xmas Blog and Journals

ugh.
my head kills.
i'm not hungover, that only happens when franky is around. its her aura 0_o
jokes.
*cough*
to finish off this memo, i'd like to just say that Peter Facinelli (Carlisle Cullen in Twilight movie [SO FREAKING HOT. And you all know it.])
YES ALISON AND FRANKY. I'M STILL OBSESSED.
ok, fangirl moment is over.
Clearly, to cure my boredom, I’ve been watching a lot of movies.
Don’t know ‘em? Watch the movie or google him. *dreamy sigh*
i'll save my obsession (verbally) for my dearly beloved friends, a.k.a Alison, Franky, etc.
:)
- - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -
*Sara's POV*
December 25th.
the day most cherish, look forward to and consider to be the highlight of their year.

most, anyway.

the latter?
hate it.
despise it.
wish it never existed.

i'm part of the latter.

we've all got our reasons.

whether its just the whole conspiracy, or the creepy pedophilish santa lookalikes in the malls, the fact that everyone gets drunk anyway, claustrophobia, the aunt that gives you socks every year, anything, we're just the few that can't seem to see what everyone else sees on this day.

anyway..

my story now.


since my brother, John, joined this band called 'The Maine', his best friend and bandmate Kennedy Brock, would always come over for dinner on Christmas day.

its been three years.

what, doesn't this guy have a family?!?!?

he was cute, i admit, i kinda like him.. but as we established before, i don't like christmas.

anyway, christmas day, 2008, around 6:00 pm. i was still in my pyjamas, but i didn't care. i was helping my mom prepare food for the dinner, which, traditionally,was at 7pm. i was preparing the stuff for christmas pudding , when suddenly my favourite, FAVOURITE brother, only brother, but whatever, John walked in with Kennedy in tow, neither looking that bad considering that they had just gotten off tour.

they were both dressed in what could be considered to be kind of formal (yeah, we consider christmas to be quite formal, girls wear dresses and heels, guys dress in suits or whatever, don't ask) , with the dress pants, and the clean white shirts, and the ties, whatever, don't need to go into detail with the obvious.

John came up to me and gave me a tight side hug while i mixed the batter.
'Merry Christmas oh darling sister of mine' he said, grinning and kissing my cheek
'Merry Christmas yourself, how was tour?'
'oh, it was great, the girls were all over me' he said smirking.
he was so exaggerating. i think.
'you mean vice versa right?' i said smirking
'oh, bright and happy on christmas day as usual, Sara.'
'you bet' i said with mock enthusiasm
John's phone rang as he rolled his eyes, so he left the room shooting Kennedy a look i couldn't quite interpret.

..this is so awkward.

he stood next to me, looking slightly nervous.
'mrs. O'Callaghan, is there anything i can help with? food wise?' he asked politely, shrugging off his dress jacket and putting it on a chair.
'oh yes dear, of course! just in front of you, you'll see a silver bowl with the dough for the mince pie pastry in there, if you could possibly roll it out on the part of the counter covered in flour? if you need help just ask Sara, i've just got to go set the dining room as well as get changed.'
she said this all very quickly so Kennedy just stood there like a lost puppy.

a very cute puppy, might i add.

She left the room in a flurry while Kennedy looked nervous.
After two minutes, there was still no movement from the person on my left.

‘do you need help?’ I said pleasantly, trying to hide my lack of Christmas spirit.
‘what..what did she say???’ he said looking confused
I sighed quickly but smiled at him all the same.
‘k, lets swap. You mix this,’ I said, handing my bowl to him,’ and I’ll do the pastry stuff.’
‘ok.’
I took the refrigerated ball of pastry out and grabbed the rolling pin. I put the pastry on the part of the counter covered in flour and rolled it out.
Suddenly I felt something cold land on my left arm.
Pudding batter.
I looked at him and he was completely tilting the bowl as the little mechanical whisk thingys were doing their job, so little bits of batter were flickering everywhere.
‘whoa whoa whoa, hold up buddy’ I said quickly tilting the bowl back upright, as well as the whisk thing.
He gave me the adorable confused look again.
I sighed quietly, but smiled at him again.
Couldn’t help myself.

‘here’ I said, putting my hand over his and gently instructing him on how to hold the mechanical whisker over the bowl.
I kept my head slightly bent so that my side fringe was covering my blush that had come up as soon as our hands touched each other, but I swear I saw a blush come up on his cheeks, as I looked through my fringe, up at him.

I let go after a little bit, not really wanting to though.
Soon enough, my mother came bustling in around half an hour later, all dressed up.
‘Sara, why are you covered in pudding batter???? And why aren’t you dressed yet?! I am absolutely not letting you sit at dinner in cake covered shorts and a singlet like you tried to last year!! Now you head upstairs and pretty yourself up for dinner.’
I rolled my eyes dramatically, smiling back at Kennedy as he flashed me a knowing grin, and then dashing back upstairs to ‘pretty myself up’ for dinner.
I decided to wear my favourite black dress, strapless and flowy, knee length, made of satin material, with a tight black shiny belt thing on the upper part of the waist, and paired with a pair of black strappy stilettos.
My mother hates this outfit. But I think that’s why I decided to wear it.
I brushed my brunette locks thoroughly, before carefully straightening it, layer by layer.
I carefully did my make up, emphasizing on my eyes, with layers of mascara, eyeliner and light coloured eyeshadow, with just some clear lip gloss and very little blush.
I’m not sure why I was being so careful and precise.
I mean, its just Christmas.

Actually,I know perfectly well why I was making a big deal. But then again, if I know, inevitably you can tell.

After I quadruple checked my reflection in the mirror, it was two minutes past seven.
I quickly shoved my shoes on, almost tripped out the door, but caught myself quickly so that I didn’t fall down the stairs in the process.


I tried vehemently to smooth out my dress before walking down the stairs, gripping the carved mahogany railing to avoid any more incidents.
Halfway down, Kennedy came out of the dining room to put something in his bag which he left on the coat rack thing in the hall.
He stopped when he saw me coming down the stairs, mouth slightly agape.
I self consciously smoothed out the skirt of my dress.
‘yea I know, I think it’s a little too dressy, it’s a little much…oh god is it really that bad?’
He looked at me like I was crazy.
‘of course it isn’t, no way, you look..per-‘
‘hey Kennedy, dinner’s starting now so come on, you too Sara, before Mom rips your head off’
I rolled my eyes as my stiletto heels clicked down the stairs, before walking across the carpeted floor behind Kennedy to the dining room.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
I could actually kill my brother.
I assure you that he’s smarter than I make him sound, because clearly he noticed how I kind of really, really liked Kennedy.
So, clever, clever John, decided to put us next to each other at the dinner table.
Awkward turtle much?
People were still wandering in and taking their seats when I sat down, Kennedy to my left and John to my right, but he wasn’t there yet.
I exchanged silent ‘hi’s and smiles with family members and friends walking in through the wreath adorned door.
Then John appeared two minutes later, out of nowhere, and sat next to me.
My head spun to face his, which was smirking because he saw that his little plan had worked.
I kicked him under the table.
He looked at me.
‘what?’ he hissed
‘why did you put me next to him? You know I like him, you ass.’I hissed back, quietly so that Kennedy wouldn’t hear, which he didn’t.
‘you’re perfectly fine with it, and you know it’ he said smirking
I opened my mouth to say something, but then my mother tapped her champagne glass with a little silver spoon, announcing the beginning of the dinner.
I glared at John.
‘this isn’t over.’ I hissed.
My mom smiled at all of the guests.
‘I’ll make this very short, I promise, because I know you’re all probably starving. All I would like to say is, thank you for coming, enjoy the food, and merry Christmas!’ she said with another beaming smile, sitting down in her chair at the head of the long table.
‘merry christmas’ echoed around the table, not remotely in unison, but I think it was because a lot of the guests were trying to dig in to the food.
I reached out for the spoon in the mashed potatoes, so I could get a helping, but Kennedy was thinking the same, and our hands touched. Briefly.
It was like a shock went through me, a jolt of some sort.
He must have felt it too, because his hand darted back.
‘i-I’m sorry, you go first’ he stuttered, blushing.
I felt my cheeks heating up a bit too
‘are..are you sure?’ I said looking up (he’s kinda tall) at him.
‘yep’ he said, looking away.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw John smirking.
I quickly served myself, getting some other things too, before gulping down John’s glass of champagne.
‘hey, not cool, you’re not legal either.’ He complained, glaring at me.
I exhaled lightly before staring back at him.
‘You owe me this.’
He rolled his eyes before returning to his conversation with our cousin.
Soon enough, dinner was over, and the adults, John, Kennedy, myself and the other older cousins decided to go to the living room and play guitar hero on the Wii while the adults chatted over tea, coffee and chocolates.
After half an hour I was starting to get kind of really bored with hearing ‘Eye of the Tiger’ played four times in a row, so I left to go upstairs.
I was sitting at the back of the room, on a beanbag, so I subtly just slipped out of the room, no one noticing.


Or so I thought.


As soon as I was upstairs, I realized that there were footsteps, padding along quietly behind me.

I turned around quickly.

Kennedy.

He walked a couple of steps closer to me, at this point I was basically backed up against a wall.

From the dim light on the landing, I could see a barely visible blush on his face, eyes sparkling.

‘Sara, i..i like you. A lot. Ever since I first met you. Actually, I love you. And I haven’t ever been able to tell you this. Ever. Until now. Because I was scared that you wouldn’t like me back. So, just one question: do you?’

At this point our faces were centimeters apart. his eyes looked into mine searchingly, trying to get an answer.

In my head, my mind was racing at a hundred miles an hour.

Then I decided to answer in one simple way.

I leaned forward, closed my eyes, and closed the gap between us.

He seemed to be in shock for a few seconds, but then he kissed back.

I pulled away after a couple of seconds, and pressed our foreheads together while we caught our breath.

Suddenly he smiled and looked into my eyes.

‘guess I know the answer now.’
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
'No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.
It's your turn, so take a seat we're settling the final score.
And why do we like to hurt so much?

I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why, all the possibilities where I was wrong

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.
I still try holding onto silly things, I never learn.
Oh why, all the possibilities I'm sure you've heard.'
- 'Thats What You Get', by Paramore.

now, i'm not the biggest paramore fan, but this song has been on my mental top ten songs for the past two years.
i freaking love it.
and i want her voice.
darnit.

y'all know what to do.