chabal Blog and Journals

The last couple of days have been full of emotions. From Friday to Sunday: laughter and euphoria. Yesterday and today: anxiety and low spirits. I have always been the kind of « borderline bipolar » girl (as in the song « Black-eyed », Placebo always finds the words to say things perfectly). Usually I can control myself, but these days I have been highly sensitive, as much in a good way as in a bad way (and no this is not PMS!).

So Friday. Opening the laptop this morning, I find out that a second photo of mine has been featured. Joy and pride, you can’t imagine. Then lazy day at home, including « Marie-Antoinette » on TV and a long foam bath. I am invited to a party tonight and I am so excited to wear my new shoes. Great night with friends. We talk and laugh a lot. I stay over there to sleep (I prefer not to drive because of… you know what).

Saturday. Basically: a recovery from last night. Except bad news concerning someone in my family, everything’s fine. Sunshine, three hours nap, and watching stupid shows on MTV…

Sunday. I am invited again. My cousin Laurent is 29 today, all the family is here, we eat delicious cakes (three pieces!), we drink champagne, and we talk all the afternoon. Even my grandfather seems to be happy (usually he is a grouch). I try to find tricks to make my parents stay as long as possible. I want to stay there, I really enjoy being with my cousin and his wife, they are so nice and funny, but most of all I want to watch the rugby match France vs. Namibia with them. Finally, at 8PM, they put bread, ham and beers on table, we eat happily, and after that, everybody sits on the settee to watch the match.

This match, what a great moment. I am overly excited because on television they do close-ups on Chabal all the time, France touches down thirteen tries, (including two from Chabal, with an especially impressive one, please, even if you don’t like rugby, watch it, it worth it). Finally, France wins 87-10. I am happy, and proud of my man (fangirl mode on). Honestly, tonight he stole the show. Look at that man, look at THE man.

In the stadium, we can see devoted Chabal's fans, who make us laugh to no end.

It is a very good day to me.

Yesterday, Monday. I go back to Lille for a « pre-back to school » meeting (I don’t really know how to translate the French « prérentrée », if someone can help me, it is a meeting, one week before the school starts again, with other students and professors, where they give you the schedule, etc…). That’s boring, as always. All they do is putting pressure on us, saying we will have a lot of work to do this year, etc… I feel depressed because I don’t think I am strong enough to stand so much responsibility. I feel depressed and anxious to see the other people. I feel depressed because I feel I don’t belong to this med student community. I am not like them. But that is another subject. I will talk about it later. They already programmed us a class today until 8PM, so when I came back home I am exhausted. And as I just moved in in my new apartment I don’t feel like home yet, I sleep badly. Everything seems to go wrong. I hate myself, I hate this apartment, I hate this city. I cry. Awful, awful day. But I should not complain too quickly…

Today, Tuesday, that is not better. My mom goes to the veterinarian because my dog does weird things these days, and after a blood test, he tells her that my dog is sick, basically Marmotte has too much urea in her blood, and she can die any minute now, without warning, it can evolve very quickly. My mom is depressed because of that, my grandma too. We just learned my aunt will probably die soon of a uterus cervix cancer, another aunt is threatened to be homeless soon because she divorces and she doesn’t have enough money to keep the house, well, nothing goes right today neither. I am really, really tired.

What will tomorrow bring me? I don’t know, pray for me.

But after all, these last days taught me something, something that I already knew, without realizing how much it was important. Something that you only understand when you have days like that.

This thing is: Carpe Diem.