Cute is What We Aim For Blog and Journals

yeahhhhh

i seriously don't have a clue when this is ever going to be updated, you don't know how many nights i've just stared at the textedit window on my computer and tried to write, hoping something good will be the result.

so im sorry to say to like the three people that read it, this is in "suspended animation"

i'm sorry

i just don't have any ideas left.

;______;

"Jonathan cook," she said, whoever he wasn't he was going to be okay.

"Pete don't cry," she said, he voice was stronger now, "everything going to be fine." she faked a smile, I knew she was faking but I 

didn't let her know that I knew.

The ambulance showed up almost a minute later, and they strapped her into a stretcher, in the light I could see her face was tear stained and she ha a black eye and bloody nose, they let me ride with her since I was the only one there. Jocelyne was conscience enough to give 
them her moms number, I guess she told them everything like insurance and all the information, and as much as she wanted to be on a plane ride back, she couldn't, or else the label would lose a lot of money. After a couple hours after the checked her out they let me see her.
She was sleeping so I just held her hand.

After a couple more hours she woke up.

"Pete!" she said, her voice was hoarse, she gave a huge smile. "you don't know how happy I was to see you."

I just smiled and was so happy that she was alive.

"I should've gone with you or something," I said, guilt clear in my voice.

"no, we can't change it, it doesn't matter." she said.

"but it does matter, If you haven't noticed, your kinda in the hospital." I said starting to get angry.

"please don't get mad," she pleaded, "I just need my boyfriend right now!" she said looking deep into my eyes, i still wanted to argue with her logic, but i didn't want to upset her.

"I'm sorry," I said and climbed into the bed with her.

She rested her head on my chest. Eventually she fell asleep again, I felt like the luckiest person ever. If she died I wouldn't know what I would have done.

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so this was short

but more soon

The return....

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Pete P.O.V.

The next week flew by, it wasn't necessarily what we were doing 
together, but that we were together.
It was around 7 o'clock and we were watching tv.
She got up and headed to the kitchen.
"Awe we don't have chips," she pouted.
She started putting her hoodie on.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"To 7-11, I'll be back in 10 minutes flat," she told me.
"you can just make popcorn or something," I suggested, I didn't want 
her to leave.
"It'll be 10 minutes," she said and kissed me, they say kisses will 
never be the same as first kiss, but they obviously never met somebody 
they actually really cared about. I couldn't believe it but, I came to 
the conclusion that I loved her. I knew this would shock a lot of 
people I knew, because I had never really believed in love before. I 
always thought it was something that never existed, or something I 
would never experience.
I was somewhat of a overcast kid.
But every minute she was gone I grew more worried. 15 minutes past and 
I was pretty nervous, I texted her, she answered back, she said she 
was on her way back, but five for minutes past and she wasn't back. I 
called her phone and she didn't answer, I ran to get my hoodie and put 
on a pair of vans slip ons. I ran down the stairs not wanting to wait 
for the elevators.
I continuously called her phone, desperately wanting her to answer, I 
saw a 711 down the street I quickly walked down the street, I looked 
down an alley way and saw something laying off to the left side.
I prayed in my head that it wasn't her. I ran up and heard the 
ringtone, it was her. She had been brutally beaten, but she was still 
breathing, I quickly phone the police. I softly shook her awake, he 
eyes slightly opened.
"Pete!" she whispered, her voice full of hope.
"Shhh," I said, "the ambulance will be here soon, just save your 
strength,"
"I should've just made popcorn," she gave a weak laugh, then grabbed 
her ribs in pain.
I couldn't stand Seeing her suffer, "who did this to you?" I whispered, 
I was almost on the verge of tears.
"Jonathan cook," she said, whoever he was he was going to be okay.
"Pete don't cry," she said, he voice was stronger now, "everything 
going to be fine." she faked a smile, I knew she was faking but I 
didn't let her know that I knew.

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Muahahaha

im am very very sorry this took so long :/

but IM BACK!

oh hai people

i am quite aware i have not posted for a week now, and i dont mean to be giving excuses but theres this very evil thing called,Writers block, IT FUCKING SUCKS DICK!

and with my newly found wrist injury, it super hard to type....

and im actually only posting this to let people know whats going on, and to ask for some help...

i really need ideas, and you will not go uncredited if you'll be so kind and help me out... :D

love

jocelyne, the person who was stupid enough to injur their wrist by accidentally slamming it into a door knob

yeah

thats what actually happened...

-___________-

We decided to go Disney Land to cheer up her mood, on the ride there Going Away To College came on the radio, i thought it was ironic.

We were planning going to disney land for the longest time, but Gabe didn't want to go, he thought it was too "kiddie".
We were waiting in line and Mandi said.

"I don't know about this, i don't really like rides," she said.

"There's not just rides, there's like 3d stuff too," i said, i spent atleast a fifth of my life here, i pretty much knew where everything was, but Mandi way afraid of heights, so she really would go because she figured it was only huge roller coasters. I remembered on my 14th birthday, at the time i was really good friends with Jonathan, and he thought it would be a good to go to Six Flags Magic Mountain.
I jumped at the idea because i loved amusement parks, and Mandi only came along because she liked one of Jonathan's friends, and we were about to go on this huge roller coster, and she started crying, i felt so bad for bringing her there, Jonathan laughed at her, i don't remember how it ended but it was the first time i found out she was afraid of heights.
We started off by going to the tree of life, they were showing a shorter 3D version of Bug's Life. Then I insisted we go on the spinning tea cups.

"The spinning tea cups! spinning tea cup!" i said like a 5 year old.

"Yeah!" Mandi said, it completely surprised me.

"okay," Pete agreed, "But if i puke, you owe me." he threatened.

"Ohhhh, scary," i joked, he put his arm around me.
we ended up getting in the last one available.

"I guess we're lucky," Mandi said.

The ride started moving, Mandi and started spinning it.

After about a minute i finally said-
"God damn! I'm so dizzy!"

"Can we stop this?!" Mandi yelled.

"NO!" Pete yelled, and kept spinning it around.

"You're SO evil!" i said playfully.

"I know!" He said sarcastically.

"God, I'm gonna puke," Mandi said.

A minute later we finally we got off.

"Can we please not do that again?" i asked.

"Never again." Mandi said.

After that we went to a couple stores.

"Dude! They have a scratch and smell t-shirts!" Mandi announced!

"WHAT!" i said,  we ended up making so much noise we got kicked out of the store.
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soo.... this was a fail,

i kinda got writers block for this! But im writing the next chapter right now and im switching it up a little cuz i felt like i was getting boxed in on this.

and ill post it in like a half an hour!

and sorry Macy for confusing you yesterday, i often do use big words but they don't often make their ways into my stories// oh and in celebration i was thinking about posting a preview of another story im writing, but im not sure if anyone will read it, it involved Alex Gaskarth and Lights.

so guess who DOESN'T have swine flu!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have never been happier to just have a chest infection!

so.... in celebration i may be double posting tonight!!!!

4 Days Later.

We were driving Gabe to the airport, it turns out, setting Gabe and Mandi up was a great idea,they had actually spent the last 4 days together. I was driving, Pete was riding shot-gun and Mandi and Gabe were in the back.
It was a quiet, depressing drive, i would miss Gabe, but in the way as if my older brother was going away to college.
Then I cringed at the thought of kissing my brother, and almost puked in my mouth, and tried my hardest to push the thought out of my mind.
Seeing Mandi that said made me depressed, she was usually so happy and upbeat, the only other time I'd seen her like this is when one of our favorite bands Something Corporate announced they were in, "Suspended animation".
In the airport it was a little bit happier, we were all making fun of each other.

"Shut up you tall freak," Pete playfully shoved Gabe into a plant, I laughed at him.

"What are you laughing at you frizzy haired loser," he said.

"Okay, that's it, Im putting your picture up on hipster or gay, and I'm sure gay will have more votes." I said.

"So," he said. "I kissed a boy and I liked it." he sung.

We were all laughing at this point, probably because it was all true.

"Flight 148 boarding now," we heard over the loud speaker.

The mood all turned into sadness.

"See you later asshole," he said to Pete, and they did the hand shake bro hug thing.

"I'll see you at school frizzy," he said giving me a hug.

"Stop feeling up my girlfriend," Pete whispered sarcasticly.

I laughed, then he moved on to Mandi.
I didn't really pay much attention to them.

"I haven't really asked you yet, but how's fall out boy been doing?" I asked, I'd talked to Patrick a couple times on msn but we'd talked about thefunk brothers oddly enough.

"it turned out good, but I'm the kind of person that whenever I make something I always..."

"Feel like it could be better," I finished, we were both like that.

"yeah, but Patrick is a freaking genius, he's like-"

"The second musical coming of Jesus," I joked.

"Yes, and we got a drummer finally too," he said.

"That's great!"

"Yeah, Patrick met him in the music section of barnes and nobles," he laughed.

I hoped things would work out for them, I had just gotten a taste of the last drummer, when Pete and I were in the middle of a phone call and he

straight up took Pete's cell and hung it up, multiple times, and there was no reason for it either, Pete had his parts finished for the day, so he couldn't use that excuse.

"We got signed too!" he said.

"WHAT! And you didn't tell me!?" I said, "That's great, what label are you on!?"

"Fueled By Ramen," he said. I was extremely familiar with it, the label my mom worked at distributed them.

"That's so freaking awesome! I know one day you guys will be HUGE!" I said, confidently said.

"You really think?" he asked.

"Of coarse!" I said enthusiastic.

I looked over, gave and Mandi were still hugging.

"Umm, Gabe, I don't mean to kill the moment, but aren't you gonna miss your plane?" I asked.

"Oh shit! Mandi, I gotta go, but I'll call you as soon as I land," He said.

"Okay," she replied quietly.

He waved goodbye and ran to his plane.
We ended up finding it and watched it depart, now it really felt like I was seeing my brother leave for college or moving away, it was sad.
We started heading back to the car, Mandi had her head down the entire  time.

"It's okay," I said putting my arm around her, almost like a choke hold, "he's coming back again."

"What?!" she said surprised, "When!?"

"In like a month," I told her, "didn't he tell you?"

"No."

"Well,... Maybe he forgot to tell you," i reassured her.

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this will be the last one for a while.... i seriously may have swine flu, i have all the symptoms, im gooing to the doctor tomarrow to find out :(

and i kinda shaped this a little differently so boysdontcry14 wouldn't have an aneurysm reading it.

A Week Later.

It was 4 am, and Gabe woke me up, today was the day! Pete's flight was landing in two and a half hours , i jumped out of bed and quickly got dressed.
I quickly ran into the kitchen and made some pop tarts, i was impatiently awaiting them to pop.
I was tapping my finger nails on the counter.

"Stop!" Gabe said, from the living room.

A minute later they popped, i grabbed a piece of paper towel, and wrapped them in it so i wouldn't burn my hands, i ran down the stairs into the parking garage. After a long phone call with my mom, she finally trusted me with her car, her $65, 000 car. I don't know how i managed it, but she trusted me.

Today was the day i had wished the traffic would be light, but no! With my luck there was a HUGE traffic jam.
I started freaking out when i was still 20 minutes away and it was 6:30, and thats when Pete's plane was planned to land.
I finally got to the airport and ran to the T.Vs were, i looked for Pete's flight, delayed by an hour, and arriving in 10 minutes.

Some how the stars aligned and made it so Pete wasn't waiting for the last 50 minutes. I made my way through the obstacles of the real world, large crowds of people, broken down escalators, even a crows of paparazzi's following Dakota Fanning.

In 7 minutes I was at the gate, waiting anxiously.
Finally people started pouring out, and in the middle of the crowd, i saw his smiling face. It had only been two weeks since i had last seen him, but it felt like a year. When he saw me, his smile grew brighter.
I'm sure we looked like a couple of smiling idiots walking through the airport.

"Woah, do you think i should even be in this car?" he asked once we were driving back.

"If I can drive this car, you can at least be in it." I laughed.

That Night.

I woke up beside Pete, he was still asleep and it was the middle of the night. I looked at the alarm clock on the night stand beside the bed 3:12 am I haven't had a normal dream in the longest time, just the same memory of kissing Gabe.

A reoccurring nightmare.

I decided to give the roof top a visit. Staring up at the stars never seemed more calming. But it would be another couple of days and Gabe would be back home in New York and I could forget. But the way Gabe was acting it seemed that maybe that whole event didn't happen, it's weird when you can't tell real events apart from dreams.

But the sun was starting to rise and I made my way back down to the apartment. I joined Pete in the bed again and drifted off.

Mourning.

"So were did you go last night?" Pete said, siting at the bar counter/ kitchen table kinda thing.

"what do you mean?" I asked, I had an idea what he meant but I wasn't sure.

"at like 3:30 you were gone," he asked, a little concerned.

"oh, I'll show you tonight," I said, "but I've only shown a couple other people this place, so you have to keep it a secret."

"ohh, I secret!" he said excitedly.

I ran my fingers through my newly cut bangs, half of them stuck out.

"you remind me of-" he started to say, his face changed, "never mind." He said quickly.

"What?" I said softly.

"just someone I used to know," he said. "but never mind," he said, his voice perked up, "so what are we doin today!"

"what do you want to do?" I asked, "there's so much."

We ended up going to an old movie theatre that was showing a marathon of movies, they had no connection to each other, in anyway possible.

The Amittyville Horror

Toy Story

Prom Night

Carrie

and it finished with The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Night.

"You're the fifth person to know about this place so keep it secret." 
I said outside the door.

"fifth?" he asked.

"yes." I answered.

"who's the other 4?"

"well I'm the first, Mandi is the 2nd, Gabe's the 4th and the 3rd person is the reason why gabe is the 4th and I don't wanna talk about the 3rd person."  I said.  "did that make sense?"

"yes... No ... Yes," he looked completely confused.

I grabbed his hand and dragged him onto the roof top.

The stars were out, and the moon was bright, and as usual the city was busy.

"this place is pretty," he said, that wasn't the answer I was expecting. "what's wrong?"

"nothing, I just thought this place scored a beautiful on the Pete scale," I slightly joked.

"no, there's only one thing that scores a beautiful, that this place can't even compare to," he paused, "You."

He kissed me.

"just when you think a person can't get any more corny." i said smiling.

"why, is that a problem?!" he said concerned.

"no, it's fine, it's sweet," I said, "if you stopped being corny there would be a huge part of you missing." I joked, he laughed.

We stayed there for the longest time just talking.
Then Mandi texted me, and I realized she still hadn't net Pete yet, it had only been a day since he got here but still, she was my best friend.

"hey, would you like to meet my friend?" I said to him.

"yeah, her names Mandi right?" he asked back.

"yepp, but let me go grab my hoodie and we'll go and meet her," I said.

"ok, I'll be waiting here." he said.

I went down to the apartment, I saw Gabe sitting on the couch watching Ghostbusters, I felt sad, I had pretty much ditched him when Pete came.

"Hey gabe?"

"yes?" I asked back with no real emotion.

"Do you wanna come hang out with us and Mandi?" I asked, I didn't want him to just sit here all alone.

"sure," he said.

I went and grabbed my hoodie and gabe was putting on this dark grey/ black jacket.
I couldn't belive I was admitting this, but I actually really liked Gabe, I couldn't help it, he was attractive, sensitive, and a tough guy.
Wait how could I be thinking this, Pete was all of those too, and Pete was more, he didn't drink until he blacked out, he didn't dance coyote ugly style, he didn't play games or trick girls.

We went up and got Pete, he was a little confused when Gabe was with me. But I told him that Mandi really liked Gabe and I was trying to set them up. Part of that was true, Mandi in fact was infatuated with Gabe, and this wasn't normal with Mandi, she had a hard time telling even me who she liked, the only people she talked about being 'hot' were dudes in major bands, or else she would say. "yeah.... I guess he's kinda awesome," I wasn't the most open person either but she was like the locked diary under the pillow, hidden and hard to crack. It turns out when she was flirting with gabe, she didn't even realize it.                                                                                                                                                    

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ahahaha some more insight on characters!!!!!

"Please forgive me," he said, i heard my phone ring, i was hoping it was a phone call, just so i could maybe asked for help. But no, it was only a message from Mandi.

I quickly sent a text to Gabe.

To: G.A.B.E.
Rooftop
please help!!!

I had to stall somehow, i figured it would be a couple minutes before he got up here.

"Please just leave me alone! I won't forgive you!" I said bluntly.

"Oh, come on!" He said, brushing a piece of hair out of my face.
Seconds later Gabe bursted through the door. Jonathan turned around.

"Who the fuck are you?" Jonathan asked.

"Who are you?" Gabe asked back.

"I'm Jonathan."

"Well, I'm Gabe," he said, "Jocelyne's boyfriend."

"What?" Jonathan asked, he didn't believe it, but i couldn't believe how good of a liar Gabe was.

"You heard," Gabe said, arrogantly, "Now back the fuck up off of her."

"What if I don't," Jonathan tested him.

"You don't wanna know." Gabe said, at this point he even scared me. In the 10 months I'd known Gabe, i had never seen him like this, even when he was yelling at Pete, he wasn't like this.

"Go to the apartment now!" He told me, i practically ran.

It was another 15 minutes before he got back to the apartment, and i really enjoyed being alone, it seemed like no matter where i went i couldn't be alone.

"Jocelyne!" Gabe said, entering the kitchen, even though he saved me from that situation, i was still mad at what he had pulled today.

"Gabe, please, just leave me alone," i said, going into my room, locking the door.

"I'm not gonna leave you alone!" He said through the door, for the next half an hour he babbled on about nonsense. I thought about Jonathan.

I remembered how much he had hurt me, freshman year.  I had  known him for two years and he asked me out, and I was really really  skepticalbecause I hadn't dated before, but I thought he was a nice  guy, and that i could trust him. Later I found out he was going out with another girl, I  actually found this out at a restaurant when he got a coke in the face  and I got bitch slapped.
She got punched back, but that wasn't the point. I was humiliated and  emotional bruised after that I didn't date until I was sent away to  boarding school, when I met Pete.
Finally i gave up.

"Gabe?" i asked into the darkness.

"Yes!" He said, very excited.

"Do you wanna go for a walk?" i asked, i was uneasy at the idea myself, but after the situation with Jonathan, i was afraid to go out alone.

"YES!" He answered.

We made our way down to the beach at sat by the iconic Santa Monica pier.

"Gabe, what happened between us today," i told him, "Didn't happen."

"But it did!" He retorted back like a 7 year-old kid.

"But it didn't! For Pete's sake!" I said.

"I guess," he said, looking down, it wasn't much of an answer.

We walked around, not really talking.
Then it was 4 am and we were back in the apartment.

"Gabe?" i asked before going to have a shower.

"Yeah?" he said quietly.

"You aren't going to tell Pete are you?" I asked, i knew the right thing to do was to tell him, but i'd rather do it.

"No, what kind of person would i be?" He asked.

"A good one," i mumbled. While i was washing my hair i decided i wouldn't tell him, i figured it would be better not to.

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haha u guys guessed.

but! im not gonna update tomarrow, im sick and it really really really really sucks!!!!!!!!

That night when i went to sleep i had a another memory jolt.
Some how these were a type of reoccurring dreams.
It was after the school dance I was going to talk to Pete for some reason.
I peaked through the crack in the door, Pete and Gabe were fighting.

"Why would you do that!" Pete raised his voice, he barely ever did. "Every time i tried to dance with her you fucked with the song!"

"I like her too! Okay Pete? I said it!" Gabe yelled back.

"But she's MY girlfriend!" Pete yelled back even louder.

"HAYLEY WAS MY GIRLFRIEND! TOO BUT YOU FUCKED THAT UP!" Gabe yelled back even louder, Pete didn't say anything, "Thats what i thought," he said heading to the door, i ran over to were two hallways met.
He walked right past me, probably too angry to notice anything.
Then i heard Gabe yelling again, but it wasn't in my dream, i rolled out of bed and onto the floor out of instinct, i saw Gabe hopping around in the hallway.

I got up, "What's wrong!?"
"There's something stuck in my foot!" He yelled.

"Just sit down on my bed and I'll get it out," i ordered, he hopped over and sat down, i kneeled on the floor and lifted up his foot, there was a pearl earring all the way into his foot.

"I don't know if i should do this." i said warning him.

"I know its gonna hurt but just pull it out!" he demanded.

"Okay, but..... That's what she said!" I said, he gave me a dirty look, "Okay quick and painless."

I pulled on it and went flying back into my dresser, I felt really dizzy and tried to stand up, but fell causing Gabe to catch me.

"You okay?" he asked me.

"I think so, my head really really hurts though," i said, trying to stand up again, but i fell back into his arms..

I woke up several hours later. I looked out my window it seemed to be somewhere around 6 o'clock.
I fumbled into the kitchen, my head throbbing, i found the bottle of tylenols on the counter.

"If it isn't sleeping beauty?" Gabe said really loudly coming into the kitchen.

"OH MY GOD! BE QUIET! My head hurts like a son of a bitch!"  I said, really mad.

"Woah woah calm down, I just helped you out, i could've let you fall to the floor, don't i at least get an apology?" he said, i shot him a dirty look.

"Fine! Thanks for taking care of me in my retardedness," i said.

"Nah, thats okay, I caused it anyways,"  he was playing games with me now.

"What do i owe you?" i asked.

"A kiss." He said, i stared at him, shocked. "Only on the cheek," he added.

"Fine," i wasn't amused but, i was going to win at this game. I gave him a quick peck on his cheek.

"What was that?!" he said.

"What! Was i supposed to make out with your cheek?!" I asked sarcastically.

"NO! But something more." He said defending himself.
He leaned out, turned his head and pointed to his cheek.

"FINE!" I repeated.

I leaned in, but this time, last second, he turned his head, and our lips met.

It felt perfect, my fingers ran through his hair and his arms were around my waist.
And Pete came across my mind,  I pushed him away, and i backed up into the fridge.

"WHAT HAVE I DONE!?" I said.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that!" he said.

"Just.... Shut up!" i said, i ran and grabbed my hoodie, "I'm going for a walk, just please leave me alone."

I slammed the door on my way out, i lied when i said i was going for a walk, i was actually going up to the roof top of the building, it was the only real place i could get away, nobody knew about it. i leaned against the railing on the west side and watched the sun start to set behind buildings.
I stared at the moon which was starting to emerge at this point, wondering if Pete was looking at it too, i missed him to death.
I felt hand on my shoulder, i jumped. I turned around, my self disappointment turned into anger.

"What THE FUCK! are you doing here!?" I asked.

"I'm here to see you, do you even remember me, its been like a year!" His tone of voice didn't amuse me.

"Yes! You're Jonathan Cook! The prick who made me look like the other girl!" I yelled at him.

"C'mon, i've said I'm sorry a BILLION times, why won't you forgive me?" He said.

"GOD! Your such a..." I began to say but decided to walk away. He blocked my path and backed me into a corner.
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