patkirch Blog and Journals

We started practicing as a full band again yesterday, Its fun to get back in the room together and start working on songs...

           Mae and John were sitting outside behind John’s house. The only source of light was the back porch lamp. It softly illuminated where they were sitting. A few of their friends had only just left. Mae didn’t feel like going home yet so she stayed with John in his backyard.

The candle that had been burning before blew out. The smell of the hot wax was still in the air and the bugs were still repelled by it. Everything was quiet but their voices just talking about nothing in particular.

These kinds of nights made Mae happy to be friends with John. He was the only guy she knew well enough that she could sit with and talk to for hours on end. John wanted to talk to Mae; he was in love with her. Just seeing her made him happy.

John moved his chair to sit next to Mae. She smiled and scooted closer to him. John put his feet up on another chair across from him and settled deeply into his. Mae watched him and smiled. He looks so sleepy. Maybe I should let him get to bed.

“Are you tired?” Mae asked.

“No.” John lied.

“Yes you are. I can see it.”

“So, I don’t want to go to bed yet. I’m having too much fun with you.” He said smiling up at her.

“Okay.”

Mae sank down in her chair and put her feet up on the same one John had his on. He playfully pushed at her feet. She pushed back and they got into a little foot fight before settling and relaxing back into talking.

John reached over and put his hand on the armrest of Mae’s chair. She, without thinking, picked up his hand and curled her fingers around his.

“Your hands are cold.” John said.

“I know, and yours are warm. I’m just using you.” Mae joked.

“I like to be used.”

“Sure you do.” Mae rolled her eyes.

John started to rub his thumb into the back of Mae’s hand. Mae felt a little uncomfortable. Why does he have to take a gesture that means nothing and turn it into something awkward? She sighed and looked up at the stars through the screen over the back porch. I wonder what she’s thinking right now. Does she like this? John mused for a while.

After searching the sky for something that she wasn’t going to find, Mae looked over at John to find that he was watching her. He smiled and scooted closer to her. She smiled politely back and hid that she was nervous.

A moment later John laid his head on Mae’s shoulder while they were aimlessly talking. Mae didn’t mind it much but she would have rather he hadn’t put his head on her shoulder. She felt too much like she should be something more than his friend, but he wasn’t ever going to be that.

“Mae?” John asked quietly.

“Yes.” She sighed not making it a question.

“Do you ever think about that one night when we were drunk?” John asked like he was scared.

Mae didn’t know how to answer that. If she said no, she would hurt him. If she said yes, she would give him hope.

“Not a lot.” She said hoping that was safe.

“Do you think if we weren’t drunk…?” John trailed off unsure of himself.

“If we weren’t drunk what?” Mae pushed.

“I don’t know. I just… I wanted to know if you thought about it as much as I do.”

“Probably not. If I do, you know I feel differently about it.”

“Yea, that’s the problem.” John whispered to himself.

Mae heard it only because John’s head was on her shoulder. She knew he was thinking about that night at Max’s again and consequently she was too.

“I wanted to know if there was ever going to be a chance when we could do that and not be influenced by anything.” John said choosing his words slowly.

“I don’t know.”

“Why don’t you know?” John asked sitting up and taking his feet off the chair.

“Because John, I don’t feel the way you do about me.”

“I know that. I just want to have a chance to kiss you when I’m not wasted.”

“So do it then.” Mae sighed.

“What?” John looked at Mae confused.

“You want to know what it’s like. You want to know if it will make anything different. So do it and see for yourself.” Mae said coming closer to his face.

John took Mae by her cheeks and pulled her in closer. John connected his lips with Mae’s. She sat in his lap and kissed him back just the same way that he was kissing her. John pushed his hands back into Mae’s hair. She put her arms around his neck. She was giving him everything she could so he could feel for himself that she didn’t quite like him as he liked her.

Slowly, John got the courage to turn the kiss into a make out. Mae tried not to cringe when she felt his tongue against hers. He was like a brother to her. This felt totally and completely wrong with the absence of alcohol. She pushed on and tried to be fair to him.

Mae pulled back after she felt like she couldn’t handle it anymore. John looked up at her, no emotion on his face. He was carefully keeping his thoughts and feelings inside. I really liked that, but that was my only chance. I know it was. It had to have been. He looked at her waiting for something to change.

She felt ashamed of herself for letting him do that. It was in her nature to bend over backwards for people. The only thing Mae could think of to make John understand and let him stop wondering was to let this happen. It was probably the wrong thing to do but she did it to make him happy.

Slowly Mae got off John’s lap and sat back in her chair. There was nothing she wanted to say. I’m such and idiot. He’s fricken glowing right now. That did not work at all. Mae glanced at John to see a smile spread across his lips.

“That was nice.” He smiled.

Mae didn’t say anything.

“If every kiss could be like that…” John trailed off.

“You’ll find someone who kisses better than me.” Mae said.

John looked down at his hands. He knew that was coming in one form or another but it still hurt like he wasn’t expecting it.

“How come you can’t see how much I want you?” John asked.

“I can see just how much you want me John. That’s what makes it hard. I wish I couldn’t see it.”

“Why? I’m not good enough?”

“You’re better than good enough. It’s just that I see you as a brother. Don’t ask me to explain how because I don’t know.”

“You have to know. It’s your thoughts.”

“I have to be getting home.” Mae said standing up.

“Can I walk you out?”

“No.”

Mae got up and left the back porch. She walked through the house happy that John’s parents had gone to bed already. She didn’t want to have to face them.

 

Another week passed and John was around much more than normal. Mae didn’t mind it much because John was her best friend. He was good conversation and he cared about her, which made her feel good about herself.

Tim didn’t seem to show any interest in Mae at all. He was back to the smile and nod when he saw her. Nothing special even happened after he took my stitches out. Why should I feel like he has forgotten me? He never paid any attention to me anyway. Similar thoughts ran through Mae’s mind all the time.

Garrett tried to be the best help he could to Mae. He spent many of his nights talking to her between their houses. To him she seemed like a lost little girl. He wanted to help her find her way.

John was over at Mae’s house in her room with her like always. Only this time he had a game plan. He wasn’t going to leave until he got something out of her.

“Mae?” John asked from her bed.

She was sitting on the floor sorting out papers for school.

“What?”

“Can you take a break please? It’s been an hour.”

“I’m almost done.”

“That’s what you said twenty minutes ago.” He whined.

“Fine.” Mae sighed putting her papers down. “You’re such a baby.”

John smiled at Mae when she laid down on her bed next to him.

“I like being the baby. You do what I demand this way.”

Mae rolled her eyes and put her head on John’s shoulder. He pulled his arm around her and held her close while he laced his fingers with hers. Mae didn’t care. Today this seemed nice and comforting to her. She snuggled into his side.

John’s confidence grew.

“I’ve been thinking again.” John said.

Here we go. Mae thought to herself.

“Mmhm.” She encouraged him to keep talking.

“Well anyways, last week in my backyard was probably one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time. I kind of wish that I could have one of those nights every night.”

“John.” Mae warned.

“What? I’ve been trying for exactly one year, eight months, three weeks, four days, five hours, twenty-seven minutes, and three seconds to get you to like me. You can’t blame me.”

“Okay, that time frame is a lie.”

“Well the one year and eight months is right at least. The rest I made up.” John smiled.

“So what is this supposed to mean to me?”

“It’s supposed to mean that you will give me a chance, once single little chance at being your boyfriend. That’s all I ask for and all I want.”

“Let’s say I give you this chance, then what?”

“What do you mean and then what?”

“If I give you the chance, what will you do?”

“Be your boyfriend.” John said slowly like it was obvious.

“No, if it doesn’t work out...”

“Then I’ll stop bothering you because I’ll have had my chance and it didn’t work out for a real legitimate reason.”

Mae sighed. She knew it would never work. The idea that he would leave her alone was tempting. If she could stick it out for a month or two, then she’d be free of his pursuit.

“Please?” John asked. “It’s just one tiny little chance.”

Mae looked up at John. He was begging her. She sat up and moved to the other side of the room away from him. John got off the bed and got down on his knees in front of her. His plan was to beg until she either said yes or made him leave. Mae looked down at him.

Is he really worth a chance? Didn’t I say to Garrett that I knew we could have a good relationship? If this works out and there is no reason to break up then what do I do…? Mae had hit a wall. If there wasn’t a reason to break up then that would mean that she’d find something like a balance or a liking for John that she didn’t know now. If she didn’t then she’d be free of him.

“Please?” John asked once more.

He’s on his knees. No one has ever gotten on their knees for me. He really wants this.

“Okay, one chance and that’s it.” Mae said looking at John.

The happiness and the shock washed over him in waves. Did she really just give me a chance? He stood up and hugged her to be sure. She pulled him closer. He looked into her eyes and she didn’t move. He pressed his lips to hers and she kissed him back.

“Do I really have a chance?” John asked.

“I just gave you one. Are you taking it?”

“Yes.” John smiled pushing his lips back to Mae’s.

Mae kissed him back finding that she could like this if she tried. John wasn’t such a bad kisser. She just had to get past the fact that he was like a brother to her. The way he pulled her in and the way he touched her felt nice, but it was nothing special.

Garrett walked into his room at that moment. Out of habit he glanced across to Mae’s to see if she was there. He saw her and John kissing and he rubbed his eyes and then looked again. What the fuck is going on? He stared a bit longer and then walked out of his room not wanting to see anything more. He peeked back to make sure that was what he really just saw and then went downstairs.

He picked up his phone and dialed Pat’s number.

“Hi Garrett.” Garrett’s mom said as he walked by.

“Hey.” He mumbled not really paying attention.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, just trying to call Pat is all.” He said stepping in the back yard and redialing Pat’s number.

“Mmm what Garrett.” Pat mumbled into his phone.

He’d only just woken up. It was three in the afternoon and he was still in bed.

“Dude, I just saw John and Mae kissing.”

“Sure. You on drugs man? That would never happen in a million years. Well unless there was alcohol involved. Then it would happen.”

“No I’m not on drugs and no they’re not drunk. I swear to you they were kissing. It wasn’t like a make out either. It was like how a boyfriend kisses a girlfriend.”

“Boyfriends and girlfriends make out.” Pat said slightly annoyed.

I got woken up for this? Come on! It’s not even real. Wait, is this a prank? Pat rolled over in his bed and pulled the covers over his shoulder.

“I mean this was like soft and… cute looking.”

“You’re lying.”

“Get your ass over here then and see.”

“I’m going back to bed.”

“Pat.”

“Fine.” Pat grumbled and then hung up on Garrett.

Pat got out of his bed and pulled a pair of jeans on before walking out of the house. He got into his car and drove a few neighborhoods over to Garrett’s. He noted that John’s car was in front of Mae’s house. That sent a little shock of anticipation through him. Maybe Garrett wasn’t lying.

Garrett saw Pat before Pat could knock on the door and opened it. Pat walked in.

“Come on! They’re still in her room.” Garrett called over his shoulder as he ran up the stairs.

Pat followed slightly slower. Garrett was waiting by his door. Pat looked at him like there was something funny going on. Why is his door closed? Is this another prank? No! Maybe this is still the same prank, like they wanted to get me over here for this. Pat stood in front of the door and looked at Garrett.

“Go in slowly.” Garrett said opening the door.

Tentatively Pat pushed the door open wider and saw that there was nothing waiting to jump out at him or fall on him. He went into Garrett’s room and Garrett followed him. Pat saw John lying on Mae’s bed. He couldn’t see Mae, then he saw her arm come up over his side. Pat got down on his hands and knees and crawled closer to the window. Garrett did the same.

“See?” Garrett whispered even though Mae and John wouldn’t have been able to hear them.

“That’s so weird. How long has this been going on?”

“I don’t know. John’s been there for a while. I came in here for a second and saw them making out.”

“Do you think they could have been dating before this?”

“I don’t know. The impossible has now become the possible.” Garrett said peeking up over the ledge of the window again. “He’s on top of her.”

Pat peeked up over the ledge to see for himself. Garrett wasn’t lying. John had rolled on top of Mae and they were in the middle of a kiss again.

Mae was slowly finding a way to slip into this and not be so weirded out. Her actions started to come naturally to her rather than her having to force them. John kissed Mae slowly and lovingly. He was still afraid that this wasn’t real or wasn’t going to last all day so he wanted to be as careful as possible.

“Man, this isn’t bad… but it’s not going to be good either.” Pat said sinking down from the ledge and putting his back to the wall.

“What do you mean?” Garrett asked copying Pat.

“Well it’s not good because Mae doesn’t see John this way. There has to be something else going on. Somehow John is going to get hurt. Then there’s the Tim issue.”

“What’s the Tim issue?” Garrett asked.

“Mae likes him.”

“So, she’s all cuddled up with John right now.”

“Yea, but she still has to like Tim. She’s liked him for four years… and Tim kind of likes her now too. She doesn’t know that though.”

Garrett stared wide-eyed at Pat. If Tim likes Mae now, what would that mean to her?

“So, Tim likes Mae?”

“Yea, he said she was cute and when he says that it means he likes her.”

“Shit.”

“Yea, I guess I should tell Tim.” Pat said picking at a scab on his hand.

“No, not yet. We don’t even know what’s going on.”

“I think it’s pretty obvious.” Pat looked at Garrett. “They’re making out on her bed.”

“Let’s just put Tim on hold and see what Mae has to say when John is gone.”

Pat and Garrett went downstairs and messed around for a while. They checked on John and Mae to see what they were doing. From what they saw they came to the conclusion that they were dating.

Garrett saw John and Mae leave in his car and they came back a few hours later. Pat decided that was a date. Mae went into her house and John drove away. Pat and Garrett ran up to his room.

Pat threw open the window and stood there waiting for Mae to walk into her room. Garrett pulled up two chairs and sat down in one. Pat stayed standing.

 

________________________________

WAAAAHHH?!?! Belive me... there's a twist comming.

 

(John’s POV)

After band practice, I headed home to get some well deserved rest. My voice was killing me. All I could think about was the guys’ comments about the night before. How I would do anything to get laid. How getting with Mara was stupid. How I should have just slept with Molly, heartache or not. I thought I could always count on my friends to tell me everything, while still being cool. Guess I was wrong.

All of a sudden, I heard a knock on my window. Whoever was bothering to knock would know that my window was open. The window slid open and a body slid in gracefully. I couldn’t quite tell who it was; I just knew that it had to be a girl.

Only a couple of girls knew that my window was unlocked at night. Rachel, but she would be with Garrett. Mara, but she wouldn’t bother me. She knew I was only after one thing. The only other option was…

“Molly,” I said.

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out,” she said in the voice that was all too familiar.

“”Why are you here?” I asked her. My tone was a little bit ruder than I had originally intended.

“I missed you, babe. No matter what happened, you’re still the only one for me,” she said.

“Shut up, Molly. You know you shouldn’t be here,” I was really pissed at her.

“Ouch, that was cold,” she said, faking hurt.

“Seriously. Get out. You being here is only going to make it worse, and you know it,” I told her.

“Awh, Johnny, don’t be like that,” I hated it when she called me Johnny and she knew it.

“Just go,” I said. I heard her slide out the window. I knew she’d be back. It was only a matter of time. I thought back to that night.

Flashback

“Molly?” I asked her.

“John!” she said. It was like I was the last person she expected to see.

“What are you doing with this piece of shit?!” I asked. I knew my anger was getting the better of me, but I just refused to believe that she would cheat on me. Even though I had seen it before my own eyes.

“John, it’s not what you think,” I had heard that before.

“So you weren’t just blowing this stupid mother fucker?” I asked. She knew I had seen it with my own eyes.

The guy pulled on his pants and got out of there as fast as he could. I couldn’t believe she would do that to me. But she did.

End flashback

That had been three months ago. She had been trying to win me back ever since. I had slept with her once or twice since then, but it wasn’t the same. That day I had gone over to play her a song that I had wrote for her, called Daisy. It was one of my better works. But I just knew that I would never be able to perform that song after seeing her there on her knees.

I had been over her for a long while since. I had only ever written one song for her, and it didn’t mean anything to me now. It was just a song about a girl who didn’t mean anything to me, anymore. That’s how I described it whenever anybody asked.

Molly and I were old news, but people tended to bring it up as often as they could. I didn’t know why, they just did. I don’t know why she had come through my window, or what she was even doing here, but I didn’t think I wanted to know.

Even if I let her back in my life, she would just hurt me again. People never change. Anyone can tell you that. Anyone that’s cynical enough to believe it.

Garrett came over the next day at around noon. Rachel was with him, of course. She never left his side when we were here. Especially now that it was summer. But they were cute together, and they weren’t obnoxious or anything, just a little...flirtatious. I didn’t mind. We were used to it. They had been dating since they were fourteen.

They had come to get me out of the house. I had told Garrett about what happened with Molly last night, and I knew he was worried about me. We were going to the local strip mall. He knew that I loved hanging out there.

We got in his little yellow car and he drove us down the familiar, winding road to the Tempe strip mall. When we got there, we headed straight for the video game store. Garrett wanted to go there. I, personally, didn’t care, and I knew Rachel was happy just being with Garrett.

“Dude, they’re supposed to have the new zombie basher game! You know I love bashing zombies!” He was such a little kid, sometimes.

“Garrett, if they have any kind of zombie killing game, you’ll be happy. Okay?” Rachel said, as she chuckled. Garrett really was lucky to have her.

Then, as we passed Hot Topic, I saw a girl standing behind the register looking annoyed at a bunch of weird preppy girls. I walked over to her.

“You look like you could use some help,” I said.

“I’m doing just fi-,” She said, but stopped short when she looked at me.

“Hi, I’m Cassadee,” she said.

“John,” I said as I flashed her one of my signature smiles. I knew it would knock her breathless. It did.

“Umm. I’m, uh, I get off in 20 minutes,” she said.

“Subtle, I like it,” I said, and I chuckled. The preppy girls had left with disgusted looks on their faces.

Us indie kids could freak out anyone if we tried hard enough.

“Thanks, so much. Those girls were starting to freak me out,” She said with a sigh.

“No problem,” I said. I started to walk out of the store when she called after me just like I knew she would.

“Wait! I really do get off in 20 minutes,” Score, I thought.

“Well, then, would you like to join me as I steal quarters out of the fountain and buy 99 cent tacos from Taco Bell?” I asked.

“Sure, sounds like fun,” she said.

“Oh, it is,” I said as I laughed. I walked over to where Garrett and Rachel were, right on the other side of the fountain.

“What was that all about?” Garrett asked.

“Just helping a girl out,” I said.

“He has a date,” Rachel said. I looked at her.

“Umm, how do you know what I’m thinking?” I asked her.

“Magic,” she said as we all laughed.

Its not my child  

 

mini me

Is there a differnce between a goal for the year and a new years resolution?? 

So We posted a new free download from a bootleg set I found online. We really try our best to give you all as much free stuff as we can and I hope you guys like them. In 2010 we are going to do our best to do as much as we can of this type of thing. I try as much as I can to take into consideration the things you guys say you want and would like more of and I figure who doesnt like free stuff right??? I think these next few months are going to be filled more cool/free stuff than we have ever put out in the past. 

16

16

from someone else.....

 

 

-PAT

hey guys its me again.

 

so hour six went like this:

me and star listened to live acoustics of songs we like. hayley william's live singing is not god-awful like star made it seem, so it looks like im out twenty bucks and i owe paramore an apology.

sorry D:

 

either way, i blame star. and pat, i really thought you had my back on this one. :( oh well, rlrrlrll. rlrlrrlrlrll. rlrrllrlrrll. :) paradiddle paraparadiddle paradiddlediddle haha most drummers dont work on that but i play freediddle and i play DUBS. :) nathaniel hoyle is the best.

DRUMS. :)

 

love,

miki

ps yes im like this most of the time. :)

hey guys it me :)

 

so hour one was spent watching reruns of the disney channel star showdown. :) it was epic. me and star poked around on her netbook and then we went into the fort for the night (which makes me feel bad because it's bigger than her room D: )

hour two was us listening to the maine and watching videos on youtube. :)

hour three was similar to hour two, but we listened to the kerosene kids and then started drawing and looking things like maxi mounds. DDDDDD: whyyy

hour four i had to pee a lot. i dont know where all this liquid comes from, since i dont drink much. i dont run on water or something i run on awesome. i guess awesome liquifies when its done or something, cuz i had to pee a lot and awesome burns really fast so... whatever. :)

and hour five is her reading lolcats books and me doing buzznet stuff and yeah.

 

so i think 2010 is gonna be well spent. prolly go to the fiesta bowl and march our show there, since we went to gator bowl last year. who knows? i'm just gonna be happy in july when im either on my tenors, or the bass section leader. god knows alli's not gonna do it, cameron's gonna play snare, and dabney had BETTER not be on that bass again. dear god, please no. lol

 

gonna spend the rest of hour five listening to paramorelive and comparing it to pat kirch's singing. :) i have twenty bucks that pat wins.

 

love,

miki <3

http://hellaboss.buzznet.com/user/polls/183481/would-win-fight/

but this did me in.....

 

 

ookie