Markreadstwilight's literature Profile

In the tenth chapter of Eclipse, everything is awkward and boring and revolting at the same time. There's no progression of anything, Bella devotes her entire self to Edward yet again, and blah blah blah do you even care anymore? It doesn't matter, though, because something else in the Twilight... Read More

I'm starting New Moon on Monday. I need a day off from this nonsense. 

Have a great weekend! Thanks for the successful liveblog yesterday. 

It was a promise made long ago. Months later (and one pain set of reviews, too), the prophecy is about to be revealed. That's right; Mark is going to watch the Twilight film. The whole thing. Willingly. To commend such a terrible, terrible decision, we're hosting a party here on... Read More

I've come to the realization that roughly three quarters of my work on Buzznet has been all about destroying or mocking what other people love. That's...sort of sad, I suppose, and hardly constructive. But then I started getting hate mail. Not the normal trolling comments I'm used to from posting... Read More

In order to milk the fact that I'm done reading the worst book of all time and to fill up the two days before the Twilight liveblog, here's a comprehensive summary of every single chapter review I've done. This is mostly for my scatterbrain... Read More

In the final chapter (and epilogue) of Twilight, we're left with a giant mess tidily cleaned up by The Cullens: the dance studio is torched, Carlisle is caring for Bella, and all of her friends and family magically believe that Bella broke her leg, smashed four ribs, tore open her... Read More

In the twenty-third chapter of Twilight, Stephenie Meyer finds it necessary to write for only 4 pages. And make it a whole chapter. Also, vampires can reverse other vampire's venom? We don't understand it, but this chapter is so short that we have nothing else to go on. So....yeah. Stuff?... Read More

In the twenty second chapter of Twilight, Bella escapes mind-reading, superhuman vampires, despite the insane impossibility of such an action. She predictably goes right to the dance studio where Alice knew she would be and predictably listens to the vampire narrate his actions and intentions for way too long. Then... Read More

In the twenty first chapter of Twilight, Bella does mostly the same thing she does in chapter 20: she just sits there and uses a phone. For ten pages. There's a whole bit about a vampire kidnapping Bella's mom, but where we're supposed to feel suspense, we're left with boredom,... Read More

In the twentieth chapter of Twilight, Bella waits in a Phoenix motel for the rest of the Cullen family to return from hunting the tracker vampire who is hellbent on devouring Bella. She sits in her hotel room with Alice and Jasper. They make small talk. She picks at a... Read More

In the nineteenth chapter of Twilight, Bella comes up with a plan that will allow the Cullens to forcibly kidnap her: she uses her father's failed marriage as a guilt trip. If you don't hate Bella yet, just wait: there's some wonderful instances of the Stockholm Syndrome popping up, as... Read More

In the eighteenth chapter of Twilight, a new set of vampires appear out of the forest...and want to play baseball. This is a real plot line, folks. Cue Edward speaking in the equivalent of ALL CAPS to Bella. Think you've seen rage? You've seen nothing yet, as Edward and the... Read More

In the seventeenth chapter of Twilight, confrontation is the theme of the day: Billy Black confronts Bella about dating a vampire, Charlie confronts Bella because he didn't even know she was dating anyone at all, and a new sect of vampires are set to confront the Cullens. Oh yeah, there's... Read More

That's right; we're combining chapters 15 and 16 for today's review of Twilight. (That's mostly because there is no logical reason to separate them aside from Meyer's inability to write.) Bella is introduced to the Cullens by Edward and the family is possibly even more awkward and dysfunctional than the... Read More

After the frightening events of chapter 13, the fourteenth chapter of Twilight presents our vampire, Edward, as possibly one of the most sociopathic characters in modern "literature." (That word is used with the loosest of definitions.) From constantly lying, to making grandiose statements, to admitting that he watches Bella every... Read More

In the thirteenth chapter of Twilight, Edward reveals that he is a vampire who sparkles in the sun. Edward reveals that he is a vampire who sparkles in the sun. Edward is a vampire that sparkles in the sun. A VAMPIRE, WHO SPARKLES IN THE SUN. SPARKLE. Intrigued? Then it's... Read More

In the twelfth chapter of Twilight, Bella uneventfully avoids a confrontation with Jacob's father. Then Edward and Bella hang out and don't do much of anything. Then Bella goes to school and doesn't do much of anything. Sense a pattern? This repeats for 22 pages until we're faced with, perhaps,... Read More

In the eleventh chapter of Twilight, Bella and Edward are now aware of Edward's vampirism and Bella's utter devotion to a man she barely knows. For the entirety of the 11th chapter, nothing happens after this. There are some inconsequential conversations and a hint of controversy near the end, but... Read More

In the tenth chapter of Twilight, we reach a dark day in our reviews: the day when PanasonicYouth must shed the LULZ and get serious for a moment. Now that Bella knows Edward is a vampire, the two share awkward and slightly horrifying conversations in which we learn only one... Read More

In the eighth chapter of Twilight, Stephenie Meyer shockingly lowers the bar from the previous chapter. There's implied rape, a whole lot of sexism, an even more embarrassing round of "Guess What Superhero I Am, Bella," and the use of the word, "dazzle." Wait. Not "use." We meant to say,... Read More