jeremydavis Blog and Journals

sooooo sorry for the lack of updates. i have'nt updated this for 2 weeks and Echo's in a week. it's terrible. i've just had so much school work and every time i went to update something came up, so again, sorry! another chapter of Echo's will be up tonight...maybe tomorrow...considering the fact its nearly 1am and i still have'nt wrote this chapter...
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Josh

As soon as we got back to the bus, Hayley climb into her bunk after  saying goodnight to everyone. I knew she probably would'nt go to sleep or even try to for the matter, but by saying she was, she could have some alone time. She's an introvert like Taylor. They both like a little time away from everyone to be by themselves. For whatever reason, I'm unsure of but they did. Granted, it was late though. Almost 1am according to the clock on the microwave. I walked quite quickly through the bunk area...almost. Before I reached the safety of the back lounge I heard a girl call my name. If it was Hayley, I'd be happy to be of assistance but it was'nt. Not even close. It was Jenna, laying in my bunk beneath Hayley's. I deliberated continuing to walk, pretending I had'nt heard but I knew she'd just come and get me anyway so I change my direction and traced my steps back to the bunks. I opened the curtain, and leant on the side of the bed, it reaching my head height. I could'nt help but let out an exarsperated sigh and crossed my arms. It was the moment I had to decide on the future. The decision that could change my whole perspective on everything, on everyone and everyone's perspective on me.

"Josh, we need to sort this out. For real." Jenna said to me, quieter because Hayley was a meer few metres away from our conversation.

"You think I don't know that?" I said, a little harsher than intended. I let out a deep breathe and began again. "Sorry. I know, Jenna. But not here... not with Elohcin so close. Outside. 5 minuites."

Elohcin. Hayley's middle name, Nichole, backwards. 'Yelyah' would be too obvious because she used it for her twitter name and simply saying Nichole would be obvious because she's not an idiot and as far as I can tell, none of the dudes on the bus are named that. I strolled to the junk bunk and sat on the edge of it, head in hands, convinced if my hands were overmy thoughts they'd be easier to figure out. I had two options as far as I was concerned, and those options both brought some kind of discomfort to me. The first was that I could tell Hayley everything. The fact that I love her and the fact that Jenna is'nt my girlfriend...just a fake one to make her jealous. This could lead to Hayley hating me because I'm a dick. I'll confess that. I mean, what kind of person uses someone to make a girl jealous. That's dumb and....dicky. How eloquent. The other option, was to stay with Jenna. I mean, she was'nt a bad person, and from an outside view she was really hot but then the discomfort of knowing I'm pulling her along, and that whenever...if ever I say 'I love you' I won't mean a single syllable of it. But with the second option comes teh certainty that I'll be with someone at the end of it, and I'm not fond of being alone. By telling Hayley, it could be a hit or miss. Run or fall. I could be on top of the world or five feet under.

I'd guessed my five minuites were up when Jenna was walking towards the front of the bus and down the steps to find the door. This is it. Decision time. In my head, I had it all figured out. I knew what I was saying, doing, and whom I was saying it to but as I stood up and the blood began to flow down to my legs, the descision started to crumble. It flowed downwards with my blood and instead of circulating back up again it stayed at the bottom of my feet, making them heavy and resistant to move. I took a breathe and closed my eyes tight. I opened them to nothing new, except my feet wanted to move now. The urged me too. The begged me to get this over an done with, the descision made and my answer held in grasp. I walked slowly, but with large strides to the meeting point to face Jenna. She was standing, her arms wrapped around herself, warming her own body.

"Hey." She said, not bothering to look at me. My breathes became more frequent. "What are you doing about Hayley?"

"I er..." I cleared my throat and took in some fresh, cold air that stung at my lungs. My eyes drifted to the floor. "This is it."

"What is what Josh? You're confusing me."

"I'm confusing myself." I mumbled. Jenna sighed, impatient.

"Look, Josh. The whole plan was to get Hayley and now you're being a pussy about it. You either want her or you don't." She spoke more truth in that sentence than I had all night.

"I want her, Jenna I do. But I just-" I began, interupted by a steadily rising voice.

"-You're what? Scared? Nervous? Unsure? Confused?" I nodded."Well, thats what taking risks is about. You don't take them, you never know."

I felt as if I was being scolded by my mother for doing a horrible crime but with that, generally speaking, the child always thinks about his or her actions and how they were wrong and how they can be corrected. This is the exact way my brain worked. Childlike for now. I thought exactly what was right and what was wrong and I knew that everything I was thinking previously was'nt what I wanted. No matter the discomfort in it's hinderments. This is what I want. She's what I want. And she's right here, I just need to reach out and grab her. She's everything I want.
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dun-dun-dun. is he talking about Jenna or Hayley? ooo...sorry for the wait. and hopefully i'll be able to update more now. Echo's will be up tomorrow because it's nearly 2am now. night!