laptop Blog and Journals

Well I've been with Luke for over a month now & it's been terribly amazing, I just feel so guilty as I type this.

Okay so, Me, Luke, Joe, Dan, Chris, my step brother, & Adam were all splattered on the couch and on the floor at Dan's house.

(Parents were out in the backyard for a bbq.)

So, Dan had the TV remote & when he passed it to Adam after a show ended, Adam put on CSI: Miami. Don't get me wrong, that show was cool and all but I wasn't in the mood for that.

Well, I asked if anyone saw the latest episode of True Blood & Joe said he hadn't, I hadn't either. Dan then mentioned that he had the online link saved on his laptop upstairs if we wanted to see it. Well, then Joe asked me if I wanted to watch it and of course, I said yeah. I mean.. Hello! It's True Blood!

Luke looked like he didn't care much so I left with Joe right away and we sat on the bed, leaning against the wall. As soon as True Blood started playing, me and Joe had to snuggle against each other since he had the laptop on his lap. It was fun to watch it with Joe, he always makes the funniest comments.

But.. I guess I must have given the wrong impression when I layed my head on his shoulder. I didn't even think he would think anything of it. But he did. =/

Halfway through True Blood, Joe shifted in his seat. This is when I made the wrong move by looking up at him. He looked down at me and we stayed like that for a moment. It was awkward and it was a hint that told me what was going to happen. And then our lips met. At first, the only thing that went through my head was: ............

It was silence.

I didn't think much of anything, I just enjoyed his soft lips on mine as our kiss grew harder. Joe was intriguing to me, he was.. something different. He had just the perfect amount of arrogant in him, and I guess I allowed him to kiss me because of the thrill. It was thrilling because he was off-limits and it felt so exciting.

I didn't feel the guilt until halfway through the kiss. It began with me thinking: What am I doing?

But I didn't bother to answer myself as I put my arm around Joe's neck. It was very risky of me to do that, if anyone was to come in at that moment. Though, all we heard was a loud bang. It wasn't even the door to Dan's room. Which, by the way, was fully open. It was from downstairs, on a table I supposed.

This is where we broke the kiss, and Joe whispered, "I hope that's him at the door."
I couldn't help but smile, it was a line from the lyrics of one of our favorite songs, Anarbor - Let The Games Begin.

I let him give me a quick kiss and I pulled back, then mentioned that we should finish watching the episode. And that was that. We watched the rest of True Blood without kissing. Which was amazing! But so disappointing when Godric died & I'll admit I let a few tears run. :(

When it was done, I got up from the bed and so did Joe, as Joe put the laptoop back on Dan's desk, I looked around the room at all of Dan's collectibles. He was such an adorable little snowboard freak. Too bad it was summer.

Joe looked at me then, laying his hands on my waist. The look in his eyes made me melt. It was a shame, really.

Well, we kissed again, and he leaned in first. I felt really guilty by then but I let him kiss me, only for a few seconds before I pulled away and sighed. I really didn't know what I was thinking. So, I turned around and walked out into the hallway, headed for the stairs. Joe caught up to me quick though, and he grabbed me, pulling me around I couldn't help but giggle. Then his lips crashed onto mine one last time, and he pulled back.

Finally, we went down the stairs as if nothing interesting had happened upstairs. Luke and the others were in the kitchen and when Luke saw me he smiled, walking over to me. I felt extremely guilty by then. Even then, I didn't allow Luke to kiss me, I was afraid he might be able to taste the betrayal in my lips. There was no way I was going to let Joe, of all people, end my relationship with Luke.

About thirty minutes passed by of a few drinks and snacks, talking and laughing. Then it was time for me and my stepbro to leave, we did. I hugged Luke goodbye, kissing him on the lips very, very quickly. The whole time, Joe had been giving me looks, I hated it, I feared that Luke sensed the truth in Joe's looks. But amazingly, Luke hadn't said anything. So all was fine.. for now.

I don't think I'll sleep well tonight.