Kim Kardashian Blog and Journals

Don't miss the 3-night premiere event for Dancing with the Stars beginning Monday, September 22nd and put in your vote for Kim Kardashian.

Hey Everyone!

I just found out that I am on this year's 2ND ANNUAL GUY'S CHOICE AWARDS ON SPIKE TV and I was nominated for this category: SO HOT THEY'RE FAMOUS : Kim Kardashian vs. Tila Tequila

So as you can see, I am up against Kim Kardashian in this category and I need your vote to help me win this!  I know we can do this so pleeeeeeeze vote for your favorite homegirl....ME!  I have nothing against Kim Kardashian, but come on.....we gotta help me win this one!  So please vote for me and tell all of your friends to vote for me.  I am on the 24th page in the vote bot....Sooooo excited!  I hope I win and it's now all up to YOU guys!  I love you all and hope that you love me just as much!  Can't wait to see who wins! It better be me! YAY!

Click on this link Here:

CLICK HERE TO VOTE!

Love
Tila

One of the great cult explotation films (featuring women, too!) is set to be remade in the future by Quentin Tarantino. Though it's just a desire on his part, Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! is one of Tarantino's favorite films and he wants Britney Spears, Kim Kardashian, and Eva Mendes to star in it. Will it happen?

Read more...

"Ari, stop making a big deal out of nothing." Patrick flopped down onto the couch and watched his angry girlfriend walk into the kitchen and grab some Pizza Hut pizza from the night before.

Patrick took off his hat and tossed it. He ran a hand through his hair--that had finally grown back--and sucked his teeth. He rested his Ice Cream covered foot on the table in front of him. Ari was still working the kitchen, closing the blinds and turning on the faucet to wash her hands. Germophobe.

"Will you just stop tripping?" He asked, turning on the television.

"Stop tripping?" Ari angrily flipped the faucet handle back up and walked into the living room. "You pissed me off, Patrick!"

"At least you're calling me by my name." He turned to her.

"I ain't feelin' whatchu said. I really ain't," He unbuckled her Kippy's belt and slid it from the loops, contemplating whether or not to crack him in the head with it.

"I didn't say anything bad!" Patrick said, leaning forward, sick of her invective.

"You know what you said." She whirled on him, her sewn in locks fanning around her when she turned. "You said, 'I wish I could pull my fingers from this hair, but I can't.'" She mocked him, a frown still on her face.

"We said we'd joke about it. I joked about it, and now you're pissed. I thought we could be cool with it. Maybe you were just in a bad mood, but I thought we were totally cool on the racial difference. Please don't start, Ari. You're the one who even mentioned the fact that we have to be able to make fun of it if we're gonna survive as a couple." He stood up and walked to Ari, grabbing her hands. "Don't do this, baby. I love you, regardless of what the fuck kind of color you are. I don't care." He kissed her lips. Ari was softening like water would a cracker--no pun intended . . . maybe--and she smiled.

"Well, I was in a bad mood." She smiled and Patrick held her chin up. They kissed again, and Patrick let his hands fall to her hips.

"So what do you say we go have some fun on top of the pool table?" He had his tongue out at the thought of them doing it on the pool table.

"The pool table?" She questioned. What a weird--yet kinky--place to do it!

"Why not?" He smiled coyly and kissed her again.

Ari smiled. "Well let's get it!" She laughed and he carried her all the way to the pool room.

---

"I had a really great time, Peter. I don't think anyone has ever accepted me for who I am besides you." Kim gushed, her arms around Peter as they sat in the bubbling hot tub.

Pete nodded. "No problem. I mean, you're a great girl. Once you get past the . . . the sex tapes, and the big ass, and--"

Kim laughed out loud. "You're so funny." She playfully pushed him.

"So um, what we do next?" She stood up, displaying that ah-mazing figure she had. Wide hips, big booty, big breasts. Damn. Pete was definitely looking. Okay, so she had cellulite, but any girl with a booty as big hers would!

"I know you're looking." Kim turned her head around to see Pete staring at the mass that was her ass.

"I can't help it! Any guy would." He grabbed her and began making out with her. This felt good. This felt really good. It felt even better when Kim grabbed Pete's boxers and slid them off. Then it was amazing when he untied her bikini and they got to doing it.

It would've been really amazing. Except for one thing.

The whole time, he was thinking about Ari.

Shanna Moakler, role model? Well, sort of. (POTP)


Elton John hates on bloggers. Shut down the internet, psh. (IBBB)

Jessica Simpson's "Blonde Ambition" might go straight to DVD. (Holy Candy)

Kanye explains "Bling" usage. (The Dirty Disher)

Kim Kardashian is getting a reality show. You know Brody Jenner is stoked. (Allie is Wired)


Urban Outfitters will carry Betsey Johnson's main line. (Fashionista)

Are you a supertaster? (Buzzfeed)

Digging deep for LindsLo gossip. (Evil Beet)

Joe walked into the room and plopped down onto a chair. His new straight hairstyle had all the girls flocking to him. Maybe even more than Pete.

Ari frowned when she saw him. "Joe?" She got up and took a closer look. "Joseph Trohman?" She narrowed her eyes behind her glasses. "That's you?"

Joe took off his aviators. Cool ass. "Yes, ma'am." He smiled.

Ari placed a hand on her hip. "You got all that stuff shaved, I see. Wait a minute." She walked up to his head and ran her hands through it. "No Jewfro? What have you done to yourself?" Ari abruptly looked into Joe's face.

Joe laughed. "Relax. I'm the same Joe. Where is everyone, anyway?"

Ari hunched her shoulders. "No clue."

"Well, we could always hang. Whatcha wanna do?"

Ari smiled. "I wanna go shopping."

Joe sucked his teeth. "N-o, no. I hate going with girls who shop. It's the most boring thing ever. And they never seem to have anywhere for the guys to sit!"

Ari laughed. He had a point.

A few minutes later, Patrick and Andy walked in.

"Hey, Pete." Patrick said, slapping Joe's shoulder.

Joe fake-laughed. "Fat ass."

Patrick smiled. "You're so kind." He dropped his car keys onto the table and glanced at the T.V. Oh, look. Ari and Ricky's video was playing.

"Oh, man. Turn that shit off now!" Patrick closed his ears with his hands.

Andy laughed. "What's wrong with it?"

"It's been overplayed." Ari answered, checking her phone and tossing it back into her Louis.

"So um, where's you-know-who?" Joe popped open his phone and closed it.

"He's on a date with Kim." Andy answered, slipping into a different pair of Vans.

"So what are you doing? Or are you gonna be all alone as usual?" Andy asked Joe.

"Well, I got a date, too. At eight. Hey, that rhymes." Joe laughed to himself.

"Andy, whatchu finna do? I gotta go do something with this person." Ari pointed to Patrick.

Patrick sucked his teeth. "I have a name."

"And?" Ari looked at Andy.

Joe sucked in air through his teeth. "Snappy? You two arguing or something?"

"He pissed me off, and he knows what he did." Ari spat.

Patrick fired back. "Ari, get over that dumb shit already."

"Anyways," Ari ignored Patrick. "What are you doing?"

"Damage control for the sex tape. And then I'm gonna go to a PETA convention."

"I'm real sorry for that, Andy." Ari sympathized.

Andy shook his head. "Don't be. It's all over now, at least." Andy prepared to leave. "See you guys later." He left the room.

The continuation of "Why Don't You Just Drop Dead?" Enjoy!    

---

"This video is so raw! Look at that! I can't believe they were able to make me look that good." Ari looked at the screen to see the completed product of the video that she finally had with Patrick. It was titled Split Way, which was the song she and Patrick recorded in the studio when they were bored. It contained Patrick's beyond-awesome piano playing, their beautiful voices together, and a an amazing hip-hop/soul feel to it. In the video, Ari was sitting atop the piano Patrick played, and scenes reflected the two separately, and then together. Famed hip-hop director Bryan Barber directed it, although Alan Ferguson agreed to direct. He fell ill, and Bryan stepped in.

"Wow. That's fucking awesome. And I'm so glad the video is finished." Patrick laughed and stared at the screen as the cameras blacked out and the video ended.

Ari stepped off of the chair and walked over to Patrick. "Me, too." She kissed him quickly, seeing as no one else was around. They agreed to make sure that they didn't show any type of affection to each other-other than strictly platonic-so that nobody would meddle in their private lives, even though it was already rumored that the two were an item.

"So um, what do you wanna do now?" Patrick looked around to see if the set was still clear. Then, he grabbed her closer to him.

"How about that flight back to Illinois? I haven't been home in a while, and we only have three days-seventy-two hours!-to spend together. And we still haven't gotten around to that-" Ari shushed him because someone was coming. Ari left the room.

Patrick was still in the chair. Bryan walked up to him. "Dude, you can leave now. By the way, great job. I love yo voice, man." The two did a handshake, and Patrick nodded. "Thanks. Hope we can work together again sometime."

.................................

"So when is this thing gonna hit MTV?"

"Soon, hopefully. I mean, we wanna put it out ASAP." Patrick looked out of the window. Little blips, as far as he was concerned.

ASAP. Reminded her of T.I.

"Well, I want it to come out soon, too. I mean, it's a damn good song, and they gon' see you got a good voice."

"I still get nervous about it, though. Like, I worry that no one will like it or me. I mean-" Ari shushed him again.

"Baby, as soon as you start feeling insecure, you won't do what you said you was gonna do. So stop trippin' and relax." She ran her hand up and down his stomach. Patrick relaxed and kissed her hand. "You always know what to say." He smiled at her.

"I know." She smiled and they leaned in and kissed each other.

"I'm thinking sometime after you and FOB finish whatever y'all was doing. The vacation, that is."

Patrick nodded. "Okay."

They continued kissing.

---

"Andy is the best thing that's ever happened to me. He is just . . ." Jade sighed into the phone. She was sitting on top of her bed watching television in her cute pink knee-high socks, eating chocolate chip cookies, talking to her BFF Jennifer.

Jennifer laughed on the other end. "That good? How is he as an actor? Does he reek?"

Jade shook her head. "Not at all. In fact, production is going along pretty quick because Andy is a natural. He's made for indie flicks. And he is so cute!"

Jennifer laughed again. Before Jade could continue gushing over her drummer boyfriend, there were knocks at her door. "It's me, Jade!"

"Speak of that guy. Look, I'll call you back. I've gotta go. See ya." She made a kissy noise into the phone and then hung up. Then she pulled off her Hermes scarf and got up to greet Andy.

"Andrew!" Jade smiled when she saw the bouquet of flowers he was carrying.

"For my sweet, sexy baby." Andy kissed Jade and hugged her. Jade grabbed the flowers and sniffed them. "Thank you, Andy." She gushed over the flowers. "No one has ever sent me flowers before. That was really sweet of you." She was so touched.

Andy was proud to see how he could make Jade so sprung. The relationship bloomed over such a short period of time, but they were going strong ever since they met.

"So um, how's life been treating you guys?" After she set the flowers in a vase filled with water, she sat back on her bed. Andy took off his coat and dropped it to the floor.

"Uh, good I guess. Pete is still single. Joe is still a pothead and Patrick is still with his girlfriend."

Jade nodded. "What about Dirty? Please don't tell me he feasted on another deodorant." She smiled thinking about his crazy ass.

Andy laughed. "Well um, he's bumped up to guzzling perfume. It's really shocking."

Jade laughed out loud, falling over onto the bed. "He is so insane." She snuggled up against her comforters and then beckoned for Andy to joined her. He grabbed her and lay on top of her.

"We have filming tomorrow." She kissed Andy's thin lips.

"I know. Too bad there isn't a love scene. We'd rock." He kissed her sweetly.

"We could always create our own." Jade smirked and then left the bed.

"Where are you going?" Andy folded his arms, awaiting what freaky surprise Jade would have. Was she going to produce a video camera?

Indeed, she did. She got the tripod ready and everything. Homegirl must've had this planned.

"Well um, we could always use it to 'practice.'" She finger quotated 'practice.'

Andy's eyebrows shot up. "Wow, Jade. You are something else."

"But don'tcha love me for it?" She smiled as she set up the equipment.

Lights, camera, action!

---

A meeting with Clandestine Industries to discuss a brand new line of clothing that would be featured in retail stores. A meeting with Decaydance to see about a new emo band. A meeting with Fueled By Ramen to talk to their critically acclaimed and largely anticipated new group.

The new group was a black metal/hip-hop band. They called themselves Dem Crazy Niggas, but of course, since we live in a P.C. world and they had to be a little more subtle, they renamed themselves Dem Crazy Boyz. The music that they did was raw. No holds barred rock and hip-hop. Everything they did had a metal edge and the swagger of hip-hop. It was incredible. Think Black Sabbath meets Lil' Jon. The elements weren't too discordant, but were far from melodious, and if anybody thought that rock and hip-hop belonged separate, their opinions would shift when they heard them. The first single from the Southern-based quartet, Black Vacation, was blowing up FUSE and MTV like nobody's business.

All this aside, Pete was very stressed. His life was going downhill, to him. Ever since Beyonce left him for Ray J, a highly publicized media story ensued, and Pete became this big playa type that the media loved to hate. As if he didn't have enough flak for dating Ashlee Simpson, when he hooked up with Beyonce, a lot of people lost respect for him. Some even thought he only dated her to get black people to like Fall Out Boy, which wasn't even the case, because Patrick was rumored to be with Ari, but nobody pulled the 'get more black fans' card on him.

Sitting in his steaming hot jacuzzi, Pete pondered his life. Patrick's birthday came and went, and at 23, he was way more mature than a pushing-twenty Pete. Patrick even had the girl of his dreams. Pete was still screwing around with hoes and running loose like a kid in a candy store. He wanted love. True, pure, genuine love. And how would he find it? Hollywood seemed to be full of two-faced fakes who were one thing one day, and the next, you could hardly recognize them.

The thing that really pissed him off was that Patrick had the girl he wanted. As hard as Pete tried to get rid of the feelings he was having for Ari, it proved futile. Ari was the perfect girl for him. First of all, she was sexy, beautiful, and smart and sweet. Lots of girls who were sexy weren't smart, and the smart girls were ugly, but she was both. Very rare. And she was nice. Lots of sexy girls were bitches. Ari had this 'round-the-way girl quality to her, and it didn't hurt that she loved her some Caucasian men.

But why Patrick of all people? Man, he was such a dork. And they were so different. He was atheist while Ari was Christian. Of course, it was obvious that they were different races. Ari was a bit shorter than Patrick, but with stilettos on, she was taller. Patrick was the dorkiest, lily white person on the planet, and while Ari possessed 'whitewashed' aspects, she was still representing with her music and she spoke slang talk around people when in an informal situation. It was weird. It really was. And the thing that would bring them together eventually was the fact that they were doing a song together. And it would be big because they had both improved their voices, Patrick moreso than Ari. Patrick-whoo!-had gotten to this extremely soulful feel to his pipes that would make Arthur Conley jealous. And he knew Ari would be turned on by that shit, because she liked hearing white dudes that could sing their asses off.

"Fucking idiot." Pete said, not knowing if he was referring to himself or Patrick, but at the moment, feeling he was referring to himself.

---

Ari was chilling at a hot club in Miami with her new homies, Corinne Bailey Rae and Joss Stone. The music was thumping, the heat was rampant, and the drinks overflowed. Let the drama begin.

"I never had a cosmo before. And it's pink. I loves me some pink." Ari took a tiny sip from the glass.

Corinne laughed. In her cute little British accent, she said, "No, martinis are the way to go, sugar. They have olives." She popped the olive into her mouth and started chewing. "Met any cute boys yet?"

Ari shook her head, looking around. "Naw. But I ain't tryna meet no cute boys. I just wanna dance. Patrick is still doing dates for the Honda Civic tour."

"But don't you wanna stray even a little bit?" Corinne held up her thumb and index finger. She spaced them apart a little to show the miniscule amount she was talking about.

"Girl, I don't. I love me some Ricky. He may be a dork with a few insecurities, but so what? Nobody is perfect." Ari finished her cosmo. Wow, an alcoholic beverage that tasted good.

Corinne smiled. "Look at Joss gettin' down with the brothers."

Ari and Corinne watched Joss dancing with . . . Mos Def? Was that him? Well, she was gettin' it, that was for damn sure.

Ari laughed. "Go, Joss!" She pumped her arm up and down and rooted for her silently.

...................

"Do you see her? That fat bitch? She's right there." Paris pointed to the girl sitting on a bar stool wearing a short little dress. Tara squinted. "Isn't that-"

"Ari. That fucking bitch that Patrick left me for." She sighed and banged the wooden bar table. "Gimme another and fucking hurry up!" She slurred. The bartender got right on it. Anything to please her highness.

"Why are you still pissed? I thought you were over him." Tara glared at Paris, while doing her slutty, drunken girl shimmy.

"Because it's stupid. Why would he choose her when he could have me?" She presented herself by royally moving her hands. "I'm skinny and gorgeous, and she's fat and ugly." Paris glared at her again. This time, she was talking to Corinne.

"And her friend needs to get her teeth fixed." Paris continued hating.

Tara sucked her teeth. "Let's dance and forget about it. I totally see John Mayer dancing with Jessica Simpson." She put her hands on Paris's shoulders and smiled naughtily. "Wanna go steal him?" She cracked up behind her head, but Paris was too steamed to let Tara's foolishness make her laugh.

"You go ahead. I wanna chat with her. And my drink will do the talking." The bartender set her drink on the table and Paris grabbed it, then left the stool.

.....................

"She's really gettin' it, girl!" Ari said to Corinne. The two kept laughing.

"Isn't she?" Corinne clapped and laughed as she saw Joss hit the pop, lock, and drop it.

Meanwhile, Paris was shoving her bony ass through the crowd, tripping all over her big feet. When she came into Ari's view, she started yelling.

"Patrick didn't want you! He never wanted you! You're a fat bitch!"

It all happened so fast that Ari didn't get a chance to say anything back. All she heard was Paris yelling, and then, a drink splashed onto her face and her dress. She looked down. Her cute-as-hell Skye dress was ruined, and so was her makeup. The first thing Ari thought to do was grab her drink and toss it at Paris. So she did. She got her hair and the drink covered up her body.

"Bitch, don't you fuckin' try to disrespect me!" Ari yelled.

Paris and Ari then got into it, but since Ari had about thirty good pounds on Paris's twig self, she managed to knock her ass out but good. Even though Paris was getting some good licks in, Ari was clearly the winner. Corinne and Joss managed to hold Ari back.

"Bitch! That's why you lost, ho! Don't you ever fuckin' disrespect mine, bitch! I'll knock yo ho ass out, you racist, skinny, fuckin' bitch!"

Of course, all three girls were thrown out. Ari was not happy. Paris could do whatever she wanted. She could throw drinks at people and cuss them out and not get any dirty looks, but when someone stepped up to her, the stepper had to get ridiculed and thrown out. Must be good being white.

"Let's get the fuck outta here." Ari said, more mad than ever.

---

"That was one awesome performance." Joe set his guitar down and took a long sip of agua from a plastic cup. "Now we have a little break in between. Perfect chance for us to . . ." Joe plopped back onto his chair and went limp. "Relax."

Patrick laughed. He hit Joe with a pillow. "Yeah. But it's only a week. Too bad it couldn't be like a month." He got comfortable in his seat. "Or a year."

Andy was on the phone behind Patrick talking to Jade. Patrick turned around and saw Andy laughing. "He is so sprung." Patrick pointed to Andy.

Joe laughed. "I'm beat like an egg." He scratched his beard and buckled his seatbelt. "And hungry. Where's Pete, anyways?"

Patrick picked up his hat and lay it on his face to try to get some shut-eye. "In the bathroom," His voice was muffled behind his black fedora. He took it off his face and looked at Joe. "Why?"

Joe hunched his shoulders. "I haven't seen him. Oh, there he is."

Pete had washed off the eyeliner and other makeup. He sat down next to Andy, ready to go sleepy-bye.

"Aww. Like a little kid." Patrick pouted and then turned around. "I should see what Ari is doing." He grabbed his phone and called her up. "Hello? Hey, bay-huh? Paris?"

Joe instantly fell to attention. Paris as in Paris Hilton, he was sure.

"You fought her? Really? Did you win?" Patrick cracked up. "Wow. You beat her ass. Did you get arrested or anything? They kicked you out. Typical. No, of course not. Yes. Listen, we have a week. I know, they just sprang it on us, and we can make room for that little vay-cay. Yes." He smiled naughtily. "Yes, babe. You can tell me all about how you beat her ass when we get there. I'm going to Illinois first to do some things. You can meet me there. Sure. Okay, sweetie. Love ya. Bye." He hung up and started cracking up.

"She beat Paris's ass?" Joe asked.

Patrick was still laughing as he nodded. "Totally."

"I heard the word 'beat' and 'Paris's ass.' What happened?" Pete sat up.

"Ari fucked Paris up because she threw a drink on her." Patrick announced.

Pete's eyes were wide. "For real?"

Patrick nodded.

Pete laughed. Their laughing was halted when Andy blurted out, "Will you guys shoosh? I am on the phone!" Then he went back to his phone conversation. Everyone cracked up even more.

"When this plane touches down in Illinois, I am gonna be so happy." Patrick said, smiling.

"Why?" Joe asked, scratching his beard.

"Oh, it's something good, just know that."

"He's gonna get laid for the first time in like, five months." Pete blurted out.

Patrick turned around and glared at Pete.

"What? It's the truth." Pete hunched his shoulders.

Whatever. They wouldn't spoil what was about to happen between Patrick and Ari.

---

Andy's girlfriend Jade walked into the bedroom with her cute pink robe on. Production for the independent movie was finally over, and it was time to relax . . . right after the wrap party. This movie was supposed to be big in the indie film world, and was set to the highlight of the Cannes Film Festival. Not just because a Fall Out Boy was in there, either. The acting was impeccable, and the music score was all the rage. People like Imogen Heap, Snow Patrol, and Nicole Atkins, the beautiful folk singer, were on the soundtrack, and it was selling like hotcakes.

Andy was tying his tie when Jade wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. "We're totally gonna own that premiere. You look snazzy in that suit." She dusted one of his shoulders off.

Andy smiled. "Thanks." He turned to Jade and kissed her.

"Now if I could only find my other shoe, I'd be ready." Jade untied her robe, exposing her expensive Chantelle underwear, and looked around for her Pedro Garcia pump.

Andy searched with her. "Did you check under the bed?"

Jade looked under the bed. There it was. She snatched it and smiled. "Thank you, Mr. Sleuth." She laughed to herself and grabbed her dress.

"Hon, where did you put the video camera?" Andy sat on the bed to tie his shoes.

"In the closet." Jade looked up. "Why?"

"Just asking. I mean, I'd hate it if the tape was stolen or whatever. By the way, where is it?" He turned around.

"It should be in the camera." Jade answered nonchalantly, as if there wasn't nasty, dirty, porn that she and Andy made together.

"Did you check?" Andy asked, suddenly extremely concerned.

Jade rolled her eyes. She crossed her arms. "Andy, you worry too much. Nobody cares about us, anyway. We're blips under the radar for all I know."

"So you're tryna say I'm a nobody?" Andy stood up.

"No, hon. I just-" She sighed hard. "I'll go check." After she put her dress on, she walked barefoot to the closet. Andy stood behind her, awaiting the words, 'Oh yeah, it's here.'

"It's in here." She opened the closet doors. "I'll shut you up about this." Jade pulled the tripod containing the camera out.

"Now watch," She beckoned for Andy to come and look, then opened the slot. Emptiness!

"You said it was in here." Andy pointed to the slot.

"I know." Jade stuck her finger in the slot to make sure she wasn't losing it. Still empty.

"Hold the fuck up." Jade walked over to her cabinet and opened it. There were three empty cases. But wait! There was another behind the three. She frantically pulled it from the cabinet and opened it up. Empty!

She gave Andy the 'oh shit' look.

"What? Where the fuck is it?" Andy started picking up the mattress, looking underneath it. They checked almost every inch of the room, but it was g-o-n-e.

---

"Hey, Pete." Kim Kardashian, the video girl with the thick hips, big breasts, and round ass who appeared in Thnks Fr Th Mmrs, tapped Pete, who was drowning his sorrows at a bar. At this rate, he'd become the next Amy Winehouse, only male, and couldn't sing.

"Hey, Kim." Pete looked unattentive and the drink seemed to be the only redemption at this point. Kim took a seat next to him and ordered some Hennessy on the rocks.

"What's going on?" She asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

Pete glanced at her, and then glanced back at his drink. "Nothing good." He looked at her again when he caught sight of that dress she had on. Low-cut was the only description he could find, because her titties were popping out.

"So um, congrats on signing the new bands. You're a great businessman." She nodded her thanks to the bartender when he handed her her drink.

Pete managed to crack a smile. "Thanks. How have you been?"

Kim nodded a little. "Well, I'm glad that the tape isn't gonna be released, and um, I'm still single, looking to start acting."

"You wanna be an actress?" Pete took another sip of his drink. "I didn't know that."

"Yeah. I've been reading scripts, but none of them appeal to me. I wanna break out in a major way, and I don't just wanna be that girl who fucked Ray J, or that girl who's friends with Paris. Know what I mean?" She looked at Pete with sincerity in her eyes.

Pete nodded. "Sure. But don't ever mention Ray J again. I hate that motherfucker." He finished off his drink just thinking of what happened the night he caught Beyonce screwing around with him.

"Oh." Kim looked down. "Sorry."

"It's okay. That was a while ago. I just thought she'd have enough common sense to choose wisely. Guess not." He stared listlessly into the wide variety of drinks that stood before him.

"So um, what are you doing after this? Because if your answer is wallowing around in your own self pity, I could help you break outta that." Kim smiled and took a small sip of Hen.

Pete liked the idea of that. "What'd you have in mind?"

Kim finger-beckoned Pete to come closer. She whispered in his ear, "Whatever you want."

Pete looked at Kim carefully. She was beautiful. It wouldn't hurt to break out of his funk and hang with her for a while.

He smiled. "I like the idea of that."

---

Joe was sitting at the dining table watching Andy be apprehensive for reasons he didn't even understand. He looked jittery, and when he talked to people, he switched on the cool and collected front, but as soon as the person walked away, he looked nervous again.

"More champagne, sir?" A waiter came along and outreached a tray full of full flutes.

Joe waved the tray off. "No thanks."

"Maybe some escargot or a toast point?" He looked back to motion to the table where they were serving rich people food.

Joe shook his head. "No thanks." The waiter walked away. Joe was fully trying to squash his urge to spark up a joint and do some much needed tokin', but instead, he decided to help his friend. He got up, feeling his tux pocket just to make sure that bag bulge still remained.

After dodging a few indie actresses, Joe made his way to Andy, who was nervously biting a toast point.

"You know that's just fish eggs on overcooked bread, right?" Joe asked.

Andy nodded. "Yeah. They're actually alright." He gnawed on the point, desperately trying to avoid the caviar.

"So why are you acting like it's unleaded on a cracker?" Joe picked up a kebab and started eating the steak at the front. "Good." He waved the kebab in Andy's face.

"Come on. I'm sure you get urges." Joe retracted the kebab and ate a tomato from it.

Andy shook his head. "Nope. Vegetarian for life." He dropped the toast point. "Nasty." He shook his head and grabbed a flute to wash the taste out of his mouth.

"Slow down." Joe touched his arm and Andy stopped drinking.

"It's champagne, not water. And where's Jade? Didn't she come with you?" Joe looked around, trying to find the hot girl wearing the pink satin shift dress.

Andy hunched his shoulders. "I dunno. She told me she was going to the bathroom, and that was like, ten minutes ago." Andy took another small sip from his flute.

"What's the matter with you? You're really jittery?" Joe wrapped his lips around almost half of the stick and picked the vegetables and meat with his teeth.

"You pig." Andy shook his head and set the flute down before he ended up tipsy as hell.

"I asked you a question." Joe stated, mouth full.

Andy sucked his teeth. "Nothing's wrong! Man! Are you gonna keep asking me or are you gonna get off my nuts?" Andy, annoyed, grabbed that flute and drank the rest of the champagne.

"Okay. Seriously. Something is totally wrong, and I won't get off your nuts until you tell me." Joe glared at Andy until he relented. When Andy did, he grabbed Joe and took him to a secluded part of the party.

Joe finished off his kebab. "Okay. Now tell me."

Andy sighed and rolled his eyes. "MeandJademadasextapeanditsmissing."

"What?"

"I said, me and Jade-"

"No, I know what you said; I'm the master of the jumbled word, but Andy, why did you guys do that?" He dropped his kebab stick and folded his arms.

"I dunno! I mean, kink always helps a relationship, and she was so hot, and she just suggested it-"

"If she suggested you cut your gonads off, would you do it?" Joe asked.

Andy gave Joe that, 'why the hell did you ask me that?' look. "Now don't ask stupid questions."

"It's reasonable! Do you turn into jello when Jade says something?"

"No! It was just kinky!"

"And not once did you guys think about hmm, I dunno, uh, burning the tape or destroying it? Were you gonna watch yourselves do it?" Joe cringed at the thought of watching his own self make love to a girl. Like he wanted to hear his own nasal voice go, 'Oh yeah! That's it. Oh my God! You're fantastic! You're awesome!' Weird much?

Andy looked down at his shoes. No responses to be found.

"So what are you gonna do? I mean, I'm sure no one broke into your house specifically to find a sex tape. Jade must've misplaced it. Simple." Joe tried to reassure Andy, and it seemed to be working. What criminal broke into houses to find a specific item? Who the hell was that meticulous, anyway, in a world full of haphazard dumbasses?

Andy nodded. "You're right. You're absolutely right. We'll scour the house when we get home. If she ever leaves the damn bathroom, that is."

Joe laughed. "See."

Andy watched as Joe picked up the kebab stick. "What are you doing?"

Joe steadied the point to pick meat from his teeth. "I got no floss, so I gotta make do." Joe smiled and walked away.

"Eew! Dude, it's been on the ground!" Andy shook his head.

---

"You can stay here if you want. I get lonely, anyways." Kim closed the door behind Pete.

"Wow. Massive crib." Pete smiled when he saw the huge plasma on her wall. Looked like she did a lotta movie watching.

"Yeah." She dropped her Bulga bag on her couch. "Shelled out enough money for it, that's for damn sure." She turned on the fireplace and dropped to the couch to take off those stilettos.

"Got anything to eat? I need to soak up this alcohol." He ran a hand through his hair.

"Yeah. You like pizza?" Kim headed for her fridge.

"Who doesn't?" He laughed and walked to the counter.

"Ooh, and it's refrigerated. Nothing like heating up pizza from the night before." He sounded sarcastic, but he was being for real.

"Are you being sarcastic?" Kim put the box on the counter.

"No! No, man. I'm for real. There's something so humble about heating up pizza from the night before."

Kim smiled. "Gotta point, there. How many pieces?" She opened the box.

"Actually, how about the whole thing? I so don't want a hangover."

"I need to eat, too, now." Kim smirked at Pete and put three square pieces on a plate.

Pete looked away. Kim had such a big house, but it looked like she was lonely.

"You ever get bored here? I mean, you know, a big house and everything, I'd be so lonely and bored all the fucking time. What do you do entertain yourself?"

Kim put the microwave on thirty seconds. "I read scripts." She turned around. "Watch T.V., surf the web. I'm still trying to figure out how to change the colors on my MySpace profile."

Pete laughed. "So I take it you're not too web savvy?"

Kim smiled and shook her head. "Hell to the naw."

Pete knew that Kim was a cool chick. She was a little 'round-the-way. Maybe she had a reputation, but at least she was sweet.

"So how's FOB doing?"

"Just finishing the Honda Civic tour. Feels great. We can chill now. And then go record for our new album. We wanna go a whole new direction. Think Motown meets hip-hop meets hard-edged punk."

"Concept album?"

"No. But we always thought about doing one. Patrick's gonna have a lot of upper-hand on the new one. He's been off doing other things, so what he's done is probably gonna permeate our sound."

Kim nodded. "Sounds good. Isn't Patrick still dating that AJ chick?"

Pete said, "Well, it's a rumor, and he doesn't necessarily like people in his personal life, anyway. They're really good friends, though."

"Beyonce and Jay-Z said the same . . ." When Kim saw Pete's look of dissatisfaction as soon as she mentioned Beyonce, she took it back. "Sorry. I forgot-"

"It's okay. Forget it. I need to get over it, anyway." Pete was startled when the microwave sounded off. Kim grabbed the plate and set it on the counter.

.............................

After the pizza meal, they got to feelin' each other, talking, and just being cool. If Pete was a Sim, his social skill with Kim would've been at 98, when he was still best friends with her, but if they 'woo-hooed', they could be lovers.

"So, um, I'm stuffed." Pete sat back. Maybe that hangover would fuck off after all.

"Me, too." She crumpled up her napkin and dropped it on her plate. "Whatcha wanna do now?"

Pete hunched his shoulders. "Go sleepy-bye." He yawned. "Guess I'll be leaving."

"Don't you wanna sleep over?" Kim asked, sounding a bit hopeful.

Pete looked at her. "I don't wanna cramp your style. I-"

"Cramp it! Cramp it, please. I'm so alone, and you're like, the only good friend I have nowadays."

Pete frowned. "Really? What about Par-"

"Pete, Paris doesn't have a simple 'friend' gene in her body. We're not speaking anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because she's Paris."

Pete nodded in understanding. "Good point."

"Come on. Stay with me. Please?" She pouted her lips. Pete couldn't resist.

"Okay."

................................

Pete was laying on top of one of Kim's guest beds. She had thrown a blanket on top of him a few minutes after she fell asleep, and was now standing in the doorway at three in the morning. She really liked him. Pete was one of the sweetest, most charismatic and adorable people she'd ever known, and she finally had him in her place.

Without warning, she slipped into bed beside him and threw an arm around him. Pete was sleeping light this night, and woke up. "Wha? Kim?" He looked to see Kim cuddling up to him.

"Shhh." She lay her head on his shoulder.

"Kim, I-"

"Shhh." Kim held Pete tight. He held her back, still confused. When he saw her hand reach down to his jeans, he moved it away.

"Kim, I'm in a real bad place right now. I don't think I can have a relationship at the moment."

Wow. The first guy who took a hook-up as a jumpstart to a relationship! She'd have to get him somehow. Pete was a good candidate for a boyfriend, no doubt.

Kim nodded. "Okay. Sorry."

"It's cool. You can hold me, still." He grabbed Kim's arm and kissed her hand. "God, I'm tired."

Kim agreed. "Me, too."

---

"Naw, nigga. It look like a Chrysler 300. And the fucked up part is it do like a Phantom until a Phantom pull up," the T.V. in Ari and Patrick's shared room was blaring Katt Williams' hilarious The Pimp Chronicles Pt. I, and Ari was paying absolutely no attention to it. She didn't care. She was too enthralled in her cell phone game.

Patrick peeped in through the crack of the door and walked in. They were dressed because they'd go eat dinner soon, this being their first night on their stay in Aguilla. Patrick was looking all sorts of sexy in a black button-up with his reasonably-baggy jeans on and his black and white BAPEs.

"There you are." He stopped and looked at the T.V. Katt Williams! Ari introduced Patrick to him, and he found Katt hilarious.

"Why aren't you watching this?" He looked at Ari, who was stuck on her phone.

"Hellooooooooooo?" Patrick sat down next to Ari and then looked back at her phone.

"What?" She replied, unenthused.

"Do I have to take that phone away from you?" He looked at Ari, who was still all up in that phone. She hadn't even shook her hair from her face, something she did frequently.

Patrick shook his head in pity, and then snatched the phone from her.

"You motherfucker! Gimme my phone back!" Ari tried to get it back, but it was too late. She lost!

"Made me lose!" Ari punched Patrick and frowned.

"Ow! Damn! It was just a game. I'm sorry." He rubbed her back while Ari looked away. She smiled and then turned to Patrick.

"I forgive you, but next time, I'ma fuck you up. Now why have you come to bother me so?"

Patrick laughed. "I thought we'd leave and go have dinner now." He pointed his thumb back.

"Oh. We could do that." Ari grabbed her pink Razr and snapped it shut.

"Or what? You plan on staying here and watching Money Mike?" Patrick asked, glancing at the television.

"Nah. I done seen this a million times. I'm waitin' on him to do part two." Ari tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Well uh, in the meantime, we should get going." Before he stood up, he took a really good look at Ari. Damn, she was gorgeous.

"You know I love you with all my heart, right?" Patrick stated, pouring on the sincerity.

Ari smiled. "Yes. You know I love you with all my heart back, right?" She nodded.

"Hell yes." Patrick smiled and he pulled her closer for a kiss.

"Now let's go. I'm hungry. But that should be, like, no surprise to you." Patrick stood up, but Ari pulled him back down.

"What?" He asked, confused.

Ari moved closer to Patrick and lay her head on his shoulder. "Stay here with me." She uttered, in a baby-like voice.

"Babe, I'm starving."

"You always starving." She retorted. She pulled her skirt down a little. Ari was wearing the cute white button-up and plaid skirt that she bought from the store the paparazzi hounded her in.

"Ari, come on. I am so hungry, it makes no sense. And we both look good, and-"

Ari started tickling him, and he began giggling like a kid.

"Stop it!" Patrick yelled, trying to move her hands.

"Don't fight it! Don't fight it, boo!" Ari still had control. She climbed on top of him and tickled the hell out of him. His hat fell off and everything.

"Stop!" Patrick was out of breath until he managed to gain control. He threw Ari off of him and returned the favor.

"Patrick! I can't breathe! Stop it!" Ari yelled, laughing and gasping for breath.

"You're gonna get it worse, babe!" Patrick continued tickling her until she starting trying to kick her way out from underneath him. When it failed, she just lay there and took her 'punishment.'

Patrick saw Ari was exhausted and left her alone. He was tired, as well and lay on top of her, enveloping her in all that thickness that was him.

"Damn, you heavy!" Ari yelled, trying to sit up.

"Like you aren't." Patrick said, running his hands through her fake hair. So maybe it would be better if the hair was hers, but either way, the moment was romantic.

Patrick kissed Ari. Simple. Then, Ari lifted her head up to give Patrick a french kiss. While their tongues were intertwining, Ari was unbuttoning Patrick's shirt.

Oh, man. We're really gonna do this? Patrick questioned and stated at the same time in his head.

Patrick's hands searched his girl's body, caressing every curve she had through her shirt, until he couldn't take it and he ripped the shirt open.

Patrick sat up and finally let Ari breathe for a second when he reached for the button in the front of her skirt. There was no button.

"Where's the . . . thing?" Patrick asked, looking for the zipper or the button.

Ari turned around. Patrick undid her zipper and slid that little thing off of her perfect legs.

Patrick positioned Ari's head to his so they french kiss some more, all the while his hands grabbed hold of her big booty and the baby fat of her stomach. She was like a pillow, she was so soft.

Ari reached her hands behind her and undid Patrick's belt and his pants.

"Ooh, this feel so good," Ari whispered to no one but herself and Patrick. They were so captivated by each other that the fact that Katt was still on the T.V., practically full blast, didn't matter. That is, until Patrick turned the T.V. off.

Patrick undid her bra and felt her chest up. Okay, so she didn't have the biggest tits in the world, but she had a big 'ole ass, so everything was ay-okay.

Ari turned around to take her true love's shirt off. She started kissing his neck while she slid the shirt off him. Damn, he was thick. She could play with him all day if she wanted to. When she glanced down between his legs, she could his penis was erect as hell. Her hand slipped down to that area and started caressng it. She could feel Patrick's heart beat faster, then his hands on her back, going crazy while her head moved farther down, and farther down, and farther down . . . and when it was all over, Patrick was breathless and was ready to return the favor and so much more.

Off came the underwear and then Patrick kissed her entire body from head to toe. He worked on her breasts, nipples, her navel, thighs, and then he pleasured her orally. The good music he heard didn't compare to how good it sounded when he heard his girlfriend's moans of pleasure.

When he was finished, Patrick wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply. Their body heat compared was definitely much. Ari's hands searched all over Patrick's body. So much for that dinner!

When they finally stopped to get some air, Ari was shocked. Did she really just let all that happen? Did she really suck him off? At least they didn't actually do it, right?

"Patrick?"

"Yeah?" He turned to Ari.

"What the hell just happened?" She asked.

Patrick smiled. "What do you think just happened?" He ran his hand through her hair.

"I dunno. But uh, I know that felt good as hell." She smiled to herself. She had to see how good he was at sex.

Patrick laughed. "Yeah." He sat up. "Wanna do it, now?"

Ari frowned. "You know you gon' have to be as slow as ever."

Patrick nodded. "Yeah, of course. I wouldn't just ram it in you." He let his finger trace around her navel.

"You got a condom?" Ari asked, sitting up.

Patrick nodded.

---

As soon as the premiere for Andy and Jade's movie was over, he made a beeline for their room to search through the tapes.

Jade followed behind, curious as to why he was acting so erratic.

"Um, Andy?" Jade frowned as she walked into the room.

"What?" Andy didn't even look up. "Ah! Found it." Andy grabbed the tape that simply had 'sex tape' written on the top.

"I found it! Found it!" Andy did a stupid dance and Jade laughed. "What's the matter, honey? Did you drink too much bubbly?"

Andy shook his head. "Of course not. I'm just happy the tape is here!" He dropped it on the bed and undressed.

"I knew the tape wasn't gone." Jade said, kicking her shoes off. "So relieved. I'll be right back." She left.

Andy didn't even care that Jade was gone. He was so relieved that the tape was in the house that he was overflowing with joy. Nobody would say that Andy was a Pete wanna-be. No defamation of character and FOB fans betraying him or even the whole band because of his idiotic mistake. Everything was cool.

"Andy! Andy! Come quick! Omigod!" Jade yelled.

Andy frowned and ran as fast as he could to where Jade was. She was sitting on her computer, horrified.

"What?" Andy looked at the screen. She clicked on a link, and there it was. The Andy and Jade sex tape. How the fuck had it gotten leaked onto the internet if it was in their possession the whole entire time?

"How did this happen?" Andy asked, befuddled and angry.

"I dunno." Jade felt herself ready to cry.

---