHE? Should have been Bono.

9:25 : FOB PARTY!Patrick, you PIMP! Take me now!

9:31 And we’re back with the Foo Fighters 😀

9:33: Oh, just kiss already, boys. It’ll get you better press.

EARTH SHATTERING COLLABORATION: Beautiful Liar – Beyonce ft. ShakiraShock! I figured it was going to be Sexyback! This is great though!

9:36: “Wake up Call!” I LOVE THIS SONG! So hot!

9:47: Chris Brown: You were obviously lip synching. The dnacing was cool though.And you brought Rihanna. You’re forgiven.OMG…BILLY FUCKING JEAN! CHRIS BROWN, I THINK I KINDA LOVE YOU.

9:50: Hayden, you are so pretty. But I really hope you don’t end up like most of the rest of young Hollywood. I trust that your cast mates on Heroes will keep you from that.You see, Milo is caring older brother type who listens to you, Grunberg lays down the law, Adrian has the stern face going on, and Sendhil is the one who talks them into ungrounding you for good behavior.No, I have NOT thought about this too much, dammit!

9:55: Please note, if you vote for Carrie Underwood, I WILL CUT YOU WITH A LINOLEUM KNIFE.

MALE ARTIST OF THE YEAR: Justin TimberlakeI will not make a “dick in a suit” joke…I will not make a “dick in a suit” joke…YOU’RE 25, YOU DUMB FUCK. THAT’S NOT OLD.

10:00 PM : Darling Nikki cover……and my pink parts begin to tingle…

“Shot at Love?” WTF? That looks like it’ll be a rant in and of itself.

10:04: And as Justin Timberlake is walked back to his party, he is attacked by a SURPRISE FRANK IERO!Not really, but fuck do I wish so.

10:06 : SHIA. When did you get so hot?Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? Sweet.

FEMALE ARTIST OF THE YEAR: FergieLudacris accepting for her. Why do I find that so fucking funny?

10:12: I really do love Pam Anderson. She’s just awesome.And this beauty queen show looks like absolute shit. But I have no patience for beauty queens.

10:17 The party looks awesome. BRENDON FUCKING URIE!And apparently he was singing “Also into cats.” Brendon? I’m a dirty old woman, but I love you so hard.

LINKIN PARK!!! fucking awesome!

10:23: I really need to watch Entourage.

BEST GROUP: FALL OUT BOY!!!!!I mean…excellent. Yes.<.<>.>

10:32: Rihanna performing with FOB.That may be the coolesting thing ever.

Kid Rock “I eat breakfast.”Yes, I’m sure you do, Kid. I’m sure you do.

Nelly: please put on a suit. It won’t kill you. I promise.

10:35: Alicia, honey, the hair? NO. JUST NO.

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE A PARTY OTHER THAN KANYE’S PLEASE!

10:43: Mmmmm…Gym Class Heroes :DJamie Fox…mmmmm

Who won between Kid Rock and Tommy Lee? Nobody really cares. (It was totally Tommy Lee, I will hear nothing differently)

J-Garner is totally confused. That’s what fucking Ben Affleck does to you kids.

BEST NEW ARTIST: Gym Class Heroes!!!!!!TRAVI, YOU REALLY ARE A BIG DEAL!

Miss Teen South Carolina, get the fuck out. You are pretty and stupid. That’s it.

10:56: Mary J. Blige, you are absolute gorgeous and look so classy.Dr. Dre, you deserve the applause. You brought so much to the world musically.

VIDEO OF THE YEAR: RIHANNA FT. JAY Z -“UMBRELLA”

Can’t say I’m shocked. Go Rihanna.

11:05: Nelly Furtado…I’m taking that hat away. Just…no.

11:09: Oh Justin, make it MORE obvious you’re lip synching, please.

…THAT’S IT? I kinda expected something more…explosive to end the show.

Though I find it hysterical that Britney opened the show and Justin ended it. Those crazy kids.