Gerard Way Blog and Journals

it was our last night here and i was sitting in my room still thinking of that dream. Nicole came into the room and i didn't even notice until she gently touched my shoulder

"what's wrong?" she asked

"nothing" i said

"Frank, don't lie to me..." she frowned

"I'm sorry, i just don't feel like talking" i said

"oh, im sorry... i didn't notice that you wanted some space" she said and i looked at her

"no, that's not what i..." i said

"don't worry" she smiled a little and kissed my cheek "we're always together so i'll give you a break"

"love you" i smiled a little

"naw, love you too" she smiled back "i'm gonna go for a walk, is that okay?"

i nodded and she quickly left the room. i took a nap and two hours later i woke up to the sound of my phone ringing 

"hello?" i said grogily

"why didn't you tell me?" Nicole asked

"wha?..." i said

"why didn't you tell me that Riley liked me?" she asked

"oh god what did he do?" i asked

"he tried to sneak one on me" she laughed a little "it was kinda cute"

"that fucking.." i said

"shhh" she said "it's fine. we're walking back now"

"what did he say?" i asked

"he just told me everything that he felt about me, he's a really cute kid. i told him i was abit old for him though, i let him hug me." she said

Nicole entered my room a little while later and she looked emotionless and sat on the bed, i looked at her and she scared me a little.

"Nicole?" i said and she looked at me

"um. i don't know how to say this but your brother make out with me" she said and my eyes widened

"your mom called him over and he looked at me and was like oh okay, bye Nicole and then he put his mouth on mine and i nearly fell over. when he walked around to the back i was standing there like an idiot with my mouth open in shock. i felt his tongue Frank..." she said

"FUCKING-" i got up but she pulled me down

"he's the biggest idiot ever" i said crossing my arms

"are you jealous Frank Iero?" she asked smiling

"NO!" i shouted and covered my face with a pillow

"wanna take advantage of me and have sex?" she asked and i slowly took the pillow away

she laughed "i was actually serious. it's our last night here right? My only concern is that you'll get addicted again"

i shrugged "i don't know either"

"well i want to" she said

"okay" i said "tonight?"

she nodded "will it hurt?"

"not really. maybe. well maybe at the start because it's your first time" i said and she smiled

"what suddenly made you so eager?" i asked

"probably because i couldn't do it because of you - made me want it more" she said

 

Ray.

"this is gonna sound so stupid" she said

"doubt it" i said

"can i sleep with my clothes on?" she asked

"uh okay. not the brightest question... of course you can, why ask?" i asked

"well when i was with Brendon he liked me to sleep... nude" she said slowly

"and you were uncomfortable?" i asked and she nodded "a little"

"why didn't you tell him? why did you ask me? do i look that vulnerable?!?!" i asked and she smiled

"Brendon was persistent and persuasive. You're a little more relaxed" she said and jumped out of the bed and put back on her underwear and singlet

"i hate Brendon so much" i said and she laughed and came back to bed and kissed my neck "i know"

we talked a little bit and then heard a car pull up

"is that your parents..." she asked slowly

"i think so" i said and she squealed and hid under the sheets

"calm down" i smiled

"no!" she said hiding deeper and i pulled her back up and her hair went crazy

"if we get caught, then we get caught" i said

"what if they tell me parents" she frowned "they'll lock me in my room forever"

"it'll be fine" i said softly and stroked her cheek

"i hate relying on you" she frowned

i put my arm around her and we waited and heard familiar noises

"they are in the kitchen, opening the fridge, closing the garage doors, walking down the hall..." i said but no one came in

"see?" i said

"i hate it when you're right" she said

"deal with it Sarah" i smiled 

she leaned back onto her pillow and stared at me "are you just gonna sleep naked?"

i nodded and she went a little red and laughed, i found it immediately cute and kissed her and made her squirm. i held her still and she calmed down after that

"i don't want us leaving this place as friends" i said

she sighed a little "i know"

"can't we just be together now?" i asked

"and be official" she said and i nodded "pretty please?"

"i must be excellent in the sack" she smiled and so did i 

"so it that a yes?" i asked

"yes" she said and we kissed again and fell asleep.

In the morning my mom woke me up and i sat up a little bit blinded by the sun shining through the curtains

"i made you and Sarah breakfast, it's down in the kitchen okay?" she said and i nodded "thanks"

she left the room and Sarah sat up "she's so nice..."

"what the hell? i thought you were asleep" i said

"i thought she was gonna go nuts! i know my mom would" she said

"my parents are pretty lenient" i smiled

"she made me breakfast!" she said in amazement "my parents would have kicked me out of something. they don't even love me, they hate all the guys i bring home - the only reason you saw my mom that time was because i told her what Brendon did and she told me that all boys are like that and i should stay away. she's such a cow"

"well we graduate pretty soon... you'll be free" i smiled

"if only it would come sooner" she sighed 

i pulled her into a hug and she finally smiled "what's the time?"

"nine" i said looking at the clock

"fuck, we're late for school" she said

"i'll drive us later. are you hungry?" i asked

"maybe." she smiled

"hang on let me put some clothes on. i know thats something my mother would never approve of" i said

"i need to use the bathroom" she said

"go for it" i said and finished getting dressed and went downstairs

"RAY! get take the garbage out" my dad said

"okay" i said getting it and taking it outside, when i turned around Sarah was there with pants on this time

"oh hello" i smiled and picked her up and she laughed really loud 

i took her inside and my dad put his newspaper down

"Raymond Toro, i tell you to go take the trash out and you come back in and pick up a girl on the street with you!" he said

"no dad, it's my girlfriend" i was still unfamiliar with the term, but Sarah seemed to like it

"uh yeah... i've met you a few times" she said

"oh" he said going red and continuing reading the newspaper

we got toasted sandwiches for breakfast and then we got dressed, Sarah borrowed one of my shirts that didn't really fit me anymore 

"i look like a boy!" she said and then giggled

"no you dont" i smiled "come on, we're already late"

as soon as we arrived Tilde came upto us, Sarah had her arms out for a hug but Tilde gave her something instead "read this"

once she did she looked confused

"huh? why?" she asked

"Brendon wrote it" Tilde said

"thank you for the inspiration - i hope you like it this time" Sarah read out and then handed it to me to read, once i was done Sarah was gone.

 

Brendon.

"what the hell is wrong with you?!" Sarah asked me in the music wing

"good... afternoon now is it? staying in bed with Ray i see" i said

"i didn't sleep with him" she said crossing her arms

"maybe you didn't at the time. but you did last night, am i correct?" i smiled

"how the fuck did you know that?" she asked

"i have sources" i said

"will you just leave me alone? i really didn't need to read that" she said

"you thought i could never write anything good" i said standing up and moving towards her

"i hate you" she said

"no you dont" i smiled and touched her face but she pulled herself away

"im always gonna have feelings for you, you know" i said

"GO WRITE A SONG ABOUT IT!" she said angrily and walked out

"huh." i said afterwards

OMG TILDE SENT ME A BIRTHDAY CARD! anyone wanna start a letter-writing thing? lolll <3

:)

5 chapters to go?

well more like... 5 POVS to go, but im not sure

i might add shit in.

MY NOSE IS RED :@

 

sarahs nose is red, her lemonade can in blue, she likes to write fanfiction, but more she loves you.

EVERYONE.

SEXYTIME.

@SARAHS HOUSE.

IN HER ROOM.

WITH THE DOOR CLOSED.

 

love you's

x

 

"ummm. i cbf finding a song, so. I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, WE'RE A GREAT BIG FAMILY, WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU... etc etc" 

 

Gerard.

i ran out of Hayley's house and drove to Kat's house, it was about 10pm now when i arrived. i knocked frantically on the door and that awkward guy answered again but i ran straight to her room and opened the door and she was on the phone and she looked at me

"oh" she said "he's here" and hung up and crossed her arms at me "Hayley told me"

"you were right, i didn't think anything would happen but i guess you weren't there and she knew she could take advantage of me" i said closing the door and walking upto her

"you kissed her back." she said

i nodded "i'm sorry"

"and you still love her" she said and i nodded this time in shame

"i can't compete with her Gerard" she said softly "and i think you know that"

"i told her that i wanted to be with you, even if i did love her aswell" i said

"but now that she's back, she's all you're gonna be thinking about. whenever you're with me you're gonna be thinking about her" she said

i wanted to tell her that i loved her and not Hayley, but i couldn't because i knew that wasn't true..

she pulled the ring off her finger and held it to me "i hope she likes it"

"Katarina, please don't do this" i said

"even if you think that i'm the one you want right now, i know in a few days or a few weeks or even months that you're gonna choose her" she said and put the ring in my hand

"can you please leave, i'd like to be alone now" she said quietly

"i don't wanna leave us like this" i said

"Gerard get it through your head, there is no us anymore" she said as her eyes filled with tears "please"

i hugged her even though she didn't hug back

"we're not dead just yet" i said and let go

"yes. we are" she said 

i put the ring on her table "no we're not." and walked out and took a deep breath and drove home

 

Mikey.

we were at work and Oliver came in and Tilde stiffened

"what's wrong?" i asked her quietly

"he's so fucking cute" she said softly and Nellie came into the picture

"oh hi!" she smiled and hugged him "guys, this is Oliver"

we both waved a little and then he told her something and then left and she looked really happy

"he seems nice" Tilde said

"he is" Nellie said 

they were both talking and then a teenage girl walked in and browsed around, she looked a little lost so i went over to her

"need any help?" i asked and she smiled "do i look that stupid?"

"huh? no... well you looked a little confused" i said

she had long blonde hair and bright blue eyes, she was awfully pretty and didnt look like a reader

"it's hard to find a good book to read especially since you can't really read the whole thing and decide because, well, its a book" she said "i hate reading books with good blurbs and then they turn out to be shit"

i smiled at that "yeah, me too"

she looked at me and gave me a small smile "anything you'd recommend?"

"im only good at recomending sci-fi books" i said lamely

"well maybe i should start reading them?" she said

i took her over to the sci-fi section and found two books for her that weren't too big

"thanks" she smiled and Tilde was giving me hints to flirt with her or something

"what kind of girlfriend are you?!" i asked loudly and the girl looked at me confused "excuse me?"

"no, not you, see i have a girlfriend" i said

"im happy for you, i have a boyfriend too" she smiled and saw my name tag

"Michael?" she said and i nodded

"you go to my school i think, i'm Amber, i had a crush on you in pre school" she laughed

"really?" i said

"i thought you were really cute, i wasn't the prettiest girl back then but you were so nice to me and yeah we held hands one time because we had to walk across the road to the swimming pool - i remember it well" she said blushing a little

"that's so weird, i can't really remember back then though... sorry" i smiled 

"well it's good to see that you're healthy" she said

when she bought her books Tilde was giving me the eye and i just shook my head at her, when Amber left Tilde hit me on the head

"what the hell is wrong with you! that girl was beautiful!" she said

"WHAT THE FUCK, im going out with you!" i said and she smiled "i don't mind you flirting around"

i just shook my head again

 

Beckett.

we were at another glorious day of school and Indie was in a good mood, she had some chalk and started writing her name on the ground

"dont go writing profanities now" i smiled

"i shall do what i feel like!" she said and started to decorate it

Adam came over with Katarina and sat down near us

"hey guys" i smiled

"hey" they both said weakly

"bad night?" i asked

"very" Kat said and Adam put an arm around her

"what happened?" Indie asked putting her chalk down

"we broke up" Kat said and she started crying

"oh no..." Indie frowned and hugged her too

Mikey and Tilde came by and i guessed that they already knew and hugged her too

"that's horrible" i said and she nodded a little

"he's persistent on getting her back" Mikey said "we had a d&m last night"

"yeah he's gonna do everything he possibly can" Tilde said

Indie sat in Katarinas lap so i sat beside them holding her hand, i started playing naughts and crosses with Adam with the chalk and he kept losing so he gave up and i smiled

"where is Gerard anyway?" i asked to no one in particular

"we'll probably see him later, he knows that Kat most likely doesn't want him around" Mikey said

Brendon came and most people looked away

"is she here?" he asked

we all shrugged

"i haven't seen her" i said

"oh, well can you give her this" he said handing folded paper to me

"uh okay" i said and he walked off and i opened it

"what is it?" Tilde asked

"Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off" i read out and everyone looked at me confused

 

 

SHORTER THAN MY HAIR >:(

oh well.

i was dying to write something. Nicccccccccccccccole is up next methinks. and Ray.

i have no idea. im already thinking about my next fic :) huzzah!

excitement in the pants.

 

love you's & thank you's for the birthday wishes.

xx

 

 

"&HE SAID BABY JUMP. oh, oh, oh, oh from the hospital, we're honorary members of the red carpet academy... Ladies and Gentlemen the truth."

 

Gerard's P.O.V

 

 "Uh-oh, we've got trouble,"  Matt groaned.  I pushed past him and came face to face with...him.  I wasn't really suprised to see him and his gang there...after all, when we'd been dating, he was the one who showed me this place.  Still, I wasn't particularly thrilled about the idea of having an arguement with him (and most likely losing it) in front of my brother.

 "Ohh, here's where the fun starts,"  Jepha exclaimed.  "Want us to leave you and Way to 'talk', McCracken?"

 "Don't bother,"  Bert drawled, taking a deep drag of his cigarette and blowing the smoke at us.  "So, Gee baby, who's the kid?"

 "I'm not a kid, fuck you,"  Mikey shot back.  Bert smiled slightly.

 "Ah, so it's that way, huh?"

 "Leave Mikey out of this, Bert,"  I snapped.  "We only came here to have a smoke...and by the looks of it, you three are almost done, so why don't you just run along to your classes?"

 "Now, now, Gee, lets not get nasty - you might end up embarrassing yourself in front of 'Mikey' here."  Bert stubbed out his cigarette and slid off the wall.  He was slightly taller than me, but I didn't care.  

 "Oh yeah, I was just wondering,"  Bert continued, "d'you guys wanna come hang out after school?  We're getting some really good weed, like, real strong and shit."

 "Whatever you want from us, you're not gonna get it Bert,"  Matt cut in.  Bert tried to look hurt.

 "Only your company, Pelissier, but if you're gonna be like that then screw you.  Anyway, maybe catch you guys later.  If you change your minds, we'll be in the usual place."  Him, Jepha and Quinn all pushed past us and walked off towards the school; Ray breathed a sigh of relief.

 "Thank god for that.  You guys gonna sit down or not?"

 "Who was that asshole?"  Mikey asked curiously as me and Matt sat down on the wall behind the sheds.  Me, Matt and Ray all exchanged a glance, then Ray shrugged, as if to say 'why not?'.

 "Gerard's first ex,"  he said, sliding down the wall to sit on the ground.  "He's an asshole, sometimes he's real nice to us but usually he just treats us like shit.  And Gerard's too much of a pussy to tell him to fuck off out of our lives."

 "You say that like it's a bad thing,"  I joked, lighting my cigarette and passing Matt the lighter.  Matt grinned and rolled his eyes.

 "Aww, we love you really Gee...even if you are a bit of a pansy,"  he said.  I pretended to punch him and Mikey smiled slightly. 

 "So, Gee, is there anything between you and Bert now?"  he spoke the words lightly, but I could see the worry in his eyes.

 "No, hasn't been for a couple of years really.  I'll tell you about it later."  I stubbed out my cigarette just as the bell began ringing.

 "Fuck, we'd better get to class,"  Ray cut in, jumping up.  "Gerard, you wanna walk Mikey to the principal's office?"

 "Sure.  See you guys later, yeah?"  I grabbed Mikey and walked off before they could reply.  

 "Gee..." he asked as we hurried across the grounds.  "That Bert dude...he called you baby-"

 "Shut up, I know,"  I groaned.  "Look, Mikes, do you trust me?"

 "What?  Yeah, of course I do.  Why-?"  he began but I pressed my finger against his lips.

 "Then listen.  There's nothing between me and him, we were over after three months dating.  Mikey - if anyone catches me saying this then I'm dead -"  Mikey glanced anxiously around, but there was nobody near enough to pay any attention to us.  " - but you and me...I think there's more than that between us, right?  So don't worry about Bert, leave me to handle him.  Okay?"  Mikey nodded hesitantly and I pulled away from him, smiling slightly.  "Good.  Now come on, or I'll be late for class."

__

 

Later though, when I was walking back to my first lesson, I found myself wondering if I'd told Mikey even part of the truth.  No, I hadn't lied about everything...had I?  Me and Bert were over, that was all there was to it.  Even if we did screw about sometimes...it wasn't serious...

 

 

 

...was it?

 

Ray.

i called up Frank on Saturday and asked him about sex. He told me that he only did it for fun so he wasn't very reliable but then i asked him about how to have sex and that was another story. "just stick it in there" didnt exactly help.

"are you actually planning on doing it with Sarah?" he asked

"i dunno" i said "i think so"

"did you tell her?" he asked

"no." i said

"oh i see, i think you'll be okay. i was kind of thinking of asking Nicole about this too" he said

"oh really?" i said

"yeah but, im afraid that if i do, i'll get addicted again. i dont want to hurt her, i never want to hurt her" he said

"well... good luck" i said

"thanks, i think you should ask Sarah what to do... or even Brendon? he did it with her right, he'd know what to do" he said and i sighed "thanks."

"you're welcome buttface" he giggled

when i got off the phone i had to think. if i asked Brendon he might punch me in the face, there is no way he would tell me anything. If i asked Sarah that is much too embarrassing, i could trust her though couldnt i? Maybe i should just do it and hope for the best... I called her up and asked her to meet me at the park, i decided to walk instead of take the car. She was sitting on the railing with her hoodie on and smiled at me and stood up and gave me a hug

"hey" she said quietly

"hello, thanks for coming here" i said

"you didn't drive for once" she noticed

"yeah i know, i felt like walking abit" i smiled

"so what are you planning for us today?" she asked

"i kind of need to talk to you about something" i said

"oh okay, well can we talk on the swing set?" she asked

"fine" i smiled and helped her over the railing and sat on the swings with her

"so what's this talking about?" she asked gently pushing herself on the swing

"it's kind of personal" i said looking at her

"go on..." she said

"well it's about..." i said and she looked at me "...Brendon" i lied

"what did he do?" she asked and stopped swinging

"nothing" i said "i'm just sort of jealous... of him" 

"how?" she asked

"well he's attractive and everything... and he satisfies you" i said and she got off her swing

"what?!" she said and stood infront of me "how can you be jealous of him? and the only way he satisfied me was sexually"

"well, exactly" i said

"huh?" she said

"nevermind" i said quickly and she held my hand "no, please tell me Ray"

"you're just this amazing little girl" i said "you deserve better"

she had her mouth open "no Ray dont say that!" she jumped and then sat on my lap on the swing

"i dont deserve anything but yet i still get everything i want" she said looking at me "Brendon is nothing to me and i dont want you comparing yourself to him"

"but i cant help it" i said

"i swear i am going to kill him someday" she said angrily

"please dont" i smiled a little and held her warm hands

"it just pisses me off how he thinks he can do whatever he wants just because he's hot" she said

"well there you go - you find him very attractive" i said

"RAY!" she frowned and rested her head on my shoulder "shut up"

i laughed a little and gave her a cuddle

"you confuse me so much" she said quietly

"i confuse myself too" i said

after a while she agreed to come to my house

"do your parents need you home at a certain time?" i asked

"they always need me home at a certain time" she rolled her eyes "but i dont care when i'm with you"

"no, wait, i dont want you to get into trouble" i said holding her still

"it's fine Ray, i can take their crap later" she said

"no..." i said and looked at her

"Ray you know i hate my parents" she said

"yes, but i don't want them taking it out on you when it's my fault" i said letting her inside but she just shrugged

i carried her upto my room and put her on my bed and she laughed and softly kissed me, i kept staring at her and it gave me goosebumps, i was in love with her and i knew it. 

"i had this crazy idea" i said quietly in her ear

"sounds juicy" she smiled "spill."

"i don't really want to say it out loud" i said softly kissing under her ear and she made a funny noise

"that sent shivers up my spine" she said

"but did you like it?" i asked and she nodded "what are you upto?"

"nothing" i said and kissed her on the bed, i had a feeling she had no idea, but i wanted her to.

my fingers were tangled in her hair but then i moved them down to her shirt and put my hand inside and she smiled and kept kissing back, i told her that i loved her, but it wasnt until i had my hand on her back and undid her bra that she realised

"oh my god" she said and i stopped and looked at her hoping that she got the idea

"are we..... sex?" she asked and i smiled "i was hoping so, yeah" 

"oh" she said "on the bed and not in the back of a car or on a table?"

"bed" i nodded "did Brendon use a condom?"

she shook her head "it happened way too fast for me to really remember"

i got up and went to my wardrobe and she sat up "uh can i close the curtains? i dont really want your neighbours seeing"

"yeah thats a good idea" i laughed a little 

i went back to the bed with condoms and she looked at me weird

"...do you want to get pregnant?" i asked

"it would totally piss my parents off" she smiled "i dont really care, whatever makes you feel comfortable"

"i havent had sex so i have no idea" i said

"dont wear one" she said shaking her head "you'll like it better"

i felt pretty stupid because she was telling me what to do because i had no idea what i was doing, i made her giggle at points when i kept kissing her funnily all over her face. Sex was a good feeling, i can definately see why everyone talks about it so much, but what i liked the most was when she told me she liked me better than Brendon. We stopped stuffing around and it started to get a little more serious, the kisses got harder and so did the friction between our bodies, she told me that she loved me and it only made me want her more. We weren't having sex, we were making love.

:)

i am very satisfied lol.

my 17th tomorrowwww <3 but im going on retreat and there is no phone reception and the town is full of gay people! eeeeep! i'll be home on Friday arvo (: dont have too much fun without me now!

(kats up again next ;)

x

 

"LETS HEAR IT FOR AMERICA'S SUITEHEARTSSSSSS, I MUST CONFESS, I'M IN LOVE WITH MY OWN SINS :D"

 

Gerard.

"what's your view on children?" i asked Kat as we drove to school

"having one, being one, adopting one or Frank?" she asked and i smiled "having"

"well if we didnt have children we wouldn't be born" she said

"but would you want to have one or more when you're older?" i asked

"i guess so" she said "why are you asking? did you knock me up?"

"no" i said "just curious"'

Nicole went over to the girls when we got to school so i went over to Ray, Mikey and Adam

"hey guys" i said and they all gave me a nod

Mikey opened his mouth to say something but then he stopped and looked behind me, i turned around to see Hayley

"oh hey" i said softly

"hello" she smiled a little "im sorry if i interrupted..."

"no it's cool" i said "what's up?"

"im having a little party at my old house for my birthday" she said "would you and Kat like to come?"

"oh, ill go ask her" i smiled

"cool, and dont buy me anything" she shook her head

"its your birthday, of course ill have to get you something" i said

"no." she said and walked off

"a party?" Kat asked as i told her the story

"yes" i said

"i have a feeling she only invited me to be nice, she just wants you there not me" she said

"nonsense!" i said

"it's okay, you go. i dont wanna be that girlfriend that gets jealous and paranoid or whatever" she said

"but i want you to go" i said

"it's fine, i can find something else to do" she smiled 

"well... are you sure?" i asked

"i trust you don't i?" she asked and i nodded

i went and found Hayley and told her

"oh why not?" she frowned

"i think she has other plans" i said not wanting to go into detail]

"oh, well ill save her some cake" she smiled "oh and who was that tall guy with you before?"

"all my friends are pretty tall Hayley" i said "do you mean Ray? curly brown hair?"

she nodded "he looks familiar"

"do you have a crush on him or something?" i asked

"he's cute" she shrugged "i haven't seen him here before"

"oh he's new here. he has a girlfriend though, she's new too" i said

"i see" she said "anyway i best be off, i'll talk to you soon"

i nodded and went to class. We became closer friends again from then on

It was now the night of Hayley's birthday party, there wasn't many people there and on a table was wrapped us presents, i went and put my gift there. it was a box with a bear inside with claws, Hayley always had a thing for emo bears. I walked around her house remembering some very old memories, she had this large mirror above her fireplace and she always yelled at me for looking at it and doing or playing with my hair, i couldnt resist doing it again. Hayley came over with alcohol in her hand

"GERARD!" she smiled and hugged me

"hey" i laughed "happy birthday"

she gave me a kiss on the cheek "everyone got me presents when i told them not to!" she said

"i know" i said "its your birthday, you deserve presents"

she shrugged a little "everyones outside playing real life cluedo with hoses and candlesticks"

"sounds like fun" i said

"you dont sound too excited" she said

"well cluedo involves a dagger..." i said and she smiled "let's go to my room!"

she gently held my hand and took me up to her room and put her drink down "have a look at what my best friend made me" she said handing me a scrapbook

"wow it's heavy" i said

"i know!" she said "i nearly started crying, it's so beautiful!"

i had a quick look through it and she put her head on my shoulder and looked with me

"i really missed you Gerard" she said quietly "seeing you everyday at school even if we were fighting... it was good just to know that you were around"

"i missed you too" i said looking at her "and i admit, it makes me feel less insecure now that you're back"

"im sorry for leaving and avoidng you" she said 

"it's okay, that's in the past now" i said 

"i heard about that Brendon boy, and how you hit him" she said "is he okay?"

"yeah he's fine" i said

"he sounds like trouble" she said

"he's actually a pretty nice guy... but we all keep things bottled up and i guess he finally opened it" i said

"is the girl he hit okay too?" she asked

"yes Sarah is fine, she's the one that's with Ray" i said

"ohhh" she said "Ray doesn't look harmful"

"maybe" i said "he can hurt me bad at video games"

she smiled and sank her head to my neck as i put my arm around her without realising what i was doing and took my arm away and she looked at me

"i'm sorry" i said

"no, it's okay" she said "i understand"

"maybe i should go" i said

"no, please don't" she said holding onto me

"dont worry, i wont leave" i smiled at her

"i miss the feeling of being loved" she said quietly "and the comfort it brings"

i sighed "i know how that feels"

then she started crying into her arms "i am so sorry"

i shook my head and held onto her "if i wasn't so stupid, i wouldn't have let you go again and i would have realised that i love you and that i will always love you even if you never felt the same and that i never wanted to lose you because i would have known that i just lost the best 2 years of my fucking life" i said and she quietened

"i love Katarina too, but its 2 years versus 2 months" i said "im not saying that i dont want to be with her, but that i do love you so just keep that in mind to prevent you from doing something stupid like leaving me in the dark again"

she looked at me with red eyes "but i left you for so long, how could you even forgive me?"

"i don't know" i said "i think i'd better go"

I stood up but she was still holding my hand "but i don't want you to..."

"i have a girlfriend now Hayley" i said refusing to look at her

"i know but," she said and stood up

"i have to go" i said and went for the door but she pulled me back "Hayley, I-"

she pulled me down and kissed me hard and fast, i started getting goosebumps. i've been waiting for this for months and now that i'm finally getting it what am i feeling? I had my arms around her and kissed her back and felt some more goosebumps and my heartbeat was going insane. There was only one person i was thinking about

-Katarina.

 

 

UH OHS.

more drama coming upp :) but for who?

who's pov haven't i done for a while? OHH adams! but he has nothing dramatic going on that i can think of yet. maybeeee a little bit of everyone next methinks.

WILLIAM BECKETT SEX TOMORROW <3

follow my twitter and i'll keep you updated on Operation Airport (going to the airport to try and meet them)

xx

 

 

 

 

"Running from lions never felt like such a mistake."

 

I originally wasn't going to post this because I don't want to deal with all the horse shit replies ill get from it. But I figured I'd start talikng about how stupid certain admirations are when it comes to people who know bands. If your planning on already leaving a rude and unintelligent comment then please stop reading now. And if you dont care and wanna leave me one anyway have better lines then "get a life" and stuff.

I'm not going to state any untrue facts, just my opiniouns. and just because they are my opinions it doesnt mean they are 100% fact.

I'm not saying the WMHC are bad people or anything I'm just saying the way they responded to hate mail was very immature.

1. I hate how people kiss there ass. They arnt that amazing. Them getting together and making a pompus website didnt better or harm the world. Yeah okay maybe some of there ahcievements were okay. But alot of people are guitar techs,photographers, managers, stylists etc. how many people do you think would admire you if you did those things. People make them more then what they are. they talk like they are bread and water. They arnt. They are just a couple of adults that got alittle to self obsessive.

2. They arnt famous, never was never will be.  the only reason why I even know of them is because my little sister used to be obsessed with alicia and honestly most people wouldnt know  who any of those people were if alicia wasn't on the site.

3. Okay they want to talk about there accomplishments, why did they have to ramble about there lives like "hey chris was born..." if they wanted to help somebody with advice, thats how your site should be modeled. You dont need to say everything about yourself like alicia couldve just been like "YEah I did some tech work and worked for labels." she didnt have to write shit nobody cares about.

4.The fact they responded to hatemail so immaturely is a huge thumbs dowb with me. We're talking about 20 something year old adults getting all worked up about something a teenager says. So what if they got alot of "hatemail" they had to be exagerating, atleast people like miss e and such. if you google them hardly anything pops up. they arnt that famous. its not like there was magazine covers and stuff. Nobody really  knows who they are, and in reality not alot of people hate them. getting hatemail doesnt make you a role model or a  war hero and its an overall stupid and self absorbed reason to make an enitre website. This is fact. It was a very immature move on there part. they couldve just ignored shit. people will only post shit for so long unless they get a reaction and there reaction was very extreme.  they could have simply been like "Okay this is what was said and its not true" on there myspace blogs.

5.And one last thing being internet famous or being famous because your affiliated with a band is the dumbest thing i ever heard in my life. I know most people only like people like alicia because shes married to mikey. Okay thats great and all but why so "OMFG SHES SO PREETY IM HER BIGGEST FAN" and then they lie and give the excuse "Oh i like her cause she played bass for fftl/was a tech" she hasnt done anything as i know of lately besides modeling {which she does preety okay}in the music industry. and alot of people have been fill in bassists. I can give you a list of atleast 20 people if you want. she isnt that unique, or spectacular career wise.  and personally i dont think shes a very good bassist from the videos ive seen online.

thats all i really had to say, im going to be posting more rants about random internet celebrities and my sisters other obsessers. I dont hate everybody she likes by the way there are a select few i find extraordinary and very inspiring. and this whole journal wasnt written out of hate or anything. I did my research and made my opinion. It is not biased in any way. Anyways stay tuned and thanks for reading.

love.

What's in a picture? A story? A conversation, perhaps? Coins? If the latter is true, then I'm getting ripped off! I get sent pictures every week and yet never a single coin! Maybe there's no money in pictures after all. Fortunately for you, I am blessed with the gift of picture analysis. I can find the story or conversation in almost any picture. If you don't believe me, you suck. For this week's Analyze This...

 

 

Frank.

i was sitting outside while Nicole was on the phone to Gabe and Ryland - they were about to leave so she wanted to say goodbye. Riley came and sat beside me and we both watched the waves.

"how's your life been?" i asked and he looked up a little surprise that i'd asked

"fine. you?" he asked

"great" i said "different, but really great" 

"i have to tell you something" he said

"your balls finally dropped?" i asked and he smiled a little "uh they did like 3 years ago. i like Nicole"

"well thats good that you like her" i said

"no i mean i have a crush on her" he said and i looked at him "really?"

"yeah, i mean, shes so sweet..." he said

"i know" i said

"and shes really pretty.." he said

"i know" i said

"and she's genuine" he said

"Yes Riley, i know." i said "when did you start liking her?"

"the zoo incident" he said

"oh i see. well she's mine so fuck off" i said and he sighed "i know"

"i really wanna tell her" he said

"but why? she's with me so i dont think there's much point. she might get scared" i said

"just seems right" he shrugged

Nicole came out and handed me the phone "It's Gabe"

i got up and put it to my ear "hey Gabe" i said while hugging Nicole with my spare hand and she just smiled and put her hand on my chest.

It was after lunch and i was cleaning up when Nicole came upto me happily, i looked at her "yes? you're disturbing my wishy washing"

"Riley asked me to go for a walk with him along the beach" she said and i nearly dropped a plate

"er, can i come?" i asked

"thats why i'm here" she said "Elliot should come too"

"cool" i smiled a little and put the plate away

Nicole came back carrying Elliot like a plane and he was giggling so much that he drooled on her and she squealed

"ew ew ew ew ew ew!!!!" she said handing him to me and wiping her shirt with a tissue

"im sorry Nicole..." Elliot frowned

"oh, no its okay" she smiled and hugged him as Elliot came in "are you ready to..." he said but paused

"Frank and Elliot wanna come too" she said "hey you're wearing your hat the right way now"

she went over to him and had a look "no more eminem white boy trash?" she asked

"nope" he smiled "just normal as you like it ma'am"

we went outside and Elliot was playing around with Nicole infront of me and Riley

"im going to kick you in the nuts when we get back" i said softly

"i didnt do anything!" he said

"when im done with you people are gonna think you have a vagina" i said and he rolled his eyes so i hit him in the shoulder

"hey!" he said loudly and punched me back and then we tackled each other on the sand

"woah!" nicole said pulling us apart and Elliot was crying "stop it! stop it!"

Nicole pulled me up "what the hell are you doing?!" she asked angrily

"he started it" i said glaring at him

"your the oldest brother, you're supposed to know better. god i know you hate him but he's your blood, dont do that ever again especially infront of Elliot" she said

"im sorry Nicole" Riley said and i glared at him again. suck up.

We continued walking around and i kept looking up to see if Nicole would talk to me, she didnt look like she really wanted to. Riley went to get Elliot some ice cream - ice cream always made him feel better. 

"im sorry" i said and Nicole looked at me "its okay, im over it"

"it's not okay... i dont like it when your angry at me" i said with my hands in my pockets and head slightly forward

"im not angry" she said softly "i just feel sorry for Riley - he has to put up with all this crap from the world"

i nodded a little "can i have a hug?"

she smiled and gave me a cuddle and i gently kissed her forehead

"thank you for putting up with me" i said in her ear and she hugged me tighter

We sat on the sand and she wrote her name followed by a heart

"oh write my name write my name!!!" i jumped

"okay okay - gosh" she smiled and wrote in pretty letters "Frank"

"okay it's my turn now" i said and started writing

"Dick Hole loves Crack?" Nicole read out and laughed "Frank cross that out!"

"but it's true!!!" i smiled and she leaned over and wiped it clean

Elliot and Riley came back and Elliot had ice cream all over himself

"oh what did you do?" i frowned as he stood infront of me

"i licked the ice cream" he said

"then why is it on your shirt?" i asked

"i like ice cream" he grinned and licked it some more

"you kids are so alike it freaks me out" Nicole said

That night me and Nicole sat outside and kissed under the stars - it was perfect. The only thing that was bothering me was my stupid brother.

"hellooo? Frank? where are you?" she said gently touching my face

"huhwhat?" i said confused

"you seem distant" she said

"sorry, im just lost in my own thoughts" i said

"i wish i could see your thoughts, it'd be like this crazy other world" she said "and all the things you hide from me"

"are you giving me a compliment or calling me dumb?" i asked and she smiled "you're not dumb."

That night we went to bed together and all was fine, until i started to dream.

 

I was wearing a white suit, but i hate white suits? they look gay. anyway, it was some sort of tea party outside with alot of posh people that looked like the only way to have fun was to buy hats. Nicole was wearing a while dress that puffed out at the bottom, she walked over and sat next to me

"i need to talk to you" she said looking into my eyes

"uh okay" i said and she took me around the tall building

"i'm in love with Riley" she said "and we're going to get married now, that's why everyone is dressed like this"

as much as i wanted to, i couldn't change this dream

"he gave me what i wanted that you couldn't" she said "and now, i must end your life"

she pulled out an old fashioned dagger from behind her back "because you have nothing to live for"

and then she killed me by staking my heart and walked off.

 

I sat up and felt my heart race, i felt like i was going to puke

"oh my god" i said putting my hand onto my chest "fuck fuck fuck" 

Nicole was still sleeping beside me and i realised that i was dreaming. I didnt even notice that i was crying. That was a very bad dream.

 

 

Beckett.

We were at the airport now saying our goodbyes and Ryland went and kissed everyone on the cheek, but then he came to me.

"William" he sighed and i smiled and gave him a hug as he kissed me on the cheek "i'll never forget you"

that kind of creeped me out.

Indie was crying the most and trying to calm down but then the announcement came over that their flight was ready to be boarded and she started all over again. We all gave our last hugs and then Indie came back to me and i put my arm around her

"it'll be okay, they promised to come back" i said and she nodded and hugged me

I drove her home and we went to her room and saw a colourful mess. Gabe and Ryland had decorated her room with everything they could. they wrote some messages and Ryland tried to draw a yellow brick road on the wall that lead to the door

"oh my gosh" she said "this must be why they wanted me to sleep at your house"

she started reading them outloud and ended with "p.s this is in permanent texta, not the ordinary shit - love Gabriel Saporta x"

"mom is gonna kill me" she said

"i know" i said "take some photos of it"

she nodded and went to get a camera

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

yeeeeeeeeeee :) i posted finally!

Katarina is next aaaaand i think this fanfiction is getting boring. this calls for some drama.

 

xx

 

"wide awake, my mistake, so predictable. you were fake i was great nothing personal. i'm walking, who's laughing now?"

 

I know this story's been terribly depressing, but I promise, things are going to pick up. I hope you guys aren't getting bored with me, what with my delayed updates due to college work. Bear with me.

 

Chapter Seventeen: You're Running Out of Places To Hide From Me

"Gerard?"

"Hm?"

"Did you hear me? I just asked you if we're going out or staying in for dinner tonight." Kay was getting frustrated. Gerard always needed to be asked twice about things these days, and it didn't help that she was lugging around a cast on her leg. It certainly didn't help that in the week she'd been out of the hospital, her guitarist had not improved in his condition. Every time she went back to visit, Chris was still in comatose.

"I mean, we can just have takeout," she suggested feebly, knowing that either option didn't matter to Gerard. He constantly stared into space when he was around her, it seemed. Like he wasn't there with her in this relationship. He just wasn't in the apartment with her, even though he was leaving on the Projekt Revolution tour tomorrow.

"Sure," he replied carelessly, not looking up from the copy of Watchmen that he wasn't really reading. "Up to you."

Kay looked at him for a few moments. Gerard still took no notice of his discontented fiancée, but merely ran a hand through his disheveled hair and absentmindedly pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He still hasn't quit. He told me he would. She felt her irritation grow as the cigarette smoke crept up her nostrils. She could take it no longer.

"I thought I told you," she fumed, stomping over and snatching the cigarette out of her stunned fiancé's fingers, "not to smoke in our goddamn apartment!!" Kay threw the burning paper cylinder on the floor and ground it under her good foot.

"Hey! What the fuck is this?" Gerard stood up, looking at Kay in both surprise and irritation.

"I've told you over and over not to smoke in the apartment, and you've never stopped! You promised me you'd stop - "

"Hold on one sec! First of all, this is not actually our apartment, it's a rental that we got because your guitarist is in a goddamn coma! Second, why are you acting like this? I don't mind that you tell me not to smoke, but don't just snatch out of my fucking hand! Kay... " Kay had started back towards the kitchen. "Kay, what's up? What's going on? You've been in a terrible mood. I understand, Chris is in the hospital, and your leg is busted. I'd be pretty pissed off if any of My Chem was in the hospital in a coma. But I'm starting to not get you. You can tell me anything..."

"Oh Gerard, of course you don't get me! You've been sitting around smoking and staring into space and pretending to read Watchmen! You haven't been talking to me, how could I possibly talk to you?!"

"And that means you can crush my goddamn cigarette?"

"This is not about the fucking cigarette!!"

"Then what is it then, huh? Wait a sec... that Jade Puget! You haven't been the same since you came home from the hospital, and before you left he visited you! What happened with him? Something happened with him, isn't that it?!"

"Dammit, Gerard, leave the man alone. What's Jade Puget got to do with anything? You don't even know him."

"But you do, don't you? Something happened..."

"This is how it's always been, Gerard! You could always blame anybody but yourself!"

"Then what am I doing wrong, Kay? Tell me!"

"I... I don't know, you're just not here! You're not here with me in this relationship! You sit around and smoke and stare at some graphic novel or your comic book storyboards or nothing! I'm the one who doesn't get you! So much is going on that I've never had to deal with before, in all my years of touring! Half my band's tour is cancelled, and we don't know if we'll get any of the venues back for a couple years. Our guitarist, the closest thing to my kid brother, is on the edge of death! I can't perform because I have these thing clamped to my leg! And now you... you're in another world, in your perfect rock star comic book world! What should I do, Gerard, you tell me!" With that she collapsed heavily into one of the kitchen chairs, her forehead propped up on her elbows.

"Kay... Kay, I'm sorry." Gerard knelt in front of her and took her by the shoulders. "Things have been going so well for me, I forget sometimes, all the shit you're going through. I love you, Kay, really I do."

A shadow of doubt cast itself over Kay's mind, but she could not resist when Gerard cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. "I only want the best for you and me, Kay, truly."

Then are you faithful? She thought.

"Look Kay, we'll visit Chris at the hospital tonight, and I'll take you out to dinner. How does that sound?"

Kay looked into his eyes and saw a flash of the Gerard she'd fallen in love with in her college days - the Gerard who adhered to her every whim and would go to the ends of the earth for her. The Gerard her heart had always beaten for. I still love him.

"Kay, I'm going on Projekt Rev tomorrow. Can't we enjoy this last day?"

"Alright, Gerard," she replied. She ran a hand through his thick black hair and kissed him.  "I love you, Gerard."

------------------

Davey sat by Chris's bedside, holding his ex's limp hand. Beside the bed, the heart monitor beeped away, while a feeding tube pumped nutrients into the man's mouth. Around the room were strewn flowers and cards from fans, all wishing that their favorite lead guitarist would wake up soon.

"Hey Chris," Davey greeted weakly. "It's May now. AFI just finished their Decemberunderground tour. Jade and I are working on the Blaqk Audio songs. We're going to release the first album in July."

Chris's eyes stirred underneath the lids. The doctors said that he had entered a prolonged state of REM sleep and was dreaming. Davey thought of how he'd pay anything to see what his boyfriend was dreaming of.

"Everyone in AFI has been asking about you. They all want to know if you're okay." Chris did not stir, but his eyes kept moving. Davey blinked away a tear. Chris was much thinner than he was when they'd first met, but he was as delicately beautiful as ever.

"You were always beautiful, Chris, so beautiful. I've told you so many times, but I meant it every time. That was the first thing I noticed about you when me met. You looked like an angel that day..." And then he realized he was rambling. As if this will make him get better. Oh God, this is all my fault.

"Can you hear me, Chris?" Davey pleaded, his voice quivering. "I need to know if you're in pain. I need you to wake up!" He wiped away the tears crowding into his eyes.

He thought of what Jade had found out from Kay, that Chris had been cutting and moping about the tour bus, that he'd been eating less and less. Davey winced, looking at the slashes on Chris's arms again. He had only wanted the best for himself and the man he loved, but had only succeeded in breaking his heart and driving him to near suicide.

 "I love you Chris, so much. Please wake up! I couldn't live with myself if you go! Don't leave me here alone!" And he collapsed over the bed, clutching Chris's hand.

And Chris's hand clutched his.

Davey looked up, not daring to believe it. He watched, wide-eyed, as Chris's head turned to the side on the pillows. Chris groaned, then choked slightly on the feeding tube. His body shifted on the mattress, as he steadily rose into consciousness.

"Doctor! Doctor!" Davey called out as he pressed the emergency button. He turned back to Chris. "Chris, baby, it's me! It's Davey!"

A doctor and a nurse rushed in, pushing Davey aside. He watched, his heart pounding, as the doctor pulled the feeding tube from Chris's throat. As he did so, Chris opened his eyes, surveying the room wildly.

"Chris, it's alright, you're in the hospital," said the doctor.

"H-How long?" the guitarist croaked.

"You have been in a coma for a month. It is now May. How are you feeling?"

Chris slowly opened his mouth to answer, when he turned his head and saw Davey. Davey gave a small smile. Chris could only stare back.

"Well, this gentleman has come in as often as he can, as have the rest of your bandmates. Your fans in and out of the hospital have also taken care to wish you well... I think I'll leave you two alone now," said the doctor. "Call if you need anything." He and the nurse retreated from the room.

Davey stepped forward. "Chris."

"Davey?"

Davey went awkwardly to his bedside. "Are you alright?" he asked, unsure of himself.

"Davey... I thought... why?"

"Chris... I... Oh Chris, I'm sorry!" Davey fell to his knees by the bed. "I never wanted to hurt you ever! I just wanted your life to be easier, better. I loved you the whole time, I always did! When I found out you were in a coma, I was so afraid..."

"Davey," Chris interrupted softly. "Calm down. I'm not dead." Slowly he reached out and brushed the top of Davey's head.

Davey brightened slightly at the touch. "D-Does this mean you'll take me back?"

Chris looked at him for a few long moments. "Davey... if I hadn't been hurt, would you still have taken me back?"

Davey's shoulders slumped a little. He'd never thought of how they'd resolve their relationship when Chris woke up, he'd just hoped Chris would get better. It'd never occurred to him that Chris would have difficulty forgiving him.

"But Chris, I still love you! They were all right about us, Jade and Kay and the others, we belong together! I know now, nothing would have kept us apart forever. Please, Chris, give me another chance," Davey begged, panicking as Chris turned away. He'd spent a month fearing that his lover was at death's door, and he wasn't ready for rejection.

"I don't know, Davey. I was hurt when you left me..."

"And I'll do anything to make it up to you. We can go back to the way our relationship was before, maybe it can be something more! I don't want us to be apart again."

"But what if you decide that you were right, and that this relationship really can't work out? I do love you Davey, but I couldn't stand the pain again."

"I won't! It won't ever be that way!"

"Gerard must have said those things to Kay when she took him back," said Chris quietly, more to himself than to Davey. "And Gerard is still the bastard he always was."

"But I'm not Gerard!" cried Davey. "I love you as much as any human can love another human being!"

"Only time will tell."

Silence fell in the room. Davey was stunned and lost for words. "So you... you don't want me?"

"I do, Davey. But I couldn't stand being hurt again."

"But... Chris..."

"Please, can we not talk about this? Just sit down and tell me what's happened in the last month."

Davey opened his mouth to plead again, but Chris was staring blankly at the white sterile ceiling. He sighed and sat heavily on the bed, and as he spoke he kept his body slightly turned away, so that Chris could not see the tear that traced a silver line down his face.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, congratulations, Kay," said Gerard as they walked through the apartment door. "I guess your whole band will be back on their feet soon."

"Yeah, just two more weeks or so to make sure he's stable, and we'll be good to go!" Kay put down her bag and fumbled for her cell. "Let's see, I already called Jimmy about the tour... I'm gonna call Meg and Gordon, they are going to be so happy!"

"Okay, you do that..."

Kay headed to their room, pulling out her Sidekick. Her heart fluttered with excitement. Chris was awake, and he would be up and running within two weeks. And maybe he and Davey...

Oh yes, Davey had been there at the hospital. He'd been sitting at Chris's bedside when she and Gerard had arrived, looking rather crestfallen. Had Chris spurned him upon awakening? Well, she really couldn't blame him, what with Davey breaking his heart like that. But if they truly loved each other, it would be such a shame... after all, I did take back Gerard, didn't I?

Kay sighed as she flipped through her phone's address book for her bandmates' numbers. As she did, she reached over to adjust a pillow on Gerard's side of the bed.

What was this?

A red thong poked out of the pillow case.

Since when did I have a red thong? Since when did my underwear turn up in Gerard's pillow cases?

Kay felt the familiar iron fist of fear clench around her heart as she took the garish piece of lingerie between her fingertips.

No, I never had a thong, I never had bright colored underwear. I know that. It can only mean one thing.

Jade's words came back to her. He's being unfaithful to you now, as we speak... I can't stand by and watch you get hurt even more because you didn't face the truth.

"Oh God!" Kay sat heavily on the bed. What did she do to deserve this? Why her? Why her fiancé?

Is Jade right? Have I been in denial all along?

The red thong still hung from her fingers.

Kay got up shakily and limped out to the hallway. She could see Gerard in the living room... lighting a cigarette.

This can't go on.

"G-Gerard."

"Hm? Kay?"

"W-What is this?" As she entered the living room area, she held up the thong.

And there! She saw it. Gerard very clearly blanched at the sight of the thong before coughing a little and collecting himself.

"What do you mean? Isn't that yours?"

"Bullshit, Gerard! This is not mine and you know it! You know I don't wear thongs like this, much less red ones! This, this is buttfloss!" She threw it on the floor. "I want you to tell me right now, who was in this apartment before I came out of the hospital?"

"What..."

"I want to know, Gerard! Busy on tour, indeed! You had enough time to take a woman into our apartment, but you only had time to see me once in the hospital..."

"Dammit, Kay! That's enough!" Gerard snapped, jumping to his feet. "I've had enough of these fucking accusations from you!"

"And I've had enough of your lies!"

"Lies?? Kay, how are we going to make it if you keep all these suspicions running through your head, if you keep rummaging through my goddamn stuff? This is fucking ridiculous!"

"You're the one who's ridiculous! I was in that hospital with a concussion, with this morphine in my blood and my goddamn bleeding leg in a cast! But you didn't bother to come see me as soon as you found out our bus crashed! No, you were just a couple miles away, cuddling with Miss Red Thong..."

"Shut up!"

"Look who's talking, you man-whore!"

SMACK.

Kay didn't see Gerard's hand coming towards her, only the malicious wrath in his face, but she felt the backside impact against her cheek and the blow knocked her head into the wall. She cried out, clutching simultaneously at her forehead and her face. To her horror, the hand on her forehead came away wet with scarlet. Gerard had re-opened the wound from the bus accident.

"Oh, Kay..." The anger melted from Gerard's face, replaced with horrified regret. He knelt beside her. "Kay, I'm so sorry... come here..."

Just then, a flare of rage went up in Kay's heart. "Get away from me!" she shrieked, shoving Gerard away from her and stumbling to her feet. "You bastard!"

"Kay, please..." Gerard scrambled after her. "I'm sorry!"

"Get away! Get the FUCK away!" She limped as fast as she could to the door and opened it.

"No, Kay! Baby, where are you going?"

"Don't call me that!" And she slammed the door behind her.

She ran down the stairs and out the apartment building. She ran down the street, not caring where she was going. As she ran she cried. She cried for the life she'd wanted, the one that was crumbling once more before her very eyes. There was once again a void opening, and it was sucking her in.

Why? Why?

The night rushed by her. It was raining, and the drops cut at her face. It's just like that first time... This was all too familiar. History, all her mistakes, they were repeating themselves.

As Kay ran out of breath, she realized she was in the park. At this time of night, it was deserted. A swing set creaked eerily. A light breeze ruffled the darkened and wet grass. Goosebumps rose on her arms.

Clutching her arms around herself in the rain, she walked toward the white gazebo that stood a stone's throw away. When she reached it, she sat down on one of the damp benches. What was she going to do now?

But she could think of no more to do but cry, which she did so with her head in her hands. She wept bitterly, wallowing in her dark, blank misery. She felt useless, vulnerable. So inadequate.

"Kay?"

Kay jumped at the sound of the voice. She looked up and saw a figure coming towards her. Flinching at first, she inspected it... him. She gasped.

"Jade?" Her voice cracked.

"Kay, what are you doing here?" Jade sprinted towards her and came up the steps of the gazebo. "Kay... are you bleeding?"

Kay sat there dumbly, tears streaming down her face. As Jade drew nearer, she could see the care and concern in his face, even in the dark. His gaze strayed to her forehead... and the blood on it.

"Oh, Kay, what happened to you?"

Kay turned away, shaking her head. She choked on a sob when Jade touched her shoulder. He sat beside her, and she let him put his arms around her and draw her close. Kay threw her arms around his waist and cried openly into his chest. She felt his palm press the back of her head.

"You poor thing... it's alright, Kay. It'll be okay," he cooed to her, stroking her damp hair.

"Oh, Jade!"

They clutched each other in the dark of the gazebo, as the rain came down around them.

 

 

 

gerardway:
block finger is getting itchy!
about 9 hours ago from web


I wonder how many people actually got blocked from Gerard's twitter already? I know the reasons why he landed his "block finger" on them were due to them harassing him (and/or Lyn-z) or sending him spam tweets but I can't help feeling sorry for those fans.There's nothing worse than being called out in front of the whole fandom by your idol,not to mention the possibility of being attacked by other fans who are lurking on his twitter page.

Anyway, I never tweeted Gerard before, partly because I don't have anything constructive to say to him anyway.I might try though, y'know, just to see what it looks like when my tweet got drowned by 20,000 other tweets directed at him at any given time - must be a pretty tragic sight if you ask me, haha!

Oh btw, according to tweetdouche.com, 7 people nominated Gerard as twitter douchebag, but fear not, our Gerard is far away from "winning" since Perez Hilton got a whopping 1761 votes already.

Til then, be nice and stay away from the block finger!

 

E.