jephahoward Blog and Journals

I was just watching Berth again for like the 40 billionth time and as usual I was crying like a loser, lol. MCR's Life on the Murder Scene and The Used's Berth always make me cry and laugh and fill me with so much fucking warmth. I love both bands so much it should be illegal and they've been part of my life for so long now, five years, six years, a whole century, I don't even know anymore. They mean so much to me. Must hit up their shows whenever they're in town, must have everything they put out. But I must say my loyalty is more cemented in The Used. I mean, I love MCR but sometimes I get a bit jaded with them. I feel like they're trying so hard to be big and I felt like I lost them in the process and that maybe they lost themselves a tinybit too. And I understand growing and changing, but it just doesn't feel the same. Reading interviews and watching tv shows with them on it and seeing photos, it all just feels a bit off and wrong sometimes. The only place thats natural is when they're on stage, thats when its all real and thats when my heart just explodes for them. I can't even describe what it is that makes MCR perfect on stage. I know that Gerard owns my soul when he's on stage. He has so much power and then I know I have such a belief in him, that he can pull me out of this hell and bring me to a place that just feels right and good and okay. When Gerard Way is on stage, he is music, but when he isn't....he's just something else, something less. I used to be able to relate to them so much. They were just a bunch of Jersey kids, just like me, just as geeky, just as uncool, and with the same urge and want for something more. But now its different. Now I can't relate to them when I see them, only when I feel them. But when I watch LotMS I feel that connect again and I feel that pride and I feel the love they have and then my love for them. But its almos the exact opposite with The Used. I can always relate to them. They are all always music. Bert, Quinn, Jeph, Branden .....I guess Dan too ( though I will admit here that I still prefer Branden), they are always music to me. I can always look up to them and have faith in them and feel them. They're music always speaks to me, whether its in music videos or on tv or in print. Its always just The Used, there's no alternate persona with them. And when I watch Berth I cry because I can just feel the meaning behind every word and I can feel the love they have for their music. I sound like an obsessed loser, lol, but its true and I love it. When I listen to Bert's voice it makes my heart melt. He has a way of sounding so innocent and despite the fact that we all know he's far from innocent, it always works cause there's a purity and an honesty in music. And thats why I love both The Used and My Chemical Romance, cause there's always love and passion in their music, no matter what happens with their images or personal lives, plus their live shows are always amazing and they only ever get better.

Which leads me to my next tattoo. :P Well I have a few things planned out already to have done next but I feel like it would make a lot of sense for me to get a Used tat in this lifetime. It would of course not say The Used, it will be a lyric most likely, the one that means the most to me. Figuring that out is hard cause there's a lot of songs that I find meaning in, its just picking the one I feel the most connected with and the one I would want on me forever (though I'm already thinking it will be from Taste of Ink). And then I have to choose placement (which is why the other tats I've planned I haven't gotten yet cause I'm hardly ever positive about placement). Anyways, I'll let you know, so feel free to care.

Thats it, I'm exhausted. Today was emotional way before I started watching the dvds over again.