onlinestore Blog and Journals

I've got the worst heartburn that fire fighters couldn't put it out!  My mom forgot to put prevacid in my day of the week pill container for the previous three days.  She puts it together b/c the arthritis in my fingers is bad.  I quite depressed right now.  It seems like it never ends.  I am bipolar so I deal with it constantly.  My room is a huge mess right now and I might risk a great deal of pain and start cleaning it.  I'm OCD about cleaning so odds are if I start then I'll be unable to stop!  What I really want to do is go get a tattoo but I haven't settled on what image I want.  It's a big deal to settle on an image.  It's going to be on your body till u die so I put a great deal of thought into it.  My life is half way over, most likely, and it's due to my connective tissue disorder.  So getting a tattoo isn't too big of a deal!  I really want to get a set of tattoos on my inner wrist.  Probably something along the lines of a small phrase divided between the two wrist.  Something motivational or tells the truth about how I see life.  I had a possible phrase selected but my stupid ass forget what it was!  Damn medication for being bipolar and constant pain makes me forget things constantly.  Mainly the bipolar medication.  I suppose it is going to be one of those days when it seems like the whole world sucks...except for my friends and people reading this!

One day I'm going to do something, something big that makes me not feel so shitty about my life.  Hopefully I'll find it before my connective tissue disorder kills me.  When I'm depressed I write poetry, it makes me feel better about the world.  I've got a shit load of it and I tried to copy it into a pretty little journal I had.  Unfourtunately I had more poems than the journal could hold and it really ticked me off.  Well, I found out that the store I own (www.cafepress.com/mysurprise) on cafepress has the ability to print a book for your store.  It can be soft back or hard cover.  So I got to thinking, which can be dangerous for me, and I figure I can get my poems printed in a hardback to save for all eternity!  I doubt I'd sell it in my store, idk if I would want anyone to read the poems - people judge you for who you AREN'T.  They all are pretty much depressing from being written when I was depressed.  I'd buy a few copies, maybe five, and pass them on to friends and family much, much later on.  Plus it'd be so freaking cool to have my poems  published in a book!  I can do the same for any of you, I think it cost about ten or so bucks per book ... I know it's under 20, and probably under 15.  My mind keeps thinking it's 8 or 10.  Anywho, I may put some up in future journals.  I probably will.  Someone stole one of my poems and they got passed around the internet.  I was so fucking honored that I didn't have time to get pissed!

Well, I think I'm done rambling on for now.  Everyone take care of yourselves and let the good times roll!!     -   Christina

While I am on disability, I only get my 600 buck check every month, and while to younger people that may seem like a shit load of money but in reality that doesn't go far for paying rent at my parents house and trying to help them repair damages from Katrina and preparing the house for sale.  Being in bed almost all the time leaves me with few options for money, other than being a whore!  But I'm working my ass off on this, I know I can be successful at this, I was going to be a doctor and I fucking know I would have made it.  I have the determination to do many a things and this is one of them.  I just know it.  If anyone would check it out, even if it's just to give me feedback or more ideas.  Sorry if I keep mentioning this but it can be the difference of a lot of important things to me.  Possibly even one night of eating out or affording an extra prescription.  The way this country treats the not only poor but also the physically handicap.  I got treated like shit in high school and college because the schools don't have to follow the American disability act, (ADA).  I got mainly A's and some B's even though I was missing lots of school.

Eh, I'll skip all the details, unless you've been through similar situations it's rather boring.  I was called worthless, stupid, that I should just drop out b/c I'd never go anywhere.  Well I guess I showed them with a full paid scholarship and 10 grand scholarship to Loyola.  Plus I tested for gifted and received extremely high scores.  Same on the ACT.  Shit, I hope you don't think I'm bragging b/c thgat was just meant to show you how I proved the school wrong.  And DAMN, that felt good!  I just woke up, it's 4, but hell, I was up to almost five in the morning to create my account.  I really like this place better than my space, but I can't put my finger on why though.  I'll have to ponder that idea for a while!  I'm so glad that I have met so many wonderful people.  I really need to get a bath b/c I just got out of the hospital (AKA my second home) for pneumonia (sp?).  I never really felt bad, even with the 105 fever!  I probably got it from laying in bed all the time, it really sucks donkey ass!

Well, I'm off to work on my store a bit more.  It seems like no matter how much I do it never seems like it's enough, but I guess that's life.  Later my dears - Xtina

Well I actually have a pain in my neck, but I'm having a time trying to find suitable people for me to be friends with.  I'm also working on my online store at the same time.  I'm on SSI and if I work at least a little bit then I feel better about having nothing to do.  I have quite a few designs for the clothing and accessories.  I just have to get the word out somehow.  Since I'm new to the whole thing it is taking me a while to do all of this.  If anyone looks at the site I'd be SOOO pleased.  Even if it is to tell me that my designs suck ass, that's cool.  At least I'd get feed back, and who knows, you might find some thing that rocks your socks.  Or if you know a way of advertising that would be stuependous.  It's 6:20 and finally I'm starting to feel tired enough to sleep.  Why when I take my sleeping meds it takes 20 minutes other nights, tonight being one, it takes over 3 hours to work.  SHIT it's friday and fathers day is Sunday.  Son of a bitch.  I need someone who will routinely tell me when a holiday is coming up b/c I don't always look at the calender.  Shit, with me feeling so crummy (I just got over pnemuonia) I lost track.  I always get sick for major holidays and it looks like father's day is a major holiday, unbenost to me.  Well I'm so tired that I figure now would be a decent time for sleep, so ciao!