wakeupamerica Blog and Journals

Loving someone and letting them in has always been the hardest thing for me.
Year of broken heart would be 2008.
The staring at each other was never an excitement but bitter cold.
It's summer & hot yet for me, it was a constant bone chilling cold.
Take a breathe and my throat closes up.
I drop down into another dimension of Alice in Wonderland.
It was never to be run over on that night.
I ended it all to skip over it like hopskotch.
Four minutes to five and thoughts are drowning me.
Why do they have to be so cruel and misunderstood?
I always thought you were my match but maybe I picked up the wrong card.
Down this road its so dark and every 10 seconds I see the light.
Don't start my heart again, I'm not raedy just yet.
I reach the end to pick up one more card remaining.
I flip it over to see your face looking back into the darkness as it soon takes over.
I keep seeing the reaccuring thoughts.
In my heart I always knew, it was you. I'll never tell you who I saw.
I'm gone now anyways.
Like he care anymore, like it really matters.
Drop 2 cents and I'll tell you my deepest secrets.
Drop the deck and you'll see...all the cards are the same.
What does this all mean?
Reprint, please?

Yeah so I am just sitting in my bedroom right now. I took my computer from the living room, so tee hee! Haha. I still have to e-mail Kirstyn. I haven't e-mailed her back and I'm sure she's upset that I haven't e-mailed her. So, sorry. Well, I'll get to that in a bit. I'm just sitting and listening to Jesse McCartney's second album, "Right Where You Want Me" For some reason, lately I am in love with this album all over again. Is that weird? Still listening to Jesse McCartney. I'm sure Kate will say its weird cause, "HELLO ITS JESSE MCCARTNEY?!?" That's what she would probably say but I still keep listening with the speakers up loud. I got bored earlier so I decided to take some Webcam pics. I lovers them! So be kind of and please rewind. Then press play.

I miss my guy. How sad is that? I hope you guys had a great Valentines Day. I want a Strawberry smoothie or something to wake me up or even better a nice cold, iced coffee. Mmmm. ^_^ That sounds soo good. Well, now to the pictures. Photobooth time! :D

Yes, this is my 'bed hair' after waking up. Its just that soft. I wish my hair was that faboulous every morning. :( Haha.

Been texting to the friends all morning. Great ole' times. I need to get a GO phone with AIM on it. :D That'll be pretty dandy kiddos. I can't wait!

I didn't have to work today so lazy day! Yay! Time to bundle up and roast some marshmellows. Okay maybe its not THAT relaxed here but hell, if I don't have to work and I can relax and not have to clean all the time, then I'm good.

Still have to do a lot of packing up with my room and stuff. Gosh, I'm still bored. Grr! Haha. I'll try to upload more photos soon or something. Love you guys!

xoxo

One is to sort of symbolize my boy. Don't laugh. Cause honestly, if you do laugh or think I'm some crazy girl, then you can go ahead and say it. I don't care for one thing and I'll give you the finger. HAHA! XD

The second one is a friend that has done so much for me and has kind of taught me, well not kind of, she HAS changed my life and taught me so many things. I used to be this negative bitch all the time and didn't appreciate things or people that I had. I used to think that negativity was bad so I was going to shut it out completely. Not thinking with my brain, I did get rid of it. I then learned to realize that life is not perfect. Life is full of negative moments and I am sometimes negative myself. To judge someone upon the things they say and if it may be negative and not really on a positive notion of things then so what. Seriously, you have a life. Just live it. Everyone has their negative downfalls. Just move on and walk forward without going backward.
Yeah so I have kind of learned that from her to just appreciate the people and the things you have in your life. Things could be a lot worse. I could have nothing and have no friends. I mean that is pretty bad. Being alone.
I just know without her I wouldn't be who I am now and today at this moment. I know she will most likely think I am just speaking bullshit or she won't believe me but this is all from the heart.
She's the one that has told me the truth even if it hurts me. She tells me how it is and she keeps my head on straight.
I truly am glad we are friends again. I love you! :)



xxoo

Yeah so this past few days, it seems that everything around me is changing for myself and even for my friend, Amy, here on Buzznet. For one thing, there is this one girl that sooo immature for her age that she calls herself 'mature'. One fact that she needs to know is that 'mature' is not the correct word for you, its called 'bitch'. Do you need someone to spell it out for you? Obviously, you need to go back to Kindergarden and grow up cause you are acting like a 5 year old. Its all done.

I don't like wasting my time on the past with friends like most people like to do but that is not my problem and its nothing I am worried about. I have my roomies picked out. I have my friend Livi and my friend Amy, my other Amy (here), and I am always meeting new people each day. :) Why waste time on negative thoughts, when you have so many positive things around me? I just don't understand some insane people in this world. Why become jealous if you have more than them for a friend. I know I am kind of venting but am I putting forth any negative energy towards her, no. I am not that cruel of a person and its kind of rude to compare me to someone that is just not me. She compared me to Hanna Beth backstabbing Audrey. That is really rude to say that cause honestly, no one knows what happened between Hanna Beth & Audrey. They could of just fell out of being friends and no backstabbing was done yet I don't see how I am like Hanna. I didn't backstab anyone. I have friends, I can't focus my energy and my strength on one friend, I have to spread the love around. Obviously. That is just the way I am.

I hope you guys know the real me. I was real with Kate yet she calls me a fake or poser. To be honest, I don't think I am either. Lets look up some words of wisdom from our dear friend Dictionary.com just to see what he has to say:

Fake - (noun) to fake something; pretend.
    + How am I faking or pretending. I am just living my life and being myself...I am always myself with all my friends. *Shrugs* My true friends should know me well.

Poser - (noun) a person who poses.
    + I am not posing as anyone. Like I said before, I have been myself and at least I wasn't always hiding behind a picture of Audrey Kitching. I had a personal account like always on some other account and if I did make a Buzznet with a picture of someone like Hanna or whoever I had, I gave a link to my Myspace so they could see what I look like cause I am not ashamed to show myself, unlike someone I used to know. Haha!

Well, I must be off to work. I love you guys and I hope this gave you guys some words of wisdom about liars and bitches. Plus, you can be whoever you wanna be and if you like something that somone else likes, it does NOT mean you are wanting to be like that. It just shows that types of interest can be spread around and liked by others. No one owns their own interest cause it is meant to be spread around. Thanks. :D

xxoo