Sorry, Your Not A Winner; Football Season Is Over

buzzing. it is truly an addiction! i love writing and journaling. it is so funny, because i know absolutely no one reads this at all, but it is still soothing and very funn! right now i am listening to sleep with one eye open trek one remix. there is a suicide season cut up coming out november 2nd, which is tomorrow. that is exciting. i can tell november is going to be a good month. i'll get into that a little further in this journal. sorry october, i guess i was not good enough.

i want to sum up october in this paragraph. it was honestly a big clusterfuck. lets see: i came face to face with the truth. homecoming was this month and i really do not regret not going. i learned alot about myself ,and suprised myself at how strong i am as a person . i was blinded months before october and it is like i got a new set of eyes. they are wide open now. it was like wake me up when october ends. i am still here though, happy and proud. that is really all that matters to me now. i want to be happy, and i am going to do anything to be happy. that is why i was put into such a ridiculous situation this month. i just wanted happiness, and did not want to think of the consequences that were to follow my actions. one word to explain my life this month was the downhill ride of a roller coaster or for anyone who knows about the pitfall. my life was a dead drop downwards. and i stopped it before it crashed down to the earth. i will not regret anything that has happened in the past. it boosted my confidence, it taught me about self-awareness, and it showed me how to love and be loved. even if it was a lie. it taught me so much, and gave me so much insight. i can finally exhale. and i should thank that person for just that. i am breathing and my heart is beating and that is all that matters to me. this month of november i have the midas touch.

this month is really going to be delicate. i can just feel it in my skin. i am so ready to move forward in my life, and experiance new things. i have a new attitude, and i am not going to dig six feet under in my past. that is just ludicris. i am surrounded by mediocracy, and it gives me the push to be better than that. to hold my head up high, and sit up straighter. like my mother told me, i am an amato, we always win. haha. it is true, we have big heads, and we will do anything to get what we want. i got caught up in the game, but this time i am so ready for it. it is kind of ironic really. usually i play the game, i move the pieces, i make the calls, but i blinked once and the game changed its course. never will i ever blink again. i am ready november! yeah i thought i had it all, and maybe i did. but i had something at the bottom of the cut and i deserve something so much better. i read my horoscope and my future is looking grand. all is well that ends well right?

my friends are back on track. i know who is my real friend, and who is not. i have many aqaintences, and few close friends. i am completely content with that. there is nothing i have left to say about that subject. things are working out pretty perfect.

i am getting closer and closer to the day i am getting my tattoo! i had an idea for my stomach. i wanted an anchor; " we all carry these secrets that no one else can see they hold us down like anchors they drown us out at sea" that is from chelseas smile by bring me the horizon. i changed my mind. i still want that, but not for my first tattoo. my new idea is absolutely genius. i love everything about it. the placement, the quote, the image that is going next to it. EVERYTHING! i also want another peircing. i am so done with the whole dying my hair crazy colors. it gets so old so quick. and i think it is a little last year.i am going to be natural. but back to my peircing haha i got distracted. i think i want my nose, but it looks like it hurts really bad. i mean i have my monroe and i could get that done a thousand times in a row and it would not be the list bit painful, but the nose looks like a process in a half. 

this post is way longer than i intended, but i said it before and ill say it again: buzzing is addicting! speaking of that, twitter is annoying. i honestly do not get it. i do not want to know what celebrities are doing every hour of every day. i have a life too!! like tweeting and all that. so stupid. but what is really agigitating is having your schoolmates telling you to follow them on twitter. like their somebody. some people that attend my school need a real wake up call. nobody cares. you have to know somebody to be somebody right? i do not intend to offend anyone, but if i do too bad for  you!

i think im in love NECKBONE NECKBIZZY NECKBIZZYBONE!

(i honestly just wanted to use that word)

"Your so last summer."