Fall Out Boy Blog and Journals

"Why?" Sam wanted to know. Her heart skipped a beat. "Why did you let me marry Pete?"

"Because," Brendon retraced all their memories from their teenage years to the present: The day he met her and joined the band, the moment Panic got signed, when he and Ryan fought over her, and when they'd both lost to Pete. That God awful day when Pete had announced he and Sam were engaged.

<flashback>

"Hey, it looks like Pete's here," Brendon nudged Ryan, who was strumming to the tune of Mad As Rabbits.

Ryan stopped playing and turned his head to the left side of the stage. Jon and Spencer did the same. There stood Pete, his usual caramel macchiato in one hand, and someone's hand in the other.

"No way," Ryan murmured, when he saw whose hand it was.

And then it got worse.

"I present to you the soon-to-be Mrs. Pete Wentz," Pete announced proudly, showing the four boys the sparkling engagement ring on her finger.

"Shit," Brendon muttered beneath the super fake smile plastered on his face. Not only was Pete dating Sam, he was marrying her! This was too terrible for words!

<end flashback>

And then there was the night before the wedding. Brendon was brought back to it, and felt like he was reliving it.

<flashback>

"Should I marry Pete?" Sam asked quietly. All of a sudden she didn't know if she was making the right choice.

"Yes," Brendon said seriously. "You should definitely marry Pete."

Then he looked Sam in the eye. "I wouldn't let you do this if I thought it was a mistake. I promise you you're making the best choice you'll ever get to make."

<end flashback>

It was evident how much Sam truly loved Pete, and Pete loved her to pieces as well. They were in love, and that was how it was supposed to be. How could Brendon possibly interfere with that? Especially when he loved both of them as well?

"Because," Brendon repeated, biting his lip. "If you really loved me, I'd get you back somehow. Without having to do anything."

He didn't see it coming, any of it. He didn't think Pete would change into an ugly person or that he and Sam would get divorced. He thought it would be Pete and Sam forever. And as time passed, he'd become ok with it. If Sam was happy, and Pete was treating her the way she deserved to be treated, he could not be bitter.

"He loved me," Sam's eyes met Brendon's. "But you loved me more," she whispered. "To let me go."

Brendon nodded, a beautiful smile on his face.

The faint sound of Spencer and the technicians finishing packing up the equipment echoed behind Pete and Sam, and the cold air smelled like Christmas. Christmas was only two days away, and Sam had a feeling she was about to get everything she wanted. The only thing she wanted.

"I'm in love with you...again," Sam said, blushing wildly. Her face felt really hot in comparison to the freezing weather. "Are you in love with me too?"

He took a step closer to her, and pressed his mouth to hers. "Do you even have to ask?"

"Ahem," Spencer cleared his throat, but with a smile on his face. "Here we go again...if you keep sucking face like that, you won't be able to sing anymore. Then I'll have to take over that responsibility as well..."

"Shut up Spence," Brendon rolled his eyes. "Let's go. Home."

"I miss her," Spencer said fondly, referring to Haley of course.

"You love her," Sam squeezed Spencer's shoulder.

 "I do," he smiled widely. "Now let's go. We have to pack."

This year, the Panic boys and their families would be celebrating Christmas eve and Christmas in Vegas, their hometown, and they had a flight to catch in just a few hours.

---

 

Hey guys! Can you believe Thanksgiving is tomorrow?! I'm thankful to have each of you as friends, and I love you guys more than you know. Happy Thanksgiving!

Fall Out Boy Members Announce Metal Side Project

Posted: Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Members of Fall Out Boy, Every Time I Die and Anthrax have joined forces to create a metal supergroup called The Damned Things.

FOB’s Joe Trohman and Andy Hurley have teamed up with ETID’s Keith Buckley and Anthrax’s Scott Ian and Rob Caggiano in what could be one of rock’s most unusual comings together in recent history!

The band came together through mutual friend David Karon, who will now also play bass in the band. And despite Scott Ian’s initial reservations about meeting with Trohman, the pair hit it off immediately and found themselves jamming. Described by Scott as “Kyuss meeting Thin Lizzy”, it’s uncertain how long the project will take to come into fruition with day job commitments, but all parties are excited about the songs created.

“We just started working on songs together and I really dug it,” Scott exclusively revealed to Rock Sound. “It just felt really good. From there we decided that obviously both of us are pretty busy in our day jobs but let’s see what we can do with this. Even if it takes us five years to make a record, why not?

“It’s super fun and it’s something that we do totally take seriously because we love the music we’ve created. People think of Fall Out Boy and they think of Pete Wentz and Patrick. These two guys, man, they’re fucking hardcore dudes. Joe writes some amazing riffs. We have this song called ‘A Great Reckoning’ that I swear to God, this song could be on any Thin Lizzy record. He fucking blew my mind with this song and I just can’t wait for people to hear it.”

Commenting on the project, Joe told Rock Sound: “Scott’s right hand is the reason I got into playing punk rock, hardcore and metal! Having Keith as part of the mix is insane, we all know he writes incredible lyrics but he is also a really good singer. That is showcased in Every Time I Die, but we want him to go more into singing than screaming on this project.”

Having already demoed and written over 15 songs, Rock Sound understands recording is scheduled to begin before Christmas. Watch this space.

www.thedamnedthings.com

via rocksound

“So,” Brendon wiggled an eyebrow at Sam. “What do you think of the new and improved Panic! at the Disco?”

It was the first time she’d seen Brendon and Spencer perform as Panic! She still wasn’t used to the absence of Jon and Ryan, even though they’d left the band quite a while ago. In fact, she had yet to see The Young Veins perform.

“Not too shabby,” Sam joked to a sweaty and red-faced Brendon and a wiped out Spencer. She’d always admired how they gave everything they had at their shows. It was what made them such great musicians. And of course they were her best friends, so she was biased.

“You know it’s going well when Brendon still causes twelve year old girls to go into cardiac arrest,” Spencer laughed, recalling when Brendon had removed his shirt on account of being soaked with sweat. The teenies had gone nuts, and tried to grope him and everything.

“All I have to say is thank God for Zack,” Brendon said to the mirror as he made kissy faces in front of it. “Those girls are ruthless. They may be half our age and height, but I’m tellin’ ya, they don’t take no for an answer.”

“It still amazes me that you haven’t been raped yet,” Sam stated. Teenies were small and annoying, but they knew what they were doing. Those girls meant business.

Brendon was now onto singing Paramore at the top of his lungs, and Spencer joined in. They were well into the second verse of Emergency when Sam made them stop. “Bren, you’re the best singer I know, but I don’t think Hayley intended for Emergency to be an opera song,” she busted up. His falsetto voice, although amazing, was far too high, even for a female. “And Spence, there’s a reason why you’re a drummer.”

Before the boys could come up with a rebuttal, they were joined by none other than Pete Wentz.

“Fuck,” Brendon muttered under his breath. He did not want to be around the guy.

Spencer remained silent, not even bothering to acknowledge Pete’s presence. Sam followed suit. She didn’t have anything to say.

“So Hayley would’ve liked the high notes you hit,” Pete cracked the ice, trying to be comical. “But she might not be too thrilled that your vocal range is broader than hers.”

The silence was palpable, and everyone darted their eyes away from Pete. Brendon was closely examining the ground below his feet, Spencer seemed mesmerized by his shoes, and Sam was really into the scarlet nail polish on her nails.

Pete cleared his throat awkwardly. “Ok. I see how this is gonna go,” he stared hard at all three of them, especially Sam.

“Yeah?” Brendon finally responded, although sarcastically. “Then why the fuck did you bother coming? What are you doing here?”

Sam placed a hand on Brendon’s shoulder to get him to calm down. She’d handle this herself. After all, Pete was obviously there for her.

“What do you want?” she asked plainly, but it came out too nice.

“You know, you’ve asked me that question so many times over the years,” Pete said, his voice raspy. “And each time, my answer is always the same. You. I want you.”

“No. You want everything,” Sam pointed out. It was true; there was no denying it. Pete wanted the world. A corner of the universe wasn’t gonna cut it. He had to have it all.

“I do,” Pete admitted sheepishly, knowing he couldn’t argue with that. “But I don’t have anything if I don’t have you. I know I’ve made bad choices and hurt you. And I’m sorry. But I can’t do this without you.”

Spencer let out a loud sigh. Pete was being so dramatic. It was his entire fault in the first place. He and Brendon waited for Sam to tell him off.

“But you can,” Sam said sadly. “You’ve made it crystal clear.”

“Tessa and I are over,” Pete told her, like it would make all his mistakes and faults disappear. “And she’s having an abortion.”

“That’s just peachy isn’t it,” Sam commented sarcastically. Her sharp words cut at Pete’s core, but he wouldn’t stop trying.

“Dammit Sam,” his face crumpled. “Look, I’ll do anything. Whatever it takes to get you back. I don’t care what it is. I just can’t lose you.”

Sam motioned to her naked ring finger. “You already did. I’m Samantha Halden now, not Samantha Wentz. I’m your ex-wife. Probably the first of many...”

As Brendon watched the drama unfold in front of him, he realized he didn’t want Sam to give in. He didn’t want her to take Pete back. It wasn’t right. Pete didn’t deserve any more chances. He didn’t deserve Sam.

“Unlike you, I actually meant it when I said my vows,” Sam said sadly. “It was you who backed out. See, marriage only works if both people cooperate and truly love each other.”

“And I do love you,” Pete stammered, knowing he was losing the battle.

Sam shrugged, not really caring if he still loved her anymore. “You’re eight years older than me. We’re at different points in our lives.” He was thirty, and she was barely twenty two. “We grew apart.” That was the easiest explanation, and she’d started to believe it herself. It made sense too.

“We can fix this,” Pete said, a look of sheer determination on his face. “Come home. Please?”

She knew she wanted to. She wanted to believe him, forgive him, be in love with him again, move back into her life. But she couldn’t. It wasn’t her life anymore. Like the seasons, she was changing, and she had to let herself move forward.

“Listen,” Sam told him. She didn’t know where she’d gotten all this newfound patience from, but it was coming in handy. “I forgive you, and that’s a lot more than you deserve. I don’t think you could ask for anything else.”

“You’re right,” Pete agreed, realizing her forgiving him was a big step. For now, that was enough for him.

“I don’t know who I’m becoming, but I know there are certain things I want to do, and am going to do. That’s my focus right now,” she said honestly. Whether she and Pete ended up back together someday was up to fate. Whatever was meant to happen would happen. She wasn’t going to elaborate on it or waste time thinking about it.

*****

“Hey,” Brendon smiled at her after Pete left. He and Spencer were loading up their instruments, and Sam was making sure they didn’t leave anything behind.

“You’re so brave,” he complimented her. She’d handled that encounter with Pete very maturely, and he was impressed. “I would’ve ripped his ears off if I were you. In fact, I was about to help you out, but you fared well on your own.”

“Thanks,” she half smiled, appreciating his comment.

He held her gaze for an extended amount of time, and said what he’d wanted to say for quite a while now.

“Do you know why I let you marry Pete?”

*****

Dun dun dun! Hahaha hey guys, hope you like this part! Thanksgiving is fast approaching! I started Christmas shopping and setting up Christmas lights today :] I know it’s early but I don’t care! Hope you’re all doing fine and dandy! Love, jac

Chapter 8-We're only liars, but we're the best.

I dreaded the thought of Friday night all week long. The thoughts of my lies weighed on my mind more than usual, but my phone took my mind off both of these thoughts for little bits at a time. Unfortunately, the one school day that actually went fast was the day I didn't want it to. My mom insisted on picking me up from school that day so that I could go home and help clean the house from top to bottom before I got dressed. We were getting extremely dressed up, and she bought me a long black very conservative dress to wear. I tried it on when she gave it to me, and I guess it wasn't the worst thing she could have picked out. We scrubbed the house until about five when my dad came home. I ran up to my room to get ready, and I figured that I would actually put effort into my appearance just to make my parents happy. I put on the dress and swept my hair back elegantly. I fixed my makeup a little to make it a little more subtle, and then checked my reflection in the mirror. I actually looked really good, so I took a few pictures just for fun. It was almost six by the time I was done and downstairs, and right on cue the Wilsons rang the doorbell. I opened the door as instructed and led them into the house where my parents were waiting to greet them, also. I plastered a fake smile on my face that I planned to keep there for the rest of the night. Suddenly, my mom swooped next to me and casually put her arm on my shoulder. "Emily you obviously know Brent, but you haven't met Mr. and Mrs. Wilson yet." As I had been taught to do, I stuck out my hand for a warm shake and a 'nice to meet you' for both-all completely fake. My dad suggested that we move into the dining room, and we all followed, me and Brent somehow ending up behind everyone else, therefore getting the last two seats that just happened to be next to each other. I sighed quietly to myself and sat down. Brent smiled a bit, but we stayed mostly silent. Our parents were talking about a lot of thing that we didn't care about at all, and we didn't really have anything to talk about ourselves. It was the most awkward five minutes of my life. Yes, only five minutes had passed. Finally, my mom got up to get the food. It seemed a bit less awkward as we filled our plates, but soon we were expected to make conversation for ourselves. "So, it was pretty funny when you played along with that thing with Andy at homecoming," I started. "Yeah, I guess so," he continued. "I was hyper and happy that I wasn't wasted." He lowered his voice for the last part of the sentence, but the parents were too wrapped up in their conversation to hear or care. I nodded, taking a bite of food so that I didn't have to continue the awkward conversation. "You're still dating Pete?" he asked, also quietly thank God. I just nodded and put a finger to my lips. He nodded, understanding my silent message. "The food is good," Brent said a bit louder when the adults fell silent. "Thank you, Brent!" my mom said a little too happily. I looked down to hide my unavoidable eye-roll. Brent saw it and smirked a bit. I kept my mouth closed as much as possible that night, and I swear it was the most awkward event I have ever been put through. It was worse than sex ed in fifth grade, if that tells you anything. It was much, much worse. The two and a half hours that the Wilsons spent with us felt like two and a half days, but soon they left so that I could retreat to my room and call Pete. "How was your dinner party?" he asked as soon as he picked up. "It fucking sucked," I admitted. "It was the most awkward thing I have ever had to endure." He laughed. "Are you laughing at my pain?" I smiled a real smile for the first time in hours. "Possibly," he admitted. "I cannot confirm or deny." I sighed, smiling to myself. "For some reason, I have Romeo and Juliet running through my head," I mused randomly. Pete was silent, but I could tell he was smiling. "Really? That gives me an idea." I sighed happily. Suddenly, I heard my mom's voice from downstairs, calling me. "Ugh, I have to go," I whined. "Fine," he sighed, obviously still happy with his idea. "Talk to you later! Love you!" I hung up quickly as my mom called my name again. I headed down the stairs, happy that I didn't have the fake smile or the dress on anymore. "Come help me clean up a little bit," she ordered. I did what I was told quietly, but then she started making conversation. "So it was a nice night, wasn't it?" I simply nodded and continued my job. "Brent seems like a nice boy," she continued. "I was thinking when you two were talking that you should consider him for a boyfriend!" It took all my strength not to puke right there. If only she knew what happened at Ryan's party, she would take that back right away. And besides, she has no fucking clue what I thought about him, and my guess was that she didn't want to know anyway. I just pushed it out of my mind and thought of Pete instead so I would be able to finish my chores without having too much of a problem. When I was silent, I thought my mom got the message. I thought wrong. "All I'm saying is consider it," she continues. "I'll end it there." Thank God, I thought as I picked up the last dish and put it away. "Okay, well I'm going to go to bed," she announced, obviously disappointed that I wasn't considering Brent as an option. "Okay, good night," I said very monotone. She went up the stairs with no further conversation, which was much better for me. I sighed and decided that I would follow suit. I headed up to my room, but decided to try to write a bit before sleeping. I only lasted about half an hour before I wanted to turn off my light. I was almost asleep when I heard a small tap to my left. I knew my parents were asleep, so I just ignored it-that is until I heard it again. I got out of bed to see what it was, and heard the noise a third time. By then, I had figured out it was coming from my window. I saw a figure standing outside, so I opened my window to see Pete standing on the lawn, ready to throw another pebble. "It's Romeo," he announced quietly. I smiled widely down at him, not sure what to say. "You gave me the idea when you said that you were thinking about Romeo and Juliet," he explained happily. "Why don't you come down here and join me?" My smile faded for only a moment. "I can't, my parents would hear the door open." He grinned widely. "Come down through the window," he suggested. "I'll catch you if you fall." I only hesitated for a moment before I removed the screen and started climbing out the open window, completely trusting Pete. As soon as he could reach, he had his hands on me to reassure me. Eventually, he lifted me down so that I was safe in him arms. He kissed me, and put me down. "You are so cute!" I announced quietly. He laughed a bit and kissed me again. I put my hand behind his head to deepen the kiss. We only separated to catch our breath. "I think I like you better than Pete, Romeo," I whispered. "But don't tell him I said that." He smiled and down in the grass, putting me in his lap. "So how was your night with the Wilsons?" he asked. "That sounds like a bad movie title-Night with the Wilsons. Anyway, it was okay, just really awkward. And I mean really awkward. And then after they left, my mom said that I should think about Brent for a boyfriend." Pete laughed. "You and Brent would definitely be interesting. At least you know he loves you when he's drunk." I smiled a little at that. We talked mindlessly for about an hour until I almost fell asleep on Pete's shoulder. "It might be smart for you to go back up to your rooms before you're too tired," he advised. I yawned and nodded. He helped me back up through the window, and I leaned out to say goodbye before putting the screen back in. "Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow," he quoted from Romeo and Juliette. I smiled and blew a kiss. "I love you!" He took a step back. "I love you too, Emily!" he called. I put the screen back in as he walked to his car and watch his tail lights speed down the street.

I woke up in the morning still happy from the night before with Pete. His actions had set in stone my decision that he was worth the risk. I didn't even get out of bed to talk to Pete; I just grabbed my phone and called him. We planned that he would pick me up on our corner in an hour, so I told my mom what my plans were with "Lindsay" and got ready as fast as possible, grabbing my phone on my way out the door. Pete was already at the corner when I got there. "Hey Romeo!" I greeted him happily. He smiled and stole a quick kiss. "We have no plan," he started. "I figured we could just do spur of the moment stuff all day." I nodded. "Sounds great!" We sped down the street again towards Pete's apartment. As he unlocked the door, my phone vibrated. I answered it, planning on keeping the conversation short. "What's up Andy?" I asked right away, putting on a fake tone of annoyance to hopefully make him want to hang up sooner. "Just wondering if you guys would want to open for Starlight Motivation tonight." I covered the receiver of the phone to ask Pete, hoping he would say yes. Starlight Motivation was getting bigger with every passing day, and they were legendary locally. Everyone knew who they were, and opening for them would give us a much-needed popularity boost, at least around this area. At long last, he gave me the okay and I relayed the answer to Andy. We agreed to meet at Nights of Columbus hall at six because the show started at seven then turned my phone off to avoid further disruption. "Now that that's done," I started, sitting down on the couch next to Pete. He draped his arm over my shoulders and kissed my cheek quickly. "I can't believe it's already November," he mused to himself. "We're almost halfway through our senior year already. " I nodded, thinking about where I was going to go after this year. I had sent in college applications, of course, now I just needed to decide where or if I was going to go. I figured I'd wait to see what became of my lies, and then I'd decide. "So your mom wants you to date Brent?" he brought up again, obviously amused by the thought. "Yes, but it's never going to happen," I promised. "I know that, I just think it's kind of a funny thought." I nodded in agreement. My mom had no clue-about anything.

---

Meh. It's really short and just a filler again. I hate it. I think I'm going to jump a few months in advance for the next chapter, cuz that's where the fun stuff happens :) I've had the same idea in my head since august, and I'm just trying to get it there now. hope u like it...comment/buzz!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

Brendon was lead slowly up the stairs by Spencer who sat him down on the sofa and made them both coffee.
He sat down on the sofa facing his best friend but didn’t say anything.
He didn’t know what to say to help him or to make him feel better. There was nothing to say.
They both sipped on their hot coffees, staring at one another with the same lost look in both of their eyes.

“What do we do Spence? What do I do?” Brendon asked putting down his coffee onto the little table beside them.
Spencer, copying Brendon’s actions, shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know Bren, I don’t know what we can do, but we can do it together.”
Brendon giggled “That could sound so wrong Spence. So so wrong....”
Spencer smirked “Well I see your filthy mind hasn’t been affected at all...come on B.” He said standing up “lets get you back to bed”
Brendon nodded and followed Spencer back up the stairs but when they got to Brendon’s room he pulled Spencer in with him.

“Stay with me? Please? I don’t want to be on my own Spence.” he said, giving eyes that a grown man couldn’t say no to.
“Of course I will. You know I’d put my life on the line for you B...any time.”
“Thanks Spence, thanks..” Brendon then proceeded to lift his t-shirt over his head and climbed into the bed facing the wall.
Spencer then slipped in beside him and faced the rest of the room.
“G’night Brendon” he said, cuddling down against the covers.
“Night Spence” Brendon said back.

Spencer doesn’t know how much longer he laid there before he felt two strong arms wrap around his torso and soft lips pressed to the back of his neck.
“Why am I so in love with you Spencer Smith? I hardly even know you.”

Spencer didn’t sleep for the rest of the night.

 

 

Heeey sorry I've been gone so long guys but I think that's everything sorted....
 I'm excited to start posting more and I thank you all for sticking with me! I love you all! <3

 

its up! its taking me longer to write this because i have a partial life.
haha PARTIAL.
enjoy! x

 

I'll promise you anything but another shot a life -
Chapter 11

 

Dear Pete,
              I’ve never really been hospital before, not since I broke my arm, my dad had warned me not to climb that tree but I never listen.
Have you ever been to hospital?
What for?
I bet you were like me always climbing things and being a general nuisance.
I’m still not sure Hayley’s okay, she’s a fighter really. She seemed angry when I saw her today, maybe she’s angry at herself for losing the baby.
I didn’t even know she was pregnant but she was, Ryan was gutted but that must be nothing compared to how she’s feeling.
I read the magazine article about it all. Front page news.
Thrilled. NOT.
They wrote how one of competition winners tried to commit suicide. There’s a picture of us that I would I have liked in better circumstances. I cut out the article anyway, it means a lot.
Is that wrong?
Did you ever nearly loose someone dear to you?

Your ever faithful admirer and one-sided pen-pal

Marie xxx

I sat on the table waiting for Patrick, not often anyone gets to say that.
I swung my legs under the table half childishly and half impatiently, I wanted no needed to see if Hayley was okay.

“You don’t look like you slept.” Andy commented as he opened the fridge for a drink.

“I haven’t” I answered rubbing my eyes sorely.

“Nightmares huh?” he guessed well.

“Yeah, just keep seeing her.” I confessed.

“Most people would don’t worry,” he smiled sympathetically.
I smiled back not really sure what to make of the situation. There then began a silence in the room that was anything but awkward, he was busy fishing around for his vegan yoghurt or something and I was allowed to silently getting on with mentally preparing myself.

“Hey, you’re early!” I solemnly raised my head and Patrick was there in the front of me putting a jacket on.

“Couldn’t sleep.” I explained dulcetly. “Couldn’t do anything.”

“Let’s go then, maybe afterwards you might get some sleep.” he reasoning was out by miles because I thought I could never sleep after this, I would just keep seeing her lying on the floor, my sister, my whole family, bleeding to death.
I slid off the table, waving goodbye to Andy as I did.

The drive to the hospital was unbearable, I couldn’t think of anything normal to say to Patrick as the cab drove us because it struck me how surreal my life was getting and just how far away from the ordinary I’d gone.
I was on tour with fall out boy.
Sitting in a cab with Patrick Stump.
Going to hospital to see my suicidal sister.
With a car full of photographers hounding us like criminals.
I looked at the cab clock, by this time I would normally only be at school staring listlessly at my textbook wondering if this was life.
But now some luck had finally struck and I was somewhere else, with my favourite people in the world.
We parked up and Patrick sighed looking around out the back of the cab at the photographers preparing their lenses.

“Do you think they ever sleep?” he joked. The futile attempt to make me laugh was nice.

“They probably run on rechargeable batteries like their cameras right?” I smiled back, feeling like he needed comforting about this too, I don’t think he went here often.

We got out the cab and the disorientating flashes kept me from looking up and telling them to clear off, I didn’t want to draw anymore attention to myself. There weren’t the hundreds you saw hanging around top celebrities but there were a fair few indeed.
They bustled trying to get our faces but Patrick shielded me and directed me into the hospital doors with a guiding arm, he didn’t react other than that.
Pete had yelled and defended to the death but Patrick took it with a dignified silence to them calling his name.
As soon as the hospital doors whooshed aside automatically they stopped taking pictures, not out of respect from the patients but because security came round and prised them away.

“Do you ever get used to it?” I asked Patrick in the lift and rubbing the flash spots on my eyes. Like when you look at a bright light and it leaves an imprint on your vision.

The hospital was as bleak and smelly as I’d imagined, the floor cleaned within an inch of their life and the corridors filled with the sound of whining shoes as we squeaked to Hayley’s ward.
I hesitated once we reached the swinging doors that would take us to her, it made me sick to my feet about what might be waiting.

“What’s wrong?” Patrick asked as I stopped.

“I don’t think I can go in.” I mumbled pathetically.

“Why?” he frowned boring his eyes into mine searching for reasoning behind this sudden change of heart.
I looked back at him, this small blonde man, and my friend, was more to me than most people.

“What if…” I started then bit my lip hard, biting down on the tears too. I had to be strong for Hayley.

“Come here.” he stretched out and arm and I slid under it. He rubbed my shoulders supportively. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to, but believe you me, you’ll regret it if you don’t.” I squeezed my eyes shut then slowly opened them, he was right.

“Okay.” I croaked and pushed open the swing doors to Hayley.

I spotted her immediately, from a distance she looked exactly the same as she normally did, he orange and blonde hair tousled across the pillow and her skin porcelain like a priceless china doll, but then as we got closer you could see the cracks.
Her hair was lank and lay listlessly on her pillow unkept, he skin was almost the exact colour of the white sheets only disturbed by the violet rings semi circled under her eyes.
I grabbed her hand the moment it was in reach,

“Hayley…” I muttered stroking her tiny knuckled with my thumb. “Oh Hayley why did you do this?” I felt my eyes well up and it wasn’t helped by Patrick putting a hand on my shoulder.

“She’s sleeping.” he whispered and I reached up to shake her shoulder, I felt like I was going to break her if I did it too vigorously, abnormal from her usual strength. Before I used to bowl into her and she’d stay exactly where she was, steady as pride rock.
Hayley’s eyes flickered open warily and then she saw me and turned her face away.

“Hayley, I’m here for you, I’m always here for you, why did you do it?” I would keep repeating this until she heard, and until she answered.

“Ashlee was right” Hayley had turned her face so I couldn’t see her cry but I could hear it in her voice. “she said I looked like the kind of girl who would be a young mum and she was right!” she snapped yanking her hand away from mine.

“Don’t listen to what Ashlee says.” I scoffed, “she was drunk, she didn’t mean it. Hayley, why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”

“I didn’t want to be, I thought that…” she cut herself off and covered her face with her hands.

“You thought that if you didn’t say it, it wouldn’t be true.” I finished bleakly. She nodded shaking with silent sobs. I put my arm round her just appreciating the way her body moved alive.

“Does Ryan know?” I asked stroking her head, which she shook.

“I didn’t know how to tell him! I cant just come out with something like that over the phone!” fresh tears swelled and erupted from her slate eyes.

“Of course not” I soothed.

“But the hospital phoned him and now he’s gonna know and he’s going to be so mad I didn’t say anything! don’t let him leave me! Marie you can’t let him leave me!” she begged me, clinging reverently onto my shirt.

“I-I can’t promise that Hayley!” I reasoned. “you know I cant! But he wont leave you! Why would anyone leave you?”

“Thanks.” she whispered her mind clearly not soothed.

“Why did you drink the bleach?” I asked and she sat bolt up gripping the sheets tight in an determined clasp.

“Because I lost the baby and I thought I was better of dead than a failure!” she suddenly burst into howling, uncontrollable tears that seemed to echo through the walls of my head as well as the ward. I rocked her in our hug not minding one bit that her tears were staining my shirt along with her unwashed make-up.

“You’re not a failure Hails.”

“I am!”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because look at my life! I have no job prospects, no real family, I’m living off Ryan for fuck sake!” she smacked her palm against her head.

“You’re doing a damn sight better than me.” I laughed. “Just tell me what happened yesterday.”

“Well I got back into our room after Ashlee said those things and I was so angry! Because I knew I was pregnant, after you saw me crying at the pizza place, I realized I hadn’t had my period for a while and I knew, I could just feel it.” her hand slid up to her stomach self consciously. “I was in the room and I suddenly felt like my stomach was about to explode, I felt like I needed the toilet too, I sat on the bed but the pain wouldn’t stop, I saw the blood underneath me so I ripped my jeans off and there was blood…everywhere…I couldn’t…I knew…” she broke down again, nothing in the world could keep her together right now but Ryan.

He would be here tomorrow the doctors told her but she wouldn’t stop calling his name in the night, we stayed the night, I wanted Patrick to go home and get some proper sleep but he was adamant he wanted to stay here.

“RYAN!” Hayley shouted, I prised my eyes open again to quieten her.

“Sshh Hayley, it’s okay he’ll be here soon.” I repeated but her slate eyes were fixed glisteningly over my shoulder and I turned to see and Ryan was in the doorway staring back like he was in a daze.

I left after that because they had to talk and work things out together, I wasn’t needed anymore, Ryan had replaced me as Hayley’s one trustee.
I tried to sleep on the journey to the bus in the cab but I couldn’t close my eyes with seeing her on the bloody floor, or hearing her call for Ryan. We got back and Patrick put a secure arm round me helping me onto the bus.

Would Ryan forgive Hayley?

Would she get over this?

Would I ever get the old Hayley back?

I wish.

 

what did you think?

any suggestions? 
any predictions?

comment and buzz please! :)
Chicago x

EVERYONE WHO LIKES TO READ AND WHO POSSIBLY WANT TO START WRITING OR JUST LIKE TO READ THEM AND PPL WHO LIKE WRITE FAN FICS PLS READ!

In my year of being on buzznet (which sounds unimpressive) i have never seen this happen, and im not sure if its been done before but i have an idea

(if u dont wanna read the whole story of how i came to think of this, because i feel like i need to justify this, skip to the "---")

BUT! just for some refence too, you know that assignment in elementary school where u would write a sentance then pass it on to a person, and soon enough it would be a full story of randomness, well this is kinda like this.

so one late summer night i was very very bored and came across ATL message boards and found a thread on fan fics and there was this myspace page where it was a continuing story but each chapter was written by a different person, and late one night i thought, HEY! there are A LOT of good writers on buzznet, wouldn't it be cool to do that, on buzznet.

------

So i would love to know if anyone else would like to join a group and do sorta like a fan fic where every chapter is done by a different person, you don't have to be the best writer and you dont have to ever have written a fan fic before, its open to EVERYONE!!!

so please join Ze Writers Of Ze Buzznet 

its not super serious and again, is open to anyone who wants to join.

so please don't kill a idea and dont be shy, i believe this could be the coolest most awesomest thing in the history of the internet if it works out and people co-operate!!!

OH and also this could be the end to writers block, in some possible way

Love,

Super A.D.D. Jocelyne A.K.A. mcrrocker1819

 

again

join

and you win a *cookie

 

 

 

 

* = Virtually

Chapter 62
It hurts remembering, don’t help. You can't be too caring anymore (I’m trying hard not to be ashamed)

The early morning fastly turned into a normal morning. I was awaken by a loud knocking on a bedroom door and Dasha’s arguing with somebody. And that “somebody” was obviously Andy. I groaned and passed to the door dressing on the way there. I had to open and see Andy who immediately watched me over from toes to top. He glanced into the room weighing up a situation inside.
“Uhuh”, he said and gave me a look that could freeze a fire.
I shrugged my shoulders and came into a lounge closing the door beside me. I noticed Dasha was with William sitting on a couch. Apparently they hadn’t anything intimate just spending last hours of the party here talking.
“You need to go catch your train. I’ll take you there”, Andy said with no expression.
“Why not Pete and Joe?” Dasha asked without thinking and snickered nervously.
“And why not Bill and…who’s sleeping there?.. Barakat? And to where did you put your Iero? Where’s he?” Andy asked us.
“Okay, you’ll take us to our train. I don’t care”, I said guessing this ride will be no pleasure to Dasha and me.
“I have your tickets. Get ready. I’ll wait in the corridor”, he updated us with this information and walked out.
“Assss”, Dasha and me sighed out.
I eventually greeted Will who gave me a shiny smile. 
“Last nice thing for this morning”, I thought and returned into the bedroom.
I ended my dressing up, then awoke Jack and almost dressed him up too. He was sleepy much but could understand we were gonna say good byes in some minutes. Also I was glad he remembered who I am xD. He grabbed Bill and after hugging farewell they both left the room. Dasha and me got our packed cases and bags to the lounge and sat down on the couch with aim to put some make up. We looked puffed and crumpled and it was scaring us xD.
“Have no time for it. Grab your stuffs and move towards the exit”, we heard Andy’s voice.
He was standing in a doorway holding the door while Dasha and me walked out with cases in hands and bags hanging on shoulders. I glanced last time on our room making sure we didn’t forget anything and locked it. Andy was already near an elevator holding it for us too. Dasha and me speeded up our walk and got into there. I added nothing to my last night’s outfit, so hangover and cold air around gave me a shiver soon. Dasha was ready to fall asleep on her way. Andy was expressing his own disgust about our awful smell. Speaking in general, many things in us were causing his discontent. We caught taxi and, as I said before, this ride was nothing to Dasha and me.
“I’m feeling sick to ride with you two in one car”, Andy said after a little pause.
“Get out and end your suffering”, I replied gloomy.
“Why are you sick? Of us? Explain, please”, Dasha said.
“Because you lost your last honor and credit! You drank it away. Made fools from Pete and Joe”, Andy “explained”.
“It’s not my fault that Trohman’s an idiot”, I replied smiling at memories from last night.
“If I allowed myself to drink, I made a fool from Pete?” Dasha asked.
“That you two let yourselves to drink, as you call it, is not the most awful thing in your behavior”, Andy continued as if Dasha said nothing. “Ok, I’ve known about Iero, but these two!” he obviously talked about Jack and Bill.
“What Iero?!” I didn’t agree.
“What these two?” Dasha argued with that part.
“That you fought for your common lover is a redundant proof”, Andy said just floating in his self-satisfaction as he looked at our jaw-dropped faces.
Dasha and me glanced at each other.
“We fought?” I asked.
“You beat a girl, Jane, after she said she liked Iero”, Andy said.
It only made Dasha and my faces look more quizzical. I started remembering or at least trying to do it.
**********flash back**********
I saw Jane, a nice brown-haired girl, crashing on a couch next to me. She gave me a smile and I smiled back.
“How’re you?” I asked her over a noise of the room.
“Oh, fine!” she leaned closer. “Girls, you’re amazing!”
“Thanks”, I said and we clinked our glasses.
“I like Frankie so much. He adores me. We danced”, she told me.
Somehow an amount of alcohol I drank hit my head. I was deeply offended by the fact Jane likes Frank. ‘Cause he’s my friend and had attempts to adore ME. But instead of silently mulling it over, I bursted out.
“You think just a dance with you can adore him? Keep your hands off his body! He’s not for you, gal!” I said loudly and slurring.
Jane was watching at me with a crazy look. 
Now I can understand her, but then…
*******Soundtrack – “Cut me up, Jenny” by Taking Back Sunday*******
I called Dasha loudly and got up.
“She wanna be with Frank, Dasha! With our Frank!” I was talking into Russian (thanks, Lord) and pointing at Jane.
Meaning of Dasha’s words being addressed to Jane but spoke in Russian was similar to mine. Dasha and me were insulting the girl we called our friend five minutes ago. Shame on us. But Jane wasn’t gonna just to swallow our rudeness. She stood for herself very well. I don’t wanna recall all of our insults we three were awarding each other. It was offensive, vulgar, rough and nothing special. I don’t remember who was first to punch whom. I just remember Jane who grabbed my hair, Dasha doing the same with Jane’s hair and me trying to tear apart Jane’s hands from my hair and grazing her face. The fight wasn’t too long ‘cause we were grabbed away from each other by some of boys. Standing aside and calming down (it was quick xD), I saw Jane walking with Ray into a bathroom. She had a blood under her nose. 
“Nice punch”, I heard Bob’s voice near me.
I looked at him.
“What?” I asked not getting him.
“You have a good punch”, he said. “You hit her hard”.
I immediately stared at my hands. There were small marks of blood. Not mine or Dasha’s of course, so it was me who hit the girl. I snickered uncertainly, not knowing what to do – be glad I fended for myself or feel embarrassed I punch people being drunk.
“School of my dad”, I replied.
Dasha laughed standing near and making order with her hairdo. And of course we soon saw Frank in front of us with a wide smile on his lips.
“Girls, you were fighting for me!” he was apparently glad of that fact.
Dasha and me gave him gloomy glares.
“I’m just fucking in awe”, he replied to them.
***end of flash back***
“You recalled?” I asked Dasha cheerlessly.
“Kinda”, she replied with the same tone.
“Well, this night was … eventful”, I spoke.
“Kinda”, Dasha repeated.
“I hope you have a shame still and you feel… embarrassment at least!” Andy said. “Though I deeply doubt it’s so. This morning…this morning I could expect anything, but foursome!” 
“Did you fucking lose your mind, Andy?” I asked him loudly.
“I had nothing with Becket. Why am I always an object of your crazy suspicions?” Dasha asked. “Why do you think I slept with him? For what I should sleep with him? He saw me off to my room and we have been talking. Just talking. And if you didn’t notice may be, he was dressed up”.
“How do I know? He opened a door for me. He could dressed up before. He should. I know that I found naked Barakat”, Andy said and looked at me.
“So what? It’s forbidden for naked Barakat to be with me? Want more info? I was naked too. He liked that. I liked that”, I replied.
Andy grimaced.
“Andy, remember two simple things. First – Trohman an me are NOT together, so stop finding signs of my “cheating” to him. I can be with whomever I want. Second – Dasha didn’t sleep with Becket”, I said so firmly as I could.
Andy looked at us frowning his brows, fell in silence and turned away.
“Don’t even to dare to blab about your crazy fantasies to Pete. It’s just your sick mind. You saw nothing between Bill and me because we had nothing. It’s not your mission to spoil Pete and my relationships”, Dasha said to Andy.
“Bill can say himself he slept with you. To let Pete know who are you”, Andy said with clenched teeth.
“So who I am? Say it as you’ve began!” Dasha was in anger. “Who I am, mr. i-know-everything?”
“I don’t know everything”, he mumbled. “But I know that a girl who cheats and fuck around is a whore”.
Dasha looked speechless and was obviously offended. I was shocked by Andy.
“It’s you”, she spoke. “You, who are whore”.
“Cheap and bitchy”, I added. “Give us OUR tickets WE booked and get out of the car”, I said with a steel voice. “I don’t allow anybody to insult me. We’re tired to be a permanent object of your suspicions, your evil glances and unfair accusations. How far you can go with this shit? We’re normal girls. What did we do to you?”
“I don’t like injustice”, he replied calmly.
“It’s part of your straight-age bullshit?” Dasha asked mocking.
He gave us another evil glare, but we weren’t scared at all. We felt we were fending for ourselves. 
“Joe and Pete like you, I have to hang with you”, he said. “And I feel I will have to”.
“We will have to”, Dasha and me ended.
“Well, are you over with this shit? It’s the first time I drive such scandalous persons. I’ve began forgetting where I must take you to”, our driver said.
“Just look at the road and don’t listen”, Andy snapped to him.
“And you just stop fucking cursing these nice girls. They’re young and pretty. They want to live free. It’s not your business, daddy”, the driver replied.
Dasha and me bursted out in a laughter mentally thanking this man.
“Cut it and listen to adult men. Youth is a damn good thing, but in a couple with moderation. So that’s why open side windows – there’s nothing to breath inside. I see that you two didn’t know about any moderation last night”, the driver said to Dasha and me.
We nodded and felt ourselves that he didn’t lie about the air inside. We opened the windows and moved our faces towards streams of fresh air. I held my vanity-case in my hands the whole way, but I surely didn’t wanna put on any make up under Andy’s glances. I was observing myself and came to the next – I need to change clothes somehow in airport WC and brush my hair as soon as possible. The rest of the ride we all were keeping the silence. And nothing interrupted it. I was enormously glad to get out of the car when we finally reached Indianapolis railway station. Andy gave us our tickets, we grabbed our stuffs and said byes to him (a proof we’re nice girls as the driver said xD). He nodded his head farewell and went for taxi. Dasha and me looked at the tickets to find out time of departure – 8.20 a.m. We glanced at our watches – it was only 6.40 a.m.! What we’ll do there for an hour and more?! We were cursing Andy by the last words xD.

“Ugh,” Pete groaned, reluctantly rolling out of bed. The doorbell was ringing nx and it was making his head hurt. He padded downstairs, nearly tripping over Tessa’s boxes of stuff. She was set to move in real soon.

He turned the doorknob, his eyes growing large when he saw who was at the door.

“Took you long enough,” Pete’s dad scowled, chuckling at his son’s unruly appearance. It looked like he hadn’t shaved in a month, and his hair was a total mess.

“Peter, when someone rings the doorbell, whether it’s the mailman, or the girl scouts, you answer the door,” she rattled off, annoyed that she and her husband had been standing in the cold for at least ten minutes. “We didn’t raise you to be disrespectful and lazy. Speaking of which, you look like you haven’t showered in a week!”

Pete shrugged, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. It was actually closer to two weeks, but he didn’t feel the need to point it out. “What exactly are you doing here?” he asked his parents. “And why didn’t you call first?”

Pete’s dad jiggled a bag full of wrapped presents. “It’s two days away from Christmas! Do you need further explanation?”

“We flew down to celebrate the holidays with you and Sam and everyone,” Pete’s mom smiled. “We thought it would be nice to surprise you.”

“Well you definitely surprised me,” Pete said through his teeth, forcing a fake smile. They didn’t know about the divorce yet, and he wasn’t ready to tell them. “Thanks for stopping by,” he leaned in to grab the bag of presents. “I’ll have your gifts ready later. Which hotel are you guys staying at?”

Pete’s parents cackled, not realizing their son wasn’t joking.

“Why would we be staying at a hotel when you’re always bragging about this damn house?” Pete’s dad questioned. “And we haven’t been over since Thanksgiving, and that doesn’t count because our visit got cut short,” he frowned, recalling Sam’s father’s unexpected death.

“Well?” Pete’s mom tapped her toes impatiently. “Are you gonna let us in or what? We want to see Sam!”

“Um,” Pete scratched his chin, mentally slapping himself for not telling them earlier. “About that...” he trailed off, thinking of an excuse.

“Is she not here?” Pete’s mom asked, checking out the cute ornaments that adorned the Christmas tree. Sam had impeccable taste. “Getting her nails done or something? That girl’s always on the go.”

“Uh,” Pete bit his lip. He felt a line of sweat beading along his hairline. They were going to murder his ass when they found out. “Not exactly.”

“Peter, if she’s in bed or something, you can just tell us,” Pete’s dad rolled his eyes. “We’re all adults here.”

“No,” Pete gulped. “It’s not that. We’re not together anymore.”

“Good one,” Pete’s mom laughed, elbowing her husband. “He’s always been a funny one, hasn’t he?”

When Pete didn’t say anything in return, Pete’s mom lost her marbles.

“What did you do?” she cried, nearly collapsing. She adored Sam. Sam was the best her son could have ever picked in a girl. “What do you mean you’re not together anymore?”

Pete looked down at his feet. “We got a divorce,” he said quietly. “She wanted to wait to have kids. I didn’t. We agreed to disagree.”

His souped up version of the truth would have gone over just fine if Tessa’s boxes hadn’t been lying all over the place.

“Tessa,” Pete’s father muttered, reading the block letters that were scrawled onto every box. “This isn’t Sam’s Tessa is it? Her best friend that we always see?”

When Pete remained silent, his parents knew what was going on.

“How awful of you,” Pete’s dad shook his head. “You divorce Sam over a stupid disagreement, then you get with her best friend? And you don’t tell us any of this? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“We’re very disappointed in you,” Pete’s mom put a hand to her head. “Who are you these days? Because we don’t know you anymore,” she said sadly, dabbing at her eyes. “Do you even know?”

“Guess we won’t be staying here after all,” Pete’s dad put an arm around his wife, and they headed for the door. “Merry Christmas,” he told his son, not meaning it.

Pete was left alone with an even emptier heart. He stared at his reflection in the mirror for a long time, realizing his mother was right. He didn’t even know who he was anymore. And it was time to fix that. He knew what he had to do. And it all started with getting Sam back.

******************

Hey guys, sorry this took so long. Hope you like this part  I can’t decide who Sam should end up with -_- (not that we’re nearing the end of this story or anything, cause we’re certainly not) what do you guys think?

oh hai people

i am quite aware i have not posted for a week now, and i dont mean to be giving excuses but theres this very evil thing called,Writers block, IT FUCKING SUCKS DICK!

and with my newly found wrist injury, it super hard to type....

and im actually only posting this to let people know whats going on, and to ask for some help...

i really need ideas, and you will not go uncredited if you'll be so kind and help me out... :D

 

love

jocelyne, the person who was stupid enough to injur their wrist by accidentally slamming it into a door knob

yeah

thats what actually happened...

-___________-