poison Blog and Journals

I ended the relationship with my bf, it was getting awkward for me, yea he told me he lrlly loved me, but i dont know anymore.

its not just about one ofus being happy is it?

i thought it was that we both had to be happy to maintain a relationship, i just am not happy anymore, he thought i was the one, but i didnt think he was.

I felt singled out alot by him, everytime i would make a decision on something, like going to LA with him, with very little notice, and i had plans already the day before. He just HAD to go to his friends and get their opinion on wat i decided to do.

So after that i felt like i had to go, cuse they all said i was being wied, but i just had plans already, thats all.

aftr the LA trip, i told him i coldnt do this anymore, i got sick while in LA, like my brain was being poisoned and i think it was from being with him when i didnt realy want to, at the time. =/

idont know, but now he is. . . . .  .suicidal,

and i dont know what to do, first relationship, and im already starting to hate being in them. theyre too difficult,

too much to handle. im just not ready...

i feel the way Summer felt, about Tom, in "500 Days of Summer"

and i left joe, feeling like Otto, in "Otto;or Up with the Dead"

.....dead

im sorry