waste Blog and Journals

I've been living in a gooey mess of wallow. I literally lay in bed all day when I don't have doctors appointments.

I always wish that I would have something important to say here, but I never do. I might have new fanfics for you guys soon if I actually start writing.

I finally bought the manga called Princess Ai, you know the Courtney Love one. I haven't read it yet. I still haven't finished Nana vol. 9 or started 10, cause its too sad. I need to finish The Good Earth so that I can start to read The Sun Also Rises. And I have to start to write, write, write. I've been so uninspired for so long. I guess I lost my muse.... *sigh*

I feel like all my dreams, ambitions, and goals are worthless. They all feel so out of reach. I want to be in a band. I want to write. I want to be a professional street team person (thats like a pr person i guess). I want to be a concet reviewer. I want people to look up to me. I want to be seen as special. I'm just silly for wanting the things I want. I do nothing but daydream and fantasize and pretend. I need to get my feet on the ground and head out of the clouds and start focusing and finding a real career so that I can at least write on the side. I will need to be able to support myself when I finally graduate in 3 years. I don't want to live at home and waste away in my bed like I do now. And I don't even waste away, I gain weight here cause I eat and don't move. I'm horrid and fat and gross and boring and lame and useless. I'm a waste.

I'm just here to take up space and steal your oxygen.