FHM gets Dirty

Shallon Lester interviewed everyone’s favorite rambunctious roadie. Here’s an excerpt:

You’re not the tour manager but you’re a fixture in the Fall Out Boy camp. What exactly do you do? I just hang out and get drunk. I have probably the most interesting and unique job ever. They pretty much just pay me to hang out and have a good time—I’m kind of like their entertainment. You’re like a whore who doesn’t put out, right? Exactly. Take us through the typical Dirty day. I’m usually up sometime between 12 and 2 p.m. My favorite thing to do is open a beer and chug it. It wakes me up a little bit. Then I go in and bother our crew and keep drinking all day. I’m usually six or seven beers in by show time. The band will play their set and go offstage and I’ll go out and bring the band back out for the encore. I bust a few white boy moves to entertain the crowd. I can’t dance. After the show, I’ll hang out with everyone in the crew and in the band. Finally, I pass out at about four or five in the morning.Release the Bats had some pretty gnarly stunts on it—you drank mud and ate your own puke. Were those antics fairly representative of your daily life or did they push your limits just for the camera? No, that’s all pretty normal stuff. When I drank the mud, for some reason in my mind I was like, “It’s all just water.”What’s the proper way to wreak havoc on a hotel room? First order of business—open the minibar. After you drink, you feel loose. One time, I got drunk and these kids gave us a Slip ’N Slide. We put it in our room and put soap and shampoo and lotion all over it. Then we would go flying down the slide and hit the room door with a loud thump! We were slamming into each other and flipping the beds over and people were screaming. Ten security guards came into the room and saw these dudes sliding all over the place. They wanted to kick us out right then at 3 a.m. We tried to stay at the Hard Rock again this year but they said no way. It was worth it.Is Fall Out Boy participating in any of this? Patrick [Stump, vocals] sits on the bus and works all the time. He’s amazing, one of the best dudes I’ve met in my life. Joe [Trohman, guitar] hangs out. Andy [Hurley, drums] is a ladies man. He’s a nice guy. I think he’s got a girl now, so he’s settling down. Pete loves to hang. He’s down getting people wasted and have a good time. Most of the crazy shit I do is Pete’s idea.

Many more tales of Dirty debauchery at FHM online.