Michelle Pfeiffer Blog and Journals

as we all know, there's no shortage of movie review sites out there on the web. but who among us hasn't longed for movie reviews in the form of really crappily done japanese poetry? i know i sure have!

so once a week, i'll be dedicating a journal entry to a movie review in the form of a really crappy haiku.

this week's movie was a gritty morality tale that proved the age-old lesson that crime doesn't pay. well actually, according to the movie, it pays pretty damn well at first. in fact, with enough criminal ambition you can buy a really kick ass mansion in miami with a huge bathtub and watch pelicans on tv all day. oh, and you can finally get that sweet pet tiger you've always wanted! plus, you'll get to hang out in restaurants full of old rich people and get drunk and insult them. but then you'll get all paranoid from doing too much blow, and then your best friend will marry your sister and michelle pfeiffer will walk out on your ass. so i guess the real moral of the story is crime eventually doesn't pay, probably - it's scarface!

scarface

tony montana

does an awful lot of blow

he hates cockroaches

the end

p.s. feel free to hit me up with any suggestions, and you might just get to see one of your favorite movies summed up in a really crappy haiku...

as we all know, there's no shortage of movie review sites out there on the web. but who among us hasn't longed for movie reviews in the form of really crappily done japanese poetry? i know i sure have!

so once a week, i'll be dedicating a journal entry to a movie review in the form of a really crappy haiku.

this week, one of my personal favorites, and a movie that proved that in addition to being able to land on their feet, cats are also highly skilled cpr technicians - batman returns!

batman returns

bats, cats and penguins

but walken outdoes them all

with his shock fright wig

the end

p.s. feel free to hit me up with any suggestions, and you might just get to see one of your favorite movies summed up in a really crappy haiku...

It may seem rather silly, coming from me, obviously so, but GO AND SEE STARDUST!!! It's a great feel good fantasy fairytale film, which normally isn't my thing... but OMG! This film was great! Trust me, I might not look it, but I'm a girly girl inside, and this just made my day watching it. And Charlie Cox? Ah, another great English stud muffin is released on the world for them all to ogle. Damn!!! Why can't we keep him to ourselves?!?!

Claire Danes looks fantastic when she glows, so not fair, and he's a super cutie to be sure.

Alas.

www.myspace.com/darkevangeline

Sweet Lord. $12.95 a day for wireless? GAH.

I'm sitting dead center, 9 rows back from the front row in Hall H at ComicCon. The panel begins in 30 minutes. The schedule of events are:

-Beowulf
-Hot Rod
-The Spiderwick Chronicles
-Iron Man
-Indiana Jones 4
-Star Trek
-Cloverfield/1-18-08 (with JJ Abrams)

I'll be updating this blog throughout the panel for the next couple hours!

1:04 PM: The guys sitting behind me are singing their favorite songs from The Chorus Line and making terrible jokes about bananas. Shoot me.

1:06 PM: The guy sitting next to me is wearing a bright blue shirt with a smiling giraffe on it. It says, in large bright letters above it, “DEEP THROAT.” About 85% of everything he says is a terrible pun that is sexual in nature. Find me a cliff to throw him off of.

1:14 PM: They're showing promotional clips for Wonder Con, San Francisco's version of this very event. Neat!

1:24 PM: I'm getting antsy. I started standing in line around 11:00am; I missed two panels this morning because, once I saw the line to get into Hall H, I knew that if I even wanted to get inside, I'd have to wait a long time. For about 90 minutes, I stood outside in the sun. I luckily brought my iPod, so Darkest Hour, Bad Religion, The Smashing Pumpkins, and Chuck Ragan provided me some slight comfort from the heat.

I have a Slusho! shirt now. Sweet.

1:31 PM: Turns out there was an empty seat next to me. I am now in the most uncomfortable position I've ever been in. Let's just say the guy next to me should be sitting in two seats.

OH FUCK THEY'RE STARTING!!!!!

1:35 PM: Going through the motions. Lots of introductions, thanks, warning messages, blah blah blah. GET TO THE TRAILERS!

1:39 PM: Andy Samberg is on stage to promote Hot Rod.

1:42 PM: Showing clips from Hot Rod. Andy Samberg is dancing in the forest to the greatest song ever. Survivor? Some terrible late 80s pop song. Excellent.

1:50 PM: They’re discussing the origins of “Dick in A Box.” Gross grandma jokes ensued.

1:52 PM: Neil Gaiman is coming out to discuss Stardust!!! So is the screen writer, Jane Goldman. They're about to show an exclusive clip from the film. I'm stoked!

1:55 PM: Michelle Pfeiffer is in a movie again??? What the hell? Anyway, so far, Stardust looks gorgeous. Some pretty impressive special effects.

1:58 PM: Michelle Pfeiffer’s character is giving the main character a massage. But she calls it a “MASS-SAGE.”  Silly accents!

2:00 PM: The dramatic music behind this trailer is driving me insane. Who ever heard of a 5 minute scene that is constantly one long bit of tension? Oh damn, Michelle Pfeiffer just slit someone’s throat. And a unicorn just head-butted a goat? I’m totally lost now.

2:04 PM: Gaiman says that the movie encompasses about 80% of the book. Robert de Niro’s role was expanded PRIOR to him actually signing on to the movie, but Jane Goldman said it was a “delicious” prospect to work with de Niro, so they wrote more of him into the script.

Gaiman insists that he would rather there be no “Sandman” movie made rather than a bad one. However, he thinks the time is arriving closer than ever to possibly make one. It will take someone someone like Peter Jackson or Sam Raimi to be faithful to the book and “steamroll through hundreds of millions of dollars” in order to make a good movie.

2:10 PM: The Beowulf presentation is beginning! Neil Gaiman and Roger Avery have taken the stage and OH MAN, I am stoked to see what they’ve done with the epic poem. (Which is wonderful.) Exclusive footage is being shown at the Horton Plaza tonight at 5PM and 6PM. Roger Avery said that the 3-D version will make you feel like you’ve come down off of acid. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds.

2:15 PM: Gaiman and Avery shared that their “wishlist” for the cast and were excited that NO ONE turned down their role!  In addition, there will be 3 versions of the movie shown as well: Flatscreen, 2-D, and 3-D. 3-D IMAX!!!!!

2:19 PM: The world premiere of the Beowulf trailer!!!!! OH MAN. THIS LOOKS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. I have goosebumps.

2:22 PM: The Sweeney Todd panel is taking the stage right now. There is no exclusive clips, but everyone in the room gets an exclusive movie poster. The artwork is fantastic. Johnny Depp looks completely evil.

2:24 PM: OH LORD. They're showing the trailer for 1-18-08. The whole crowd just erupted with joy.

2:25 PM: JJ Abrams is onstage!!!!!!!  He said he wants a great monster movie for so long. He was in Japan over a year ago with his son, who dragged him to all these toy stores. He realized we needed our own monster that rivaled Godzilla. In the coming months, we’ll get the real trailer, the real title, and real clips from the movie.

We’ll all be receiving these amazing movie posters with a beheaded Statue of Liberty.

So 1-18-08 is NOT called Cloverfield or Slusho! It will be an American monster movie and will NOT be a monster that has existed before. NOT Cthulhu. NOT Godzilla. NOT Voltron. An entirely ORIGINAL creature!

2:31 PM: The Spiderwick Chronicles is supposed to be the “Jurassic Park” for fairies and goblins. They’re discussing the creation of the creatures for the movie and showing sketches of the animals.

2:37 PM: The goblins for The Spiderwick Chronicles look fantastic. There is one called a “Red Cap,” meaning he dips his cap in the blood of the human he’s just killed. Rad!

2:46 PM: The Spiderwick Chronicles trailer rules. I can’t believe Nickelodeon is making it. Super creepy and dark.

2:48 PM: They’re showing the trailer for Drillbit Taylor, the new Owen Wilson movie. A group of kids bullied in school hire Owen Wilson to protect them, thinking he’s a Navy Seal. He’s actually homeless. Judd Apatow is involved, somehow. It looks hilarious.

2:52 PM: John Favreau is making a surprise appearance to discuss Iron Man.

2:54 PM: Exclusive footage of Iron Man! Robert Downey, Jr. is in it. He looks pretty sleazy. But holy crap, this movie is going to rule. The Iron Man suit looks a bit bulky to me. But someone just shot at it and it ricocheted back and killed the dude.

OH WAIT. THE FULL IRON MAIN SUIT IS RIDICULOUS!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!!!!! WOW. That looks GREAT.

2:59 PM: Steven Speilberg is doing a live feed from the set of Indiana Jones 4! They bleeped out when he said the name of the new movie. Ha! Harrison Ford is there too. And he looks great! I can’t believe there’s going to be another movie.

Ray Winstone is on screen too. He will be Indiana’s sidekick for the film. Shia Labouf is also there as well. Wow, he’s getting old. Marion Ravenwood is back!!!!

3:04 PM: I didn’t know Damon Lindeloff and JJ Abrams were working on the next Star Trek movie. They’re onstage now. Is it weird that I find Damon Lindeloff strangely attractive?

Oh, I guess JJ Abrams IS directing it.

Spock is going to be played by Zachary Quinto from Heroes! OH MAN! Sylar is Spock????

3:10 PM: JJ Abrams announces that Leonard Nimoy will ALSO being playing Spock. I assume as….an older Spock??

3:17 PM: Panel is over! Rushing upstairs to Ballroom 20 to get a good spot for the LOST Season 4 Panel!!!