devil Blog and Journals

"What's your New Year's resolution?" Josh asked me abruptly, an arm around my waist. I looked up into the sky and thought for a second. What could I say? Hide our relationship effectively from my friends? Oh yeah, Hayley, that wouldn't freak him out at all. "Well," I stuttered, then looking up at him. "Growing..taller?"

He sputtered out a laugh, then leaned in to plant a small kiss against my lips. "I don't think that's going to happen," he whispered after pulling away. I rolled my eyes.

"The fireworks are going to start!" Isabelle yelped with excitement, tugging at the hem of my white dress. I laughed and my eyes stared up towards the sky. "Countdown to New Year!" Zac then announced, and we all proceeded to count down from ten.

And right when we reached "one", the colorful explosions began, and so did the yelling and cheering. The fireworks were lovely, and I couldn't keep my eyes off of them.

Or so I thought.

Josh ripped my eyes from the sky and grabbed both sides of my face, then letting his lips land on mine. I had no problem responding, wrapping both my arms around his body and holding him close. "Happy New Year," he muttered lowly against my lips. I just continued kissing him, in the midst of all the celebration happening around us. This was such a good New Year.

When the ring of the alarm clock hit my ears that next Monday morning, the realization that today I'd be going back to school scared me more than anything. This winter break was amazing..and I was head over heels for someone I shouldn't be with. At least, that's what my friends told me. But then again, they weren't the bosses of me. 

Ugh.

I just wanted to hide from them. But I couldn't stay away from Josh. He was my boyfriend. And telling him about the plan would surely ruin everything about us. I couldn't hurt him, nor could I loose him. If not loosing him meant letting go of my friends, then maybe that's exactly what should happen. I just can't go through with this plan anymore.

I guess the first step towards this was not dressing the way they wanted me to.

Hopping out of bed, I slid my closet door open and picked out something that was me, something that I'd normally wear. I ignored the low cut v-necks and scoop neck shirts that got in my way. Instead I dug deep into my closet and found a simple t-shirt. It was almost comical to me, seeing this for the first time. I was so used to wearing the whore clothes that I almost forgot I even had normal clothes in my closet. But nevertheless, I chose that shirt and my usual skinny jeans.

After pulling on a hoodie that Josh gave me for Christmas, I slipped out of my bedroom and made myself a quick breakfast. Cereal was really the only breakfast I could create quickly, anyways.

This time, I didn't hurry. I ate slowly, carefully, wanting to stay away from that school as much as possible. Hell, if I was late, I wouldn't even care. I couldn't face those girls just yet.

I shoved another spoonful of cereal into my mouth as I scrolled through possible explanations and excuses. Something believable, something that would convince them that hurting Josh wasn't the best way to get back at him. Those girls were witty, clever..they'd find some another plan against him. Or they could toy with another boy. Just not Josh. I closed my eyes and sighed heavily, resting my forehead against my palms as I realized none of those were good enough.

"Hayley?"

My head rose in surprise at the sound of my name, looking around the room to find just who had called.

"Down here, silly."

Perched on my right shoulder was a tiny me, dressed up as an angel.

"Now I know I must be crazy," I muttered, my eyes still in shock at what I was seeing.

"Hayley, you don't need to put yourself into anymore trouble by lying to your friends and avoiding your relationship with Josh. Just tell them the truth, if they're your real friends..they are sure to understand."

"Blah, blah, blah." An arrogant voice then called, and from a poof of smoke came the devil mini me, standing against my left shoulder. "Lying with help get you through everything. You can just lie to your friends and pretend to go through with the plan, while you tell Josh that you don't want your relationship to go public..so he won't show his affection to you in..well, public. Your friends will never suspect anything is going on! You can sneak around here and there and finally just do a pretend break up with Josh to make your friends happy. Now wouldn't that be easy?"

"But she looses Josh if she breaks up with him!" The angel contradicted.

"Yes, but she'll tell him it was pretend and then get back with him, telling her friends that she now likes him. Duh. It's perfect. Lying helps everyone."

"Hayley, tell the truth," the angel advised me, sticking her tongue out at the devil.

"No! Lying will help you not loose your friends. Don't you see? Telling the truth will have your friends horrified and Josh will find out about the plan, knowing all this time you were playing him..even though you weren't. Well, until now that is. Because now you really like him. But he won't think that. He will think it was all just a game."

"She does have a point," I muttered towards the angel.

"Lie!" The devil yelled.

"Truth!" The angel then added.

The two continued their back and forth bicker while I was left to suffer in the middle. "Could you two just shut up?!" I then exclaimed, efficiently ending the fight. "Well, Hayley, you know what the right thing to do is." The angel looked up at me and smiled, then disappearing before I could even blink an eye.

"Hah, the 'right thing' never helps anyone. You know the easy way out Hayley. Don't believe that stupid angel. She won't make your life any easier. You know what you have to do." The devil's voice was so persuasive.  

"But-" I gave up when I realized the devil was gone as well, and I was left to contemplate and make my decision.

Why did the two have to be so good at convincing and persuading?

Hayley, you heard both sides of the arguement. And your conscience is telling you to fucking tell the truth and avoid any drama. You know what will ensue if you lie. But..lying just seems to be the easy way to avoid all of this. It's like a well crafted plan that doesn't seem like it will hurt anybody.

But you know better than that.

My brain began to throb at all this thinking. It was hard enough making a choice, but those two little persuasive bitches just had to pop up on my shoulders and make things a lot more difficult. Why did I even get caught up in this entire mess anyways? Life was hard enough as is.

The unexpected knock on my door made all the thinking stop right then and there. The sound made me groan. I didn't want to face anyone right now.

Running my fingers through my hair, I reluctantly pulled it open, only to regret what I had just done. "Hey Hayles," Josh smiled, so innocent and sweet that it made my heart wretch in my chest. It almost hurt me to see him there. He was the biggest part to Nicole, Valerie, and Cara's plan. He was the reason I was here, suffering on the inside. And the worst part was that he was completely oblivious to the situation we were both put in. If he only knew about all this trouble, he'd be running far away from me. I'm sure.

Forcing a smile, I returned his greeting with one of my own and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I was thinking that maybe I could walk you to school? If you want to, you know. It's your choice."

If I let him walk me to school, everyone would definitely know about the relationship. Given Josh's reputation, it would be nothing short of obvious. What was a trapped girl to do? My head was in utter confusion, I couldn't think straight, so what I muttered out surprised even me. "Could we just..maybe keep a distance from each other? Not publicly show our relationship yet? I don't think I'm ready for everyone to know."

I hoped he wouldn't notice the clear panic in my voice.

"Oh," he said, and the heavy disappointment in his tone made my already crushed spirit feel like it just sunk lower. "Well okay, whatever you want. I'll try to keep my distance."

I simply watched, sore and hurt, as he walked away from my doorstep.

Damn it. Was I honestly going through with the "lie" plan? Following what I knew I shouldn't be following? Doing what I know would hurt me in the end? This was what it came to? I was this stupid?

I shook my head, disgusted at myself. Temptation is a bitch for everyone.

Sorry sorry sorry for the wait on this! I've been having a hard time updating this baby. And this chapter pretty much sucked, I know. A bit too rushed for me. Dunno. But what did you think about it? ANSWER ME! ;D

P.S.-Click the previous journal post for my Q&A post and ask your questions if you haven't already. This is completely optional though, you don't have to! :)