break Blog and Journals

To the pretty person who gave me delusion about a friend

BROWN EYES

Dreaming in an incomplete sleep

I saw you in a distant darkness

I'm nailed to the cross that I tried to burn

Trapped by my own passion of sickness

I thought I was able to kill

I'm living in the complication you have brought

Vomitting agony without empty thoughts

My soul that I've held so dear

Has turned out to be demons and tears

Are you another light?

Do you live a different life?

Is it that you can't be the one

The deposition's turned out to be unreal

The true person I love that I want to feel

Belongs so strongly to freedom

Are you giving me someone to be near

And the eyes for me to tell my fears

It's always the same that I get lost

You're just another one that will disappear

Why am I tornby all this complication

These feelings you've brought I don't know how to feel

CURSE BETWEEN US

(You're Slipping Away)

Wasn't it all so over

Don't you stirr me up one more time

Wasn't it too enough to hurt me with your lies

About the relation that never has been

You can't tell me what is true and what is fake

The words and the complication you disguised

Again and again you don't see my misting eyes

This mind was hurt by fallen visions

I've dropped this story, when you have failed me

It was you that I wanted so much to believe

I wished it'd been the truth, yesterday

But everything is just slipping away

There's a blinding wall between us that can't be erased

There's a curse between us that can't be wiped away

I don't understand you, while you don't get me

We're drifting away in front of these eyes

We can't reach each other and the dream belief

I've given up in this suffering

Can't distinguish the truth and the lies

You too hated me when I wanted to die

It was all for this cell and this cursed life

I waited for you, but it's all shattered to pieces

I don't judge anything that you said

I want to believe that it was for real

But things between us are slipping away

so I figured it was time for an update. Spring break is over, and I did everything there was to do on the first day off. as a result of that, I did a lot of pointless thinking over break and realized some things. First, there really is no point in being negative about things you just can't change. Second, when something seems too good to be true, it usually is. Third, don't dwell on the past - life's too short to dissect the little things, In the words of All Time Low, "let it roll." Fourth, people will lie. I don't care who you are, you've lied, and I know you have. Fifth, getting stuck in a small town like this usually means you won't under any circumstances grow up and have your name remembered as anything famous, but also which brings us to realization number six, that no matter what stereotype you're struggling with, there will always be those people great enough to break it. As much as I wish I could be one of those stereotype breaking people from here that would grow up to be something amazing and have the world on it's knees, I can't help thinking I'm going to work at Kmart for the rest of my life wasting the minutes doing this, much as I continue to do these days.

I went to Stephany's house last night, which is not uncommon, just to chill. I figured we'd sit in the sun and smoke a few bowls. Belen was going to come over later and we were all going to make soup. that sounded like a really fun evening to me. but of course this was not going to happen. Belen is pretty popular. she has a shit ton of friends who all want to hang out with her all the time. for a lot of people it was the last night of sping break, and they all wanted to do something. so naturally they all gathered at Steph's house. it was crazy. people were literally just coming out of nowhere.

a lot of them were people I hadn't seen in awhile and that was kinda... Idk. one of them was an ex bf of mine. it wasn't a long relationship, and it was a long time ago so that wasn't really a big deal. in fact, I had forgtten we even dated until he said something about it a few months ago. I like him, he's actually pretty cool. kind of a dick though...

when he saw me he openly laughed at me, which I respect him for. being laughed at by someone in person is a lot less painful than snickering behind people's backs. they think you can't see them, that you don't know exactly what they're doing. they don't have the courage to say it to your face so they do the next best thing. anyway....

sorry to get off topic... so anyways, another person that was there was Josh V. now that I think about it... I used to date him too. haha. that was only for like a week though. but I genuinely liked him. he was interesting to say the least. it's too bad nothing came of that... maybe it would have if it weren't for Robert. asshole... lol. but yeah. so we were talking and stuff and he sounded so nice and happy to talk to me. it was one of those look you in the eye convos. the kind that sort of melts your heart and leaves you ungaurded. I really hope to talk to him again.

I don't want to go back out with him or anything. not even sex. I just want to talk to him. maybe make-out a little. hahaha. it's not surprising that I feel that way though. I remember kissing him before quite vividly actually. he was a good kisser, and he tasted... sweet? it's hard to describe but I really liked it. kinda like one of those movie romance kisses. and we all know how fun those are. haha. so to be able to do that again sounds like a really good thing. lol.

so those are the highlights of last night. I could go on, but I don't want to bore you. haha.

 

 

deucesxxx

So, anywayz, I'm psyched for Spring Break, which officially started at 5:01 yesterday, because that's when I walked out of the school doors after track practice and into my dad's truck on my way home.

 

SO THREE CHEERS FOR SPRING BREAK!!!!

And what better way to start it with a sunny day? Because it's insanely sunny and warm here. I'm loving it.

 

But, not only that, I get to go on a trip for Break. A kinda road trip, almost, because there's so many stops along the way....

 

And you'll never guess where I'm going.

 

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

You know, the home of the space needle and all of that.

ANYWAY, I was insanely happy for that, but insanely upset at the same time, because I would take billions of pictures, and I wouldn't even be able to post them all to Buzznet.

But guess what?

My mom's taking her laptop, and you know what that means.

YOU GET THE PICTURES THE NIGHT AFTER I TAKE THEM!!!!!!!!!!! =D

I'm freaking out, incase you can't tell.

Anyway, I'm taking a billion pictures today, and I'll take a billion pictures tomorow, and for the next three days!!!

Not only is there all of that

(as if that weren't enough),

two of my best friends are going to be in Seattle, as well!!!!

We're not going together

(sadly)

But still!!! They'll be in the same city, and prolly doing mostly the same things!!! Ya know, because it's going to be all up in the touristy part of town

=D

SO ANYWAYZ, I'm psyched.

Now I'm off to go and relieve my excitedness by playing the Wii for a bit, or maybe going outside to take pictures of the sunshine.

 

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!! =)

Back when The Medic Droid first posted that blog that they were breaking up, I didn't really care because I had lost interest. Today I was watching one of their last interviews before breaking up, and Chris D was acting all weird in it, but it didn't really affect me much because I knew how much of a character he was like that. So, once the interview video ended, I went to search about Chris to see if there was anything about how he'd been doing lately.. ("celebrity" gossip shit is kind of interesting haha.)

i found these two articles you might find interesting if you didn't know much about the break-up and there's also some good information about the band itself, and its rise to fame:

here's the shorter one about just the break-up:
http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/uponsun/2008/12/the_medic_droid_calls_it_quits.php

& here's a 6-page article about the band and some drama-stuff:
http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/2008-12-11/news/the-medic-droid-s-electro-power-pop-and-ambisextrous-antics-are-driving-kids-wild-nationwide/

right now i'm listening to the TMD "What's Your Medium" Album.. "The Killer Anna," "Tease," and "Saddle Up" are the best songs off of it. i also like "SHO FER." that song is a good follow up to "fer sure." ok, now my music talk sounds nerdy so i'm going to end this. go read the articles. they're interesting.

    Yeah, No time for Buzznet anymore. Even though I really want to become a model. I will hardly be on anymore. I have been so busy. But Ill still try to update. Somethings I should put in here is, Im trying really hard to be a model. Trying to get my face out there. And hopefully through buzznet I can. I also like photograghy. I'll try putting some of mine on here. Another thing is Im a die heart Tokio Hotel fan. So Ive been busying trying to get them to Wisconsin. I hopefully will use this buzznet journal for all exicting Tokio Hotel news and blogs about defferent stuff. Hopefully I can talk to everyone here on buzznet.

Here is someother places you can find me.

youtube - http://www.youtube.com/user/minasatari
(My friend and I make pink room eposiodes)

myspace - (yeah wont put that link up unless you really want to talk to me)

otherwise I'll try and be on here. Thank you so much everyone for understanding me. I will be doing some modeling in the near future with a photograpgher arround my town. So I can try and get a model job. Lets kick off 2009 amazingly. haha!

"You know, Jake, maybe you should think about getting a life."

Well I'm home from school for a little less than two weeks. I really haven't done much at all this break. I'm a gigantic bum, quite lazy. I've watched The West Wing and Sex and the City nx for the past two days.

"I didn’t want to kill girls… even vampire girls. Though I might make an exception for that blonde."

Tomorrow, I'm going with my mom while she bowls with her league, and then probably shopping with Jess. Gossip Girl tomorrow night! I'm so excited! I love that show. I really wish I could own half, if not all, of Serena's wardrobe, it's fabulous.  Tuesday I have a doctor's appointment to find out if I inherited this weird heart condition from my father, but before that my mom's taking me shopping at The Source. I'm really excited to go to the Nordstrom's Off The Rack store. They sell everything clearance, so I can ACTUALLY afford nice things.

"The girl was a classic martyr. She’d totally been born in the wrong century. She should have lived back when she could have gotten herself fed to some lions for a good cause."

One place I really should check out while I'm still here is The Arches, this new outlet mall on the island.  My friend Marie went to the Betsey Johnson store and got two dresses for under $80, so I definitely need to go and see if I can get myself a dress or two, or perhaps a bag. Betsey Johnson's one of my favorite designers, and it sucks that I'm so poor.

"Did you know that ‘I told you so’ has a brother, Jacob? His name is ‘Shut the hell up.’"

I'm not really looking forward to going back to school. As cool as it will be to have access to a car (no more waiting for the bus to go to the mall and hopefully a job), it's going to be insanely and inhumanely cold, snowy, wet and windy. That, and I really don't want to have to do work. Next year I'm going to have enough credits to be considered a junior, but I'll only be a sophomore, and I really have to start figuring out what I want to do, pick a major, and work on fulfilling all its requirements. I was originally going to major in math, but now I'm not sure what I can do with a degree in math that isn't teaching. I also don't know if I can minor in Spanish, like I wanted to, because it's a lot of classes to take, and if I'm working on a more complicated major it'll be, quite frankly, irrelevant and silly.

"You know how you drown a blonde, Rosalie? Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool."

I can't wait until spring, after classes end, to buy myself a car and be home for the summer. I absolutely LOVE summer. I love the sun, the warmth, the beaches. It's quite exciting.

"Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain? A golden retriever."

It's almost 11:30 as I'm writing this part, and I was so hoping to be able to wake up before 8 in the morning, so I suppose it's about time for me to go to sleep. But I'm not quite sure if I can do that. I haven't fallen asleep early in a few days, so that might be a hinderance. Ah well. Can't hurt to try.

"S’not so hard to erase a blonde’s memory. Just blow in her ear."

I hope everyone has a happy new year! I don't think I've posted yet this year and I just wanted to make sure I shared my good wishes with everyone.

"All the king’s horses and all the king’s men… But there was nothing there, just me, just him."

Today was the first day I cried in the bathroom during 6th period. I can't cry at lunch because I don't want my friends to see. And I can't cry 4th period because that's when I see him. Him. The guy I've liked since 5th grade. The one who hung out with me when he didn't have to. The one I wanted to grow old with because we were always  together. The one who has hurt me in so many ways, I can't even begin to count. The one who makes me wish I was 30 pounds lighter and blonde, because maybe then he'd like me. The one who has fucked me up and screwed me over. The one person on this planet that I was insanely in love with. He's also the one who never took notice.

He likes her, she likes him. I like him. Unfortunately, I get the short end of the stick. And she can get anyone because she has big boobs and is skinny. Lately, I've been crying so much that I throw up. My eyes hurt, my stomach hurts, my brain just hurts. It's like it just can't process what is happening. I know the first stage of heartbreak is denial. But there really is no denying this.People say I'm crazy for calling it heartbreak, but if you were in my shoes, it would feel a little more like death. But heartbreak is the next comparible thing. Taylor Swift has a line from "Forever and Always" that I really like.

"You feel so low you can't feel nothing at all."

I feel like a herd of elephants have trampled me beneath the Earth's surface. I haven't really and truley smiled in days. Every day is just like this black, deep hole. And each day, I dig a little deeper. Soon, I'll be so far down that I won't be able to get myself out. And I'll be stuck in this pit. But I'm hoping that somehow I learn to climb or somehow a ladder is thrown down. I wish I was her. I envy her with all my existance. She's the one the guys all fall for, she's the one who has guys making YouTube videos about her because of her "beauty", she's the one who has so much confidence that it falls out of her butt. She's also the one that manages to take every guy I like.

And I'm just the girl on the sidelines. Quiet, yet loud. Afraid of everything, yet brave. The girl who used to have fun because I lived life. The one who is nerdy but doesn't care what others say. The ome who loves Disneyland and going to shows.

The girl who was always happy until I started to dig the hole. And now I fear that I will never get out.

Fuckin' Christmas presents.

They're laughing at me!!

I know I only have 6 days to wait until I open them and whatnot, but sometimes I feel like I'm just going to slip up.

Anyways, let's see what's happened since last time I was on here.... I'm still happily single, I'm still in need of new clothes, I still fight with my mother a lot, I'm still getting shit-grades, and I've fell in love with The Beatles all over again.

I'm super psyched for 2009 :DDD

And Christmas breakkkk-k-k-k-k.

Austin Griff' is my hero.

okay, so i am going through a really tough break up right now.
so these songs really explain what i am going through.
yes a lot of them are sad and some even vengeful but they make me feel a bit better.
and i know yes some of these songs are old but bare with me some are classics.

1.Wild World- Yusuf Islam or formally known as Cat Stevens
this song is bittersweet but it makes me cry every time, but it also give you a sense of power so i like this one.

2.Wicked Game- Chris Isaak or the HIM cover
this song is so bittersweet my favorite line is "what a wicked game to play to make me feel this way, what a wicked thing to do to make me dream of you" and its hard to describe what emotions come out of that.

3.And love said no- HIM
Yes another HIM song but Ville Valo just writes such powerful lines and it's like he knows exactly how you feel.
best part is in the chorus when he says "kill me i begged and love said no" i love that line its been my msn name for a week now!

4. I am so sick- flyleaf
okay well i just really like this song and it almost makes think about yelling in my ex's ear at the top of my lungs so i like this one.
good line "you sink into my clothes this invasion makes me fell worthless".

5. Say it aint so - weezer
The chours is really catchy even though its talking about his dad, the chours kinda describes what i am feeling right now!