fans Blog and Journals

I've discovered a bizarre niche this past week that has caused me to have more pageviews and comments than ever before on Buzznet: making fun of fandoms.


Yes, Gerard. My thoughts exactly.

I was shown a video yesterday of an overzealous fan singing to a song by The Academy Is... It was terrifying. Horrifying. Mind-numbing in its terrible-osity. (Totally a word now.) And in a moment of complete pain, I was inspired:

There must be more of this crap on the internet.

Because, indeed, people will put ANYTHING on the internet these days. It's the Age of No Shame, especially since some tool bag with a repetitive song lyric about cocoa precipitation can become a world star for doing.....well. Nothing. (If I wasn't clear enough: Fuck you, Tay Zonday. Your song is worthless.)

Ok. Anyway, I spent nearly 3 hours surfing the net to find 10 atrocities in sight and sound. And with a great (and perverted) pleasure, these are the Top 10 Worst Fan Videos Ever Made:

#10: The Academy Is - We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands


This is it: The origin of my inspiration.

I don't know what's worse about this. The out of focus camera. The fact that she doesn't know the words. How closely she holds the camera to her face. The "spinning" just after the first minute mark. The terrible, offensive jokes the title of the video conjures up. (Nope. Not gonna share them.)

Sigh. This is already a terrible idea for me to spend time on.

#9: Gerard Butler Fan Video


Totally smokin' dude.

But you lose infinitely for choosing that hosebeast of a human being to be the backing music. You are deaf and lack any cognitive function. Someone should unplug you now and let you die with what little dignity you have left, vegetable.

#8: My Chemical Romance - Helena


I don't know why Johnny Blaze or Scotty 2 Hotty is even in this video. I know it's supposed to be lip synching and whatnot; so if you're not actually playing that instrument, why are not moving around? Clearly, he is too cool to be in this clip.

Is that guy singing with a broom stick? Oh well, at least he's energetic. I've got nothing against him. Lord knows I spent years pretending I was in Bad Religion or Metallica. The only difference?

I didn't film it for the whole world to see.

#7: AFI - Miss Murder

NEWSFLASH TO ALL NERDS: STOP MAKING MUSIC VIDEOS SET TO YOU PLAYING A GAME. IT IS NOT ORIGINAL. IT IS NOT INTERESTING.

Also, that video warns of "spoyliers." I laughed.

#6: Panic! At The Disco - I Write Sins, Not Tragedies

The reworking isn't that bad. The editing isn't atrocious. Clearly, it's a school project, so I'm not going to be that harsh.

Except one part: Why is that chick playing Brendon Urie when, clearly, there is already another kid in the video who looks JUST LIKE HIM?????

Proof:


Anyway, my issue with this video. Here's the video info:

"i made this video just 'cause it was homework, and i know that it isn't like the orginal video, and it wasn't sopoused to be it.))

video that i made with some friends and a couple of classmates.
for the same english project that the other one."

HOW ON EARTH DOES THIS EVEN REMOTELY RELATE TO ENGLISH CLASS? The video isn't that atrocious at all, especially in light of these other "masterpieces" of fan cinema. BUT THIS WAS YOUR HOMEWORK?

Your teacher should be fired.

#5: H.I.M - Your Biggest Fan


I don't doubt that Lisa Mistress Thrill is HIM's biggest fan. I personally think HIM are utter and complete garbage, but you know what? That's my opinion. And that's all it is. And I'm sure anyone could ridicule me to death over bands that I'm obsessed with.

Oh. But wait a second. I don't have photoshoots in graveyards and I don't CARRY AROUND A CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF THE SINGER OF MY FAVORITE BAND AND PRETEND IT'S ACTUALLY HIM/HER.






Epic and classic fail. Even if she wasn't serious.

#4: Cute Is What We Aim For - Hip Hop at IHOP

Someone confirm this for me: Is this an actual song? If so, here's the first instance I can definitively say that the song is actually worse than the video. That's what you consider hip hop? Is this supposed to be a joke song?

Anyway you look at it:


#3: I have no idea what to call this one.

And guess what? I'm not allowed to embed. I think that's a gift from God, because this is completely miserable.

Want to watch it? GO HERE.

No sound. She doesn't hold the drawings/paintings up long enough. And she drew Beyonce Knowles AND Davey Havok.

Lord help her.

#2: Fall Out Boy - This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race

Apparently, this guy does this to raise money for Autism Awareness. Which is an excellent thing to support.

BUT THIS IS SO HORRIBLE. Is it supposed to be funny? How in the world does this either raise money or awareness for autism?

Someone, please ban this man from ever holding a microphone or being in front of a camera. He will only set out to harm anything you've ever loved. (Sort of like Michael Bay.)

And the #1 worst fan video of all time......(CUE DRUMROLL)

#1: AFI - Die! "Hard Fan"

Again, no embed. But watch this monstrosity here.

Some key images:



I have watched this 8 times now. It's so confusing and horrifying, I'm entranced by it. (Sort of like Chris Crocker videos, only much less entertaining.)

So.....you're the biggest fan of AFI because you're so dedicated that, even if they ran you over in a bright pink convertible, you'll still love them?

Heaven help our generation.