breakups Blog and Journals

Happy Halloween, everyone!!
However, my town is lame and had Trick-or-Treat last night..
I spent it with Ashley and Mary, walking around Ashley's neighborhood, not dressed up as anything.
Also, watching Ghost Adventures with them for hours and eating candy and ice cream!
I was just about to spell ice cream "eyes" cream.
Its the Halloween spirit I guess..
Or me just being stupid.

On Friday at school more people dressed up than I expected.. I'm not sure quite what I was expecting, though..
Kind of wish I had, myself. Maybe next year I'll bust out the fake blood and black eyes and glitter, and that will be my way of celebrating it. I'm excited already. :D
I also wish I had finished [or even started..] my green and black striped leg warmers with the black sequined bows. Ohh well. There will always be next year.

Last few weeks since my last post have been less than spectacular.
Ended up not having my birthday party.. Due to most people not being able to go, my poor planning, and other issues..
I have decided that I will have awesome birthday parties for my 17th, 18th, and 19th birthday parties, since I think those ages are cool. 16 isn't really cool, in my opinion.. MTV just makes it look like it is.
I promise to actually plan them out next time.

The boyfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago, the day before my party. One of the reasons why I didn't really feel like having it..
I've come to the conclusion that it was for the better, but I still have the right to be hurt.
Said simply, I realized a few days after we broke up that I wasn't completely happy with him, and there were a lot aspects about us as separate people that didn't really mesh, so many things that I was starting to not like, and so I would be better off with someone else.
But for that almost-2-month period, I did like him a lot, and care about him.. But I'm not so sure he did about me.
And that is why I remain hurt. Because someone that I have cared about, put up with all THEIR flaws, is to let me go over one of mine that is so trivial. Because I am shy. It is who I am. I am me and that is part of who I am and you either take it or leave it.
He chose to leave it.
I realized that I need someone who won't care about that. After we broke up, it left me paranoid that every boy will.
I am waiting to be proved wrong.
And I thank and looove every single person who I've talked to lately about it and have opened my eyes to everything and have made me feel better every day.
I've edited this paragraph so much. I wasn't sure how much to say or how little to say. I could go on so much more into fine details, but I didn't think that would be a good idea.
But I am saying this much, because I don't mind talking about it at all, and I will talk about it to anyone who is willing to listen, or in this case, read.

Even though my party was cancelled [it was even raining that day! and for like 4 days afterwards..] Ashley and Afton came over and we did fun things like make Hello Kitty cake, set cheese puffs on fire, and watch Anchorman.
That day started terrible, and ended well.
The next day Ashley and I went to King of Prussia, the huge mall right outside of Philly. I spent like $90, which is a lot for me since I do not actually have a job.. But I got some sweet stuff so it works out.

My laptop basically broke the next day. Luckily we got a new one a few days later. It is amazing and has a webcam so I can get a stickam now and take webcam pics like a cool person! Some of the keys also make squeaky noises when I type. Its kind of cute. I'm on it right now in my room. Usually I wouldn't be on my laptop in my room, but my parents are watching an R-rated movie downstairs, and they didn't want me to be down there, too.. Hmm.. They would be surprised by what I have seen before, so I don't think they have to worry anyway. But sex-related movies with your parents will always be awkward..

And I did not get to go to the From First To Last concert. :[

I hate it when it gets darker earlier. During the summer at this time it was just barely getting dark, and I would have probably just gotten back from a walk.
Now its been dark for over an hour [and its raining]. I can't walk now. :[
When I was in Ireland a few summers ago, it didn't get dark until around 11 at night. It was insane. I wonder what time it gets dark around there, now?

Old Audrey Kitching pictures are the bestest. I know she's matured a lot, but I am still a teenager, and so I like and relate to her older stuff more.
Sometime soon I'm doing my own version of one of her older shoots. Should be badass, so look out for it.

New York City again next week! Soo excited. I must somehow get more money..

xox Lucy