slash Blog and Journals

Why does my heart cry?

Chapter One

    The greatest thing, I've ever learned is how to love and be loved in return.

I first came to Las Vegas, one year ago. It was 1960 and I was young, naïve and married. I thought I loved her. She was beautiful and smart and funny. She made me feel great but I had yet to experience the feeling of complete and utter devotion. I remember parking our black Mercedes and staring at our new house in awe. It was perfect. Everything I had ever dreamed of. She jumped out of the car, her long blonde hair blowing behind her. "Come on Ryan! Open the door!" she squealed, her brown eyes wide and bright. I sighed and hopped out of the car. I grabbed her slim waist and kissed her passionately. "Are you ready Mrs. Ross, to start our perfect life together?" I whispered. She smiled at me happily and nodded slowly. "Of course I am. I was ready the second we laid eyes on each other!" she said confidently. I threw back my head and laughed delightedly. "Well at least your honest I suppose!" I teased, pushing the door open and staring down the hall of our new, perfect home.

We settled in quickly. She loved the kitchen and she loved her back garden. It was simply the ideal house and it would keep her busy for hours. I meanwhile, had to check on the nightclub I had inherited from my deceased father. I slowly walked down third and Fourth Avenue, searching for the club named 'Dynamite'. I immediately saw it. Its neon lighting and multi-coloured walls could only be described as tacky. I sighed and pulled open the luminous red door. When I stepped inside my breathing stopped. It was intricately and beautifully designed inside. Lots of plush red and sexy black and plenty of gold and silver. I blinked and pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. It was so magnificent.

 I laughed and ran around the room touching everything. I jumped onto the stage and grabbed the microphone. I hummed quietly to myself, swaying my hips occasionally. I jumped with fright when I heard laughter behind me. I turned around and saw a tall, muscualr, dark haired man grinning at me. He was in a black shirt and black slacks. He had two burlesque dancers by his side, their full, red lips parted into a jammy smile. "Wow..." I murmured appreciatively.  The girls pretended to blush and raised their full skirts another few inches. "Faux-modesty, I like it!" I mocked. The man laughed a throaty chuckle. "So you must be the new boss?" the man asked, leaping up onto the stage beside me. He had the body of a dancer. I nodded. "Yeah, I'm Ryan." I said offering my hand. The girls giggled and looked at him. He looked at my hand and raised an eyebrow. "Really? Mixing with the performers?" he asked softly. I frowned. "Why shouldn't I?" I demanded. The man folded his arms. "I'm Brendon." He said suspiciously. I smiled. "Swell...okay, well I'm going to check out the bar. Do you guys want a drink?" I asked generously, jumping from the stage and skipping over to the bar. Brendon laughed another disbelieving chuckle. "Yeah right...we're going to rehearse that okay?" he asked, flicking some switches. I nodded and hoisted myself up onto the bar. "That's fine with me. I'd love to watch. If that's okay with you?" I asked apprehensively. The two girls laughed even louder. Brendon raised an eyebrow and shushed them, a smirk on his pillowed lips. "If you want. You're the boss..." he said indifferently.

I watched as Brendon sang a wonderful song about love and freedom and the dancers acted out the song with their tango and salsa. I laughed and cheered when it was over. "Wow... that sure was amazing!" I exclaimed. Brendon didn't even look at me. He just jumped from the stage as a drumbeat began to roll. The girls started stripping. I stared in wonderment at their perfect porcelain skin. I was getting into their act when Brendon appeared with another man and they started to dance with the topless girls. I felt myself blush as they all began to fondle each other.  "A striptease?" I called unsurely. They all ignored me. They looked amazing though. I felt a slight sting of jealousy as I watched Brendon thrust sexily at the beautiful women. When they were finished they were all breathing heavily and sweating. I gave a small smile. "That was epic!" I cheered. Brendon shook his head and for the first time since I'd met him he smiled at me. "No it wasn't, it was 'Dynamite'!"

 Well, what do you guys think???

Ronnie's POV

 "I know it sounds harsh, but I..."  I began, but Max interrupted, deliberately cutting me off.

 "Ronnie, it was amazing.  But you have to shut up for a second so I can kiss you,"  he replied and pressed his lips against mine.  I grinned and kissed him back for a moment, then pulled away quickly.  Max moaned in protest.

 "Hang on, back in a minute,"  I grinned, jumping up and running out of the room.  I went into the kitchen first.  "You wanna drink?"  I yelled to Max, checking the clock.  It was like, half ten.  Awesome - my dad was out with his mates, probably getting wasted or some shit.  Dave was didn't even live in Vegas anymore; Jake had mentioned something about getting fucked up and going over to his mate's girlfriend's college room party.  I hadn't bothered to listen really, all that mattered was that me and Max would be alone pretty much all night.

 "Not right now,"  Max called back.  "Ronnie....what the hell are you doing?"  I ignored him and got myself out a can of beer, then turned and dashed upstairs.

  Ronnie Joe Radke always got what he wanted.....and right now, the only thing I wanted was Max.  And I didn't give a fuck if it was wrong, or anything.  Besides, there was no crime in simply being prepared, right?  I went into my bedroom, picked out the loose floorboard and pulled it back.  Underneath was the collection of things I would rather nobody knew about; basically, it consisted of about five grams of weed; a few dirty porn mags given to me by either Rob, or Max during our "straight days"; a set of brass knuckles - which had actually just fallen through the crack between the boards; about $500 for when I decided to get the hell out of here and a tube of lube.  I grabbed the lube and dropped the floorboard down again, then sprinted back down the stairs, grabbed the can of beer off the table and rejoined Max in the living room.

 "Took ya long enough,"  Max grinned, then noticed the lube.  "Ohh, someone's hoping to get lucky tonight."

 "No way, man, it's for you - early birthday present,"  I joked, then decided to get serious.  "Yeah, so we don't have to, but if you want....well, we're gonna be alone for, like, hours."

 "You're doing it again,"  he smiled, watching me from the corner of his eye.

 "Doing what?"

 "Talking too much,"  he leaned forward and kissed me again, then pulled away to whisper; "I'm as ready as I'll ever be....and if we start putting it off, we'll carry on that way." 

 "True..."  I whispered back, running one hand down his body and tugging at the bottom of his shirt.  He let me take it off without any resistance, then pulled mine off too.  "You don't know how long I've wanted to do this,"  I told him.  He pulled me down on top of him, smiling at me from under his eyelashes.

 "How long?"  I smirked, hesitated a moment.

 "A few weeks actually, but I never thought it would come to this..."

 "I'm just glad it has,"  Max murmured back.  I grinned and kissed him again, my hands finding the way to the button and zip of his jeans.

  Considering we were pretty much ready, it didn't really take us that long.....

__

 "It was amazing,"  Max said quietly, later on.  "I mean, it hurt, but in a really good way, ya know?"

 "Yeah,"  I agreed, equally as quietly.  "Are you still with Nic then?"

 "Hell no,"  he giggled.  "She dumped me earlier on, for Mike...didn't seem to understand that I really wasn't bothered.  Besides, I think you and me make a much better couple."  I nodded, silently agreeing as I rested my head on his chest.

__

 "RONNIE!?"  A loud yell broke through the silence, waking me with a jump.  I groaned and covered my eyes from the morning light suddenly filling the room.  Wait - what the fuck?  I sat up quickly, the events of the night before flashing through my mind.  Danny was standing just in the doorway, staring at us curiously.

 "Aww, how shweet!"  he squealed sarcastically.  

 "Shut up, we were only watching a film....guess we fell asleep, is all,"  I shrugged, scowling at him.  He nodded, wandering over to sit down in the old armchair.  I found myself wishing he'd go away and leave me and Max to get fully dressed (thankfully we'd remembered to put boxers on at least).

 "Dad's gonna be back later today,"  Danny said dully.  I could tell he was either stoned or hungover.  "Big story of the day, he had too much to drink last night, crashed the car not even half a mile down the road after leaving Kyle's place.  Someone's dropping him back about noon."

 "Fair enough,"  I yawned.  "You going out?"

 "Nah, too tired.  I'm gonna go shower, then bed."  He stood up, stretched and wandered over to the door.  "How's Max getti- Ronnie....what the fuck...is that?"  I glanced up to find Danny staring in horror at the tube of lube from last night, which we'd carelessly left lying on the floor, in full view for anyone to see.

 Shit. 

Max's POV

We didn't even have time to have a proper drink before we started playing, apparently Bryan's brother wanted us on now, and since he was the one who asked us to play at his 21st, we should play when he wants.

"Lets fucking rock!"

Ronnie changes when he performs, in a good way though. He is seriously meant to be doing this.

"Guys, this is for Mike, and for all the girls you're going to fuck tonight!" I added, Mike just grinned at me, raising a glass. I laughed. The others took the hint and we played Situations. 

I looked at Nicola, half way during the song she was hooking up with Mike. For some reason it didn't bother me.

"I kissed your lips you pulled my hair it was the craziest thing.

I love the girls who love to hate.[Breathing]

(Whoa) Darling what is going on?

Honestly that never happened

Lying is your favorite passion.

Leave me, go where you belong

Higher heels and lipstick napkins,

dying is your latest fashion

Darling (leave me) what is going on?

Honestly that never happened

Lying is your favorite passion

Leave me (darling) go where you belong

Higher heels and lipstick napkins,

dying is your favorite passion"

Getting through the next few songs was the hardest thing I had to do. I wanted to go and break up with Nicola so I could be with Ronnie. Every song we did made just want to have sex with him, ever seen Ronnie covered in sweat singing his heart out? You'd probably have the same reaction as me.

The first thing I did when we finished was have a beer, I needed to get it down. I made my way down the hall, in a few seconds I was pulled into the cupboard with Nicola.

"Jesus, you scared me!" I exclaimed.

"Whatever Max, just wanted to tell you that it was over"

That was fucking blunt. Well I could be just as bad.

"Fine, I don't fucking care"

She sighed, obviously expecting something more. It was a while before I convinced her that I really didn't care. I walked around the house and went out back. Ronnie was on the opposite side having a smoke with Robert. I went and sat next to Ronnie.

"So how do you think we went?" I asked them both.

"We fucking kicked ass!!" Robert yelled. I laughed. Obviously he was just nervous before.

"So..." Ronnie started, he couldn't think of anything to say. I came to his rescue.

"Me and Ronnie are gonna go, to some better party!" I said to Robert.

"Do what you want, I'm gonna hook up with a college chick tonight!" He went off to the nearest group of girls. All me and Ronnie could do was laugh.

"I swear he has worse mood swings than a woman" I said.

"I know...do you really want to leave?" He asked me.

"Yes, I wanna go somewhere with you" I answered. 

That made him smile. He got up, giving me a hand too. We said goodbye to Mike and started the walk home, I don't drink and drive, its the stupidest thing ever.

We ended up back at his house, to find his brother and father gone. Thankfully too. His father doesn't exactly approve of our close relationship, unlike my parents. Well mainly my dad who thinks I should be with Ronnie.

"So what are we gonna do? Its a friday night after all" Ronnie said, why is he nervous now too?

"I don't know, what else is there to do?"

I found out why he was nervous when he kissed me softly on the lips. He tried to get at my shirt while kissing me harder. I did him a favour and pulled it off myself. But then Ronnie suddenly pulled back. What? Just when were about to...

"I wrote something, and I only just realised...well, that it was for you" He told me. Awww, okay, I'd never noticed before that Ronnie could be so cute. But I did now.

"Are you gonna sing it for me?" I asked him.

"Yeah, but I can't play guitar like you, so bear with me" He teased. I rolled my eyes. He took a deep breath and started.

"Oh, I hate to be the one to bear the bad news

Yes, it is true

I finally fell in love

I fell so hard that I'm killing myself

Yes, I need out

Out of this grave that I've dug

And all the friends that I have gone through

And how much I deserve the pain

It's a shame

So hold your head

Hold it up high

Here's to the friends that were alibis

Keep this close by your side

When I come home we will have our night

Oh, they always told me I was gorgeous in a way

And that fateful day

I found who I was

So fill this hole with my prescriptions

I just keep feeding my addictions

And all the friends that I have gone through

And how much I deserve the pain

It's a shame

So hold your head

Hold it up high

Here's to the friends that were alibis

Keep this close by your side

When I come home we will have our night

We will have our night

You were the ones that stood by my side, whoa

And I was the one that fought all of your fights

Go!

(Hold your head, hold it up high) Whoa

(Keep this close by your side) Whoa

So, hold your head

Hold it high

Here's to the friends that were alibis

Keep this close by your side

When I come home we will have our night

Hold your head

Hold it up high

Here's to the friends that were alibis

Keep this close by your side

When I come home we will have our night

Hold your head

Hold it up high

Here's to the friends that were alibis

Keep this close by your side

When I come home we will have our night

We will have our night"

"I know it sounds harsh, but I..."

"Ronnie, it was amazing. But you have to shut up for a second so I can kiss you" I said, cutting him off. 

His response was a huge grin. In a matter of seconds we were lip-locked.

Ronnie's POV

  The night of the party finally came around.  Bryan's family's house was pretty big, and the party would be in the garden as well, so he'd talked to his brother; apparently we were playing in the garage at about half eight.  

  That suited me fine, although by then people would be starting to get drunk, they would probably be more in the mood for partying.  

  Max dropped by to pick me up at about eight, that day.  It sucked being nearly eighteen and still not having a car, or even a driving licence.  I was always relying on Max for everything.

 "Hey, how's it going, dude?"  Max yelled, pulling up at the edge of the pavement and leaning out his window.

 "Shit, as usual,"  I smirked, standing up and grabbing my mic and amplifier.  As we were only a part time band right then, we didn't have any proper equipment or anything.

 "You wanna get in then?  Sorry, there's not much room - Robert got shotgun and I've got Nic and Alexandra in back."

 "Yeah, man, it's cool,"  I opened the door and threw the stuff on the floor, climbing in after.  "Alright, ladies?  Sup, Rob?"

 "Not much...."  Rob trailed off; I was guessing he was a bit nervous, so I decided not to push it.  Instead, I chose to spend the ten minute drive winding up Max's girlfriend.  It wasn't like he cared, as far as I knew, Max only used girls for sex.  Unlike Rob, who had been dating his grilfriend Alexandra for about eight months now.  Ironic really, how even though I usually cared about my girlfriends, my relationships never seemed to last.  And Monte...I had no idea, man.  I mean, the kid didn't even seem to care that much about relationships.  He was still only, like, fifteen or something though....whatever.  His life, his choice.

  When we got to Bryan's place, or rather, Bryan's parents place, he came over to meet us as soon as we got out the car.

 "Hey guys, how's it going?  Ronnie, haven't seen you in days, bro!"

 "Yeah, I was....I dunno...busy,"  I shrugged.  "So what happens now, do we go get set up or some shit?"

 "Oh, I can get the others to do that,"  he assured me.  "If you guys want anything to drink, we've got some beer in the fridge."

 "Not for long you don't,"  Max announced, grabbing me and pulling me into the house.

 "Wow, somebody's eager,"  I said sarcastically, following him into the back room.  "Hey, Max?"

 "What?"  he turned back to face me, leaning against the huge fridge.  Which was exactly what I'd wanted.

 "You need to do something about that whore of a girlfriend,"  I told him, and kissed him, passionately, urgently, the thrill that we could be interrupted at any moment just making it more exciting.....and dangerous.

 "We should hurry, it's like, twenty past..."  Max mumbled, falling back onto his elbows on top of the fridge.

 "Fuck the gig, I don't wanna hurry,"  I moaned, pulling away and staring at him.  "I wanna stay here forever and ever."

 "What, in Bry's back room?"  Max giggled slightly, shaking his head in despair.  "I don't think that would work, Ronnie."

 "Oh...I do,"  I shot back.  I wasn't giving up that easy.

 "You're such a pain in the ass,"  he sighed.  

 "Yeah well, next time ya know to bring lube, right?"  I joked, walking out of the room before he could answer.  Halfway down the corridor, I met Rob walking down to the back room.

 "I was told to find you and Max asap, Bryan's brother wants us on in five,"  he said shortly, and walked away.  Jeez, what the fuck was his problem?"

REEEAAALLLYYY sorry about how short it is, it just seemed a really good place to let Krystal take over.  

Feedback please?  :)

Title: Seven Years.
Author: Shannon, Wolfgangsays.
Rating: PG, curse words.
Pairing: Implied Rydon (Ryan/Brendon) Implied Joncer (Jon/Spencer)
Beta: My lovely, amazing, beautiful Nicolecuppycakes~ Ryanrosslover1441
POV: 1st, Brendon's. (Brendon, I & Ryan, You)
Summary: Without you is something I could never do...
Disclaimer: This story is as true as the love I have for Hannah Montana... So therefore, completely non existent and 100% fake.
Authors Note: This story was written within six hours, and edited over and over for two weeks after being finished. I'm terrible at editing, as in I edit too much. That's why I sent it to Nicole, so I could finally stop biting my own fingers off worrying about it. She did a beautiful job, and is honestly my favorite writer :) That is why this story is dedicated to her. Surely it isn't the happiest of tales, but it's what I had created... It's what had pulled me from my four month writers block. Thank you, so so much Nicole. I love you, sweetheart~

Final Chapter, (L).

Seven Years.

Without you is something that I could never do…

[xxxxx]

One month after the call. (December)

My mistake was gold.

And I know that without you. I’m just rather ashamed that my mistake involved you.

Our record is just setting off to stores, and everyone is booking shows like madmen. It’s complete ‘reek all havoc that has to do with fame’ in the Smurie house lately. Whoever thought we'd get this far?

Spencer and I are ushered to the studio for “a quick meeting” about a soon-to-be tour. It's a monotonous drag but this is usual stuff for us, so we went along anyway.

The comforting warmth of not only music, but family and the running heaters caked the ripe skin once entering through those household doors. We find our tour manager lounging on one of the many couches. Spencer and I take our seats after pealing off a layer or two.

Small talk about how our lives carries on for a minute or two, until the real bomb was dropped.

And the bomb exploded in my central point, my heart. It's nuclear warfare at it's finest.

“So basically-- you want us to do a reunion tour?” Spencer asks to clarify. Our manager nods, feeling so proud of his bright ideas. 

“Excuse me for a moment,” I say before rushing off. I don’t forget to notice the concern in Spencer’s glance as I flee. 

I practically topple into the doorway of this familiar room.

It’s the piano room. I know without my eyes even touching the old beauty, it’s her scent that I know. My lungs expand around the blissful smell of crackled Autumn leaves, and ivory piano keys -- wooden lungs and polished lips. So many days I’ve spent hunched over her beautiful teeth. So many days I’ve fallen asleep at her pedaled feet. Lord knows I've found a friend within her dulcet chords. She hasn't strayed from my quaking fingers in hours of need.

A finger taps my shoulder, and I pounce from my skin.

“Spencer.” I whisper, flexing my fingers at my side. Scratched fingers scrape along my own, and I can’t help but grip. My body’s aching for some form of affection, some form of hope. “Spencer, I can’t do a reunion tour. Not yet, at least.” A tear cascades across my bitten cheeks, Spencer is there to catch it.

“I know, Brendon. I- I don’t think I can either...” He quivers at the petite confession.

A small drop of liquid taps on the flooring. I send a sympathetic look to my friend, his cheeks are now stained too.

“You loved him, too. Didn’t you?” I ask, glimpsing past his soaked lashes.

Spencer’s chin tilts up a bit to question.

“Jon.” His eyes flutter to a close, and his grip tightens. “You love Jon.” His head bobs slightly.

“So much. Madly, and so, so much.” A few more rivers surge from his icy eyes.

We both turn towards one another. I clasp myself around him, and he repeats my gesture. We stand in the doorway to my piano room, tugging for any signs of hope-- while inhaling the past, and revealing some truth.

“When should we have the reunion, then?” I ask, my voice muffled by Spencer’s strong shoulder.

“Seven years...”

x.

Max's POV

Studying for tests is not cool, it seemed like time was going as slow as possible for me, barely an hour passed and I was already bored. I stared at the homework before me on the bed. Homework, and study for test? The teachers are either on crack or they have it in for the students.
I went and put on some music, it helped for a while. But then I was just too bored. I ended up texting Ronnie.

Hey I'm bored shitless! studying and homework sucks dick!

I knew that would get his attention, with Ronnie you always gotta a be a little rude. I sang along to the lyrics and Ronnie's song popped into my head again.
"I know, you love to resist, and all it takes is a kiss and you just
Love to hate me
You know, you love all the lies, so don’t act surprised but I just
Love to hate you..."

The more I thought about it the more I realised that Nicola was just that to me, and as mean as it sounds, I just used her to get into bed. Not that she wasn't doing the same thing.
My phone vibrated my whole leg, giving me a fright. I almost fell off the bed, but I regained my composure and opened up the new message on my phone.

Me too, your lucky u don't have to put up my bro tho...argh!! and if homework sucks dick then what can I do?

I felt face getting extremely hot. The blush creeped up slowly again. I thought of something that would get him thinking.

Use ur imagination Ronnie, just use it and surprise me :P I'll see you tomorrow at school.

Its only two days until this party, I fell asleep just dreading how 'interesting' it would be'.

***

Somebody was shaking me, I groaned, whacking whoever it was with my spare pillow.

"Come on Maxiepad, time for school!" Robert exclaimed, in a very annoying sing-song voice. Oh god.

"You know you are not the person I want to wake up to in the morning" I said, sitting up.

"Awww, that hurts! Now get up!"

"What if I told you I was naked?" I asked him, he didn't have the chance to answer.

"Let me join!" Ronnie yelled from the hall. What are they all doing at my house at 8 am? Ronnie walked into the room.

"We're not having an orgy, and I am leaving, I know you two are close...but I don't want to be a risk of seeing your dick, Max" Robert said.

"You wish!" I yelled after him. He rolled his eyes, he closed the door behind him, probably for his and Monte's sake. Me and Ronnie have been friends for too long for this to be weird. Plus I was wearing underwear anyway. I stepped out of my bed, Ronnie walked over to me, a big grin on his face.

"What have you got planned?" I whispered cause he was right up close to my face.

"Nothing much" He whispered back, attaching his lips to mine. I kissed him back for a second before he ran his mouth down the side of my face to my neck. All of a sudden he started biting it, I held back a moan. He placed his hands on my hips, working one of his hands slowly into my boxers.

"You know they really don't hide much" He whispered, wrapping his hands around my boner. He started stroking me, slowly at first, but earning a moan from lips, he rubbed faster.
He did until I came in his hand. I was a little out of breath.

"I know it was that imaginative, but hey, I'm no poet"
As if, the songs he writes are brilliant.

"I'm gonna get dressed now, no tight jeans today!" I announced. He laughed and left me to my own devices. I hope he washed his hands before he joined Monte and Robert.

When I eventually did, they were on my porch.

"I thought you were skipping today Ronnie" I said to him.

"I am, but I thought it would be funny to see you woken up by Robert" He replied, laughing.

"Thanks, just what I needed on the morning of my test"

"I'm sure you'll be fine"
Yeah, I'll be fine cause I'll be thinking of Ronnie all day. Shit, what will I do when I see Nicola?

Comments please, me and Krystal already have the next two written out and I'm starting chapter 13 today, so more comments = more/quicker updates :)

Ronnie's POV

  After Max's parents got back, there didn't seem to be much hope of doing anything with Max, but his mom invited me to stay for dinner, and it would have been rude to refuse.  Even though most of the time I couldn't be bothered with politeness I always put it on for my mates parents.  Pretty much everyone in our part of town knew my reputation as a total bad kid, I didn't see why I should give them what they wanted.  Max's parents were cool anyway.

  So yeah, we just sat in Max's room for a while, holding hands and talking about random shit or, sometimes just sitting quietly.  It sounds horribly romantic, but it wasn't really like that, it was just really nice.

  About half an hour after we'd finished dinner, I made an excuse to leave.  I really didn't want to, but my dad would be mad if I was home late on a school night.  

  Max walked down to the end of his parents drive with me.

 "Looking forward to Bryan's brother's party tomorrow then?"  Max asked, stopping as we got to the pavement.

 "Oh.  Yeah.  To be honest, I actually forgot all about it,"  I grinned.  "D'you wanna skip school and do another rehearsal?"

 "Can't,"  he shook his head ruefully.  "I've got some test to do tomorrow."  I rolled my eyes...I'd forgotten how annoying Max's year was about tests and stuff.  It had been the same for me when I was 16 though, and there wasn't much we could do about it.

 "You suck,"  I told him.  "Alright, I'm skipping anyway, there's no point now me and Sophie aren't dating."

 "What about me?"  he pouted.  "You could make the effort just to see me, you know.  After all, you did kiss me earlier on."

 "Aaww, Max...quit confusing me,"  I groaned, running my fingers through my hair.  "You've got Nic - and if we start making out at school, everyone'll freak out and start fucking us about.  Not that I regret kissing you, but we can't show it."

 "Yeah, I know, I know.  Alright, well, call me sometime,"  he sighed, and turned to go back inside.  I grabbed his arm.

 "Where d'you think you're going, Maxwell?"

 "Oh...yeah, 'course,"  he smiled and kissed me quickly.  "I gotta go in, my parents might think I've sneaked out or something.  And with this test tomorrow..."   

 "Fuck the stupid test,"  I growled in frustration.  "Right, cool.  See ya then."  

 " 'Bye, Ronnie....I-I love you,"  he called as I began walking down the pavement.  I turned to reply but he was already heading back inside.

__

  The next morning, I was woken by my alarm going off.  I sat up and stared tiredly at it, then shrugged, turned it off and glanced around.  I'd fallen asleep sitting up in bed, watching a film on my brother Jake's laptop, so my head and neck were now killing me.  The laptop had apparently shut down sometime in the night, so I closed it, put it on the floor, took my jeans off and got back into bed, meaning to go back to sleep.

  I didn't get long to try though; a few minutes later, the door flew open and my second oldest brother Danny walked in.

 "Aha, you're awake,"  he grinned, grabbing Jake's laptop and pulling my covers off with his other hand.  "Time for school, bitch."

 "Fuck off, Danny,"  I groaned, closing my eyes again.  "I'm not going today.  Tell dad I'm sick or something...whatever."

 "Dad's kinda pissy at you,"  Danny smirked, sitting down on the edge of my bed.  "He thinks you're gay cause you spend so much time with Max."  I sat up straight and stared at my brother in disbelief.

 "He what?!?  Oh man...I don't believe this.  I break up with Sophie not even twenty four hours ago, I go over to hang out with Max and all of a sudden I'm gay?  What the fuck, dude?  How does that even work out?"

 "I dunno,"  Danny shrugged, still smirking a bit.  "You have been acting really weird recently though.  Anything you wanna tell me, bro?"

 "No!"  I insisted sharply, falling back onto the mattress.  "I'm not gay, period.  End of discussion.  Can I have a smoke?"  

 "Whatever,"  he drawled, tossing me a pack of malboros.  I pulled a face; I hated smoking malboros.  

 "I'm still not going to school,"  I told him, rolling over and fishing about in my jeans pocket for my lighter.  "There's no point.  I'm failing in pretty much everything anyway."

 "Including seducing Max?"  Danny giggled, jumping up and wandering out of the room.  "Dad won't be happy."

 "FUCK OFF,"  I yelled, jumping up and slamming the door behind him.  Deep down I was kinda worried though, I mean, if my dad gets pissy about even thinking I'm gay...what will happen when he finds out about me and Max?

  Was just two kisses even enough to account for "me and Max"? 

COMMENTS!!!!  And I'm not updating Promise til I get a minimum of 3 comments.

Title: Seven Years.
Author: Shannon, Wolfgangsays.
Rating: PG, curse words.
Pairing: Implied Rydon (Ryan/Brendon) Implied Joncer (Jon/Spencer)
Beta: My lovely, amazing, beautiful Nicolecuppycakes~ Ryanrosslover1441
POV: 1st, Brendon's. (Brendon, I & Ryan, You)
Summary: Without you is something I could never do...
Disclaimer: This story is as true as the love I have for Hannah Montana... So therefore, completely non existent and 100% fake.
Authors Note: This story was written within six hours, and edited over and over for two weeks after being finished. I'm terrible at editing, as in I edit too much. That's why I sent it to Nicole, so I could finally stop biting my own fingers off worrying about it. She did a beautiful job, and is honestly my favorite writer :) That is why this story is dedicated to her. Surely it isn't the happiest of tales, but it's what I had created... It's what had pulled me from my four month writers block. Thank you, so so much Nicole. I love you, sweetheart~

SORRY THIS IS SO LATE, I lost track of time. I shall make it up with a one shot soon, yes?

I love you all, thanks for reading.

Seven Years. 



Without you is something that I could never do…

[xxxx]

Getting off my chest, the story ends.

A tight fist is clasping my lungs, pressing all my needed oxygen outward and out of my reach.

“Ryan?” I whisper, falling back against the nearest wall. It shakes beneath me, or maybe I'm the one shaking.

Low laughs muffle the phones pickup, “Yeah. It’s me.” Your voice is so collected, like nothing is the matter.

“Wh-why are you calling? You, you simply have no business to!” I force, failing at my attempt to collect my strewn thoughts.

“Whoa Bren, take it easy. It’s just me.” You say, and I can feel the serenity in those honey orbs. I have you down-- memorized to the core.

Now clenching my jaw, and gritting my teeth, I growl-- “That’s exactly why you have no business.” Anger begins to simmer under my flesh. I can hear the heat popping in my ears. It bubbles under molten veins, sears.

“Bren- why are you being this way?” You nearly plead for my answer. Begging never did suit you

The fist on my lungs has located further south, gripping my abdomen firmly. “Because, Ryan. I’m hurt. I’m so fucking hurt because of you, over you. Everything!”

I can hear you as you choke on the words, I can hear you as your throat caves in on itself. Did your eloquence leave you when you left, like meaning left me?

“Each day, even each moment I have-- I spend it thinking of you. I can’t focus on my career if this huge fucking burden is still sitting in the pit of my heart. Ryan, I loved you. And the saddest part is that it takes something like this for me to tell you.” The fist sprawls it’s fingers across my chest, just to dig it’s nails into my spirit.

“Brendon. I- I have no idea what to say.” You stagger, readjusting the phone in a new comfort-- though nothing is comfortable about this situation…

I know what that means. I’ve heard that line many times before, but never from you.

It means you don’t want me for anything. It means all the time I’ve spent on you, is just a waste on the clock. It means I’m just a kid, with hopes too high to reach.

“Finally Ryan? Is this the first time you didn’t know what to say?” I test, conjuring up your face in my hollow mind-- pale, and flushed with discomfort.

“B. I…” The phone buzzes. This old goddamned phone says more meaningful things to me than you ever have. A fuzzing distortion of words that never were slip calculating, contingent with the drags of breath.

“Good. Because your silence speaks for you.” I pull the phone from my cheek to slowly slide my fingers past the keys like my ivory lovelies in the basement. Once my thumb reaches the END key, I clench my eyes shut, pressing down with all my might.

After the reassuring beep, my body falls rigidly from it’s sitting state.

The colors surrounding me enhance slowly, falling from one hue into the next. And I start seeing flowers, peddled flowers. Everything becomes too bright, only to fade out quickly afterwards.

Bright flowers bloom, sprinkling along my vision.

Lovely gardens dressed by golden skies, and green umbrella trees.

Folk music, gorgeous and steady…

Solar powered light seeps through my lids, tinting everything crimson red.

“C’mon Bren. Wake up.” Is all I can hear over the enchanting, intoxicating music slipping in and out my ears.

“Spence, is that you? I can’t see you.” I cry, forcing my hands to reach for something-- anything.

A brisk chuckle swoops through the air, twisting through my outstretched fingertips. “Open your eyes, Brendon.”

I do as told, lifting my lids. Sight floods. Everything still flutters like those brightly colored flowers at first, but then I am left to find a tall man standing before me, overcrowding the morning rays with eyes so blue that look like they might harbor the once summer skies. “Oh, I found you.” I say, a bit too sheepishly.

His hand extends to me, along with a head shake of disapproval. “Are you aware that you passed out here?” He asks, helping me brush off a bit.

“Really? I thought it was more like- blacked out here.” I correct, sinking my teeth straight into my plumped lower lip.

A strong hand meets my shoulders. The comforting sent of my house-mate, band-mate fills my senses. “Hey Brendon, don’t let him get you down-- alright.” He heartens, un-tensing the heavy pain in my torso. “And trust me, you could find a way without him.” He nods, feathering a motherly kiss into my growing locks.

My eyes drift shut, my heart expands. “But, is without him something you could do?” He says, and I can’t reply.

Note from Jez - AAARRGHH.  Fucking layout keeps fucking up goddamnit!!  Okay, COMMENTS!!!  Sorry it's been so long, Krystal's myspace apparently deleted the chapter so she had to re write it.  Ronnie's POV hopefully up in the next few days..... ;)

[Picture here]

You can stay quiet all night.

All this fighting, this constant game that we play, needs to stop. I'm tired of hating you, not giving a damn anymore. It's all a waste of time. Why can't I have a father? It all feels like the past.

****

Where is he? Ryan walked around his living room. Carefully stepping over bottles... trash. He tried not to look at what he was actually seeing. The blood smeared across the wall. Haha, fifth grade. Good times... The shattered glass in the kitchen. Two weeks ago, so much fun. "Fag! Why are you here," he heard from upstairs. He saw his father lazily walk down the stairs, not an ounce of sobriety in his speech. Ryan only stared at him, worried about what might happen. "Still not talking? Your just like your mother. Scared." his father said. He angrily grabbed Ryan by the wrist, slamming him against the blood covered wall. "Are you even normal anymore? Still got friends? You shouldn't. To stupid to make any." he said. Ryan tried to wriggle free of his dad's grasp. Bad idea. "Where the fuck do you think your going!? I'm not done talking!!" his father yelled, slapping Ryan across the face. "Speak!!" he said, throwing Ryan on the ground. Ryan screamed in pain as he landed on a pile of broken glass. He felt the blood slowly stream from his side.

****
"Just stop.", Ryan said, his voice slightly cracking.

"I just came to tell you that I'm leaving. I'm not coming back."

Author's Note Yeah! Ryan spoke!!! I've been feeling a little down lately. Posting this did cheer me up a bit though. Tried to take some pictures, but they all came out horrible. It's like I look in the mirror and I think I look pretty. But then when I try to take a picture of myself, it just comes out like crap. Very frustrated!!! Oh well, hope you guys loved this chapter! The epilogue will be posted very soon :D