experience Blog and Journals

I was walking along the shore the other day, when I passed by a beach wedding ceremony. It was so simple; the bride was wearing a white satin dress and his groom was stunningly handsome in white tuxedos. The invited guests were a plenty; probably close family members and friends. Nevertheless, the couple looked perfectly ecstatic and spirited.

I was watching them with a quiet smile in my face. Love was theirs to keep. I pulled a long breathe and turned away from the scene. I don’t know but for the first time, I felt a gnawing emptiness in my heart.

I trudge the way back home with my head bowed low. My mind was filled with thoughts of the future, of my career, of my family, of my happiness. I have been doing the same thinking for a long time, and I finally admitted to myself that the life I had for the past 10 years was a web of dull moments. I won’t even call it life.

Accidentally, I bumped to someone along the way and almost fell to the ground when a powerful hand grabbed me up. It was a man in a perfectly fitted mens suits. While babbling an apology for my being dumb, I looked up and saw a scarred face of a man with brown lambent eyes, his mouth twisted into a gentle smile. All of a sudden, I was lost on his stare, completely tongue tied. He steadied me to my feet and while staring at him, I whispered thank you…. to him, to FATE.

Just heard Demi Lovatos new single Here We Go Again, and it reminded me of this boy in once knew, or well I still know him, but we haven't talked in about twoyears now..

But we had that kind of relationship Demi Lovato sings about the "I hate you but I love you" kinda thing for a really long time. We kept dancing around the issue of us being a real couple, but at the same time liking each other, and just not being able to get togeter or simply quit it and try to live without one another.

Eventually we had to change school, and now we go to different ones. And so now I havn't talked to him in two years, it's weird how somthing can change so much and so quickly. It makes me kinda sad to think about all of this, cause even if we couldn't figure out how to be together or without one another, we became really great friends - or maybe that was just me? Cause not seeing eachother was the same as throwing that friendship down the trash. But somewhere inside me I know that it was for the better, he was a typical bad boy, and even if i loved him, I'm better of without him!

Anywho I just wanted to share the song anf my own personal experience on the subject - cause like Oscar Wilde said it "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes".

I wanted to post the lyrics here, but I couldn't find ones matching the song, so just go listen to it at www.myspace.com/demilovato

 

Love and secrets,

Christine xoxo

 

I really love those boyish girls. They are hot and sexy and I really would date them...

Well, but sometimes I really wish I was a guy there are so many cool T-shirts for them and I just think that the life as a guy is well easier as the life as a girl. As a girl you have to look beautiful quiet all the time, doing your make up and hair everyday. Sure you have to style your hair as a guy as well... But it's really easy. Guys can act like a pig and it's just normal for them... xD You can get really hot chicks as a guy and really I'd love to have a hot chick at my site... But maybe a boys life is not that cool as I think...

Anyway, boys are really cool and being one of them just for one day would be a really cool experience thought...

 

 

"Learn from the mistakes of others." Trust me.........you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
> Believe me, I've tried.
>
>  HAIRBRUSH EXPERIENCE OF BETH MOORE AT THE AIRPORT
>
>  For those of you who do not know Beth Moore, she is an outstanding Bible teacher, writer of Bible studies, and is a married mother of two daughters.
>
>  This is one of her experiences:
>
>  April 20, 2005, at the Airport in Knoxville, waiting to board the plane, I had the Bible on my lap and was very intent upon what I was doing.  I'd had a marvelous morning with the Lord. I say this because I want to tell you it is a scary thing to have the Spirit of God really working in you. You could end up doing some things you never would have done otherwise.  Life in the Spirit can be dangerous for a thousand reasons not the least of which is your ego. I tried to keep from staring, but he was such a strange sight.  Humped over in a wheelchair, he was skin and bones, dressed in clothes that obviously fit when he was at least twenty pounds heavier.  His knees protruded from his trousers, and his shoulders looked like the coat hanger was still in his shirt.  His hands looked like tangled masses of veins and bones.
> The strangest part of him was his hair and nails. Stringy, gray hair hung well over his shoulders and down part of his back.  His fingernails were long, clean but strangely out of place on an old man. I looked down at my Bible as fast as I could, discomfort burning my 
> face. As I tried to imagine what his story might have been, I found myself wondering if I'd just had a Howard Hughes sighting.  Then, I remembered that he was dead.  So this man in the airport... An impersonator maybe? Was a camera on us somewhere?  There I sat; trying to concentrate on the Word to keep from being concerned about a thin slice of humanity served up on a wheelchair only a few seats from me.  All the while, my heart was
>  growing more and more overwhelmed with a feeling for him. Let's admit it.  Curiosity is a heap more comfortable than true concern, and suddenly I was awash with aching emotion for this bizarre-looking old man.
>  I had walked with God long enough to see the handwriting on the wall. I've learned that when I begin to feel what God feels, something so contrary to my natural feelings, something dramatic is bound to happen.  And it may be embarrassing. I immediately began to resist because I could feel God working on my spirit and I started arguing with God in my mind. 'Oh, no, God, please, no.' I looked up at the ceiling as if I could stare straight through it into heaven and said, 'Don't make me witness to this man.  Not right here and now. Please.  I'll do anything.  Put me on the same plane, but don't make me get up here and witness to this man in front of this gawking audience. Please, Lord!'
> There I sat in the blue vinyl chair begging His Highness, 'Please don't make me witness to this man.  Not now.  I'll do it on the plane.'  Then I heard it....'I don't want you to witness to him.  I want you to brush his hair.'  The words were so clear, my heart leap into my throat, and my thoughts spun like a top.  Do I witness to the man or brush his hair?  No-brainier. I looked straight back up at the ceiling and said, 'God, as I live and breathe, I want you to know I am ready to witness to this man. I'm on this Lord. I'm your girl!  You've never seen a woman witness to a man faster in your life.  What difference does it make if his hair is a mess if he is not redeemed?  I am going to witness to this man.' Again as clearly as I've ever heard an audible word, God seemed to write this statement across the wall of my mind. 'That is not what I said, Beth.  I don't want you to witness to him.  I want you to go brush his hair.' I
> looked up at God and quipped, 'I don't have a hairbrush.  It's in my suitcase on the plane.  How am I supposed to brush his hair without a hairbrush?' God was so insistent that I almost involuntarily began to walk toward him as these thoughts came to me from God's word: 'I will thoroughly furnish you unto all good works.' (2 Timothy 3:17)
>  I stumbled over to the wheelchair thinking I could use one myself. Even as I retell this story, my pulse quickens and I feel those same butterflies. I knelt down in front of the man and asked as demurely as possible, 'Sir, may I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?' He looked back at me and said, 'What did you say?'
>  'May I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?' To which he responded in volume ten, 'Little lady, if you expect me to hear you, you're going to have to talk louder than that.' At this point, I took a deep breath and blurted out, 'SIR, MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BRUSHING YOUR HAIR?'  At which point every eye in the place darted right at me.  I was the only thing in the room looking more peculiar than old Mr. Long Locks.  Face crimson and forehead breaking out in a sweat,  I watched him look up at me with absolute shock on his face, and say, 'If you really want to.'
>  Are you kidding? Of course I didn't want to.  But God didn't seem interested in my personal preference right about then.  He pressed on my heart until I could utter the words, 'Yes, sir, I would be pleased.  But I have one little problem.  I don't have a hairbrush.'
>  'I have one in my bag,' he responded. I went around to the back of that wheelchair, and I got on my hands and knees and unzipped the stranger's old carry-on, hardly believing what I was doing.  I stood up and started brushing the old man's hair.  It was perfectly clean, but it was tangled and matted.  I don't do many things well, but must admit I've had notable experience untangling knotted hair mothering two little girls. Like I'd done with either Amanda or Melissa in such a condition, I began brushing at the very bottom of the strands, remembering to take my time not to pull.
>  A miraculous thing happened to me as I started brushing that old man's hair. Everybody else in the room disappeared.  There was no one alive for those moments except that old man and me.  I brushed and I brushed and I brushed until every tangle was out of that hair. I know this sounds so strange, but I've never felt that kind of love for another soul in my entire life.  I believe with all my heart, I - for that few minutes - felt a portion of the very love of God.  That He had overtaken my heart for a little while like someone renting a room and making Himself at home for a short while. The emotions were so strong and so pure that I knew they had to be God's. His hair was finally as soft and smooth as an infant's. I slipped the brush back in the bag and went around the chair to face him. I got back down on my knees, put my hands on his knee and said, 'Sir, do you know my Jesus?'
>  He said, 'Yes, I do'
>  Well, that figures, I thought. He explained, 'I've known Him since I married my bride.  She wouldn't marry me until I got to know the Savior.'  He said, 'You see, the problem is, I haven't seen my bride in months.  I've had open-heart surgery, and she's been too ill to come see me.  I was sitting here thinking to myself, what a mess I must be  for my bride.' Only God knows how often He allows us to be part of a divine moment when we're completely unaware of the significance.  This, on the other hand, was one of those rare encounters when I knew God had intervened in details only He could have known. It was a God moment, and I'll never forget it. Our time came to board, and we were not on the same plane.  I was deeply ashamed of how I'd acted earlier and would have been so proud to have accompanied him on that aircraft. I still had a few minutes, and as I gathered my things to board, the airline hostess returned from the
> corridor, tears streaming down her cheeks.  She said,'That old man's sitting on the plane, sobbing.  Why did you do that?  What made you do that?'  I said, 'Do you know Jesus?  He can be the bossiest thing!" And we got to share.
>
>  I learned something about God that day.  He knows if you're exhausted, you're hungry, you're serving in the wrong place or it is time to move on but you feel too responsible to budge.  He knows if you're hurting or feeling rejected. He knows if you're sick or drowning under a wave of temptation.  Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed.  He sees you as an individual.  Tell Him your need!
> I got on my own flight, sobs choking my throat, wondering how many opportunities just like that one had I missed along the way ... all because I didn't want people to think I was strange.  God didn't send me to that old man.  He sent that old man to me.
>
>  John 1:14 'The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth'
>
>
>
>  Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting, 'Wow!  What a ride!  Thank You, Lord!'
>
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>  Please share this wonderful story.
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>  If your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light........
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>  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  PHILIPPIANS 4:13
>
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I remember the time when I brought my old diary to school so I can burn it or just throw it away. That was also the time when I lost 700 bucks. That was so disappointing. Then,I found out that my classmate was the one who stole my old diary. He went on teasing me about the things I`ve written inside my diary. I had a clue that he and his friend were also the suspects who stole my money. Damn! I hate those boys. I demanded that they give my diary back. And I heard that his friend needed money. They are best friends and in fact I bully them. Yes,I admit it. But now,they`re picking on me back. But still,I don`t care. It`s just my life story in the past and it was really meant to be exposed. And that was only money. They can`t use that money to destroy me. It`s devalued. Haha. His friend named Pole* needed some money to buy a pair of basketball shoes. He sat behind me on class while the other one sat just beside me. That Pole* guy is a dumb-ass. He goes to school just to court girls,to get his allowance for the day and he had such brown/black complexion that makes me think that he can`t afford to buy a whitening lotion and he was never good at academics. He only thinks about being the next MVP at school and playing for NBA or meeting James Yap. Dream on! haha. That day I lost my money,I wrote on my notepad which was hidden inside my bag " I hate and ridicule gold diggers and theives! " . And then they asked me later "Oh,is it gold digger?" I was like "What?! How the hell did you know about that?". Aha! They are the ones who had been snooping around my stuffs! They stole my diary and my money. Im positive with them. I just smiled back cause I don`t care much that time and I wasn`t really in the mood to fight and demand and report them to the principal and recall the whole damn story.

THEY ARE MY STALKERS!?

Anyway.I`ll just get back at em sooner when I visit school. They are my former schoolmates since I transferred to another school here in manila. And that means they have to pay me back when it is confirmed. They can`t get away with me cause I don`t let people with debt go away in snap. Hohoho.

You read right! We're hitting the road on a surgical strike mission to New Orleans!!!
CYBERTRYBE will be playing at the VOODOO MUSIC EXPERIENCE on Oct 25th in City Park with bands like Stone Temple Pilots, Mars Volta, REM and Nine Inch Nails!!! (among others)

We were approached after the Thrill Kill Kult show by a friend that asked us if we wanted to play the festival and of course you know what my answer was but.... I didn't give it. Going to this festival would mean us having to pool money for gas, getting some merch together and all sorts of things plus, making sure everyone in the band felt it was a good idea. Well that was Tuesday and today, we made the decision.

Well we did it - we pulled everything we had and now it's going to happen!!

Not only are we playing at the VooDoo Fest, we were handed a gig for the night before (Oct 24th) at a little hole in the wall in down town New Orleans. Now I don't know about any of you but it has always been a dream of mine to play in a little hole in the wall in New Orleans. the place is called the Hi-Lo Lounge and I know nothing about it... in fact I doubt they have a sound system that can handle us but we're doing it just to say we did!

Now - the hard part... who is opening for who... I guess it's all in the eye of the beholder right! STP plays Friday night, we play just before NIN on Sat and REM ends the show on Sunday so.... in our eyes, we open for NIN... and better yet, using our slide rule... this means STP opens for us!!!! BUT - that would mean NIN would be opening for REM and I'm not sure I like that idea so... back to the chalk board I guess.

Anyway - this is a personal dream now come true - and NIN is playing (on our night) so that's a plus.

Just a little over a month ago Kitty and I were at the NIN concert at the Palace (MI)and both of us said "wouldn't it be cool to open for them". Now.... in a round about way... we are... just a month later!

Well? Well? Did ya read the blog post under this one? Maybe read it again... this is the kind of thing that is happening right now and we know what a gift horse is... and I'm not gonna look in its mouth.

The band is very excited - in fact, I've never seen the band drink this many days in a row before... is that good?

Since I know that people are always telling you that college is easy as long as you study, but let’s face it people aren’t perfect. So I've decided to do document my mistakes while in this little thing called college. Maybe you’ll learn. Maybe you won’t but I going to do this anyways.

So I just sent my teacher the worst papers I've ever written in my entire life. All honestly this was my worst paper ever. I was supposed to talk about hate crimes in my city and what the government is doing to end them. Instead of that I ended up ranted about how I believe that hate crimes have been around since the dawn of mankind. Also I dropped a Hitler and a KKK reference in it. And I told her that there may be ways to minimize the hate crimes but until the government shoves electronic chips up our asses that control us completely but hate crimes will always exist.  

Now what I’ve learned from this is next time…

1.       Don’t procrastinate

2.       Make sure you know what you’re doing

3.       Look up you’re information from reliable sources

4.       Don’t make shit up, it doesn’t make you look smart

5.       If you don’t understand it ASK THE TEACHER because now they don’t help you unless you ask

Please don’t make the same mistake because you’ll be kicking yourself later

Later people

ticket(s) have been purchased and i'm heading out again this year. i know i lagged a bit not buying them when they went on sale but it feels good knowing that I AM going. this year is going to be a challenge seeing as we're driving out and camping this time out. i know i could have made things easy and just hopped a plane and stayed with my family out in indio, but this year i have the idea in my head that i'm going to roadtrip and camp to get the whole "festival experience". i hope i'm right.

The Warmth

by Incubus

(verse)

I'd like to close my eyes and go numb
But there's a cold wind coming from
The top of the highest high-rise today
It's not a breeze cause' it blows hard
Yes, and it wants me to discard the humanity I know
Watch the warmth blow away

(verse)

Do you think I should adhere to that pressing new frontier?
And leave in my wake a trail of fear?
Or should I hold my head up high
And throw a wrench and spokes by
Leaving the air behind me clear?

(chorus)

Don't let the world bring you down
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold
Remember why you came
And while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow old.

 

 

i thought i'd post the lyrics of a favorite song of mine... and then i thought that i should write something with it.... but what??? 

 then it came to me... it's plastered all over the news and internet.... it's really quite depressing.... HEATH LEDGER.... i mean... WTF??? how many good people in our era are we going to lose??? ANNA NICOLE SMITH... even OWEN WILSON (i know i know.. still here, but wow... glad to see him taking the time to take care of himself) teen scene queens about to go over the edge... it's crazy.... then i thought of how i could relate...  i know what it's like to be hungry but not want anything to eat; to feel trapped; to literally see your life faliing to the ground, brick by brick; when you're so tired and want to sleep, but all you do is lay in bed, mind racing; your mind racing ALL the time about EVERYTHING possible. 

i've been there.... it was after college... i was working a part time job at a resturant at one of the casinos (that was 2nd shift) and also working at the local 4H Camp in the kitchen (A.M. & lunch)... i also was being a normal 20 yrs old.... trying to have the boyfriend (which wasn't really working) and be social and whatnot... then one morning i was driving to the camp, at like 9am.. in traffic... trying to go about 70-75mph... yeah.... i had about 4inches between me and the car in front.. and truth- i was hoping to get into an accident... i was crying hysterically (i was SOO overwhelmed with life).. didn't want to go to work... then i scared myself... i tapped on the brake, and i swear, my guardian pushed it down farther and i realized how scared i made myself...  i decided i needed to figure out what was wrong and that i needed to run away... and i did run away... i took a greyhound bus to my dad's in kentucky... 32 hours later (which i slept prolly close to 28 of it and when i was awke, my mind was pumping out some crazy poetry) i made it.... and my dad helped me with dealing with my moods better... telling me 'listen to this song!!!' which was 'changes' by black sabbath (one of his favs) and that is our song (ozzy even redid it with kelly)  but by doing this small thing, he helped... i started to listen to songs and to really understanding the meaning of the artist...  and this song, well, once i heard it after my experience, i loved it.. and i think of it when i feel the walls closing in.. when i'm stressed or feel like i'm not fitting in quite right....  it's the perfect mantra to keep your chin up to... that and what my dad told me and tells me when i'm ready to blow- 'you control your anger.... don't let anyone control your anger... ' .

 

there is hope.  you just have to want help and be able to recieve it. and it does get easier (my mind doesn't really race at all anymore, where it used to race CONSTANTLY, i think my whole life). i think i'm finally on the right path to hapiness.

 

and i mean it when i say, you can ask/talk to me about anything.  don't hesitate to do the same.

"Don't let the world bring you down
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold
Remember why you came
And while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow old."

*much love*

MeLa