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Watch video - David letterman Saying Robert Pattinson To Bite Me

http://www.idlecounter.com/david-letterman-robert-pattinson-bite-me.html

In the third chapter of Eclipse, Meyer spends a great deal of time demeaning every woman who tries to be honest, stand up for herself, and or exhibit any sense of independence. Consequently, this means she makes sure that every male that graces the pages of chapter three is EXTRA MANLY and POWERFUL and full of WELL-MEANING PSYCHOSIS. Also, Mark talks about Fall Out Boy. Seriously. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Eclipse.

In the second chapter of Eclipse, we are left dumbfounded by Edward removing the engine of Bella's car in order to prevent her from seeing Jacob. Repeat: Edward removes the engine of Bella's car in order to prevent her from from seeing Jacob. Did you get that? Edward removes the engine of Bella's car in order to prevent her from seeing Jacob. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Eclipse.

There's not going to be a break from the insanity this time around, so today I'm going to attempt to make it through Stephenie Meyer's commentary on New Moon from her website. Will I use ALL CAPS? How man glitter text blocks will show up? Which macros will make an appearance? How many times will I call bullshit on Meyer? But, most importantly, is Meyer's commentary on New Moon worse than the book itself? If you're intrigued, then it's time for Mark to read Stephenie Meyer's website.

In the epilogue of New Moon, Meyer briefly and succinctly creates 15 pages worth of trite, disgusting garbage that are actually worse than the previous 24 chapters. Combined. Not content ruining her father's life, she decides to begin stalking Jacob by phone (REMEMBER HIM???). This prompts Jacob to come to her house with her motorcycle in attempt to be honest with Charlie. This backfires ruthlessly and we are forced to suffer through the most disturbing dialogue ever penned to paper. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to finish New Moon.

In the twentieth chapter of New Moon, Stephenie Meyer attempts to write a dramatic and suspenseful scene to end her novel. She fails. Miserably. Not only is it nowhere near suspenseful, but you find out there are still 100 pages left of the book, making this the most uninteresting plot turn ever penned. Then Edward quotes Romeo & Juliet and then it's really boring, and then you realize there are still 100 pages left in the book. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read New Moon.

In the nineteenth chapter of New Moon, Alice and Bella board a plane headed to some strange Italian city with a castle. (We're pretty sure Meyer just Wikipedia'd the name of some obscure city and made it the center piece of her finale.) Then Alice actually agrees to eventually make Bella a vampire. Someday. And then the entire world ceases to exist when we find out that Edward is going to commit suicide by sparkling. NO. SERIOUSLY. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read New Moon.

In the eighteenth chapter of New Moon, an unbelievable amount of miscommunication, angry misdirection, and colossal misunderstanding leads to physical violence, insanely bad decisions, and one headache of a chapter. Truth be told, it's hard to understand why any author would spend page after page with virtually no plot and then suddenly shift into high gear. (Again!) Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read New Moon.

In the seventeenth chapter of New Moon, Alice shows up at Bella's house because she had a vision that Bella killed herself. Bella tries to fool Alice, but, in the greatest moments in any of these books, Alice calls her out for being the self-loathing, uncaring sod that she is. Angels weep in heaven. Then Bella overhears her father talk to Alice about what a horrible person she is and suddenly there is world peace. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read New Moon.

In the sixteenth chapter of New Moon, Bella doesn't die from suicide. Jacob saves her. Surprise! Another strong man saves the weak damsel in distress. Jacob takes her to his house and they fall asleep, which leads Bella to dream about the play Romeo & Juliet and justify the entire book's existence because...we're not sure why. And then VAMPIRES SHOW UP, but it's probably the Cullens, so there's no need to be interested in the story at all. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read New Moon.