edge Blog and Journals

it's so petty and so stupid that I feel ridiculous.

I'm just so tired of being given shit for being straightedge.

the people who are supposed to be my best friends just went on their first holiday without their parents, all together, staying in a hotel in Brighton for the weekend I think, and didn't invite me or even tell me they were going because they knew I wouldn't get drunk or smoke weed with them.

I'm just sick of it. just because I don't want to get drunk, and fuck random guys, and fall over, and make a fool of myself that makes me boring and not worth hanging out with.

my friends barely talk to me now, any of them, and they never invite me to go out with them because I won't drink or take drugs with them. it makes me feel like crap because they're so nasty about it. either they try and force me to drink or they just igore me completely, like I'm some weird alien who doesn't understand normal people.

it's not like I fucking preach at them or anything! I don't say a godamn word. if they want to drink, that's fine, I just don't want to.

'If people want to drink, that's awesome, it just doesn't work for me' - Gerard Way

oh, and a fantastic comment from another one of my 'friends' the other week at school: 'you know you're not cool or normal enough to hang out with us and we're being kind, right?'

if getting drunk every weekend is normal: FUCK NORMAL.

I refer back to my last journal:

Davey: (On Being Straightedge) I'm a moron because I don't want to lie in a gutter puking over myself...yeah right.

they can go fuck themselves. there's a reason I took the X and I'm not going back on that promise because the rest of my generation is retarded.

You designer drug WON'T WORK FOR ME!

sorry, rant over.

xXx

Ok, so I am documenting the best day I have ever experience thus far.  AFI performing at Edgefest 16.  So read and enjoy!!

The Edge Festival consisted of many bands including:

1. Vanished
2. Bullet for my Valentine
3. Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
4. Bowling For Soup
5. Jet
6. Papa Roach
7. Blue October
8. Muse
9. AFI
10. My Chemical Romance
11. The Killers

We got there just in time for RJA so I missed Vanished and Bullet, but I wasn't perturbed, my main goal in coming to Edgefest was to see AFI for the first time in my whole pathetic life.  We, by we I mean my Father (who was kind enough to drive us from austin), my friend Ashley, and myself, found our seats just in time for RJA.  The heat was beating down upon the back of our necks and out sweaty bodies surrounded us.  We watched them perform and I must say they are quite amaizing live.  There was a thirty minute break between them and BFS so we decided it would be best if we were to go hydrate ourselves to avoid my constant habit of passing out.  We walked over to the other 2 much smaller stages where we heard 2 songs of Finger 11 (whom i don't much enjoy) to kill time before BFS.  Once we had expired our 30 minutes of free time we once again returned to our seats.  BFS put on a great show though the singer randomly stopped in the middle of 'Almost' and they had to start the song over again.  The singer, I cam to realize, is quite the stage hog, whenever one of his bandmates tried to say something he cut them off to put the attention once again on him.  He didn't seem like a very kind person and used crude language about the girls crowd surfing.. but nonetheless, they were great performers.  Next was Jet, and they as well put on an amazing show, the lead singer climbed up on the amps and walked down to the side of the stage on them, it was pretty cool.  By this time I was growing restless, I had no more patience and needed to see AFI.  To my surprise right then I looked up and saw Smith Puget coming out of a trailer above the stage in the parking lot.  I jumped up, grapped ashely's arm and ran over to the 'private' location where all the band's trailers were.  There was a gate with a tarp over it dividing the cement slab where all the kiosks were and the parking lot.  I saw many bald heads and my heart lept each time thinking it was Hunter Burgan, bassist for AFI.  However, Through the tarp I saw none other than the actual Hunter Burgan.  I screamed "Hunter!!" and he turned around.  I stuck my arm above the gate and waved and he waved back!! I was on the verge of tears with joy! I then pulled some cement bags lying around up to the gate to see over it.  Smith was right in front of me! I screamed and asked him to sign my DU box set but he apologized and said he had to go upon seeing about 15 climbing over the fence like crazy people.  I was very disgruntled but one girl managed to hand him some fan art to give to the band.  Within 2 minutes he returned and apologized once more and returned the art saying they wouldn't accept it. While he was handing the art back I was able to get a great pic of him which I will post once I figure out how to get the picture off my phone.  Still above the gate, my heart stopped beating.  Jade Puget in all his beauty was 20 feet from me I didn't notice how loud I was screaming (which I now kick myself for fangirling so horribly).  I yelled Jade! But he didn't look over. I then noticed right behind him was Davey and Adam.  Davey did not lift his head one time while walking from the trailer to the tent where they got their pictures taken.  He kept his eyes on his sidekick, and didn't even wave.  Adam was talking to some girl and then entered the tent behind Jade and Davey, Hunter was already in the tent.  I began talking to the others next to me on the gate.  I made friends with several people there including 3 that were in DF with me.  I thought I would be the only DFer there.  They were all so kind and devoted.  I couldn't help but feel angry at them for not at least even waving at us.. but ah well I guess that comes with the whole 'being famous' thing.  One of the girls I was talking to showed me her ADAM CARSON AUTOGRAPH!! I was in awe and she said Adam had been inside the gate where we were siging autographs while I had been wathing BFS perform.  I shook it off and was still looking forward to the siging AFI would be doing later that day.  And, just to my luck, one of the edgefest officials came up to us and announced that AFI would no longer be signing autographs and that they had given no reason to why.  I was no extremely angry at my beloved AFI and decided to go watch Blue October perform but just before I did Bob Bryar, drummer for My Chemical Romance, approached the gate and began signing autographs.  I gave him a cd to sign which he did. I was quite delighted that not all superstars are too busy to give their fans some love. After another 10 minutes of hopeful waiting for AFI to come out of the tent, they did and departed in the same manner they had come.  I left immidiatly to watch Blue October but Ashley had stayed to get more autographs.  We had missed Papa Roach, but I still heard them though I missed out on the whole live stage performance thing.

Blue October was amazing and they had this violinist who was bald exept for this one tuff of hair, it was quite odd.  Once they had finished their set it was Muse, who had been at the MCR concert the previous night that I had attended.  They are such amazing performers.  I love their accents.  They had to stop the show because there was a major problem with the barracade.  The drummer sported a spiderman suit which sent me in to several fits of laughter during the break.  Once they had performed their final song it was time... They MC announced that AFI would be on in a little over than 30 minutes because of all of their complex set up items.  I was rocking back and forth, unable to contain my excitement.  I called Ashley, who was still at the gate, and told her to come down to watch AFI.  She returned with a huge smile on her face holding up her camera. She showed me the picture of her and Frank Iero, guirarist for MCR her favorite band.  She said missing all the bands was worth it to get his picture. The starting notes of Prelude 12/21 began and I began to scream as I had never screamed before.  Several, no hundreds, of head turn to me and stared but I didn't care, this was the love of my life.  Davey started singing and I sang along at the top of my lungs.  When he held the mic out for the crowd to sing, I think me and 13 other people were singing which was depressing but I think I made up for the 24987 other people that weren't singing.  Here is the set list for their performance (if anyone happened to be there can you please correct the order if I am mistaken)

1. Prelude 12/21
2. Girls Not Grey
3. Kill Caustic
4. Silver and Cold
5. Summer Shudder
6. Dancing Through Sunday
7. The Missing Frame
8. The Blurr song they performed on New Years
9. Days of the Phoenix
10. Love Like Winter
11. Miss Murder

I belive that is correct. Well anyway.  I was jumping, singing, screaming.  I was asked to move by the people behind me for obstructing their vision.  I have never been in constant motion for that long.  I filled every silence during the show.  Two guys infront of me turned around and gave me a high five, telling me I was an awesome diehard fan.  The only songs the majority of the crowd sang along in was The Blurr song and Miss Murder.. I was very disappointed.  During the show there were many mic problems, though I didn't care, it allowed the show to last longer.  Davey kept saying things like "You know I like singing more than talking so let's do some of that, oh no wait we can't the mic's aren't working." and "We have our complextions to think about so we'll make this quick". it was so adorable! I loved every minute of it.  The best song hands down was Dancing Through Sunday.  Jade's solo made the night, it was amazing in everyway.  The picured I got of the performance are very low in quality because 1. it's a camera phone and 2. I was jumping up and down and my hand was shaking so much I was unable to keep the cameral steady.  I didn' know it was possible to be that happy.  Once I heard the opening bass for Miss Murder I knew it was the end.  I began to cry but gave the song the final remaing energy I had left and headbanged like never before.  They finished the set and left the stage.  I nearly passed out (not even kidding) because of exhastion and the fact that I had just seen AFI  LIVE!!  I bought some water and returned to watch mcr for the second time that weekend.  The acoustics were kind of off and if I hadn't already known the word, I would've had no idea what they were saying.  Ashley was quite pleased with the fact that she got to see MCR perform two nights in a row.  Once their set was over we were all in such a state of exhastion that we decided to skip the killers and commence our 4 hour drive back from Dallas. 

That was, without a doubt, the best moments of my life and I will be suprised if I am ever this happy again, unless of course I see them on their own headlining tour and actually get to meet them. 

Well thank you for reading and I hope you get to experience this someday If you havn't already. 

so, yesterday I got given my first shit for being sXedge.

I have a lot of friends that are into getting stoned and wasted and so on and so forth, and I didn't see why I should have to stop hanging out with them just because I didn't want to take part in that. so I went out yesterday evening, after spending the day in Camden (alternative market in london - you don't get weird looks) with Steffles. as soon as I went into the smoky room, I somehow knew there was going to be trouble...

firstly, drink shoved into my hand. secondly, passed the joint. it is difficult to decline both of these things at once, so I merely passed both on, not commenting or preaching or even saying anything, just passing things on. but no, that wasn't enough.

immediately: 'what's up with you?' 'what the fuck is the X on your hand?'

I replied: 'I don't drink or do drugs now, that's what the X is for.' and left it at that.

again, they wouldn't drop it. I got the usual 'blah blah it won't kill you' shit, and ended up with a bottle pretty much forced into my mouth before I decided that was enough and I got up to leave. my friend sam got up too and looked at me with this digusted, pitying face.

'you were fun, why do you want to be boring?'

then he blew a lungful of smoke into my face, which was apparently hillarious to everyone else...

I replied:

'I may be boring, but I'll still be sober in half an hour. and I'll still be alive when I'm twenty.'

and I left. friends aren't friends if they want you to kill yourself for them.

this is going to be difficult, but its something I have to do to look at myself in the mirror every morning. I don't want to wake up on the bathroom floor, or wake up and wonder where the hell I am. I don't want to be dead before I've even lived.

so I wandered home, AFI in my ears and one line ringing over and over in my head:

Your designer drug won't work for me

love and shit

x

I'm going vegan, which actually makes me sXe through proxy.

after googling veganism through curiosity (Davey Havok can be held responsible), I was faced with facts about animal cruelty and what actually goes into our food that made me cry.

it's so unfair, and unessescary. we don't need to eat animals to survive, so why commit mass slaughter for no reason?

from today, I'm vegetarian and am going vegan gradually, convincing my mother being the main hurdle.

Meat is Murder!

x

I like to write little stories about WWE wrestlers. It's kinda old, but check it out:

Carlito, Chris Masters, Edge, and Randy Orton Go To Wal-Mart!

One day, Carlito, Chris Masters, Edge, and Randy Orton were bored so they decided to go to Wal-Mart. So they all hopped into their red piece of shit 1986 Chevy Chevette that had one yellow door and one blue door and headed for the nearest Wal-Mart. They made it down the highway all right, but right before they could turn into the parking lot, the car stalled.
"Goddamn it all to Hell!" Carlito said. "Get out and push!"
"You can't make me push this fucking piece of crap," Randy said.
"The Hell I can't, boy! Just remember what happened to you last night!"
Randy frowned, remembering that last night, Carlito had "made him a man" (if you get my drift.)
So, they all piled out of the car and pushed it into the parking lot. As they pushed, a crowd gathered around to watch. It's not everyday that you see four professional wrestlers pushing a piece of shit red 1986 Chevy Chevette that has one blue door and one yellow door. Of course, everyone started laughing and pointing at them.
"Go away!" Edge yelled. "This isn't funny!"
They pushed the car into a parking spot then headed for the store. Outside of the store was a man, looking for donations for the Salvation Army.
"Would you care to make a donation, sir?" he asked Chris Masters.
Chris looked at him for a second, then put the Master Lock on him.
"Don't ask me for donations, fucker!" he said, shaking the man.
Carlito, Randy, and Edge just watched for a second, then went inside the store. They happened into the food section of the store. There was an old lady, offering a free sample of some sort of sausage.
"Would you care to try some sausage?" she asked.
"Would you care to try my sausage?" Edge asked.
"I don't understand."
"Suck my dick, bitch!"
"Excuse me?!"
"That looks like good sausage," Randy said.
"Go ahead. Try some."
Instead of trying a piece that she had sitting out, Randy stuck his hand into the skillet that was frying them.
"Ow!" he said. "Why is it burning me?!"
"You can't stick your hand in there, sir!" the old lady said.
"But that's where the sausage is!"
"There's some here."
Again, Randy sticks his hand into the skillet.
"Ahh!" he yelled. "Why is that hot?! That could hurt somebody!"
"Sir, are you retarded?" the old lady asked.
Edge kicked over the table and the three headed for the next aisle, which happened to be the ice cream aisle.
"Oooh!" Carlito said. "Pudding pops!"
Carlito pulled out a box and helped himself to a pudding pop.
"You have to pay for those, sir!" an employee, who had been watching, said.
"I don't have to," Carlito said.
"Yes, you do."
"You can lick my sweaty asshole."
"Pardon me?"
Carlito threw the pudding pop down and stomped on it. Then the three headed to another aisle. They came across the meat section. Randy picked up some hot dogs and put them in his pants. Then he picked up some bacon and put that in his pants. Carlito wandered over the dairy section and opened up a container of cottage cheese. He started eating it with his fingers as he wandered over to another old lady, offering free samples of some kind of milk.
"What the Hell is this?" he asked.
"This is soy milk," the old lady said.
"It smells like ass."
"Ass? What does ass smell like?"
"You know what, fuck you, you old whore."
Carlito continued on to another part of the store. Meanwhile, Edge had made his way to the feminine hygiene products.
"What do these do?" he asked a fellow browser, picking up a thing of deodorant."
"It's deodorant," she said.
"What does it do?"
"You put it on under your arms."
"Can I put it in my ass?"
"What?"
"Can I put it in my ass?"
"You, sir, are sick!"
She pushed her cart away, disgusted. Another shopper joined Edge in the aisle.
"What do these do?" he asked, holding up a box of tampons.
"Those are tampons," she said.
"Tampons?"
Edge opened the box and pulled out a tampon. He proceeded to insert it into his left nostril. He pulled out another and inserted it into his right nostril. Then he started knocking things off of the shelves and screaming something about the Holocaust being fake.
Meanwhile, back in the meat aisle, Randy had filled his pants with meat and was heading for the bathrooms when he got stopped by a security guard.
"Sir, what do you have in your pants?" he asked.
"Nothing," Randy said.
"Are you stealing meat?"
"No."
"Yes, you are! Your pants are full of it!"
"You're a lying bastard!"
Randy took off running, trying not to drop his meat. The security guard chased after him.
"Hey!" he yelled. "Stop!"
"Nooo!" Randy yelled. "I've got to save the booty!"
The security guard chased Randy right out the front door and into the parking lot.
Carlito stood in front of the women's underwear, eating his cottage cheese. An employee came up to him.
"Can I help you find something?" she asked.
"Do these come in a bigger size?" he asked, nodding to a pair of granny panties.
"This is the biggest size right here. Are they for a girlfriend or your wife?"
"No."
"Your mother?"
"No."
"Who then?"
"Me. Is this bra a push-up?"
"I don't know."
Carltio set down his cottage cheese and took off his shirt. He took the bra off of the rack and put it on.
"I like it," he said.
He picked up his cottage cheese and went over to the pajamas. He pulled a nightie off of the rack and put it on.
"If I poop in this, can I return it?" he asked the employee, who had followed him.
"No," she said.
"Too bad. I already did."
"Sir, you need to leave."
"No."
"I will call security."
"Go ahead."
She called for a security guard. Seconds later, a security guard came up to them. He took one look at Carlito and said, "Sir, you need to leave. Now."
"What did I do?" Carlito asked as the security guard led him towards the front.
"Just leave now."
The security guard pushed him out the front door. Edge, meanwhile, was in the toy aisle. He had found a hobby horse was gleefully riding it up and down the aisles, knocking things off of shelves when another security guard came up to him.
"Sir!" he said. "You need to stop!"
Edge stopped and got off of the hobby horse. He took it and started hitting the security guard with it.
"You can't tell me what to do!" Edge said. "I'm Jesus Christ!"
He dropped the hobby horse and ran for the exit. On his way out, he passed Chris Masters, who was being put into the back of a police car, next to Randy and Carlito.
"Assholes!" he yelled at them as he ran by. "Fuck you, pigs!"
A cop chased after him and got out his taser. He shocked him with it then handcuffed him and put him in the police car. And that was the end of their little trip to Wal-Mart.

Six Man tag match John Cena, Jeff Hardy and Carlito aginst Edge, Randy Orton and Johnny Nitro! Watch RAW on the usa network!!! Don't miss it!!!!!

 

Jeff Hardy and Edge Monday Night RAW!!!!

D- Generation X

Shane and Vince McMahon aka Satan and His Son lol

Trish Status

Lita Edge and Jeff Hardy

Ric Flair WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! lol lol

Owwwww that had to hurt!!! Mick Foley and Melina

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! lol lol lol LMAO

John Cena going after Edge 

 

Edge

The woman is perfected.
Her dead
Body wears the smile of accomplishment,
The illusion of a Greek necessity
Flows in the scrolls of her toga,
Her bare
Feet seem to be saying:
We have come so far, it is over.
Each dead child coiled, a white serpent,
One at each little
Pitcher of milk, now empty.
She has folded
Them back into her body as petals
Of a rose close when the garden
Stiffens and odors bleed
From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower.
The moon has nothing to be sad about,
Staring from her hood of bone.
She is used to this sort of thing.
Her blacks crackle and drag.


S. Plath