drama Blog and Journals

so far i'm more than halfway through to becoming an adult. i like all other girls my age have sooo much drama going on. loll.most of this you can find being updated on my twitter: anime_punk is my usar name. to start off my school life is going great. my social life is thriving...yet so much drama. i lost my first real love by novermbers end and found a new one. this time my friends, not my parents are the ones that will be the death of me. they hate me being with him. one is jelous, or idk she says shes not. its the most conusing thing to be in the middle of these situations, thinking your in control when you're really not. christmas was better last year. however this year my love life is so much better :) <3. i told my self i would never loose a friend to a stupid boy. but now i have no clue whats going on. its also a long distance relationship. but i dont want to loose someone due to anothers selfish desires. btw im just randing if u can't tell. u dont have to read this. XD but sometimes i can be entertaining. thats why i LOVE, and i mean absolutely LOVE urban dictionary. such a fun place :). of course i love it here too.

~peace

(btw this is my second buz account. the other is somewhere forgotten)

ps. love u dillan <3

All I can do is replay situation after situation over in my mind, Expectations vs. Reality.

Now you say best friends but everything you did told me something more.
I was going with my gut but your brain got in the way.

I jumped the gun, wanted everything too quickly, got too excited. I like to dive in head first and then do damage control afterward, deal with the consequences after I find out what happens.

The only question I ever ask myself before going into it is "Is it worth it?" and I thought it was.

I thought it could have been because I wanted to have a boyfriend, but I really think it was because I wanted to be your girlfriend. It was exciting, you said it was. But then you took it all back. Why did you say it all in the first place? I feel like you lied to me. Such a sucker for a sweet talker, yeah.

In the past when this has happened, I've turned into a bitch and then went back to normal. It always turns out fine but I've never gotten what I wanted. Maybe this time I'll make a change by not changing at all. I'm a pretty good actress, I'll be determined to pull it off.

I miss what we had before we kinda messed it up.
I don't think we'll be able to really get back there.

I'm okay to move on, but I can't shake the feeling that things could be different with you.

What can I do to get another shot?

I really hate drama. There seems to be a lot of it going around lately. I officially delclare this the state of Dramaland. Which will soon not exist anymore because I'm debating on whether or not to release a horrible virus, and turn everyone "drama-fied" into a Zombieland. Actually, the movie Zombieland was really good. I saw it twice. And he finally got him twinkie in the end.

You know, that's probably why I don't have many friends who are girls. I don't feel like dealing with it. Guys are much easier to be around. Example: This girl has been calling the girl friends I do have sluts behind their backs. I was not very happy when I found out. Then I come to find that she had been calling me a b**** and a whore. Now, it sounds common to you, but I really do get along with everyone. No one ever has problems with me, so when it happens, I'm not okay. She called me a whore because I dated her ex. Really? And she called me a b**** because we didn't invite her out to eat with us one night. I wonder why.

Girl fight! I thought this picture was funny.

I'm the kinda person who avoids confrontation as much as I can. How do you hande drama? Do you fight back, and give them what they deserve? Or do you stay back and let you friends take care of it?

I said I would post a Thanksgiving chapter to this and I am,but it hardly mentions that it is Thanksgiving in the chapter.I have it all planned out totally now..P.S. Things I think are going to start picking up from here.

Hayley's P.O.V

Dear Diary,

It's finally Thanksgiving and Pete was throwing us a special Thanksgiving party at his place in L.A,where we happened to be right now.

I had to admit that he did a killer job at decorated his place.

Everybody from the tour was here with their dates.Except me,of course.

I had to be the one that didn't have a boyfriend,but had two  guys that liked me.Alex Gaskarth and Alex Lipshaw.

I was so angry to see Ryan here with Keltie.I guess he really had cheated on me.I was starting to believe all the rumors I was hearing about Keltie jumping him on the bus,but those feelings all came crashing right down when I saw her pressed up against all parts of his body.

I knew I shoudn't care this much.I really shoudn't care,but I do.

To make things worse,Cassadee saw them making out and wanted to kick the crap out of Ryan even more.I'm sure she would have given them both an earful if Pete,Jeremy,and I hadn't restrained her.

Speaking of Pete.He took me aside during dinner and talked to me about what happened with Alex on the bus that night.I was laughing so hard and he looked like he was pop with anger."This is NO laughing matter Hayley.You weren't supposed to have sex until after your were married!" I had to wait until he cooled down enough to tell him that I didn't let Alex go that far.He now hates Alex too because he thinks that Alex is going to pressure me into sex when I just broke up with someone.Thanks for all the belief in me Pete.

Moving on to Alex now.

I still haven't figured out if I really want to have a relantionship with him or just a friendship.He makes me feel good about myself,like Josh does.That's his best friend quality.But he also makes me want him without trying to.That's his boyfriend quality.

Going on to Alex L. now.

He is going to be my friend ONLY.I am totally sure I do not have feelings for him.I just feel really bad that he likes me and has no idea that I don't have the same feelings for him.

I'm really not liking this tour so far,but I'm not letting us drop out of it because I'm having boy issues.

I should probably go before people start to wonder where I am.

I left my diary in the bathtub where I was writing hoping no one would find and take it.

I started walking down the hall to get back to the party when I saw Pete in the hall.

"Hey Pete."

"Look Hayles I'm so sorry that I flipped out on you earlier.It's just that I didn't think you would fall for someone so easily and I jumped to conclusions when you weren't wearing a shirt and were with Gaskarth and-"

I put my fingers to his lips so he would shut up."I forgive you,now give me hug and we can get back to the party."

He smiled at me,picked me up, and gave me a bear hug that made it hard to breathe."I love you Hayles and I really don't want to see you get hurt again.And I think it would be impossible to restrain Cass if someone hurt you again."

I had to laugh at how true that was."Cass would go physco if someone did that to me again."

He laughed,hugged me again,and we lefted to go back to the party.

3 hours later

I had danced with everyone in the room except Ryan of course.He was busy making out with Keltie,but I couldn't help but notice that he would open his eyes and throw me glances every few seconds.It looked like he was trying to make sure I would see him and Keltie together.

Where was my distraction when I needed him?

"Hayweee"I heard a voice say from behind me.Oh yeah,he was drunk off his ass.

"Hi Alex."

"Come and dance with me babe."He words were slurred.

"I'd rather not at this moment,but thanks anyway."I turned my head away.I hated it when he was drunk.I'd seen it once before and hated it from the begining.

"If you're not gonna dance,I'm going to kiss you."

"Alex,don't.We agreed-"Before I could finish my sentence his lips were on mine and his tongue was down my throat.I tried pushing him away but he had a very strong grip on my arms.

He started to lift my shirt up,but an unknown force pulled him off.

I pulled down my shirt as Taylor and Cassadee came over and held me.All eyes were on the scene before us except for Keltie's,who were boring holes into the side of my head.Cass looked ready to smack her and at that point ,I would have let her.

Ryan and Alex were throwing punches at each other over and over.By the looks of it,Alex was losing big time.

"You best stay away the fuck from her Gaskarth or you'll be in a lot worse shape then you are in now."Ryan yelled.He was beyond pissed.

Jack,Ryan,and Zack all ran to Alex and pulled him outside before he had time to throw another punch.I could hear them yelling at him.The pointless yelling that wouldn't get through to him in his drunken state.

Spencer,Jon,and Brendon took Ryan into the kitchen and I could hear them yelling at him too.Another pointless fight.

All of them were fighting because of me.It was all my fault that these bands were being torn apart.

I couldn't help myself anymore as I burst into tears on Cassadee's shoulder.She rocked me back and forth in her arms whispering that it would be alright,that everything was going to fall right into place.All lies.

I saw Keltie go upstairs with a look of defeat on her face and I couldn't care less.

This was all my fault.

Keltie's P.O.V

I walked upstairs and into the bathroom in Pete's house.I was losing a battle that was totally one-sided and created by me.Ryan was supposed to be mine.He was supposed to love me not that red headed bitch.It killed me when I saw the look in his eye that told me he was still in love with Hayley.

"She probably doesn't even remember we used to be best friends."I said to myself.

I guess I'm not surprised that she fell for Ryan when they toured together.But still,she had known I loved him since the first time we went to there concert and met them.

*flashback*

"Oh My Gosh,that was so amazing."My best friend in the entire world Hayley Williams gushed.

"I know,and did you see the guitarist.So hot!"I laughed.

"I can't believe we get to meet them,Hayley thank you so so much for geting us backstage passes."I said for the 100th time that day.

"Thank Pete,he was the one who got them for us."She said.

"I still can't believe Pete freaking Wentz is your cousin."Hayley was the luckiest person on this planet.She was in a band that already had hundreds of fans.No surprise,the band was amazing.Hayley could win any guys heart, and she was abnormaly beautiful.But she also had one of the worst past ever.Worse than any sob story a movie producer could come up with.

"Oh My Gosh,were here.Come on."She said snaping me out of my thoughts.

I smiled at her,she knocked on the dressing room door and the singer answered.

"Hey."He said."You must be Hayley,right?"

"Yup, I sure am and this is my friend Keltie."She said while pointing to me.I smiled and waved at him.

"Nice to meet both of you.I'm Brendon by the way.Come on in."

He opened the door wider so we could fit through and closed the door behing us.This dressing room was huge.

"Hey,guys.Come out here.Hayley and her friend are here."Brendon called into what appeared to be an empty closet.

Not so empty,I thought as three tall guys came into view from out behind the door.

"This is Jon our bassist,Spencer our drummer,and Ryan our guitarist."

As soon as he said the name Ryan, my heart started to speed up.

We all shook hands and said our hellos.

I tried flirting with Ryan a couple of times that night,but he never looked at me once.His eyes were focased only on the red head beside me.

I could tell already.He was falling in love with her by her only saying a few words.

'I love all  music' His eyes shined when she said that.

"What about you Keltie,what kind of music do you like?"Spencer asked me.

"I don't like music,I just went this concert because of her."I said with bitterness in my tone.

I loved Ryan at first sight and he didn't even spare a glance for me.His eyes were only on Hayley.

That's when I decided that I would date Ryan one day and that I was going to ruin all of my ex-best friend's relationships.

*flashback end*

That reminded me of why I was doing this to my once best friend.

I wanted Ryan and I hated her.

"I need a shower."I said.

I drew back the shower curtain and was about to turn on the water when I saw a little green book with a title that said diary of Hayley Williams.

"This battle isn't over yet Hayley."I said to myself.

Hayley Williams, I'm going to make your life Hell on Earth.

~>~

Comments Please.

This is my favorite chapter that I have writen so far.I hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Til Next Time

Peace Out and have a happy Thanksgiving.

-Lexi

Im pretty mush bored of my life as of the moment.

Ive read two novels in one seating.

Made a playlist for my friends, Im about to burn them and Im also making a cover design for the cd.

Im sick.

Of my life.

Going back to the same routine every night, my job is nightshift.  I might get terminated of tardiness or Im not going to be regularized.

I dont care.

Coz nobody cared about me either.

Nobody listens.

But one.

He didnt really understood me, he just say he did.

Im floating in uncertainty.

I dont know what I want.

Except that I want somebody to sit beside me and tell me they care.

Or show they care by just sitting with me and listening.

Im tired.

Of chasing my dreams.

How can I do what I want when I dont even know what I want in the first place.

Or maybe i just need to grow up.

Or let go of all the grudge I keep against the society that isnt reallt treating me well.

Am I not likable?

Only my friends says, but they dont really like me either.

And I dont quite trust them now.

Theyre decepticons.

I need to find my self.

I need soul searching.

I need love.

PS: I f youve read this Im sorry theres nothing really interesting about this. And dont worry I'll probably get this over with tomorrow.

So about a week ago Taige was messing around with me and he ALMOST hit my car while I was backing out of the drive way.
I drove back to school headed in and hid in my last class. I kept getting texted from Taige and Allison, asking where I was and Why
I was pissed. The rest of the day was like that but I never replyed. Then I finally told Allison why I was acting weird. She told me that
Taige was in complete control and he know what he was doing. I knew that already, but at lunch the next moring. I yelled at Taige callinging him a bad driver and a show-off and if he kept it up all that reckless driving would get him killed. Half of that emotion from a frinend the other hafe crush-Because not a week before a kid killed himself. After that he wouldn't talk to me. And I had a major mistake of telling our friend Taylor who loves to spread things around and she told someone who told someone who told their parents and they called Taige's dad and he got grounded. Big deal right? For Taige its like the world is ending, so he stopped talking to me, so Allison had to be the "messenger" And I was getting fed up witht his bullshit so I texed Taige saying that I shouldn't have told Taylor and some other shit then he replies with this huge ass text saying that all the idea's that I've had have been stupid, and that I'm worthless and that cutting myself is the stupiest way to deal with problems. Sure that's true but for me its a way for me to feel something than  I wasn't already feeling. So I've been wanting to end whatever shit has been going on and yet he always is running away saying: "I've got to make up a test." or "I'm going to eat with some other friends." so I tried to comfront him before his 8th period last Friday and he was late to class. Hmm, He's trying to end it, I'm trying to talk to him yet he's avoiding me by making up lame ass exuses and being late to class. Sure that's trying to end it. So the whole point about this funny story thing is my computer screen stopped working and it did after this all started. So I think my computer misses him...awkward.

Oh and I didn't cut! Yeah me!

Rose P.O.V

Aaaarrhh! I hate dad, i hade dad, i hate dad. He is just the biggest IDIOT ever! Me Jason we could be together right now. I just like him so much, and his parents is out of town this weekend so we could had been alone for whole weekend. But nooo cause my dad think im all to young to sleep with boys. And everybody think that he is just the coolest dad ever, cause its the big rockstar Bill Kaulitz! He is just a stupid jerk and I hade him!

"Rose can I come in please?" said Bill.

"No, go away!" I yelled back at him. The last thing I wanted right now was talking to dad. But he just opened the door and walked in.

"Why did you even ask if you just walk in anyway?" I looked away from him.

"Rose you are only thirteen, you are not old enough to sleep at a boy place. You dont know what that boy have in mind." Said Bill.

I knew just what he had in mind and that was just fine for me. But that would get akward if I said that to dad.

"What do they have in mind dad?" I asked my dad. I knew that it was a tricky quistion, but that was just good.

"Sex dad?"  I yelled. " Cause you know what? Thats fine for me, I cant be a virgin forever!" Bill was shocked.

Bill P.O.V

My heart stopped beating there, was that my little Rose who just said that? I couldnt

breath i felt so sad,.

"Dad im sorry i crosed the line, i didnt mean that." I looked at Rose Her eyes got all red.

"I cant belive that you have growing up as a cheap slud." I yelled at her.

"I hate you i wish you were out of my life!" She yelled back at me.

I walked at fast as i could out of her room. I stormed down the stairs.

Lilly P.O.V

I saw dad go out of Roses room. I knocked on her door and went in.

" Lilly I need your help." She tormented me.

"What can I do ?" I asked.

"Im gonna run away. I need you to cover over me."

"No Rose you cant leave me here." I cried at her.

"Lilly I love you, but I wont stay here. I just cant. But you can come with me. We can run away together. Im your identical twin. You are me. I am you. We are one. Lets go away for some time. We can live our life now." Rose convinced me that this the right thing to do. But I would miss dad cause he was the best dad ever! But I had to do this for Rose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~5 hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We was on the busstation waiting for the bus there should drive us out of Hamburg and all the way Berlin. We had left a node to dad, so he would know that we wasnt comming back for a long time...

HAYLEY'S POV

"Yeah I guess your right.Ill tell Zac to put the plan on hold for now."I said

"No you dont have to just please play it safe."Said Krysten

"Ok,Thanks for the help."I said getting up from her bed

"No problem.Tell me if you need anymore help."Yelled Krysten once I was out the door

I walked out of her room with still a few questions on my mind.

JOSH'S POV

I was sitting on my bed trying to figure things out and/or get things straight.I wanted to tell Audrey I wanted to break up but how.Through a text?Ask her to meet me at the coffee shop?And how was I going to tell Hayley I liked her I was to nerveus to tell her anything.I just dont know what to do I feel like im going to explode if I dont do something soon.I knew what I was going to do.I got up from my bed and went to my desk to get my phone and I was going to call Audrey to tell her to meet me at the Park.

HAYLEY'S POV

I got my phone and called Zac.

"Zac can we stop the plan?"I asked through the phone

"Yeah sure,Why?"Asked Zac

"I just have a feeling one of us is going to end up getting hurt."I said

"Yeah your right."Said Zac

":Yeah ok."I said

"Let's just talk later.''Said Zac

"Ok,Bye."I Said hanging up

ZAC'S POV

If only Hayley knew that the first time I meet her I had already liked her and I was already hurt.I just hoped that this"Pretend dating"would make her relize the she also liked me.

"Oh!Hayley what are you doing to me?"I said under my breath

JOSH'S POV

I was waiting for Audrey to come to the park so we could have the so called"Talk".I knew I had to do this beacause I loved Hayley I could not stop thinking about her non-stop I was cursed with thinking of Hayley 24/7 but I didnt mind because she was like my soul-mate.

"Hi!JOSHIE!"Siad Audrey with her high pitched voice

"Hi"I said anoyed already

"So what do you wanna talk about?"Asked Audrey sitting down next to me

"I just wanna say..I wanna break up."I Said

"What?Why?!Is it because of that bitch Hayley."Yelled Audrey

"Dont you dare call Hayley a bitch!"I yelled at her

I decided im going to turn my onshot There evil in your heart and it wants out to play to a FANFICTION

the oneshot was the first chapter I guess chapter 2 will be up tommorow or later on in the week!

Im going to put Feeling Sorry on hold for now because im going to work on theres evil in your heart and it wants out to play!

I know everybody has their breaks up and makes up and well...can my life get anymore worse? Okay (Fred) the guy who stood up for me in front of (asshole) got drunk because his grandpa won the lottery. He called me and basically said he loved me...just wait. Once we were done with our talk he called my friend and told her the same exact thing. I called her to tell her the news and she said,"You don't even like him, I  like him. He said he loved me more." Soon I figured out she freakin used me to get to (Fred) It wasn't that hard finding out cause she did the same thing to my other friend. She basically used my friend and took (Fred) for herself. The past knows how to find its way back to the future huh? Well I freakin hate it! Now my best friend is pissed at me and I am pretty sure by Tuesday, our friendship is over and me and Fred....that freakin bitch can have him. I actually trusted those guys and I am pretty everyone is gonna hate him cause my used-to-be friend is gonna tell people lies and get everyone to hate on me. I've had that same problem before and I am ready to go down that road again and fight. I don't care! They can hate on me or whatever but at least I still have my dignity. Fred lost his because he got drunk in front of everyone. Fuck. My.Life. Screw everyone I ever trusted.

My life is another season of the Hills. Just left over beer and trash that you have to pick up. Well all that trash is every piece of me, I have to pick my life back up again. My life is getting more depressing by the minute. I am forced to wear this fake smile but on the inside I feel betrayed and hurt. I hope all you guys do not go through the pain I am going through. If you are don't let anyone ruin your life. Your life is too precious to let slip out of your hands.

"blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
so i don't know what's real and what's not
always confusing the thoughts in my head
so i can't trust myself anymore
i'm dying again" - Going Under by Evanescence