Things to ponder at 2:55 am

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why you don’t ever see the headline: “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why there isn’t mouse flavoured cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a “new & improved” flavor?

Why people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why your Obstetrician or Gynaecologist leaves the room when you get undressed – if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?

Who the first first person was to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Why the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of coconut, but can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Why the “Alphabet Song” and “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

How come we put a man on the moon before realising it would be a good idea to put wheels on suitcases?

How important someone has to be before they can be ‘assassinated’ rather than just plain ‘murdered’?

Why a round pizza gets delivered in a square box?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat??

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for “normal” people at the Special Olympics?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

Why don’t women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

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