evanescence Blog and Journals

Here is Chap.12!!

Songs reccomended (shortened it down):

The Reason - Hoobastank
All I Wanted - Paramore
My Immortal - Evanescence
Beauty Through Broken Glass - Eyes Set to Kill

Enjoy!!

---

(Hayley)

"Can I see him?", I asked the nurse. The nurse who was just with Josh whispered to the doctor if I should see him or not and she nodded slowly. When I looked at her...I felt scared. She had regret, sorrow, and sympathy on her face. Is Josh okay? I walked slowly to his room and when I got to the door, my hand started shaking agaisnt the doorknob. Then I turned the knob and walked in slowly. I saw Josh watching tv flipping through the channels, he looked at me and said,"Hi who are you?" I said,"I-I am Hayley. Do you remember me?" He looked at me confused and asked,"Am I supposed to know you?" I said,"It's nothing never mind." He said,"Wait you're that new girl! Hayley! Well it's nice to meet you! Where are you from again?" I was shocked about what I am hearing. Josh.Doesn't.Remember.Me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes and I cleared my throat then said,"Yea I'm Hayley. I came from Nashville." He nodded and said,"That's cool. Though I heard Miley Cyrus was born there so I don't really want to comment." I laughed softly same old Josh with his jokes. Someone knocked on the door and I turned to see the nurse she gestured me out. I turned back to Josh and said,"Excuse me." Josh nodded and I walked out to the nurse who closed the door making sure Josh doesn't hear anything. I asked,"What's wrong with him?!" She said,"The wounds from the gun shots were bad. I guess the strong medicine we gave him during surgery must have affected his memory. Hayley, he has amnesia for now. It could be temporary but for now we can't do anything." I said,"You have to do something! That man in there is my boyfriend and I am not gonna watch him just forget me and throw everything we had away." The nurse said,"Hayley you have to understand this isn't some soap opera okay? If we try to tamper with his brain he will die. We can't risk that Hayley please you have to move on." I looked over at Josh through the door window who was laughing at something at the tv and I looked back at the nurse. Is she really trying to make me get over Josh? I love him for gods sakes! I would do anything just to have him put his arms around me like he used to. As I walked away, I felt my heart begin to tear in two at the seams.

I walked slowly to my mom and the guys and they looked at me with concern. I just looked at my mom and whispered,"He forgot about me." Zac asked,"What do you mean Hayley?" I cried a bit then cleared my throat and said,"He lost his memory. He remembers maybe you guys but every single memory of me is gone. They said just to let it sit for awhile cause if they operate now he could die. I don't know what happen....they said maybe it was the medicine they gave him. I don't know but I am gone. Out of his memory." My mom said,"Oh Hayley I'm so sorry." My mom hugged me and I held her tight as if I was gonna fall off. I let go of her and I said to the guys,"I think it's best if we just stick to the way it was before. I was the new kid no one wants to talk to and lets leave it at that." Taylor said,"No Hayley we need you. You are our best friend we can't just let you out of our lives just because Josh doesn't remember you." I laughed with no humor and said,"Yeah think about if I hang out with you guys and he is with us. The memories are just too much to bare and if I am near him I won't be able to handle it. I need some time you guys." Zac nodded and said,"Okay but we will miss you a lot Hayley and if Josh stlll remembered you, he would miss you the most." I smiled lightly then hugged the guys and left. Right when I was gonna head into the car, I remembered the necklace Josh gave me and ran back to Zac. I said,"Zac, hold this on for me. Just...hold it somewhere safe I don't know but I can't wear it." Zac nodded and said,"Take care of yourself Hayley." I nodded and said,"You too." I went back to the car and I felt as if the world spinning around me just stopped. I need to get out of here. Too many memories to bare is just gonna kill me.

A few months later.....

Josh's POV

The doorbell rang and I yelled,"Zac! Get the door!" Zac didn't hear me ugh what a lazy ass, probably pretending he is banging on his drums not hearing me. Ugh oh well. I get up to answer the door and realize its Hayley, Zac's friend. I open the door and say,"Hi, Zac will be down in a minute." I looked over at Hayley and she has this wierdest expression on her face, as if....I don't even know. I hear Zac coming down the stairs and said,"Hey Hayley! Why you here?" Hayley said,"We are leaving today. Heading to LA soon." Zac said,"Oh well we are gonna miss you a lot. Here is a CD I made with all the bands I reccomend. Especially Blink 182." Hayley scrunched up her nose a bit and said,"I prefer Jimmy Eat World more than Blink 182. Sorry." Zac groaned and said,"Just give them a try." He handed Hayley a CD then gave her a hug. For some reason, I started to feel jealous and I didn't know why. What is up with me? I need to sit down. Hayley looked over at me and began walking towards me. She asked,"Can I try something?" I said,"Sure what do you need to try?" She stepped very close to me, what is she doing? Then she leaned up and kissed me, I was totally suprised by this. I started to kiss back, I don't know but I felt this wierd tingly feeling that felt good. She let go and asked,"Do you remember something?" I said confused,"No...should I?" Hayley sighed disappointed and said,"It's nothing. Look..I have to go. Bye." She turned and started to leave, Zac said,"Bye Hayley. Have fun moving to LA." She said,"Thanks Zac, I'll call you when I get there. Bye and tell the guys I said bye." Zac nodded and Hayley left out the door. I asked,"Did I miss something about the whole remember something thing?" Zac sighed and said,"It's nothing don't worry." Zac went to his room and I stood there thinking, I had old pictures of me with her as if we were a couple and I had songs written dedicated to her that I didnt even knew I wrote. Was she my girlfriend but I didn't even know it? I don't know but I am gonna find out soon.

Hayley's PoV

He didnt remember? How could he not remember? Forget it, forget him. I need to move on, I am moving to LA for crying out loud! I should be happy! Ugh who am I kidding? I still love him, he loves me just doesn't remember. I can't believe dumbass Chad made him lose his memory. He could die in hell for all I care. Okay Hayley, chill out. You are really bringing the really bad side of you already. Ugh I am already talking to myself so I can already call myself an idiot! Wonder what LA will be like, hopefully better than here. I really miss Josh. I just can't stand being away from him so much. I have been away from him for like months I am going nuts. I think I might die soon! Then I rot in my grave and Tabitha will dance on it. xP

---

Sorry this is short, I had writer's block. Couldn't think of anything else!!!!! I hate that!! Argg! Anyways, today I went to get xrays then I found out I had something worse than a lung infection, I had nemonia. I had to go to the ER for like an hour and it felt like forever! I nearly fell asleep in the hospital just waiting to get damn results! Anyways, hopefully you enjoyed this even though it was awfully short. Peace! <3

I've always been a HUGE fan of Amy Lee's fashion and now even more so because of this dress...

This was taken on November 4th when Evanescence played in NYC.

 

She always looks so amazing both on and off stage.  On stage she looks absolutely glamorous and off stage she looks more relaxed yet still gorgeous!

If I had money I'd buy a closet full of this stuff.

I know everybody has their breaks up and makes up and well...can my life get anymore worse? Okay (Fred) the guy who stood up for me in front of (asshole) got drunk because his grandpa won the lottery. He called me and basically said he loved me...just wait. Once we were done with our talk he called my friend and told her the same exact thing. I called her to tell her the news and she said,"You don't even like him, I  like him. He said he loved me more." Soon I figured out she freakin used me to get to (Fred) It wasn't that hard finding out cause she did the same thing to my other friend. She basically used my friend and took (Fred) for herself. The past knows how to find its way back to the future huh? Well I freakin hate it! Now my best friend is pissed at me and I am pretty sure by Tuesday, our friendship is over and me and Fred....that freakin bitch can have him. I actually trusted those guys and I am pretty everyone is gonna hate him cause my used-to-be friend is gonna tell people lies and get everyone to hate on me. I've had that same problem before and I am ready to go down that road again and fight. I don't care! They can hate on me or whatever but at least I still have my dignity. Fred lost his because he got drunk in front of everyone. Fuck. My.Life. Screw everyone I ever trusted.

---

My life is another season of the Hills. Just left over beer and trash that you have to pick up. Well all that trash is every piece of me, I have to pick my life back up again. My life is getting more depressing by the minute. I am forced to wear this fake smile but on the inside I feel betrayed and hurt. I hope all you guys do not go through the pain I am going through. If you are don't let anyone ruin your life. Your life is too precious to let slip out of your hands.

"blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
so i don't know what's real and what's not
always confusing the thoughts in my head
so i can't trust myself anymore
i'm dying again" - Going Under by Evanescence

Hey everyone!!!! My name is Cassie and I'm new to buzznet. I love the bands paramore and flyleaf. I also like fireflight, Evanescence, muse, and U2. I'm looking for some friends who like the same things as me. So here's a little bit about myself. I live in the US. I play field hockey, go to public school, and I live for music. I went to a U2 concert a week or so ago, and I'm going to a paramore concert in a few weeks. I'm also going to a flyleaf concert in November. I like reading and writing about my favorite bands (paramore and flyleaf) . I'll probably write some paramore and flyleaf fanfics soon. so if you're anything like me, or not at all but you are looking for a friend, please friend me.  thanks!! ~cassie27

I haven't even visited buzznet for a long time. And I know I'm polite because I didn't say any Hello or Hi, but fuck that.. So I'm just sitting, making my eyes wonky with watching this stupid computer screen of windows 98, horible I know.  So I wanted to tell you about what has been going on lately. I have made my first corset! I'm happy with it, because it gives me this tiny waist and well it's not so perfect or like correct, but even though it has plastic boning I can still make my waist smaller than it is. Now I'm just trying to make a new pattern for my next corset. It's going to be an underbust, just like the first one. You don't even imagine how happy and how good I felt when I pulled the laces of that corset. It felt just amazing. The feeling that you have dreamed of ever since you saw a movie with corset and when you can actually have that feeling then it's just amazing. I can't even say how good that feeling is, because it's just incredible. Okey I should just shut up at that corset part :D

So I also found this new band Celldweller. I have listened to only one song of their's and it's Frozen.. It's cute song, even though the words are in some place a bit too erotic or so, but still it's a good song. Then I have listened to Emilie Autumn's castle down and fairweather friend. I love those. A song that makes me think is definetly Evanscence Lithium. Those words and that music just makes me think of everything and I have those first words stuck in my head:

"Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside..

Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without..

Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow..

Ooh, for god I want to let it go.."

I just sing these words all the time. I also sing fairweather friend and it's somehow making me happy, because it has this happier melody/music :)

So today I watched E! channel and there was this TrueHollywoodStory of the Osbournes and it showed all the things that had been going on with that family and all the things they have gone through and it showed me how a strong family pretty much looks like, because even though they are famous and all it doesen't mean that they are not human beings. They have had a lot of up's, but also a lot of downs. That was an amazing show and it made me thinking that I'm actually a pretty damne horible daughter for my parents and let's not even talk about how horible sister I am.

I have also watched Kendra's show on E! It's also amazing and I think that even she has bad times. Like her mother is not even happy for her when she tells her that she can't drink because she's pregnant and then her mother says that I can't pretend that I'm happy for you. Thats horible and I know that in this post I say this word a lot, but in the name of Shakespeare's stockings that is not the reaction that a mother should have.. Even though I think it was good that she didn't lie and she was honest, but she shoulden say'd it in a better and softer way.

Okay, I will just shut up now and stop making my eyes wonky.. So I'l probably just get a cup of peppermint tea and watch tv or go to bed to have some beauty sleep..

Muffins and tea,

AnetteP xoxo

Ex-members of Evanescence along with American Idol alum Carly Smithson made their debut today as We Are The Fallen. In front of sixty or so record industry executives, cameramen, and members of the press, the band took the stage at SIR in Hollywood and performed two songs—their first single “Bury Me Alive” and Evanescence’s “Going Under.” It sounded good…

Carly Smithson, American Idol season seven alum, has formed a new band—but not with just any rockers. Smithson will be joining ex-Evanescence members Ben Moody, Rocky Gray, John Lecompt as well as Marty O’Brian to create The Fallen. Notably missing from the group? Evanescence lead singer Amy Lee. How does Amy feel about this?

..

If the video is lagging, hit pause and let it load!

Tina Turner

Amanda Fucking Palmer

Dresden Dolls

Patti Smith

Shirley Manson (Garbage)

Tatiana (TAT)

Aja (Neko Vega)

Bikini Kill

Janis Joplin

Alanis Morissette

Annie Lennox

Amy Lee (Evanescence)

Jonnette Napolitano (Concrete Blonde)

Siouxsie Sioux (Siouxsie & the Banshees)

Courtney Love (Hole)

Maja Ivarsson (the sounds)

Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Grace Slick (Jefferson Airplane)

Go-Go's

Pat Benetar

Pink

Joan Jett

Chrissie Hynde (The Pretenders)

Stevie Nicks

Sheryl Crow

Cat Power

Portishead

Tori Amos

Ann Wilson & Nancy Wilson (Heart)

Deborah Harry (Blondie)

Exene Cervenka (X)

Bif Naked

Bjork 

Kate Bush

Tracy Bonham

Aretha Franklin

Cranberries

(Cocteau Twins)

Danielle Dax

Madonna

Kylie Minogue

Bow Wow Wow

Gwen Stefani (No Doubt)

Cyndi Lauper

P.J. Harvey

Ani DiFranco

Liz Phair

Tsunami Bomb

The Action Design

Cristina Scabbia (Lacuna Coil)

Otep Shamaya (Otep)

Fever Ray

 

 

---

 

For the sake of comparison, The Millionaires "Alcohol"

 

I'm Going Under

I sat in the car. In the rain. I looked up as I saw Josh running out with his hood up. He jumped into the car. "Hey," he smiled. "Something wrong?" I looked up at him. For some reason these days, his brown eyes didn't seem that warm. "No," I lied. "Hayley..." he began. "Josh I don't want to hear it," I said. "What? What is your problem, Hayles," he asked. I couldn't resist. I had to tell him. I promised myself I wouldn't tell him.

So I can't trust myself, anymore...

"You," I snapped. "Your not the same. I see your eyes. They wander to different girls all the time. Sometimes, when your flirting, another girl catches your eye. I'm sick of it," I cried. "What?" He gave me his puppy dog eyes. I couldn't help it. I jumped out of the car. I ran as fast as my little legs could take me.

Just When I Thought I'd Reached The Bottom....

I was fully aware that my orange hair was now a disgusting pasty orange as it was plastered to my head. I was in a park, sitting on a set of swings. I looked back to all my memories with Josh.

Flashback:

"Josh stop," I cried as I ran away from him while he had a water gun in his hands. "You're suppost to you that against them not against me," I said gesturing to the little kids infront of me. "No," he sighed, "I switched teams." I laughed and began running again, shooting him with my water gun. Suddenly, he shot water right at my face. The water blurred my vision and I fell on my back, having fits of laughter. Josh came running towards me. "Ha, sucker..." he said. "Shut up, Farro," I snapped. He laid down beside me as the kids ran off to their parents. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you too," I whispered back before our lips collided. "You know what..." Josh said. "What," I asked. "I think we'll last forever," he said. "I do too," I muttered.

End Of Flashback.

A single tear cascaded down my cheek as I thought of that day. Everyone thought we would last. How could he do that? Why did he have to go and change? I knew it was official, though. I, Hayley Nichole Williams, was leaving who I thought was the love of my life, Joshua Neil Farro. It was over. He became interested in other girls. Love sucks. I guess he wouldn't notice it if I just started to fade away.

I'm Going Under, Drowning You

I guess what would happen is I'd just have to start over again. I felt an innocent tap on my shoulder to see a boy standing behind me. It wasn't just any boy, it was Josh. Joshua Neil Farro. His face was tear streaked. Did he really care about me? "Hayley," he mumbled. "Don't leave. I know I was a jerk but I'll change. I may be looking at them but I am really thinking of you. I love you and I don't want to lose you. We have to prove them wrong and that we will last! I'm so shallow," he said crying. No, Josh, I was shallow. Then I realized.

I'm Falling Forever

I was falling for Josh again. Damn you Haley! I didn't want to love him. It just happened.

I'd dive again

Then I decided, to hell with it all. I'd go and risk it all again. I was young and I was naive. Let's go! "Okay, Josh. I'll give you one more chance. But that is it." He smiled through his tears and I hugged him.

I'm Going Under

So sorry for the amount of crapiness in this...

 

I don't want to lock you up,

I don't want to love you

I just want to let go

Whoa, whoa

I can't breathe with your love

I don't want to take it in

I am rejecting your sin

I am already flying high above,

looking down, down at you

And I'm watching every move you make,

every smile that you fake

to her, to me

Why can't you see

 

[chorus]

That you're breaking me

Killing me

I just want to let go

I don't wanna love you anymore

I'm tired, I want to fall from your

dangling string,

hanging off the web you've woven

Why am I frozen?

I'm lettting go

 

V.2

I just want to conceal the power

of you

Can't you see? That your breaking me

Should've let you go

But now, your like my drug

I want to head to rehab

I wanna let it go

I don't want your hug, I can't

feel your kiss

And now, look what I am becoming

I'm just your toy

Well your just a boy

I wanna let it go, I wanna let it go

 

[Chorus]

Why can't you see?

That your breaking me

Killing me

I just want to let go

I don't want to love you anymore

I just want to fall off of your hanging

string

dangling off of the web you've woven

 

(V3)

From all of your lies

Did you know that's what I

despise

The most of everything, that

you do

I don't want to love you anymore

(anymore)

I wanna let go.

 

(In rythm of "Litium" by Evanescence)

(C) To ME!!!