Some photos are worth a thousand words. Some are not. Each week I analyze a few lucky photos and judge for myself, "What are these photos really worth??" My answer is always right. Let's stop wasting time and get right to it.

A Letter From N-Ports

Photo Credit: V Magazine

Dear Hunter,
As a big fan of your music, your writing, your professional modeling, your—well, YOU!, I have to tell you what an honor it would be to have you analyze a picture of me. I have enclosed a cover I did for V Magazine. It was a fun photo shoot, but it was really long! If you could find the time between stops on your worldwide AFI tour to visit me during a future shoot, I would love to chat with you about things like veganism, espresso, Stevie Wonder, or even the Riemann hypothesis. I will have my people contact Buzznet to set something up with you. I look forward to hopefully meeting you.
Love,
Natalie
P.S. Please go easy on my photo analysis—I'd hate to be made fun of (even in a playful tongue-in-cheek way) by someone I admire so much!


Natalie,
You are truly mesmerizing in this photo. Was it uncomfortable to have a giant "V" around your neck during such a long photo shoot?
-H
P.S. The Riemann hypothesis!? I didn't know you were into number theory!


L-Gagz?!

What is it about Ms. Gaga that looks strange in this picture? Her outfit is typical. She's wearing her normal Ambervision/Blueblockers. Fishnets? Normal. Translucent beaded necklace as a dress? Typical. Hair straight out of Village of the Damned? Standard. Matching tail? Obvz. Wait! I know what it is! Her ears look a little pointy in this picture. The paparazzi must have caught her on a bad ear day. Whew! For a minute there I thought she had morphed into something much much cuter. Everyone can rest assured, nothing is out of the ordinary here. The Gaga is ok. Answer me this though: Why do I want to brush her mane and tail so badly?

Jo-Jo and D-Lov?!

Photo Credit: Getty Images

I remember a time when Disney used to exploit animals for profit. These animals were forced to film countless movies and tv shows as well as make special appearances daily at Disneyland. Somehow this was ok because these animals were not real animals. They were cartoons. However, the times have changed. Disney still exploits animals in the same animated fashion, but now Disney also churns out pop stars by the hand full—and oh what a hand full these two are! Joe and Demi have performed together many times, but now I hear rumors that they might also be dating?? To me, that's like hearing that Minnie Mouse and Goofy are dating—it's just not right! ...or maybe it's SO RIGHT. They do make a cute couple, don't they?

Check back each week for more analytical ephemera. If you have suggestions of photos you would like me to analyze, email them to yourself and Bcc me. If you didn't read the last Analyze This, you missed a classic. It was a Halloween "spooktacular". If you missed any of the prior weeks, you can travel back in time by looking in my journal section. Why not take a few minutes to read every single one? Lastly, commentary is accepted and expected.