cat Blog and Journals

its time i stopped fucking around. i haven't been reading and now i'm low on inspiration. i wrote a little ditty but i couldn't finish it and that's not cool. this weekend is all about books. READ.

also, i need to see a therapist again. keeping it all in my head is not helping. every day i seem to think more and more about suicide. it still scares me, but i want to stop before i get used to the idea.

my untitled and unfinished ditty:

smiles of malice
teeth like knives
tongues taste tears
grin in delight
fingers ache to rip the skin
bellies clench
never give in

and then this other thing i kinda forgot about...

Her books were filled with stars and little notes, thoughts she had to write down quick before they were gone. Lord of the Flies was nearly untouched where as her poetry was filled. Lines of ideas and hearts and stars, Reading through it made me lightheaded. What it must have felt like to have all those ideas inside you and they all climb out at once. The rainbow colored thoughts, sometimes the deepest blue and sometimes the deepest red, but mostly yellow, swirling around as the pages flipped. I wanted to cry and I did.

I like the idea that thoughts have colors.