Buffy The Vampire Slayer Blog and Journals

You've waited all month, and here it is!

First, let's remember who has control over the winners: Not me. Kay?
Second, absolutely no abusing other people or me. Mark has been reading Eclipse recently, so he's just itching for a banning.

All right! And now, here we go!

 

First up is Best Halloween Episode of a TV Show.

The winner is... The Simpsons for Treehouse of Horror V! Representing the Simpsons is Homer Simpson.

 And our first drunk of the night! In only the first category! Truly, that is the power of the Halloweenies!

Next is Best Supernatural-Themed Book.

Our winner this year is Harry Potter. Representing the cast of Harry Potter is Albus Dumbledore.

Thank you Professor. We truly respect you.

 

On the topic of Harry Potter, we have our award for Best Witch or Wizard, which goes to the resident HP physcho, Bellatrix Lestrange.

Now see kids, this is what happens when the Banhammer gets a hold of you.

 

Now we have a performance by our winner for Best Halloween Song, the residents of Halloween Town singing "This is Halloween"

It is now time to announce the winner for Best Spooky TV Show. We had a good nomination list this year. But who was it that won? Ladies and Gentlemen...Buffy Summers representing Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

 

 Next up is Best Werewolf, which goes to...Remus Lupin from the Harry Potter series!

Wait, is Kanye even nominated? Oh, right, he is. Well, haul his stupefied ass out of here and get on with the show.

 

We now have our award for Best Ghost. Our winner has a hard time getting some respect, considering everytime he tries to apply for the Headless Hunt, he is denied. Wonder why? The winner is Nearly Headless Nick!

 

Our next award, for Best Halloween Movie goes to a Disney movie about three witches who feast on children so they can live forever. The award goes to Hocus Pocus! Representing the cast of Hocus Pocus are the Sanderson Sisters.

Okay, how about we not accept awards like that.

 

Next award is for Best Vampire, which is for a new nominee, who is part of a popular television show. And is good-looking. The winner is Eric Northman from True Blood!

Well, that was surprisingly anti-climactic.

 

While we're on the topic of vampires, we had a showdown between two nominees for Best Vampire Hunter. Our champion, Buffy Summers, went up against a newbie. Unfortunately, our challenger, Gabriel Van Helsing has won!

Well, Buffy did kill Edward Cullen, which is way more of an accomplishment than winning a Halloweenie. Amirite?

 

And now, our last award for the night, goes to our only new category this year, Most Unintentionally Scary. It goes to someone tuly terrifying. Before she let herself go mad, she had an amazing voice, and made catchy music. Now...just...well...Amy Winehouse.

Thank you, Amy, for your brilliant words of wisdom.

 

And thank you all for your voting and nominating!

These awards have been brought to you by Delicious Candy and Crappy Comics.

I think she's more of a typical teen than people give her credit for. She's a little more withdrawn, she's quieter. But there are so many girls out there that don't know kung fu. And if a guy jumps out of any alley they're not going to go at him with a roundhouse kick.
-source

Well, there's an idea out there that to be a strong female role model you have to know kung fu and the whole line of Prada products from that year, and I think you can be a strong person by just being who you are and being really strong mentally. I don't think Bella gets enough credit for just knowing who she is, [possessing] her confidence, and also making some really tough decisions.
-source

 

Stephenie Meyer: stop fucking ripping on Buffy Summers.

No, I don't care if you're going to claim that's not what you meant to do and you respect Joss Whedon and you TOTALLY mean to watch Buffy at some point.  Shut it.  You are lying through your fucking teeth.  Because you keep coming back to this whole thing where you insult women who know martial arts and yet are aware of trends in fashion.

"Well, I'm not exactly quaking in my stylish yet affordable boots..."
~Buffy, "Once More With Feeling."

This whole thing goes hand in hand with what Random wrote about Stephenie's apparent belief that you either know kung fu or you wait for a sparkly stalker to save you, there is no in between.  And as someone who spent 7 seasons drinking in life according to Buffy, the vampire slayer, it pisses me off to see her have such a nasty attitude towards women who CAN defend themselves.  Because apparently, they are the weird ones, there's something WRONG with them.

Fuck.  That.  Noise.  Because you know what?  Buffy had superpowers, but that isn't what made her strong.

Buffy's strength comes from, believe it or not, being who she is and being strong mentally.  Her refusal to obey the Watcher's Council (who we find out later were created for the express purpose of controlling The Slayer because they were afraid of powerful women...when they were the ones who gave her the power in the first place), her insistence on having friends and a social life (In face, it's generally when Buffy faces a challenge WITHOUT her friends that she's in the most danger), her determination to accept that she is the Slayer but at the same time not be nothing BUT the slayer (there's an exchange in the comics where she and Willow, her best friend, discuss Buffy dropping out of college and Willow begs her not to because if she gives up on Buffy, all that's left is the Slayer...and in the Buffy Versus Dracula episode Dracula keeps calling Buffy the "new killer" and Buffy keeps insisting she's more than that), THAT'S part of her strength.  And more often than not, it's those things, not her super strength, that ultimately save the day.

In Season Three's "Helpless," she is actually stripped of her powers in order to pass a test every Slayer is put through on her 18th birthday...one many other girls have failed, assuming they LIVED to the age of 18. Buffy is forced to face a psychotic vampire who, through a series of extremely messy circumstances, ends up holding her own mother captive, with the plan of luring Buffy to him, making her a vampire, and forcing her to kill her mother. Buffy manages to defeat the vampire, by herself, without her super powers, by utilizing her mental strength and quick thinking.

In fact, we're shown that the perks of being the Slayer are not enough to make you into a strong person.  Kendra, a Slayer called when Buffy briefly died in the Season One finale, was raised and trained as a traditional slayer: away from her family, depending on herself, totally focused on the kill.  She is killed at the end of Season Two, despite having the same powers and abilities as Buffy.  In Season Three, we meet Faith, the Slayer called after Kendra's death.  Faith is Buffy's shadow, proof that being the Slayer doesn't mean you'll be the hero, and proof that you can be physically strong and still emotionally very weak.  Faith is manipulated by the bad guys, she gives in to her rage and anger and becomes a murderer and then Buffy's enemy.  It's only through seasons worth of self-realization that she comes to realize that being the Slayer isn't just about mystical powers, it's about being a strong person underneath it all.

Through it all, Buffy maintains that she is normal.  In fact, at the end of Season Five, after she dusts a vampire, she has this exchange with a kid she's just saved:

Kid: "H-how'd you do that?"
Buffy: "It's what I do."
Kid: "But you're... you're just a girl."
Buffy: "That's what I keep saying."
~The Gift

Buffy doesn't consider herself a "special" case.  She considers herself the "normal" girl, despite all the powers and everything else.   And the thing is, part of her strength is helping others find and develop their strengths.  She encourages Willow when her friend begins taking up witchcraft...which eventually leads to Willow becoming one of the most powerful witches in the Buffy universe (pleae to note: there is both a good and bad side to power, the show always manages to remind you of this).  During the Seventh Season, she takes her younger sister Dawn (a mystical construct...long story...) under her wing and starts teaching her how to protect herself and how to find her own power.  Dawn shows her stuff later in the season when it's believed she's a potential Slayer...and then further shows what she's capable of after she finds out she's NOT.  And with Xander, Buffy's longtime friend and occasional admirer, she is always clear to recognize his strengths and thank him for fighting beside her when he is the one in the group with no superpowers, with no greater calling, just a desire to do what's right.

And at the end of the series, empowering others is how she saves the world.  When confronted with an evil she cannot face and an army of girls who will eventually be Slayers but are still minus the Slayer Magic, Buffy decides that she doesn't like the rules anymore, that they're unfair and there's no reason she should be the only one with power.  And since Smeyer is so fond of saying feminism is about "choice," here's Buffy's take on choices:

So here's the part where you make a choice: What if you could have that power... now? In every generation, one slayer is born... because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power... should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a slayer... will be a slayer. Every girl who could have the power... will have the power... can stand up, will stand up. Slayers... every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?
~Chosen

Let's assume for one second that "the power" is a metaphor.  Because let's face it, IT IS.  The idea is that every girl out there has the potential within her to be strong, to fight against what is threatening her, to stand her ground.  And the choice we make is whether or no you will tap into that power and be strong.  It's a choice YOU make, not your creepy ass stalker vampire boyfriend/husband, it's not something you only obtain by turning into something else.  You yourself, as you, have that power and all you have to fucking do is search yourself for it, because in the end THAT is what will make the difference.  Choosing to be strong has fuck all to do with kung fu and Prada and everything to do with demanding you be treated well by the people in your life, fighting for your right to live your own life, knowing you are more than someone's property, being able to stand on your own if need be but at the same time knowing you sometimes have to ask for help.  Being strong is knowing your limits, but being strong is also knowing when to push them.  Being strong is asking for help but not hiding behind others.  Being strong is facing your challenges head on with everything you have inside of you and knowing that win or lose you have fucking fought.

Buffy Summers empowered me.  I have chosen to be Chosen.  And I hope every other woman out there does the same.

And while I have a mean roundhouse, I have no idea what's stylish in Prada this season.

As you may have noticed, my dear patients, I have been a bit (okay, a lot) behind in my attempt at semi-humorous celebrity gossip. This is because I actually write things other than satirical pieces mocking celebrities, and I have been caught up in more creative ventures. However, I am going to try and keep Celeb Rehab up because, frankly, what would we do without people famous for singing a song (that someone else wrote) or reading lines (that someone else wrote) or just for no reason at all?

- Evey, AKA Dr. Nonsense, Common.

---

Letter from the week of 6/25/09

Dear Dr. Nonsense,

Today, two of us are writing to you. One of us is a teenager from Sunnydale, California and the other is just a waitress in Louisiana. Well, not just a waitress, really. There's a little more to that story, but let's not get into it now. You might be asking yourself, "Self, what do these two women share in common other than hit television shows and extremely attractive love interests?"

The answer, as it usually is into today's day and age, is vampires.

We have some questions for you. We both hang around a lot of vampires, and we have noticed that they share some things in common. They hate sunlight, have fangs, and generally thirst for blood. They have foul mouths and sometimes Southern accents (example: Suh-kie) and you usually don't want to mess with them.

Now there's this vampire obsession, and this kid named Edward Cullen is stealing attention from our illustrious careers as a vampire slayer and a...waitress. Just...a waitress.

That book? Yeah. It's disturbing. For one, he is out in the open during the middle of the day. He has no fangs. He constantly sounds like he's sleepy. He also has the worst American accent I have ever heard.

We are so confused! We don't understand what's happening to the world of vampires! And that kid Bella? COME ON GIRL! Stand up for yourself! You will get nowhere in life if you pent yourself up in your house with your creepy vampire boyfriend! KICK ASS AND TAKE NAMES. THAT'S HOW WE GIRLS DO IT IN THE VAMPIRE WORLD.

How can we stop this obsession with these lamer vampires and show people what they're really like?

Love,

Something that rhymes with "Suffy" and "Bookie."

P.S. Would you like fries with that?

---

Dear ladies,

Buffy, I can totally tell you came up with those genius nicknames. I'll just pat you on the head now.

I totally agree that Stephenie Meyer has totally twisted what just about every other author has perceived vampires to be. That's because she wrote Twilight based on a dream she had.

Now, I don't know about you guys, but if I wrote about the dreams I had...well, those books would not get published.

Coming soon to an Urban Outfitter's or musty neighborhood bookstore near you: The Day I Got Swallowed Whole By A Crack In the Earth While People Laughed At Me!

Book one in the Gruesome Ways I Imagine Myself Dying Series!

Or, if that's too terrifying, maybe Gabe Saporta Mocked Me In My Dreams Because He Said I Had an Annoying Chicago Accent would be more your speed. Book three in the Famous People Hate Me In My Dreams Series!

(I DO NOT HAVE AN ACCENT, GABE.)

So yeah, dreams =/= book material always.

My point is that Stephenie obviously created a race of veghead vampires who are just like us foolish unworthy mortals humans! Except they watch us while we sleep and glitter like a scene kid on crack and are really, really protective of your demon/fire-monster/creepy baby thing that erupts out of your stomach and starts getting all Exorcist on your weird vampire family.

You two girls are doing the right thing by remaining true to the vampire stories of old! You know, the ones where vampires actually fight and aren't afraid to curse or be evil. The best advice I can offer you is SHOVE A STAKE THROUGH EDWARD'S HEART keep on promoting your stories as if Twilight doesn't exist.

Maybe it will quietly go away.

Sincerely,

Dr. Nonsense

P.S. ARE THEY THE CURLY KIND?

---

WARNING! BEFORE YOU COMMENT!

We all know disclaimers do not rule, but I need to say: THIS IS 100% FAKE. PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE HUMOR. Also, I am in no way attempting to disrespect anyone. I have never met these people, and I can't really judge them. End of story.

According to reports circling teh interwebz right now, there are plans to make a Buffy: The Vampire Slayer movie.

Great, right?  I mean, Buffy is a cult hit TV show, had...no wait, still HAS...a large and loyal fanbase and was responsible for the rise to power of one Joss Whedon.  So this movie should be awesome!

Except for the part where none of the supporting characters will be featured in the movie.  And the movie will have no connection to the original TV series.  Oh, and Joss Whedon's not involved.

Excuse me for a moment here:

Hey, don't get me wrong, I've been excited since word broke that new Buffy-related TV or movies was possible thanks, ironically, to the performance of the Twilight empire.  Vampires make money right now, and hey, if THOSE books manage to re-ignite interest in a young woman who kicks ass, takes names, grows up and still falls in love with a vampire (spoiler warning, ladies: she doesn't marry him or have his baby)?  Awesome.

But this Buffy project?  No.  Really, if you want to do a Buffy movie without characters like Willow, Xander, Giles, Angel, Anya and the rest of the gang, with no connection to the show and without the man who created it, why the HELL are you calling it a "Buffy" project other than in hopes of luring in unsuspecting Buffy die-hards? 

 

 

Not to mention...a REBOOT?  Why do that when there are still plenty of places to go in the Buffy-verse?  Giles' history, a Fray movie, adaptations of Tales of the Slayers or Tales of the Vampires (all three of these are awesome comics, check them out, yo), even an Illyria movie!

 

Long story short?  In every generation there is a chosen one.  And you do not eff with her, got it?

Visit Swanktrendz

Here's a new show to watch out for: Dollhouse.

Originally, Dollhouse was to start airing in January of 2009, but has been pushed back. Written by Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly) and starring Eliza Dushku ("Faith" in Buffy the Vampire Slayer), the show is set around a group of individuals whose personalities have been wiped clean so that they can be parachuted into new lives, where they gather information and help create 'situations'.

They return after each assignment to the Dollhouse; complications arise, however, when the FBI starts sniffing around. Likewise, main character Echo (Dushku) starts to remember - it turns out the memory erasing didn't stick with her.

So, there's this supposed myth that Halloween is the one EASY night among the supernatural.  Apparently the supernatural didn't get the memo.  I don't know, they used to think it was tacky.  I think they've moved onto doing Halloween ironically.  You know what's worse than actual hipsters?  Demon hipsters.

Anyway, a few quick tips:

1) Double check all symbols you're drawing.  I don't care if it's just that logo from that one band's cd.  You don't know if that band is actually composed of Apocalypse demons.  And no, Gabe, yours still isn't.  Get over it.  And stop trying to bribe me into "ignoring the next Apocalypse."

2) As my sister found out the hard way, be careful of who you're Trick or Treating with.

3) Buy your costumes at a chain store.  Don't trust weird ones that pop up at random with names like, I dunno, "Ethan's?"  Or, if you're really paranoid, be sure to avoid the following costumes: 18th Century Noblewoman, Ghost, and that girl from those books people like...what's the title, like Sunset or something?  I don't know, I've just been rescuing a lot of fangirls from vampires lately.  *sigh*

4) A pair of animals ears paired with mini skirt is not a costume.

Now, will somebody PLEASE explain to me why vampires are investing in so much body glitter these days?  It's like some kind of David Bowie Disco from Hell these days.

So, the 2008 Halloweenies poll for Best Vampire Hunter has gone up.


Look, guys, Edward Cullen is going to win "Best Vampire."  It's inevitable.


So come on, let's make sure Buffy wins Best Vampire Hunter.


She was already voted Entertainment Weekly's Top Butt-Kicking Babe!  And she's taken down vampires, cyborgs, evil politicians, a hellgod and the embodiment of all evil.  That's a resume!

So, fate has sort of been encouraging me to declare a Buffy Marathon in the near future.  Meaning I will actually clean my apartment, invite friends over, pop in one of the early seasons, order some pizza or Chinese or something, and enjoy the Slayage.


And the Whedonesque Twitter totally just re-enforced that plan.  They linked to Entertainment Weekly's list of the Top 25 Butt Kicking Babes.  And NATURALLY, Buffy Summers was at number 1.

Ok, ok guys.  Twilight comes out the 21st of November.  And while I'll watch it much much later with Ms Newageamazon and lots and lots of liquor. 

So she posted in her journal today some exclusive tracks that Rollingstone has up from it, and I've gone from "that looks like a fun romp through creepy land" to "OHMYGODIWANTTOSEETHISNAOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And then the best part came to me.

A while back I put a journal up which gave a call to arms to all Buffy fans.  Those of us who know the REAL power of hot vampires, like Spike and Angel.  Just to remind you:


Anyhow, now I know your challenge.

Our beloved Giles is in Repo! The Genetic Opera.  And he's playing a bad guy (come on, even if he's old he was SUPER hot when he was being bad Giles admit it):


So.  Each and every one of you.  I want you all to get dressed up in you Buffy best:


Anyhow, you all need to pick your costume, and go see Repo!  the night the Twilight opens.  Overwhelm the Twilighters, make them PAY for even THINKING that stupid 117 year old VIRGIN could ever be the equal of our beloved Spike and Angel and Xander and Oz and Giles.

Go out there!  Go and remind them of what a REAL vampire is.

*GA*

So, both myself and Miss Gwen Artax have been stoked for awhile on the upcoming film Repo! The Genetic Opera.  Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman (Saw II, Saw III, Saw IV) the film is taking cues from other rock operas in the past like The Rocky Horror Picture Show and The Who's Tommy.  The movie stars Paris Hilton, Sarah Brightman, Skinny Puppy vocalist Nivek Ogre, and, best of all, Anthony Stewart Head, who people may remember from his role as Giles on Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.



The plot of the film revolves around a world where designer organs are bought and sold on credit.  If you can't pay?  The Repo Man comes to take back the merchandise.  Mix in drug addictions, opera singers, double lives and a run away girl, and you've got the basic plot...or as much as we know if it right now.

Still not sure?  Well, Rolling Stone has three tracks from the movie up.  Go, listen, and then come back and tell me what you think!