L.I.E. Blog and Journals

everytime i let my guide down and open up and start to trust people
i get fucked over
i cant think of one people in my life i can trust
how sad it that
FUCK IT i dont need anyone.......................................




Are we going up, or just going down
It's just a matter of time until we're all found out
Take our tears and put them on ice
''cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light

We're the therapists pumping through your speakers
Delivering just what you need
We're well-read, and poised
We're the best boys
We're the chemists who've found the formula
To make your heart swell and burst
No matter what they say, don't belive a word

'Cause I'll keep singing this lie if you'll keep believing it
I'll keep singing this lie
I'll keep singing this lie

Are we going up, or just going down
It's just a matter of time until we're all found out
Take our tears and put them on ice
''cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light

We're traveled like gypsies
Only with worse luck and far less gold
We're the kids you used to love
But then we grew old
We're the lifers here til the bitter end
Condemned from the start

Ashamed of the way
The songs and the words own the beating of our hearts

'Cause I'll keep singing this lie
I'll keep singing this lie
I'll keep singing this lie

Are we going up, or just going down
It's just a matter of time until we're all found out
Take our tears and put them on ice
''cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light

There's a drug in the thermostat to warm the room up
And another around to help us bend your trust
I've got a sunset in my veins
And I need to take a pill to make this town feel okay

The best part of "believe" is the "lie"
I hope you sing along and you steal a line
I need to keep you like this in my mind
So give in or just give up
(x2)

(Are we going up or just going down)
Are we going up, or just going down
It's just a matter of time until we're all found out
Take our tears and put them on ice
''cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light

Shit. I heard this news from my classmate. and she said that paramore will have a concert here, in the Philippines. i don't believe it. really. okay, maybe i do. but i'm not yet sure if it's real. Hmm.. around March 2010? Oh my goodness.

I already confronted my mom, told her the sort of a VIP-ticket or what, i dunno. which costs 10,000 pesos. my goodness! 10, 000!!! D: and she said.. "WHAT? NO!"

so yeah, maybe i can't watch them perform.. live.. and I won't get a chance to meet them. and.. Lastly, maybe that news isn't true.

If it is, I'm dead. Where will i get 10,000 pesos?! doom.  deadddddddddddddd.

They say I don't know what I'm doing to myself

They say the perfect place for me is a little cave in hell

They told me I'm wrong and they're right

They told me I can't live

They told me I should die

They told me I should hide or live a lie

They told me i'm outta my mind

For being who I really am...

long time no post.ja. thought id start out witha funny little thing. i am so ubelieveably proud of myself. some people may think i have no reason to feel that way but you have no idea. i am my own hero right now. i am looking up to myself. i have also been very very postive lately. someone may have tried to trip me, or say something completely rude, but i just turned it into something better. thinking  positive really does work, and it is really not as hard as you think. try it today. it could change your life.

i am on a getaway vacation. it is a secret location, where no one knows where i am. breakfast is incredible, and i will not think about the miff,i will not think about school, i will not think about little people, i will not think about bullshit lies,...etc.

the holidays are so close to being here, and i am way excited! i am not even thinking about thanksgiving. it makes me feel fat ha. i am talking christmas baby! winter is no doubt my favorite season.  a few days ago  in chemistry i had these little mints hot topic gives you if you donate a dollar. i go there for warped tour band tee shirts. but anyways my two friends were messing around with it. everytime one of them would sprinkle some into the others hand he would say, "it sounds like christmas!" then he would eat them and say, "it tastes like christmas!" it almost made my week. it was so adorable. i can not wait to wear my furs and winter atttire, it is so much fun! as you can tell i really have no straight subject for thsis  journal, i was just going thru withdrawel. it is like an addiction.

speaking of addiction. i am addicted to football. not the steelers, nfl, type of football. highschool football. for our school the season is over, but for school's who actually did good this year, they have playoffs. i did not mean to offend any but one person when i said for schools who actually did good this year. i am being honest, never said our football team did not try, they did. it is so much fun and anticipation, especially if your sort of boyfriend plays haha. looking for his number, and seeing him is fun. but the best part is when he notices your there and he waves to you. you feel so special! i sound like such a dork in this post.

things are better on the battlefield. if that makes any sense at all. i feel better, newer (if thats a word), and replenished. looking back, i changed alot in a week. i honestly did. my outlook on life is more realistic, and i am thinking way clearer now. right now i just want to be happy, and live. my  great good football boy haha (can not find the words to explain what we are) were talking about life. it was sort of funny, because we never talk that serious. but he is always so dead honest. and that is what i like about him. he does not lie. yes i wrote it. HE DOES NOT LIE. i have learned that alot of people actually tell the truth, people who lie are just disGUSting leeches. i had to capitilize the GUS because i am afraid some people do not know how to spell the word, they sound it outloud. bad idea. back to what we were talking about. he told me not to think about anyone else but myself. he said it sounds selfish and shallow, but if you worry about ten other people and not yourself, you get screwed over. he said to worry about right now and what im going to do. this very second. not five minutes from now. he explained this: in football he must learn plays and plan out the game. that does not always work out the way we plan, so you have to think quick and do whats best for the team. i became very difficult and asked, " yes but in football dont you have to think of the team? " he laughed and said yes i do, think as your body, your whole person, as the team that your playing for. and it all made sense.

"what you got now, you gotta gotta give it up!"

A poem written when I had to write this for my English class last year

We were best friends then one day, some

"new" kid came and you're not the same person I knew.

Together you smoked, did drugs, drank and cut.

You thought that you knew everything.

I know that I'm not the same person I was when we first met.

You changed me and not in a good way.

I tried to forget you but that didn't happen.

And know, I don't know who I am or who I'm supposed to be.

Yes I will admit, I'm not the same person and I'm not forgeting who I was.

But atleast I knew who I was and I will never forget that person and I still remember who I am today.

Unlike you.

Know whenever you and your parents fight, how come my name still comes up?

"What ever happened to that girl?" and

"She was a good influence on you then you had to chase her away."

I still remember who you are and I lie awake at night and I wonder "

What wuold happen if we were still friends?"

and then I remembered that you were a druggie, drinker, cutter,  backstabing lier.

Save Me From His Heart

I cross my eyes
and hold my sides.

To keep from falling apart.
Will you come and save me from his heart?

Although I love him,
and he loves me,
the bruses will disagree.

The blues and purples cover my skin,

I cant look up into your face.

Skin so soft, eyes so bright,
and your hair feels like lace.

I know you'll save me with all your might.

But when will you see,
that he will still get me.

My body shakes, and I fall to the ground.

You life me up and hold me tight,
I'm afraid to make a sound.

I bite my lip,
making it bleed.

My eyes go red and the tears run down my cheek.

We sit at the peek,
of this horror,
you protect me more than before.

He comes again.

Eyes blazing like fire,
one punch to ribs and I fall.

You run to my side and turn to him.

You no longer care if he is your friend, your brother.

The gun hidden by your clothes,
is exsposed and in your hand.

You pray to your mother.

In heaven she looks down at you and cries.

Your brother, your friend, all he told were lies.

The ice cold trigger is pulled,
the bullet hits.

Its to late,
my breath runs short,
and I fall back to the cold, wet ground.

No sound.

Now you are standing above my grave,
you and your brother.

Just the rain,
you can't handle the pain.

Thats same damn gun,
in your hand.

It shines in your eyes.

Don't do it.

Please, for me?

You hold it to your head,
nothing was said.

The click and the bang,
God's hand lies in yours.

Your head hangs while you sob.
the blood pures,
out of your body and onto the floor.

No smiles, no laughter.

Now your body is broken and sore.

This isn't what we wanted,
not your mother,
not your brother,
not me.

We hug in heaven,
the second chance to live our lives.

To fix what happened,
We don't diserve it.

Lets go back in time,
before this mess.

********************************************************************************
This was just a poem(?) that I thought up last night but the more I got into it, the wheels in my head started turning and its going to become a story. So that means that Do You See is going to be discondtinued. But the problem with this is I have no idea what band I should use. Any suggestions? I hope you all have a great Labor Day weekend, I'm going camping up at Willow Flats Idaho with my family. My whole family; aunts, uncles, cousins, and my oma (grandma). And thats where I'll be writing this. I hope you liked it.

Please comment! That way I'll know if I should actually write about it.

Dear Diary will be posted Monday night, and TBOTB is going to be posted Tuesday or Wednusday.

is it that obvious that i hate you

your over-dramatic stupidity,

award worthy how you act as though nothing is wrong

i applaud you, you've got everyone else believing that your so innocent

i feel im the only one that knows your truth

when the curtains close, you were nothing more than average

but thanks for the lessons

now i too have learned how to fake a smile

tricking you with my senseless laugh

i think ive figured your method out

hating yourself on the inside but this confidence on the out

i laugh in your name...and i wont walk in shame

cause im taking the award tonight.

Rashid Khalidi - What you don't know about Gaza

Posted: 09 Jan 2009 10:10 AM CST

this ones for alex. i miss you...

there's so much i forgot to say

it wasnt supposed to end this way.

and every time you brought me down

id somehow managed to come around.

im sure you have said

things you never wanted me to hear.

so much running through my head

still holding back the tears.

this voice is left to whisper words

ive always wanted to say.

and i reach into the dark

as you slowly drift away...

My next door neighbor asked me;  "Honestly, do you think I'm a good mother?"  It made me kinda nervous trying to think of an answer to please her, but I figured she said HONESTLY.  So I told her how I really felt about her parenting and she hasn't spoken to me, sincerely, in a couple of days. O.o...It's like she wanted me to sugar coat a lie instead of force-feeding her the truth.

IF THE TRUTH HURTS, WHY IS HONESTY THE BEST POLICY?

I just said: Your kids are very sarcastic, smart, lack a childish innocence, they are pretty spoiled, very shrewd, and that those are all great qualitites FOR ADULTS...

...and that she never let's them outside to play! I see kids, half her oldest daughter's age, running around the neighborhood, and her three aren't even allowed in the backyard by themselves!

Should I have just lied and said "Yes, yes you are..." ?