i feel no sympathy.

Dear Grown ups,

I've been watching you for quite a while now and I have come to the conclusion that despite my age, I am not like any of you. I am not like any of you at all. Which is a shame really. And so I thought I would write to you in the hope that you and I might finally begin to understand each other a little better.

I think what happened was my brain stopped growing the moment I turned 14. To prove my point I have written a list of things I still don't understand.

Money

Mortgages

Business

Families

DIY

Insurance Policies

Dinner Parties

Man Chats

Makeovers

Networking

Ambition

Anyway, I know you are always very, very busy and so I will keep todays letter brief. But I will write again soon.

Sincerely yours,

Andre Jordan aged 41

I read the book "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" by Andre Jordan today. I loved it. Totally how I'm feeling today.

Sometimes I Just like to withdraw from the world and think about stuff.

I have tried to be strong, but the weight of my life is enormous.

Be nice. else you'll spend the rest of your life fighting and competing and you'll never trust anyone and you will end up just not being very happy and stuff.

I'm FINALLY starting Bukowski's poem book Bone Palace Ballet.

This quote from him sums up right now: "Do I hate people? No, I just prefer when they're not around."

So, I shut down and restarted my computer for the first time in a while. It "synced to home." I lost all of my internet bookmarks. (research paper websites.) I also just found out I lost all of my photobooth pictures. (about 80? not completely important, but still mean something.) I wonder what else I lost. It's just kind of a part of my life when stuff gets deleted off my computer, since I put SO MUCH on here. Whatever. It has just added to the weight of my life.

ps. sorry for any spelling mistakes. too lazy to check. plus i don't care.