To the untrained eye, Madison (EyelinerSmudge) may seem like a walking contradiction. Her political views don’t always jibe with her emotions and her musical favorites seem out of sync with one another. But we learned this isn’t quite so. In a candid interview with the aspiring writer/photographer, we learned how she’s embraced her own differences, how art keeps her alive, and why the Manic Street Preachers are the greatest band on the planet. –Mark Oshiro, Community Manager, panasonicyouth

Buzznet: I think it would be improper to start an interview with you and not discuss the Manic Street Preachers. How much has this band affected your life? Why do you love them so much?

 

Madison: Oh, Manics!  How can I answer this without typing a novel?    As pretty much everyone knows, Manic Street Preachers are a huge part of my life.  I stumbled upon them because Welsh actor Ioan Gruffudd mentioned they were his favorite band in an interview.  I really didn't know what I was stepping into, but being a fan girl I had to check them out.   They rocked my world.  The first Manics video I saw was "Love's Sweet Exile" and I was stunned that you could present political ideology with a rough sexual edge like that.  After that I was stamped, not just by the glamour, but by the thoughts themselves.

 The Manics introduced me to a whole new world of art and literature, mainly Albert Camus.  They showed me a whole new spark of beauty that was to be found in the dark side of human nature and suffering.    I love them because I found them so relatable.   They were working class kids with an unnatural taste for the finer things.  By which I don't mean champagne.  I mean art, literature and music. 

James [Dean Bradfield, vocals/guitar] was once asked, "The way you dress, isn't that divorcing you from your surroundings?"  And he said, "It's glamour."   And that pretty much sums up how I've been in my own surroundings

Buzznet: It seems you feel equally as strong for the Pet Shop Boys as well. Is your love for them different from your love for the Manics?

Madison: Pets love is a bit different.  Where as with Manics it was a very passionate and violent romance, Pet Shop Boys were more of an instant puppy love.  Pets are dance music, so it's a more fun sort of love.   Manic Street Preachers are like that wild and rouge poet you fall madly in love with and get their names tattooed on you so everyone knows this love is for real.  Pet Shop Boys are those funny looking electro boys who flirt with you every time you go into the record shop until you give in, go on a date with them and find out there is this amazing man beneath the Stussy hoodie and Armani ties.

Buzznet: It seems that your music taste is is in conflict with itself. Do you think that reflects on yourself and what you believe in? I know you've posted many detailed journals about your own inner conflicts with your beliefs.
 

Madison: Hmm, getting philosophical, I see.   I need to connect to my inner Yogi for this!  

I think maybe it does.  I mean, no person, myself included, is one-dimensional.    Nowadays so many people live in the grey area and I guess I'm just not that conventional.  There are two sides to music, morals and ideas and I tend to grasp whatever seems to make the most sense to me, whether it be in the black or the white.  I just can't stand putting myself in that grey area. I guess it goes back to spending summers in Jesus Land as a kid.  There's this passage in the bible that says to be hot or cold because if you're lukewarm, God is going to vomit you up.  So whatever I believe in I believe in passionately, even if it's not what I've been taught to believe.  And it does conflict most the time, but somehow, to me, it melds.  Like the Libertarian Socialists.  We like socialism but hate the government. It takes time to wrap your brain around, but some how it clicks.

Buzznet: So how has your time on Buzznet helped you deal with this conflict?

Madison: It's really enlightened me to different people and different views.  I've been able to express myself and have other members from different walks of life say, "I agree," or, "I don't see it that way."  In the case with people like Sue (Crash13), some say, "You know what? I've been there, and it all evens out."  Or, "I'm still there, and the world is just a crazy place."  Which really makes me feel better when my brain and emotions are in tangles.

Buzznet: Again, I know how much you've used your Buzznet journal to be honest and frank about your life. How much has art (either the written word or photography) made an impact in your life? Do you depend on it?

Madison: Art is a vital part of my life.  Not only is it the only way I feel I can express myself, but it's the only way I can understand anything.   I wasn't exactly the most loved kid in school.  I was always being bullied because of my weight and race, so writing, sketching, messing with a camera or a band were the only ways I felt that I could get ahead.   Art is a freeing key.  Wilde said, "All art is quite useless" and he's right. I think that's why it's so important to me.   I view it as my only saving grace and I've always this terrible paranoia that the world is going to shut it out and destroy it due to it's lack of practicality.

Buzznet: Do you hope to change any part of the world with your art or are you content with the personal catharsis it provides you?

Madison: I'd always hoped to change the world some how, any way, for the better.  I'd like to write something that really imprints the world or at least the mind of those who read it.  And I will some day.  I just haven't done it yet.