highschool Blog and Journals

Now that I'm in my last year of high school, looking back over the past couple of years, from about seventh grade up until now, I can do nothing but chuckle. All those little things that I thought were just the most important factors of my world. The things my life revolved around, the people I chose to spend my time with, put my trust in. All of it is almost humourus to me. It's hard to believe just three years ago, my biggest worry was if my shirt matched with my snow boots, and which boy I would take to the Sadie Hawkins dance. Freshman year I met my boyfriend, and he rocked my world upside down and changed me forever. The first 1-1/2 years of our relationship were quite immature. Filled with partying, stupid fights, and so much more. But as I turned sixteen, in my junior year, we began to mesh together. It was almost like it was meant to be, the way we just evolved with each other and ended up right on the same page.

But when I look back, I shake my head in embarrisment at all the times I acted like such a dramatic bitch, hormones raging through me, screaming, yelling, causing a scene at 14-15 for someone even looking at me the wrong way. Now, when I stand in the hallway and see someone doing the same thing, I roll my eyes, and walk away, annoyed. Then I stop, turn back, and feel for that girl throwing that hissy fit, everyone looking at her, everyone talking. I was her. I felt her pain.

Of course, it was never the right way to react. Trying to fight everyone who even glanced your direction really never was the answer. If I didn't like how you dressed, I wanted to beat your ass. Oh, and don't you even dare look at my boyfriend. It's so ridiculous now, but to then, it all seemed so real.

It's hard to believe that at that age I was acting so angry. Now, as I'm more secure in myself and with my life, I can break down the factors easily. Who? What? When? Where? Why?

I know jealousy was a major factor. A insecure, little girl ran wild, trying to come off larger than life, and oh-so strong. How foolish.

I giggle to myself when I see girls my age, most of them I once held friendships with, still stuck on the bullshit and drama of high school. Sure it's understandable, we are STILL in high school. Maybe I just grew up. I've just come to realize theres such better ways to work things out then screaming and yelling. Communication is key, and ever since I've learned that, my life has never been better.

The only downside to this, is this virtually leaves me alone. The only one that seems to understand this concept along with me is my boyfriend. As always we are still on the page. But with him busy with the military and gone, it's just hard these days to find someone to relate to. I find myself more and more alone, with less and less friends, mostly because I can't tolerate their inconsistant, immature, lying bullshit any longer.

I know I am not a perfect person, and I would never claim to be. I have my faults, and I'm sure I have qualities people do not like about me. Hell, I have qualities I don't like about myself. We all do. But one thing I can say I'm proud of is I've grown into my skin. I'm stable, and I'm happy. I may be a bit lonely, but high school friendships hardly ever stay. I really am looking forward to the REAL WORLD, past the he-said-she-said bullshit drama and lies.