It's time for Buzznet's trilogy of wildly chaotic political liveblogs to come to an end. First, we all suffered through the Vice Presidential debate; then we were bored out of our minds and resorted to catty macros to survive the second Presidential debate. Now, just 20 days from Election Day, we are set to break all Buzznet records imaginable. Will you be there when the Buzzpocalypse arrives?




So where do we stand with this race to the White House?

John McCain is not winning, plain and simple. And you know what isn't helping?

The thousands of racist, homophobic, moronic, and xenophobic supporters he has.

Oh boy. Those are all things that have happened in one week. Jesus.

So what has Obama done? He bought the entire media world on October 9th, where he'll apparently announce he's Jesus Christ and that he's got a giant batch of Kool-Aid for each and every one of us. (What could the Obama campaign possibly have to tell us that will last 30 minutes? It better be good.)

Will John McCain be awake during this debate and not wander all over the stage? Will Barack Obama actually be able to answer a foreign policy question without sounding like a child?

TUNE IN TONIGHT! 6pm PST and 9pm EST for those on the opposite coast. LET'S BEAT 662 COMMENTS!!!!

5:37pm: OH GOD. We're doing this again? Somebody convince me to drink again. I often feel like I need it.

5:38pm: I'm watching ABC and they said tonight's format is more "personal." Wasn't last week supposed to be? God, please don't let it be even more boring.

5:53pm: WHY ARE ALL THESE COMMERCIALS FOR OLD PEOPLE.

5:58pm: ABC is showing the most adorable story about a chimpanzee rescue service started by a guy who gave up everything to run it. INCREDIBLE. Now, some human monkeys.

6:00pm: I wonder if McCain is going to admit that he knows more secret things about how to save the world.

6:01pm: Is Bob Shieffer older than John McCain?

6:02pm: Bob Schieffer just basically said: "Dudes, don't bullshit me." LOLOLOLOLOL.

6:03pm: Oh boy. Starting off with the economy. BUT WAIT. LET ME BRING UP REAGAN. Sigh.

6:04pm: It took less than 30 seconds for me to be bored out of my mind. John McCain's voice puts me to sleep.

6:05pm: I don't like this format because it's like McCain and Obama ARE LOOKING STRAIGHT AT ME.

6:07pm: I already hate ABC's cut-screen view. It showed that McCain stares out into the crowd like a zombie.

6:08pm: McCain is talking to Joe. WHAT ABOUT ME, MCCAIN. WHAT WILL YOU SAY TO ME.

6:09pm: OBAMA IS LAUGHING AT MCCAIN'S IDIOCY. Amazing. About fucking time. Also, McCain watches YouTube?????

6:10pm: PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT JOE THE PLUMBER. Who is this guy? I am convinced he is not real? Also, McCain is SO MAD. This is awkward. "Moooooooommmmmmmmmm, daddy is fighting!"

6:13pm: This is insane. McCain is smiling like he just baked a cookie. What the hell?

6:15pm: Did McCain just try to interrupt Obama's two minutes? Wait your turn. This format is making me so uneasy. Not just McCain, both of them. WHERE IS CYNTHIA MCKINNEY

6:16pm: Home ownership? We're talking about what programs you would cut. What are you talking about???

6:17pm: Thank you, Bob Schieffer! Get him on track! DO IT AGAIN.

6:17pm: Ah, there we go. Spending freeze! But wait! WE NEED TO BUY MORTGAGES. I am lost. :(

6:18pm: WHAT CAMERA ARE YOU LOOKING AT. Oh god, someone direct him to the right camera. Also, did he just bring up the planetarium thing again???? ohlordsaveus

6:20pm: OH SHIT. McCain gets snappy and says he's not George W. Bush. Holy crap.

6:21pm: Wow, this is getting really really ugly. McCain seems like he wants to shove Obama off the stage. I feel gross inside, like I'm watching a domestic dispute.

6:23pm: LOL FOX NEWS JOKE. Obama wins.

6:23pm: Obama stood up for himself and made enemies. HE IS A MAVERICK.

6:24pm: Hearing McCain say 'vigorous' is creepy. Also, WHAT IS MCCAIN DOING. WHY IS HE BEING SUCH A DIG.

6:25pm: Bob Schieffer just asked THE MOST EXPLOSIVE QUESTION EVER. The gloves are off and you should expect granades. THE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH.

6:27pm: This is ridiculous. Did McCain almost cry? Also, OBAMA SHOULDN'T HAVE TO REPUDIATE SOMEONE ELSE'S NONSENSE.

6:28pm: Holy shit, Obama redirects the angry question to be something positive and relevant. A+ move. Also, he just called McCain out on his townhall defense.

6:30pm: GOING BACK TO THE BEGINNING. McCain is referencing GEORGE WASHINGTON, BITCHES. Also, "Joe The Plumber" again. PLEASE STOP.

6:31pm: Oh my god, Obama is bringing up Palin's rallies. THIS IS THE MOST AWKWARD THING ON TELEVISION HISTORY. I feel like I am watching a domestic dispute.

6:32pm: Obama said, "tit." LOL.

6:32pm: STOP INTERRUPTING MCCAIN.

6:34pm: AWKWARD SILENCE. Hopefully, they feel my pain. FEEL MY PAIN, PLEASE.

6:36pm: McCain brings up ACORN and Bill Ayers in less than 5 seconds. The shit has hit the fan. Literally.

6:38pm: Obama wonderfully dismisses Ayers saga and distances himself from ACORN. Well-played. I can't wait to hear what nonsense comes out of McCain's mouth.

6:39pm: I am at a complete loss. The campaign has hit an absolute new low. I am so upset with what just happened.

6:41pm: I am so excited to hear McCain defend Palin. This will be lush. Also, A+ to Obama referring to Biden's work on women's rights. One of his best qualities.

6:42pm: "Sarah Palin is a role model for women." I literally stopped breathing there for a moment.

6:44pm: Oh man. Obama just destroyed McCain with his reference to autism and McCain's spending freeze. Also, McCain just said "cock." Also, the question is about EXPERIENCE. Biden simply has more of it!

6:46pm: Bob Schieffer is FEISTY. He's the best moderator yet. Not as quiet as Ifill, not as insane as Brokaw.

6:47pm: McCain's face just said: YOU ARE STUPID.

6:49pm: Energy and environmental issues are McCain's low point. And Obama makes the best point: We can't drill our way out of the problem. One of the few things I'm 100% with Obama on.

6:51pm: GOD, WE WILL NOT SEE ANYTHING FOR 10 YEARS IF WE DRILL NOW. This is an established fact. FACT. STOP IT.

6:53pm: Jesus, John McCain has become a raging asshole. An asshole who naps during Obama's part. This is nuts. Do you really want someone this catty running our country?

6:54pm: No condescension from Obama. Surprise!

6:56pm: Obama = Hoover, according to McCain. Incredible.

6:56pm: Healthcare!!!!! No matter what McCain says, he can't win. His plan is horrifying.

6:59pm: The problem isn't rising cost, McCain. The problem is that PEOPLE DON'T EVEN HAVE IT TO HAVE A COST. asl;fhkasdk;fljasdfklasdjklsdfkljaf;adjf This is terrible.

7:00pm: I love that Obama smiles every time McCain says something insane.

7:01pm: McCain: "Really? I was lying? I have never misrepresented you!" God, this debate is SO DESPERATE.

7:02pm: I love that Obama is the one who has to explain McCain's health care plan. Genius.

7:03pm: WHO IS JOE. WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO. JOHN MCCAIN HAS MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES.

7:05pm: John McCain, do you understand how a free market system works?? If you let it be the victim of capitalism, it will just explode in cost. Also, thank you, Obama, for bringing up the employer-based healthcare.

7:06pm: OH SHIT. Roe v. Wade. This is going to be insane.

7:07pm: Wait, what the fuck? What did McCain just say?

7:09pm: Obviously, I am biased, but Obama is killing it on abortion.

7:11pm: Obama, please keep talking about women's rights. ILU BB.

7:11pm: McCain claims that we need to change the culture of America. Wow. Waging war, are we?

7:13pm: As always, Obama refutes McCain's talking points, and does so brilliantly.

7:14pm: Incredible. Obama brings the issue around to preventing unwanted pregnancies, the real issue.

7:15pm: Immediately afterwards, McCain cuts Obama down for being a good speaker by saying....um...what?

7:16pm: I'm still reeling from the best moment of the debate: "No one is pro-abortion." EXACTLY. I am pro-choice, but I'm not going around and cutting children from the womb.

7:18pm: I am bored again, mostly because you go from OMG ABORTING BABIES to HEY AMERICA SUCKS AT LEARNING. I expect McCain will babble for two minutes.

7:20pm: McCain supports those in the military skipping exams to qualify to be teachers. The absolute most batshit idea of the whole debate. HOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE.

7:22pm: NO SERIOUSLY. I am still stuck on this issue. WHY SHOULDN'T THE MILITARY BE CERTIFIED? Oh god, DO NOT WANT.

7:23pm: McCain: "I am surprised you weren't paying attention." REALLY? BECAUSE YOU KEEP BRINGING UP POINTS OBAMA ALREADY REFUTED IN THE LAST DEBATE.

7:25pm: McCain just threw in a rambled line: "...children with autism....Sarah Palin.....Palin knows best." Complete and utter lunacy. How is that relevant to anything?

7:26pm: SARAH PALIN. AUTISM. PALIN. CHILDREN. McCain has become like those terrible spammers who just vomit keywords to get search engine hits.

7:27pm: Wow. McCain just laughed at Obama and sneered with anger. What a total douchebag.

7:27pm: MY FRIENDS. Took him long enough.

7:29pm: McCain's closing statement = snorefest. This hasn't been a healthy discussion at all, dude. It's been you being an elitist and rude prick and Obama staying aghast at your audacity.

7:30pm: As always, Obama ends on a positive note. He's just far more polite. Also, LOL at Bob Schieffer's quote from his mom.

7:31pm: ABC is telling us that Joe the Plumber is real. Joe Wertzelbacher. Thanks, Joe, for allowing John McCain to completely bastardize everything you stand for.

7:47pm: ABC just said that this debate was civil. Are you blind or deaf????