From Zuis LiveJournal 20ef252 - zuicide - Latest News

From Zuis LiveJournal

No " oh im sorry lauren" no " it will be okay" none of that please

Vent
I own a company now...I am out the door by 9 am and back home sometimes by 12 am
do paperwork then wake up and do it again 7 days A week. It sucks BUT its great cause I never see her
sounds bad saying " its great i never see her" but if you lived my life you would understand
a mother is soppose to be someone whos there for you and vise versa in my case shes a stranger.
we have never been close I look in her eyes and feel nothing
sounds sooo bad to say that but sometimes the truth isnt so pretty

as i write this I hear her threatening to shoot herself with my dad shot gun
threats
funny its really diffucult to commit suicide with a shot gun mom im thinking
but whatever
shes always saying shes gonna kill her self

today started as another normal stressful day for me
i helped my friend beda do somestuff which was worth every second
then i switch my sprint family plan number over to my tmobile phone so i wont have to rack up my moms bills so high with text messaging...i thought i was doing somethign good. and she would be happy
instead she calls me screaminh about how it charged her 170 dollars for a cacelation fee..
i explained iw ould pay it as soon as i got home...
she didnt care
she continued to call me over and over screaming then hanging up..and when iw ouldnt answer the phone she would leave mean voice messages like a child prank calling
shes never happy
i use to care but after years and years of the same shit i became a shell

- she just walked by the computer room and called me a bitch- wanting a response from me. she wont get one

she acts liek alittle kid throwing rocks at someone on a playground shes a bully
i hope im a better mother than she is

if i could just afford to move out i would
i lived in my car soo many times i cant cound anymore just because i couldnt take her
my sister callie wont talk tyo any of us anymore until we all go to therapy i want to go mom and dad refuse

john was home before i got here and walked into a tornado she was passing around the house with the gun in her hand threatenign to kill herself
thrh started breaking shit in the house
sounds like a cry for attention to me but who knows

my lifes weird

seems so fun doesnt it so carefree but little know what i deal with everyday
im not rich
i have a fucked up family
ive been suicidal
ive been homeless
and allot is because of her

christmas

this should be fun
callie isnt coming home from nyc this year she doesnt wanna see any of us until we stop fighting like we do

kedren is comong although i dont want to se her she said ill ber a terrible mom
it broke my heart she said allot of other shit too i wont go into

moms crying now dont know why
my lifes crazy
mood swings

i want out
im not going to be happy here
and i know zavia cant be aroudn this

when i was a month pregnant my mom threw me in a closet and beat me up
drug me across the living room floor by my shirt

i told her if she kills my baby ill kill her i meant this

white trash?
yeh definitly

my dad sits quietly alone watching the simpsons on the couch
he has his head down to the floor with his head in his hands
i love him so much but we both never say it
he doesnt talk much
i dont really know him either but i do know i would do anythign for him
im a daddy girls although we never talk

my mom tore the christmas tree apart

in a fit of rage
i wasnt here john was tho hiding in our room

my life is full of drama and domestic abuse

im saving money now to get away

i could move away and never speak to her again in my life and feel no remorse
i know that should be something you would feel bad for saying but for me i feel nothing
like i said im a shell

whern i was younger i remember i always thought my dad was the bad one he was always screaming and yelling kate at night when me and my sisters were soppose to be sleeping
my dad was always the one starting fights.. or so i thought now i see how she starts it all and doesnt let anything die which builds up his anger and he finally snaps

she just made it seem like it was all him
it never was

i use to sneak out late at night and walk the train tracks
up and down thr tracks just to clear my mind and to get away
its easier now that i have a car i can just drive and drive until im almost out of gas...i use to wish i would accedinitaly drive off a cliff

i have something so important now that non of that crosses my mind. she wont break me or zavia i wont let her.

shes talking to the dogs now like ther people
she drinks allot of wine

i get a pain in my side from stress i think its zavia elbowing me telling me to chill out..

(Since everyone seems to be asking, Zui's livejournal link is Click

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Comments (3)

	jillanne84: 03/14/2007 3:55 PM She seems so happy in pictures. I hope that she is able to get away from that life...her baby deserves better and so does she! Whats her livejournal name site?
	panicxangel: 03/14/2007 8:23 PM pinkgyrlscout
	eopinion: 04/13/2007 1:15 PM this is a little too personal for you to post i know she posted it on her livejournal but still