guys Blog and Journals

Okay, first of all I am mega sorry for not updating the next chapter to "I'm Lost Without You" but it's because I'm in the middle of a crisis here at the moment. If you've been in this same situation just.. yeah, you can relate to me here.

I can never really express myself or tell people my feelings, never have been able to because I think it's because I'm scared of being vulnerable and being hurt so that's why I keep my hands close to my heart. I usually on tell people on the internet or on sites like this what I'm feeling and I tend to try and get advice from them or express myself and my emotions. All that jazz :)

Anyway, I really liked this guy and I partially thought that he liked me back because he's always dropped hints and that but I always knew that he liked one my close friends - who's name is private - which always hurt me a little. Anyway, the other week me and him were hanging out with friends and he asked if I wanted to go for a walk cause it was really boring with the others. So, we went for a walk and he asked if I wanted to kiss him and because I'm reaaally undecisive and scared of being vulnerable I shrugged. He held my face in his hands and kissed me quickly before we carried on walking to my tree (which is one of my favourite places in my town because I can think and be to myself there). It takes ages to get to the tree from the place that we were and we eventually got there and kind of made out for ages.

Since it happened we didn't talk about it once or about "us" so I just left it incase he wanted to ask me out or anything and needed time to think or needed his space. Then, last night my ex and my friend were talking to him about it (like they have done quite a lot a bit since they found out) and then he eventually said to me "We need to talk about us" to me on MSN.

I pretty much knew what was going to happen but I still hoped it wouldn't. He told me that he needed a clear mind and think about his future... and all that junk. He said that there may be an us one day but not right now.

I know that I really wanted to hear what he was thinking but since then I was much happier living in hope. So... now I'm bummed and he's still kind of avoiding me and the worst part is we go back to school a week today and we're doing a Diploma together which means that we will be with each other every Wednesday for the next 2 years which will be... kind of awkward I'm guessing.

But this is what has been mainly stopping me from writing Chapter 13, but I'll try my hardest to write it for ya and I'll post it as soon as possible. Also, I've got two bits of English coursework that are due in when we go back to school so that's been setting me back on the fan fic front as well.

If any of yall have ever been in this situation... or one like it (because this one's quite strange and unusual) can yall likee... message me? Comment? I don't know, just tell me how yall got through it or I don't know... my usual "pep talk giver" is on holiday right now so I'm kind of deprived of that.

Anyway, my emotional spill is now over. Please respond, I'm in desperate need of help. This is a Code Red situation :) x