Bam Margera Blog and Journals

Dal sito di Bam Margera, foto nuove di Ville e Migè da Los Angeles (credits to Bam Margera).

Here there are 3 new photos of Ville e Migè in Los Angeles with Bam, credits go to Bam Margera site.

Chapter 21 On the road again.

'Baby.. Wake up! We have to be at Bazie in a hour!' Jyrki yelled to Dee from the kitchen. Dee opened her eyes and closed them again because of the bright light in the room, Jyrki had opened the curtains already. She turned on her side so she could look at the clock on the nightstand at the time, it said 7 am. 'Yeah.. he lost it again.' She said to herself and sat up straight in the bed and looked around the room, she spotted her suitcase already packed and Jyrki's  next to it with a backpack lying on top of it. She rubbed her eyes and pulled the covers of her legs and put them down next to the bed, she stretch and yawned while getting up walking out the bedroom towards the kitchen. Jyrki was already in there eating some breakfast while being fully dressed and looked up from his coffee cup towards Dee who was still half asleep walking over to the coffee machine. 'Sweetheart.. you got only a hour left to get ready you know that?' he asked her when she sat down next to him with her cup, looking extremely tired and her hair all messed up on her head. 'Yeah.. I know.. just give me a few okay.. and coffee.' Dee said to him with her raspy voice and pointed toward the coffee cup in front of her. 'did you already see I packed our stuff? I packed yours to hope you don't mind I have put some of your favourite clothes in there so.' He said to her and Dee held up a hand and looked at him. 'Babe.. it's okay thank you.. I'm sure it's fine now please give me those few minutes.' She said to him and he smiled and got up from his seat putting his cup and plate in the sink to clean them. Dee dropped her head on the table and started talking to herself, she finished her coffee and got up putting it in the sink and Jyrki cleaned it for her. She got into the bedroom and opened the closet, she pulled out a pair of light blue jeans her purple MCR shirt she got and her black 69 eyes hoodie and some underwear walking towards the bathroom locking the door. She got a quick shower completely waking up and dried her self and got her clothes on and applied some make-up. When she got out of the bathroom Jyrki was sitting on the couch waiting for her. 'I'm almost done and look darling we still have time left so don't look at me like that!' she said chuckling walking in the bedroom again to get a pair of her sneakers and put them on, she opened her suitcase just to check what he packed for her and was satisfied with what was in it. He did pack her favourite things since most of it were her own clothes and some of his pickings and he packed 3 pair of her sneakers and off course the boots and 3 pair of heels. She rolled her eyes at some things knowing he would go nuts if she wouldn't wear it and put some more things in it before closing it again. 'Okay we can go.. are you sure we have everything?' Dee asked him walking into the living room with her suitcase putting it next to his at the door. 'Yes we have everything I put all the important stuff in your bag so that we don't lose it. Ohh did you see I packed your messenger bag as well in your suitcase since I know you don't want to walk around all the time with your backpack.' Jyrki said to her giving her a kiss for the first time in the morning he kissed her like he had to wait forever for it and she smiled. 'Love thank you again.. now let's go please.' She said to him and he got the clue that he was being way to parent like on her. Ever since he asked her to marry him he had been acting like he had to do everything for her and take care of her a lot, Dee didn't mind it at first but it was getting very annoying now.

They got to Bazie's house and found everyone else was already there waiting for them. Dee got out of the car and walked over to Jo giving her a hug. 'Hey Dee.. so when did he tell you we are going back on tour again?' Jo joked and Dee rolled her eyes smiling. 'Ohh he remembered last night he had to tell me that... I mean I have been back for 2 weeks now and he still forgets to tell me things.. but he did say we would be back in Finland again for Christmas and new years and then continue the tour.. do you believe me when I tell you he still hasn't told his mom that we are engaged?' Dee said to Jo who shook her head chuckling. 'Damn fins! I guess they are all like that I mean Jussi told me 2 days ago we would leave on tour to America so.' Jo said to her and the girls both started laughing. 'Okay let's get going then.. Dee your riding with us.' Timo said to her and Dee smiled when Jyrki abruptly turned around with his eyes huge. 'Excuse me?? Why is she with you guys when she can ride with Bazie , Archzie and me?' Jyrki said to Timo and he grinned. 'Ask Jussi.. it was his idea to steal her away from you guys for the short trip to the airport.' Timo said and Jyrki looked at Jussi who smirked. Dee and Jo were still in between the cars looking back and forth holding in their laugh. 'Hmm like that huh?. Okay fine then Jo ride's with us.' Jyrki said to Jussi who now looked like he seen a ghost. 'Hmm don't you just love it to not have a opinion in this?' Dee said to Jo who chuckled. 'Ohh yes I adore it now don't I .. okay let's do this you sit with Jussi and I'll go sit with Jyrki.' Jo said to Dee and Dee agreed with both of them walking to the other car. 'See you at the airport love!' Dee yelled over to Jyrki when she got in the car and closed the door. Timo started the car with a huge grin and drove of with Bazie following him. Dee took a deep sigh and dropped her head on the backseat looking at the ceiling feeling kind of relieved for a moment. 'You guys are such kids sometimes.' Dee said sarcastic and both Jussi and Timo just laughed. At the airport everyone got out again and checked in with their bags. 'Which city are we going to first?' Jo asked Jussi who had his arm wrapped around her. 'Well first we are going to New York..' Jussi answered her and heard someone else jump up in excitement from her seat. 'Oh that's awesome New York I haven't been there in almost a year and a half or so.. I love that city.' Jo said to Jussi who had turned his attention away from Dee again and back to his Jo and smiled. 'Babe.. calm down... yes we are going to New York.. were you asleep when we checked in?' Jyrki asked her with a confused expression on his face. 'Uhh I guess I was.. oh my god I have to call Frankie!' Dee said while getting up and walking up and down the waiting area they were sitting to board the plain. She got out her phone and dialled Frank's number. 'Hmm I think it's best we don't tell her we are meeting up with Bam there to.' Jussi said to Jo and she chuckled. 'Ohh god no... it's not that she doesn't like him or anything like that she just doesn't like the effect he had on you guys just like me.' Jo said to him and Jussi grinned and got up since they got the call that they could board the plain. Dee put down her phone and walked over to Jyrki again getting her backpack and grabbed his hand towards the boarding. Once in the plain when they had all settled down Dee got out her phone again and started texting her brother that they were coming back to America for a tour. 'Love.. please put your phone away we are about to take of.' Jyrki said to her and took her phone from her hands, Dee looked next to her and then had enough of it. 'Jyrki Pekka-Emil Linnankivi! I love you to death but please stop it with the paternal behaviour it is driving me up a damn wall.. I know you want to take care of me and all but stop it your driving me insane!! I have had enough of it I am not a damn child and you are not my dad!!' Dee said to him getting her phone back and made everyone else look at them. 'Holy shit!' Timo whispered sitting next to Archzie who to was looking at them with disbelieve. 'Did she just?' Jussi started and Jo nodded. 'Ohh yes she just did she finally snapped at him for it.' Jo answered him. ' Rakkauteni I didn't mean it like that.. don't do that. And please put your phone away.' He said to her and Dee unlocked his seatbelt. 'Switch!' she said to him pointing to Bazie next to him. 'excuse me?? You want me to switch seats? Why?' he said to her grabbing his seatbelt again ready to click it back in place again. 'If you don't switch seats with B now.. I am getting out of the plain!' Dee said to him and looked at him still pointing towards Bazie's seat. 'Dee honey stop this.. your being childish.' Jyrki said to her and she unlocked her own seatbelt putting her things back in her backpack ready to get out of the plain. 'Okay.. fine!' he said to her and got up switching seats with Bazie. 'Wow' Jussi whispered to Jo who was still looking at Dee with huge eyes. 'She Is really and I mean really pissed off.. she indeed hates it when people go all parental on her.' Jo whispered back to Jussi. 'Jojo.. I can hear you for god sakes!! Stop it will you!' Dee said to her before putting her headphone on. Jyrki then turned in his seat towards Jo and Jussi. 'Okay what the hell did I do wrong this time?' Jyrki asked them and they both looked at him with a surprised look. 'Dude.. don't tell me you didn't know you acted like a dad on her all the time since she got back.. you always tell her what to do and what not to do.. I mean I bet you even packed her things this morning didn't you?' Jussi said to him having him think. After thinking for a while it clicked in his head he had been acting like a dad on her, being overprotecting and always telling her what to do. 'Perkele!! Why didn't you guys tell me I was doing that?' Jyrki asked them and Bazie answered him. 'We tried we seriously did but you were always to occupied telling her what to do that you didn't given us the chance for it.. it's okay you couldn't help it but I think she had enough of it now.. so please for her sake and our sake be yourself again we miss our old friend.' Bazie said to him and Jyrki smiled a little while looking at the back of the seat in front of him.

The airplane was to land in a hour the stewardess just called through the speakers. Jyrki had been talking to his band and Jo for most of the flight and was now woken up just like everyone else by the stewardess telling them that. When he glanced over to Dee he saw her still being asleep he woke up Bazie instead asking him to switch seats with him again. 'Bazie.. wake up.. dude is it okay if we switch seats again I  have to talk to her.' Jyrki said to him and he looked next to him finding Dee still asleep and agreed to switch, he got up and switched seats with Jyrki again clicking his seatbelt back in place and talked to Jussi next to him. 'Jyrki!! Are you going to wake her up?' Timo whispered over to him. 'Yes.. now If you don't mind and give me the chance to it.' Jyrki chuckled back and turned again towards Dee, he shook her gently waiting for her to open her eyes, when she did and saw that Jyrki was the one waking her she rolled them at him and pressed pause on her I-pod while taking her headphone of. 'What?' she said annoyed. 'Uhm.. just wanted to wake you up love and tell you we are almost near New York.' Jyrki started and took a little pause to think fast on what he wanted to say next. 'Is that all?' Dee said still being irritated and looking out the window instead of looking at him. 'Uh.. no.. I wanted to apologise for being such an ass.. I'm really sorry I didn't know I was doing that to you.' He said to her and made her turn her head and look at him. 'Ohh you were an ass alright a huge one... but it's okay.. I forgive you.. just try not to baby me that much please I am not a kid you know.' Dee said to him and he smiled being relieved she forgave him. Jyrki sat back looking at her while smiling a little and Dee rolled his eyes at him again. 'Ohh for the love of god.. seriously Jyrki! Get over here.' She said grabbing his collar pulling him close to kiss him. He pulled her closer to him giving completely into the kiss. 'Jyrki... jyr... Lo..ve..!' Dee tried while chuckling but he didn't stop. Finally Dee pulled herself lose from him and he was out of breath still trying to kiss her. 'Honey!! I'm serious.. people are watching stop it.' Dee said laughing hiding her head in her hoodie. Jyrki kept looking at her with intense eyes not completely satisfied yet. 'Babe!! Stop looking at me like that.. you know you can't eat me!! Stop being such a .. a .. such a.. VAMPIRE!' Dee said and he stopped bursting into laughter with her and so did everyone else. The airplane landed and Dee was non stop typing like mad on her phone while Jyrki had his arm wrapped around her shoulder when they walked to the end of the gate. 'Dude I don't want to sound mean but that was seriously disturbing up there!' Jo said to Dee and Dee looked up from her phone and laughed. 'I know.. it would have like only take seconds and the idiot over here would have drained me!' Dee said and the girls both laughed having Jyrki grin widely pulling Dee closer to his side. Once out the gate Dee's eyes searched all the people outside of it waiting for family members or friends. 'Who are you looking for?' Jo asked her and Dee turned around to all of them. 'Ohh no one particular.. uhm.. where can we pick up our bags?' Dee asked and then heard someone calling something very familiar to her. 'CUPCAKE!!' Frankie yelled and Dee turned around excited grabbing Jo's hand already. 'Whaaaaaaah!!! CUPCAKE!!' Dee yelled back and slipped away under Jyrki's arm pulling Jo lose from Jussi's hand with her towards Frank. 'What the hell?' Jussi said looking at his hand and then back up to see Jo and Dee both hugging some guys. 'Holy shit I didn't know you guys would be here!! Dee you kept this from me!!' Jo said while hugging Gerard. 'Hmm yes.. sorry Jojo.... Aww Frankie I missed you my little buddy!!' Dee said while hugging Frankie and jumping up and down. She let go of him and gave him a kiss on the lips that made the band look at her like what the fuck?. 'Ohh frankster you have to meet my fiancé.. come with me!' Dee said grabbing his hand pulling him with her towards Jyrki, Jo and Gerard followed chatting and Jo introduced Gerard to Jussi and the others. 'Whaah babe.. this is Frank my cupcake buddy for life and Frankie this is Jyrki my fiancé!' Dee said to both of them when they shook hands. 'Hey nice to meet you so you are the guy that stole her away before I could make a move.' Frank said sarcastic to Jyrki and he laughed. 'Yeah that's me.. nice to meet you to.. so I believe you are the one that got her back to me?' Jyrki said to him and he nodded yes. 'Ohh honey.. by the way what I wanted to uhh tell you Frankie is going to be uhm.. my best man.' Dee said to him while grinning. Jyrki laughed and shook his head. 'So I have to like choose a maid of honour for me then?' he said to her and Dee laughed. 'Ohh I don't mind wearing a dress if that's what it takes to be a maid of honour.' Frank answered and the 3 burst out into laughter. 'Uh.. Frankie I saw you in a dress once and believe me when I tell you I don't want to see that again as in ever!' Dee said and Frankie just grinned. They got to their luggage and loaded it all on trolley's towards the exit, Gerard and Frank held some taxi's for them and travelled with them to their hotel helping them carry some of their stuff. They all gathered later in the hotel bar for some drinks. 'So I believe you are a comic artist to?' Jyrki asked Gerard when they had all sat down for some food and drinks. 'Ohh yes... I am more into the superhero stuff but I made my own style I have weird characters.. so what is your style?' Gerard asked Jyrki and Dee already rolled her eyes. 'Ohh he brought his stuff with him so that he could show you that's what the big book over there is for.' Dee said to Gerard and he smiled having Jyrki showing him his drawings. Jo and Dee in the meantime kept themselves busy while looking for pranks to perform on the hotel staff together with frank and Jussi. 'Dude!! Is there a starbucks around here? I haven't had starbucks in like forever!' Dee asked Frank who smiled immediately he to shared the addiction of coffee. 'Hmm I think like 2 blocks away or something like it.. we can go there if you want?' Frank answered her and Dee smirked. 'Duh!! Let's go!' Dee said and got up from her seat already grabbing her coat and bag. 'wow!! Hold up! Where are you going?' Jyrki asked her while grabbing her arm he knew that when she wanted to go somewhere she would be out the door in seconds. 'We are going for coffee 2 blocks away we'll be right back.' Jussi answered him since Dee was to hyped up now babbling at Frank. Jyrki let go of her and Dee grabbed Frank's hand while hopping to the door. Jussi and Jo followed holding hands and Timo came along. Bazie , Archzie , Jyrki and Gerard stayed behind with Jyrki and Gerard talking about Jyrki's drawing style and Dee. 'Hmm I have got to ask you since I don't know Dee when she is not around me but is she always like that with frank?' Jyrki asked Gerard and he grinned. 'Ohh yeah they are always like that.. from the first moment they met 2 years ago they have been like that.. crazy kids.. but I share the same thing with Jo.' Gerard answered him and Jyrki smiled. 'Yeah but the kissing thing on the airport was a little weird to see to be honest.' Bazie answered Gerard and he laughed. 'Ohh yeah don't get me started over that I always thought it was weird but it's just the thing those 2 have... don't worry she does the same to me and Bob our new drummer really weird but hey who doesn't  think Dee is weird.. Jo isn't like that at all she is more the quieter type who keeps some things to herself.. but she is really cool she can party alright!' Gerard said and everyone laughed. 'Ohh yeah we had to get really used to Dee when she first showed up at our group. Since we were used to Jo we thought her best friend was like her but they are nothing a like.. like you said Jo is the more preserved type while Dee is like the rebel... but we still like them both obviously.. and well yeah Jyrki over here got so amazed by Dee the first second he saw her that he is getting married to her now.' Archzie said and everyone looked at him for being so open minded and then laughed because he was right. 'Oh yes don't get me started.. when I first saw her I went completely silent since I couldn't believe she was the same girl as the picture Jo had shown us from like 2.5 years ago.. ask Jussi he was standing next to me.. and then when I got to know her a little bit I liked everything about her.. her voice.. her laugh.. her smile.. I even liked it when she was totally into her music even if we were in the same space as she was.. and she Is very open minded she will tell you whatever she thinks about you or a subject even if you like it or not.. I think that Is really cool about her... and so when I realised that I could lose her I almost lost myself.. so when she got back to me I wasn't even having doubts about it that I wanted to marry her.' Jyrki said and Gerard smiled during the story since he knew how Dee was. 'COFFEEE!!' Dee yelled down the street when she and Frankie spotted starbucks, she pulled his arm and got in ordering a huge latte. 'Ohh do you think we should bring Gerard one to?? I mean the guy loves his coffee to you know.' Dee said to Frank and he agreed and they ordered a huge coffee for Gerard to. 'Jo babe are you sure you don't want anything? They got tea to you know.' Jussi said to Jo who was looking around the shop and then gave in and got herself a medium tea. 'Whaaah Dee they got cupcakes!! Should we get some?' Frank asked her while pointing to the cupcakes in the display. 'Well duh!! Just take the lot they have in there I bet everyone else would love one to.. ohh Jussi what kind of coffee did you get?' Dee said putting her attention back on Jussi and Jo. 'Espresso... can I taste your latte since I never had one before!.' Jussi asked Dee when they switched cups and tasted each others pickings. 'Ohh dude this one taste awesome.. next time I'm getting latte!' Jussi said when he tasted Dee's coffee Jo just shook her head and laughed at the 2 of them. 'Aww I loved your espresso.. ohh really? what a wonder that you survived it since there is like a ton of sugar in it!.' Dee said to Jussi when they switched cups again and walked out the store all holding a bag of cupcakes. 'Dee whatever you do don't start another cupcake fight please!.' Jo said to Dee warning her and Dee just looked innocently when they walked back into the hotel bar. They sat down with the others again and Frankie handed Gerard his coffee. 'Ohh awesome thanks... what's in the bags?' Gerard asked them and both Dee and Frankie already grinned at one another, Dee openend her bag and got out one of the cupcakes showing them to Gerard. 'Oh please don't tell me your having another fight again?? Since I won't be part of it this time!' Gerard chuckled and Dee shook her head into a no. 'Off course not Gee I wouldn't do that to you now would I?? nope these are for eating not throwing like the last time and besides Ray had started it then!.' Dee answered him and they laughed while the cupcake bags went around the table. Time to say goodnight to Frank and Gerard again, they were down in the lobby at the end of the stairs hugging them goodbye. 'Ohh you have to come see one of their shows!! You have to!! Please!! Frank.' Dee said to him looking at him with puppy eyes. 'Aww your mean you know that no man can resist those!! Okay I promise I'll come see the show tomorrow okay?' frank  said to her while she threw her arms around him hugging him. Jo gave Gerard a hug and said goodnight to him and then left with Jussi upstairs. 'Thank you Frankie prankie!! Love you!! Night cupcake!!' Dee said to Frankie when he walked out the door with Gerard towards a cab that would drive them back to New Jersey. They all got upstairs to their rooms and Jyrki invited Bazie, Archzie and Timo in for another drink before going to bed and to discuss the upcoming gig, Jo and Jussi were already at their room and had the do not disturb sign up on their door so they didn't bother to disturb them and invite them for another drink. Dee went into the bathroom to get changed into her pyjama's she didn't mind the others being in the room she would be going on tour with them in a bus for 2 weeks so they would see her anyway. She walked out of the bathroom wearing loose pyjama pants and a tank top, and sat on her side of the bed were Timo had half plunged himself down. 'Timo move a little will you.. your on my side of the bed.' Dee chuckled while he moved a little over so she could sit down. Jyrki , Bazie and Archzie were into conversation in Finnish since that was a lot easier for them to communicate with one another and Timo was keeping Dee busy talking to her about her friends. 'I like your pyjama pants by the way very cool with the skulls and bats on it.. besides I really liked your friends from MCR they are really cool.' Timo said to her and she smiled. 'aww thank you.. oh yeah they are awesome.. you should meet bob their new drummer he is so cute and sweet he rules.' Dee answered him and they both chatted some more until the others finally considered of talking English for Dee. There was a knock on the door and Dee looked at it surprised. 'Who the hell can that be.. don't worry I'll get it.' Dee said to Jyrki already getting up walking towards the door. When she opened the door she couldn't believe her eyes when she saw who was in front of it. 'UH HUH!!! Hello Helsinki Vampires!!' Bam shouted while walking in the room being followed by Ryan Dunn, Raab Himself and Dico. 'Niceee!!' both Bam and Raab said when they walked passed Dee and saw that she was in her pyjama's. 'Ohh for the love of god.. your kidding me right?' Dee said when they had walked in plunged themselves on the bed next to Timo and greeted their friends.                       

I was lost, but now I can see
This fate is turning deep inside of me.


Morning was cold, a bitter opposite to the late night before. I hadn't slept well at all, my thoughts filled with Ville's face and the words he had so easily spoken in the calm of the night. You know that thing Jordan felt for you? Well, me too. It was an honest to God admission of love, and I wasn't sure how to handle it. The part of me that I had always allowed to take over, the angry part, told me I should be furious. It was too soon, for one thing. For another, what right did Ville have? Waltzing into my life just a week before, during the shakiest moment imaginable, and now expecting me to bend so easily with a few sly words and a well disguised "I love you"? It would be easier for me to get pissed off and maybe make both sides of Ville's jaw match.

Easier. But certainly not right.

That was where the other part of me came in. The part that had appeared only with Jordan's coaxing. This part of me remembered the soft, sincere look in Ville's eyes as he listened to me talk about the funeral, the way his hand had felt on my shoulder, and that look, the one I now knew was brought on by love. This part of me was staring at a gigantic window of opportunity and begging me to climb through it. And as much as I missed Jordan, I had the feeling he would rather I continue living rather than stay away from everything that could potentially make me happy. But of course, that was the sappy side of me talking.

I was walking to the bus stop as I was having this internal battle, my head lowered and hood pulled up both against the wind and the curious gaze of a few kids I passed. I was nearly there when a small black car pulled up beside me, the passenger side window rolled down. I bent down slightly to look inside and saw Ville, smiling sweet as ever, dressed in a deep red version of the jacket he'd given me. I noticed he was wearing a grey beanie as well that seemed to have cat ears attached.

"Hello, Bam!" he said cheerfully. "Not wearing my clothes today?"

"Wh-- no?" I said, glancing around nervously. I caught a couple of people watching us. "What are you doing?"

"Wondering how best to ask you if you'd like a ride without sounding horribly cliched," Ville replied, leaning against the steering wheel. "Which I think I managed quite well just now, don't you?" He grinned at me, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"A ride would be nice," I said quietly, opening the door and climbing into the car. I rolled the window up and put on my seatbelt as Ville pulled back onto the road. We were quiet for a long moment, listening to the soft hum of the car, before Ville cleared his throat quietly.

"You haven't asked about last night," he said softly. I glanced at him, hoping to see in his face how he wanted me to answer him. He gave no indication, however, just looked at the road, seeming as though he hadn't spoken at all. Maybe giving me the chance to pretend he hadn't.

"I didn't think it was really the appropriate thing to talk about," I mumbled, playing with a loose string on my backpack.

"Because you always give great thought to what is and is not appropriate," Ville said, his smirk evident in his voice. I shot him a look.

"You think you know everything about me," I said, surprised when my voice wasn't injected with any kind of venom whatsoever. "You don't even know me, Ville."

"No, maybe I don't," Ville said, tucking his hair behind his ear. For the first time I noticed the small silver hoops that dangled there. "But you know, you're not that hard to figure out, Bammie."

"What makes you say that?" I asked defensively. I thought I did a good job of keeping myself in check, thank you very much.

"You're so obvious about your emotions and your personality," Ville said patiently. "I mean, you have that whole macho smokescreen up, but it really does nothing to hide your true nature. For instance, it's obvious to me that a person who always acts as if nothing could ever touch them is actually terrified that the tiniest thing will rip them apart. That's one of the first things I noticed about you, Bam. You're scared to death that the slightest hole in your armor is going to tear your castle down."

"Bullshit," I said quietly, looking away from Ville and staring out the window. "I'm not scared of anything."

"Says the boy who came to me last night, terrified that the whole world was going to beat him down because he fell in love and was honest about it," Ville said, his voice carefully expressionless. "That's another thing you fear. Love. You can barely say the word, can barely think it. And don't bother denying it, it would be a waste of breath. I know the truth as well as you do. It's written all over your face, even now." I looked at the mirror in the visor that was flipped down above me, and realized he was right. Sitting in that car was not the strong, confident loudmouth that I'd always projected myself to be. I was looking right into the blue eyes of a frightened, frustrated boy who had been lying for so long he didn't know who or what he was anymore. I didn't like what I saw. It was too real. I quickly slammed the visor back into its original position and stared at my shoes.

"You don't have a clue," I muttered. Ville let out a breathy laugh.

"Trust me, Bam, I have a better clue than you could ever imagine."


The rest of the ride was spent in complete silence. When we arrived in the school parking lot, I got out of the car before it had even stopped moving, walking away without looking back. What does he know anyway?



Despite the disastrous car ride, I was unable to deny the fact that Ville had been right. The school day was hardly unbearable. In fact, it was almost okay. People were either sympathetic, supportive, or completely indifferent. My friends were all rallied behind me, and only one person called me a faggot. That person was quickly shoved inside a locker when no authority figures were looking. Yes, Ville had been right, but that didn't stop my being furious with him.

My anger only intensified when I discovered we had the same lunch period.

"Still being pissy?" Ville said in my ear, reaching past me to grab a tray. I spun around and somehow resisted the urge to hit him.

"You really don't quit, do you?" I hissed, subconsciously moving along in line as the people in front of me made space. Ville laughed quietly.

"Well, see, the thing is," he began, running a hand through his hair, now cat ear hat-free, "you're playing a fantastic game with me. One day I'm your worst enemy, the next, you adore me. Now you kind of want to kill me, is that correct?"

"You have no idea," I grumbled, grabbing a bag of chips. "Why are you even here? Why don't you go back to Finland or wherever it is you came from?"

"Oh sure," Ville said, his voice suddenly lower than I'd ever heard it. "Right back into the arms of my abusive boyfriend. Yes, I suppose that's exactly what I should do." I turned to look at him, but he'd already thrown his tray into the hands of some unsuspecting freshman. I watched as he stormed away from the lunch line and out the door of the cafeteria, raising a hand to the shouts from more than one teacher that told him he didn't have permission to leave. I blinked, suddenly no longer hungry at all.



I wandered to the parking lot the moment school let out, hoping that Ville would be there. He wasn't. His car was still there, but he was nowhere to be seen. I didn't think waiting for him would be a smart idea, so I walked towards the buses with a sinking feeling in my chest. I'd definitely said the wrong thing earlier. Even though there was no way I could have known he'd come here because he needed to escape some slap-happy douchebag, I still felt like a jerk. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, but I figured words wouldn't be enough. At the same time, I couldn't help but feel like Ville had deserved it. He'd dug too deep that morning with me, it was only fair that I return the favor... No, I thought. That was different.

It was.



"What's wrong, Bam? Ape asked, watching as I pushed my dinner around on my plate. She'd made chicken alfredo, my favorite, but I wasn't in the mood to eat. I'd been past Ville's a couple of times since I'd gotten home, but he never came out. His car was parked in the driveway though, so at least I knew he was okay.

"I'm just not really hungry," I told her, taking a sip of my water instead.

"Now he's anorexic too," Jess said, clearly enjoying my teenage turmoil. I threw a fork at him, but nobody really yelled since it was a really weak, half-hearted kind of toss.

"Jess, that's enough," Phil said, giving him a look. "Why don't you go lie down, Bam?"

"Yeah, I guess I will," I sighed, standing up and leaving the dining room. I made my way into the living room where I sat down on the couch and stared at my hands for a long moment, my thoughts waving in and out of coherence. The bruise on my right hand had faded considerably, now a slightly reddish purple color with yellow tinged edges. Ville's face had healed much quicker, I realized, seeming to recall that I hadn't even noticed a mark on him today. I groaned and changed positions so I was sprawled out on the couch, closing my eyes and wishing, praying even, that I could start the day over.



I don't know how long I'd been asleep for when I was jarred awake by the sound of the doorbell. I heard Ape hurry down the hallway to answer it and let my eyes slip shut again, throwing an arm over my face. My attempt at going back to sleep didn't last long, though, because the voice filtering in from the now open door was a familiar one.

"Hello, Mrs. Margera," Ville was saying, "You don't really know me, but I'm a friend of your son, Bam. I was wondering if maybe I could talk to him? I'll just be a minute."

"Well, he didn't seem to be feeling well earlier, and he went to take a nap," Ape told him. "I'd rather he didn't have friends in right now."

"Oh, that's okay," Ville said politely. "Would you mind giving him this, though?"

"I wouldn't mind at all," Ape said kindly. "I'll let him know you were here."

"Thank you," Ville said, his voice fainter now that he was stepping away. "Have a good night, Mrs. Margera."

"You too," Ape replied, shutting the door as Ville departed. She came into the living room and tapped my arm. I looked at her wearily.

"Thanks for not letting him in," I whispered, rubbing my eyes. "I can't deal with him right now."

"Is he the reason you're acting funny tonight?" Ape asked, stroking my hair soothingly.

"Yeah," I muttered, looking at the ceiling. "We had a fight. Sort of."

"Well, he asked me to give you this," Ape said, handing me a note. "He looked kind of upset. Maybe he's sorry."

"Yeah," I said, looking at the folded up piece of paper. It was folded in one of those cutesy ways, like middle school girls do. My name was written neatly across the front. "Maybe."

Well, well, well...there's so many celebrity crushes I have had, but my taste has changed alot since last year, because my music taste changed and everything I liked before don't attract anymore...probably cuz I grew up finally hahha.

I used to like Kanye West and all these rappers and stuff, but now I would never look them...yes I bet never. I like rockers, skaters and duds like that.

1.Madden twins

2.Travis Barker (actually I like Tom and Mark too)

3.Johnny Knoxville

4.Billy Martin

5.Bam Margera

6.Adam Brody

I also like Johnny Depp and guys from Gossip Girl are hot...oh and duds from screamo bands...I mean like Oly can be kinda cute hahaha. Ashton Kutcher is worth of crush too.

So do you have any celebrity crushes? Were mine really bad?

XOXO

All these years beneath the skin
Everything inside me turning to the shame.



Going back to school on Monday was the last thing I wanted to do. After the funeral, I'd done everything in my power to avoid anyone I knew. I was afraid that I was going to walk through those glass double doors and be met with taunting laughter. Everyone knew my big secret, that I'd been in love with another guy. Dunn kept telling me that everyone had had their suspicions anyway. If that was supposed to make me feel better, it wasn't working.

It was about eleven o' clock on Sunday night when I decided to sneak out and go for a walk. Where I was going, I had no idea. I left the house without a sound, skipping every creaky step and floorboard, then turned left instead of right like I usually did. Had you asked me at the time, I'd have sworn up and down I wasn't going this direction because Ville lived that way. The truth was, that did have rather a lot to do with it. I felt that maybe being near him would make everything okay. I was starting to scare myself, thinking like that.

Of course, nearing his house, I hadn't expected Ville to be outside. He was though, sitting on his front porch, strumming an acoustic guitar by the glowing light of a dozen candles. I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared. He didn't look up, didn't even realize he was being watched. There was a thick notebook in front of him, a pen lying on top of it. He looked slightly frustrated and in deep concentration as he tried a different chord and wrote it down, scratching out the one before it. He put the pen back down and tried the chord one more time before playing what I could only assume was the song he was writing. It was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever heard. I could hear him humming along softly; clearly he hadn't written lyrics yet. When he finished playing, he finally looked up.

"Bam!" he called, raising a hand and waving. "Come on up here you creep!" I laughed and started up the walkway, a chilly breeze ruffling my hair. Even though it was uncharacteristically warm outside, winter still wanted it to be clear that it was on its way.

"It's okay for me to be a creep, Ville," I said, sitting down on the step just below the edge of the porch. "You were a creep too, when I first met you."

"True as that may be, I didn't lurk on your front lawn while you were writing love songs," Ville said, snapping his notebook shut as I tried to sneak a peek at it.

"Love songs?" I asked, wrinkling my nose. "Gag."

"Oh, but you seemed to enjoy my rendition of a popular love song a few evenings ago," Ville said blithely. I felt my face heat up and was suddenly very thankful I'd chosen to take a walk at night.

"That was just funny," I told him, recovering quickly. He chuckled softly.

"Yes, I suppose it was," he said quietly, stretching his legs out so that his feet were on the step next to me. After a long pause, he said, "How was the funeral?"

"You haven't heard?" I asked darkly, determined not to look at him.

"I haven't been out much lately," he replied. "I'm a little under the weather. Stomachache. Now, answer my question."

"It was both the best and worst experience of my life," I said shortly.

"Best because...?" he persisted. I barked out a laugh.

"Don't give up, do you?" I asked, looking at him bemusedly. He smiled slightly and shook his head. I sighed and looked out across the lawn again. "Best because it was closure, you know? I saw that it's really happened, that Jordan's gone. I can start healing now, as Ape puts it."

"Ape?"

"My mom," I explained, grinning at Ville's look of bewilderment.

"Oh," Ville said, blinking at me. "Right. Okay, so, worst because...?"

"Worst because I sort of told everyone that Jordan and I were in..." I grimaced slightly.

"Love?" Ville finished gently. I nodded. I felt him put a hand on my shoulder and squeeze comfortingly.

"His mom asked me to speak, and at the last minute... well, I felt that Jordan would want people to know," I sighed. "It just came out. My friends and family are proud of me, but I think they're the only ones. School's going to suck now."

"Aww, Bammie," Ville said, scooting down to sit on the step next to me. "It's not going to suck. Give humanity just a little credit, hmm? Especially in these circumstances. Do you really think that many people are going to scorn a guy who just lost the person he was in love with?"

"I don't know where you're from, but people's brains must work differently there than they do here," I said bitterly. "At the risk of sounding melodramatic, I'm doomed."

"You are not," Ville said scoldingly, lightly slapping my knee. "Believe me, Bam, people both here in America and in Finland have some respect for those who are grieving. Sure, you'll get the occasional asshole, but you can handle them. I should know, you handled me quite well."

"That sounded weird," I snickered. Ville gave me a dirty look and an exasperated sigh.

"How old are you, Bam?" he asked teasingly.

"Old enough to see the innuendo you just used," I said with a grin.

"I didn't use anything, Bammie," Ville said with a yawn. "You're just a pervert, it would seem. A pervert who looks rather good in my clothes." I glanced down at the jacket, then narrowed my eyes at him.

"You just did it again!" I laughed.

"Oh doodley, it seems I did," Ville said, pretending to look concerned. "Perhaps I should get that checked." He caught my eye and giggled, a sound that was completely infectious. We both dissolved into laughter that was far too loud for the hour. We had just calmed down when a woman I guessed was Ville's mother opened the screen door and told Ville it was time to come inside. She smiled graciously at me before retreating inside the house again.

"She didn't ask who I was," I said, helping Ville blow out the candles on the porch.

"She doesn't have to," Ville said, placing his guitar back in its battered, sticker-covered case with the notebook. He picked it up and stood, smiling at me as I lined the candles up neatly on a table. "I've told her all about you, Bammie."

"Why?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Ville laughed quietly and opened the door, turning to look at me with that damn expression again, the one I couldn't name.

"Let me tell you a secret, Brandon Margera," he whispered. "You know that thing that Jordan felt for you? Well, me too." It was my turn to blink stupidly.

"Wha--"

"Shh, not tonight," Ville said, starting to go inside. Then he stopped and turned around once more. "I do mean it, though. You look great in that jacket. Feel free to hold onto it, if you like." Before I could even reply to that, much less ask the thousand questions he'd sent whirling around in my head, he stepped fully inside and shut the door.

I've been driving through these nights
This road reminding me of all I am
As time drags on, these windows fade
And reality starts slipping from my mind
All I know is this all fades, the second that I'm by your side.




Friday morning arrived far too quickly. Despite the fact that my parents had kept me home from school all week, it was as if I'd blinked and suddenly it was nearly time for Jordan's funeral. Despite the deep seated numbness I felt, I refused to put on a suit and, instead, put on the dressiest non-dressy outfit I owned. The one that Jordan liked. It was just dark jeans and a long-sleeved red button-up shirt, but Jordan had totally adored it. "You look almost like a gentleman," he'd teased. That was the night we'd spent at the first school dance, tripping people and successfully spiking the punch. It was a good time, one I wouldn't soon forget.

"Are you nearly ready, Bam?" Ape asked, poking her head inside my bedroom. I looked at her reflection in the mirror next to my own and nodded, not trusting my voice. I knew if I tried to speak, I'd embarrass myself. Jordan's mom had asked me to speak at the funeral, and I'd agreed to do it. I felt that maybe if I saved my words for that moment, I wouldn't break down entirely in front of everyone. As Ape walked away, I slipped a hand into my pocket and pulled out the sheet of paper I'd written my speech on. I'd worked on it for two days, keeping it short and sweet and making sure it perfectly expressed my feelings (there's that obnoxious word again) without making everyone aware of what had gone on with Jordan and me. I felt I'd done a good job, that Jordan would be proud of me. That was all that mattered, wasn't it?

I left my bedroom and went downstairs, not acknowledging the sympathetic looks from my family. I slipped out the front door and waved to Novak, who was starting up the driveway to meet me.

"Hey," he said cautiously, his hands shoved inside the pockets of his dress pants. Any other day it would have been hilarious to see Novak in a suit and tie (which was green with polka dots, by the way), but I couldn't even crack a smile.

"Hey," I muttered, playing with the hem of my shirt. "How've you been?"

"Good," Novak said awkwardly. "Normal, I guess. How... how 'bout you? Any better?"

"A little," I lied, pulling out my speech again. "Jordan's mom wants me to speak at the funeral."

"Yeah?" Novak said, tilting his head to the side. "Are you going to?"

"Duh," I said, handing the paper to him. "I've been working on that for days now. I think it's good, don't you?" I watched nervously as Novak read the words I'd written neatly across the page, the final copy of my goodbye. His brow furrowed and he looked up at me.

"Why aren't you being honest?" he demanded. The question rang in the air for a moment, and I was unsure of what to say.

"About what?" I asked, taking the paper back. It was probably the most honest thing I'd ever written, in my opinion.

"You say he was your best friend," Novak said. "You know he was more than that, man."

"Wh-- this is his fucking funeral, Novak!" I whispered, folding the paper up and putting it back in my pocket. "I don't think he'd want to be outed at his funeral! And truthfully, neither do I!"

"Whatever," Novak shrugged. "I just think... this is Jordan, you know? He was a really open, honest dude. He didn't give a damn, he was who he was. He'd want you to carry on that attitude. I know he would."

"I think you're wrong," I said defiantly.

"Fine!" Novak said, backing away with his hands raised in a gesture of forfeit. "Just think about it, okay?" He walked away, presumably to catch a ride with one of our friends to the funeral home. I sat down on the steps, my brain doing that annoying whirling thing it had picked up after Jordan died. Would Jordan really want me to talk about "us" the way we were? We had always said, even to each other, that we were just friends. We knew it wasn't true, though. Sometimes I thought everyone knew.

"Let's go, Bam," Phil said, making me jump. I hadn't even noticed he, Ape, and Jess had come outside. I stood up and followed them to the car, staring at the pavement. I was about to open the door when I heard someone calling my name. I turned around to see Ville a few houses away, motioning for me to come over to him. I groaned inwardly and told Phil I'd just be a minute before jogging over to Ville's side.

"What could you possibly want today?" I asked through gritted teeth. This was definitely a waste of those words I had desperately been trying to save.

"Oh... is the funeral today?" Ville asked quietly as realization dawned.

"Yeah," I sighed, not having the heart to be sarcastic. He really hadn't known.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. Then he looked me up and down, his eyebrows knitted together. "You look sort of under-dressed, you know what I mean?"

"Jordan liked this outfit," I said defensively. Ville shrugged off his jacket, the same gothy one he'd been wearing the last time I'd seen him, and handed it to me.

"I like it too, but it would look better with this," he said, nodding appreciatively when I grudgingly pulled the jacket on. It smelled slightly like cigarettes and cinnamon. "Much better."

"Thanks," I muttered, glancing back at the car. Ape was watching from the passenger window like a hawk. "Look, I have to go. See you around."

"Right," Ville said softly. "Um... hang in there, okay?" I studied his face for a moment, surprised to see not sympathy, but something else. Something less obligatory, more... kind. It made a pleasant warmth momentarily fill the cold void that had settled in my chest. It terrified me. I turned quickly and ran back to the car, sliding in the back next to my brother. My heart was pounding in my chest and my hands were shaking. I just wished I could explain why.



I watched people from my school milling about, some crying, some merely looking sad. Others still were smiling and laughing, gossiping as if this were some kind of social event. I wanted to go yell at them, tell them that if they had no intention of paying their respects to Jordan, they could get the hell out. Ape put an arm around my shoulder, sensing my irritation, and steered me into another room.

"Don't mind them, Bam," she whispered. "They'll be gone soon out of boredom." I nodded, watching glumly as she moved on to talk to someone she recognized. I spotted Jess talking to a friend of his who had been close to Jordan's family. Phil was talking to Jordan's dad, who raised a solemn hand when he saw me. I nodded in return and walked into the next room, which had been filled with pictures of Jordan and his friends and family, arranged attractively next to the flower arrangements loved ones had sent to the funeral home. I had ordered one in secret days ago, the bouquet consisting of white roses and bleeding hearts, Jordan's favorite flowers. He actually planted some in the garden for Ape, since she was so useless at taking care of plants. The card with the bouquet simply read, "I love you. From: me." on pretty white and silver paper. It stood out among the rest of the arrangements, and I had to look away.

I moved to the other end of the room to look at a piece of posterboard covered with pictures. There were a few polaroids of Jordan and his mother when he was little, along with a few school pictures. further to the left was a photobooth strip, one I recognized with a pang of grief. It was the one I'd taken with Jordan after we'd been wreaking havoc at the local mall, just two weeks before he died. We were making goofy faces in most of them, except for the last one, where we'd disolved into giggles and were simply smiling so hard our eyes were nearly shut. I reached out and touched Jordan's face in that photo, wondering how it was possible that we'd been so happy when this horrible moment was looming just ahead...

"Bam?" someone said gently, and I turned to see Jordan's mom, Tracy, standing next to me. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked extremely tired. Even her hair, white blonde like her son's, seemed to shine less. "How are you, sweetie?"

"Um, okay," I replied, looking everywhere but her face. "You?"

"I've been better," she said with a choked laugh. "Have you... seen him yet?" I closed my eyes instinctively, as though she'd tried to slap me.

"N-no," I stuttered. "I haven't."

"There's nothing to be afraid of," she said shakily, putting a hand on my shoulder. "He looks... he looks fine. Like he's sleeping."

"I don't know if I can," I said, clenching and unclenching my fists. I couldn't lose it now.

"Well, when you're ready, he's right in there," Tracy pointed to the next room to the left. I could see the corner of the casket and more flowers through the sea of people all gathered inside.

"Okay," I said, fiddling with the cuff of Ville's jacket. I knew I'd have to go in eventually, but I wanted to wait until it would be just me. Just me and Jordan.

"Do you have your speech ready?" Tracy asked. I blinked, having almost forgotten that I would be speaking in a few minutes.

"Y-yeah," I said, pulling the paper out of my pocket yet again. "When will I be...?"

"You'll speak right after Father Gary," she said, her voice noticeably firmer. She was always more comfortable when explaining scheduling. She worked as a counselor at a Catholic high school, and she was the one in charge of settling matters of classes for the upcoming year for each student.

"Great," I said awkwardly. She gave me a sad smile before enveloping me in a tight hug.

"Jordan would be so pleased that you're doing this," she whispered, patting my back. "He really adored you, Bam." She pulled back and, sensing that I'd rather be saved the trouble of finding a response to that, walked away to talk to a couple of sniffling girls who were looking over the framed photos in the opposite corner of the room. I walked into the room where the sermon was about to begin, taking a seat next to Phil. He put his arm around me, but I shrugged it off. The more people tried to comfort me, the more unstable I felt. The priest walked up to the podium and spoke in a deep, soothing voice.

"We'll be starting in three minutes, so if everyone would please make their way in here and take a seat... thank you." He stepped back and gathered his Bible and some notecards, standing patiently as people filed in and took the remaining seats. Novak and Ryan Dunn came over and sat with me, while Dico gave me a wave and sat down with his parents two rows in front of mine. When everyone was seated, Father Gary stood back at the microphone and began.

"Brothers and sisters, it is with great sorrow that we are gathered here today, to mourn the passing of a young man lost far too soon..." It was somewhere around here that my brain tuned out the man's words. I didn't want to hear, didn't want to dwell on this until I had to.

The unfortunate disadvantage to tuning out a sermon is the fact that it seems to speed up. It seemed like Father Gary had just begun talking when everyone was saying "Amen" and the priest was explaining that I wanted to say a few words. My heart immediately leapt into my throat, and I stood shakily as my friends whispered variations of, "It's okay Bam." I walked up to the podium and swallowed thickly, my mind foggy. I flattened the piece of paper my speech was on against the shiny dark wood in front of me, took a deep breath, and started talking.

"I'm probably the last person anyone expected to see speaking at a funeral, right?" Several people chuckled softly, and I managed a smile.

"Jordan would have believed it. He was always telling me that I had a serious, emotional side of me. He said that just because I didn't show it, that didn't mean it wasn't there. Jordan could always see the things people hid. He was a tough person to fool. He was also the kind of person who could make you feel so good, like nothing in life could go wrong. Sometimes all it took was a smile from him in your general direction. Jordan was a genuine, caring person who loved his family and friends more than he loved anything. He loved deeply and was fiercely protective. He made you feel safe and adored, whether you were the richest kid at school or the girl who shopped at Goodwill. He made me feel like I could be real, like I could tell him anything." This was where I stopped. I looked up and met Novak's eyes, which were focused right on mine. He gave a slight nod and I took another deep gulp of air.

"I loved Jordan. He was more than my best friend." I was no longer following my written words. "We never labeled what we had, you know? We just knew that we were different, that we loved each other more deeply than most friends do. It hurts to say goodbye now, when we were just starting to figure things out." Tears were stinging my eyes now, and I just wanted to finish.

"Jordan," I said softly, looking up at the ceiling. "Wherever you are, man. I love you. I really do. More than I ever got to tell you." I stepped back quickly and walked out of the room, raising a hand as I left to acknowledge the earnest applause I was receiving. I walked almost blindly to the room where Jordan's body lay in the casket, and stopped in the doorway my heartbeat pounding in my ears. This was it.

I wiped away the tears that were sliding down my cheeks in a seemingly unstoppable flow and moved forward hesitantly, my eyes settled on Jordan's calm face. When I was next to the coffin, I could see that makeup had been applied to make him appear to have more color. I thought that was stupid, since he'd always been pale as death, even in life. I reached out a trembling hand and stroked his soft hair, the same way I had done a hundred times before. My fingers trailed to his cheek, but I quickly drew away. He was cold. Too cold.

"I miss you, J," I whispered, petting his hair again. "You haven't even been gone a week and I miss you so much..." If I had had more words to say, they would have been lost. My shoulders shook as I leaned against the casket, trying and failing to hold myself together. I felt a hand on my shoulder and spun quickly around to see Novak. He was smiling sadly.

"You did good, Bam," he said gently, pulling me into his arms. "You did good."



The ride home was unbearably awkward. Ape was trying to grill me for information ("I had no IDEA you loved him that way! Why didn't you say something? No wonder you've been so torn up about this!), Phil was trying to get her to pipe down, and Jess was just staring at me. Finally, fifteen minutes into the staring I snapped, "WHAT?!"

"You're gay!" Jess exclaimed. "All these years we've joked about it and you actually are gay!"

"Jess!" Ape shouted, turning around and looking at him sharply. "This is hardly the time for--"

"It's the perfect time! Bam just came out at a fucking FUNERAL!" Jess laughed. Ape sighed and turned around, covering her face with her hand.

"Look, I'm not gay, okay?" I said tartly, crossing my arms over my chest. "I loved Jordan, yeah. But he's the only one!" Jess wasn't convinced.

Neither was I.



That night, I climbed up on the roof and looked up at the clear night sky. I could see every star, and the moon shone bright straight overhead. It was fairly cold outside, but I hardly noticed. I was still wearing Ville's jacket, which was surprisingly warm. As I watched the skies, I heard singing down on the street. Remarkably good singing. I sat up and looked down past the streetlights and saw Ville. He was in the middle of the road, twirling around like a moron, singing "The One" by the fucking Backstreet Boys. He looked up at me, and even from far away, I could see him grinning. He waved at me and finished the song, his eyes never leaving mine.

"I'll be the one, to hold you, and make sure that you'll be all right... I'll be the one."


Maybe Jordan WASN'T the only one.

I didn't write this for two billion years because I hated the way chapter two sounded the first time. So I screwed around with it, and now it is much, much better. =] I also have chapter three written now, so... EEEP.

Can this be real?
Can this be fate?




Lying in bed that night, I did very little sleeping. I could try to blame it on the howling wind outside, the unforgiving drumbeat the rain made on the roof, the ticking of the clock next to me, but they were not what was keeping me awake. Every time I closed my eyes, Jordan's face swam into my vision, his laugh filled my ears, and somehow, I could smell the cheap bodyspray he wore, Axe or Tag or some shit like that. I couldn't take it, having my mind flooded with memories. You'd think that it would make me feel better, to see Jordan, but it didn't. I knew he was in my head, not really with me. That was the trouble with being a realist. I never did waste my time on big dreams or fantasy. Things were what they were, no more, no less. Jordan was dead. His soul, the dancing light in his eyes, was gone forever. I never imagined I could feel so alone.



When I woke up, it was already noon. Ape apparently had decided to allow me to stay home from school. Any other day, I would have been thrilled. School wasn't exactly on top of the official "Bam's Favorite Hobbies" list, after all. But on this particular day, school sounded good. I needed to distract myself somehow. I'd rather think about William Shakespeare than my dead friend.

I made the decision to drag myself out of bed when someone started pounding on the front door. I made a promise to myself that if it was my batshit old lady neighbor Mrs. Rousa asking for a container of sugar again, I would promptly go jump off a bridge. I mean, it's not like we were living in Mayberry. Despite the temptation to just ignore the person at the door, I made my way down the stairs, halfheartedly muttering "I'm coming, hang on a second". When I finally reached the door and yanked it open, I had the urge to slam it shut again. It was that damn kid again, Ville. He was standing there with this stupid, awkward look on his face, one hand raised in a timid wave, and I kind of wanted to smack him.

"Hey," he said quietly. "I figured you'd be here."

"Yeah, it is my house," I drawled, leaning against the doorway. "Shouldn't you be at school? You look like the type who would enjoy it."

"I'm not registered yet," Ville replied, crossing his long arms over his chest and sitting in his hip like all the girls with bad attitudes I knew did. "I'm not surprised you aren't there. You look like the type who's going to run the streets in five years or so."

"And yet you insist on talking to me," I said with a nasty smirk.

"Maybe I like bad boys?" Ville said, his tone and facial expression clearly inviting me to make a comment on the statement. Feeling mildly irritated and a little more than curious to see if this boy would take a swing at me, I laughed.

"What, you're a faggot?" I hissed, leaning forward a little. The words burned my tongue like fire, because I knew that in some way, they described me. Ville's eyebrows rose in mild surprise.

"You think so? Well, I'm not the one sitting at home sulking because my boyfriend's dead, am I?" He mirrored my earlier expression, the corner of his mouth quirking upward. Fury rose in my chest and lit up my veins like neon. Who did he think he was? How did he even know? I felt tears in my eyes that were becoming way too familiar for my comfort, and in a desperate attempt to hide them, I hit Ville right in the jaw. He stumbled backwards and fell to the ground, one hand pressed to his face, the other scraping along the concrete. I felt some satisfaction when I caught the hurt look in his eyes. That feeling quickly faded, and despite my anger, I was a little sorry I'd hit him. Only a little.

"Just get out of here," I snapped, rubbing my bruising hand. "Did you hear me? Go home, dammit!" Ville pushed himself to his feet, still rubbing at his jaw.

"Sorry," he muttered, turning around and walking towards the street. I resisted the urge to call after him and stepped back inside the house, slamming the door with more force than necessary. What was this guy playing at? Trying to make nice one day, throwing low blows the next? You did kind of deserve it, said a voice in my head. You weren't exactly Mr. Congeniality. I sighed and shuffled into the living room, throwing myself down on the couch. Clearly this was not going to be a good day.



"I know you don't like the idea, but it might help you straighten out what you're feeling right now, honey." Ape had said different forms of this some ten thousand times in the last hour of completely circular conversation, and I was more than ready to snap. She'd pulled Phil and me into the kitchen to discuss the option of hiring a shrink for me to talk to. This, I'd decided, was total bullshit. I knew what I was feeling. I knew it very, very well. I was completely wrecked because my best friend in the world had been killed in a car accident. I was angry that I wasn't there to save him. I was angry that I was still alive while Jordan's funeral was on Friday. I didn't need some therapist with a wall of degrees to tell me that.

"No, Ape. The answer is no," I said shortly, staring pointedly at my hands which were balled into fists on my knees. My right hand was black and blue from the violent contact it had made with Ville's bony jaw hours earlier (when Ape noticed, I explained it away with a tale involving a wall and some carelessness). "I will do so much better if I'm just left alone."

"That's what I told you, April," Phil said from somewhere to my right. "Let it go, okay? It's up to Bam what he wants to do."

"I want to go skate for a while before it gets dark," I muttered, standing up and pulling on a hoodie. "I'll be back later." Before they could interrogate me further, I left the kitchen and walked out the front door. The chilly air was a relief after the stuffiness of my house (and the conversation in said house). I grabbed my board and headed for the street, thinking that perhaps it was my mother who needed the shrink, not me. The ramps at the skatepark were better therapists than anyone who had ever studied psychology.

When I arrived at the park, I saw that it was mostly empty. There was one person, sitting on the bleachers, concealed in shadows so I couldn't make out who it was. I was tempted to turn and head back home, in case this stranger was some kind of psychopath who might hit me over the head with a baseball bat and eat my heart or something. I rolled my eyes and went in anyway, deciding that if that person was some homicidal nutcase, I'd probably be able to take him. I goofed off for a while, doing tricks that had become second nature, before trying some more difficult things that I'd seen more than one of my friends fail miserably at. This resulted in a lot of falling down and my usual outbursts of vulgar language, not to mention a few wary glances at the shadowy stranger. He or she was definitely watching me.

"Hey!" I shouted, rubbing the elbow I'd just landed on. "You're kind of creeping me out, you know!"

"I've heard that before," the stranger laughed. It was no stranger, though. It was Ville. Again.

"Wow, you actually are a stalker," I groaned, kicking my skateboard away. "Humor me for a minute. I've yelled at you, I've punched you in the face, WHY the hell are you still around?"

"Maybe," Ville started, standing up and making his way down to the ramps, "I'm not very good at taking hints, Bammie."

"What did you call me?" I growled, narrowing my eyes at him. He'd put on a long jacket to ward off the cold. His jaw was sporting a mark to match the one on my knuckles. Somehow, he looked really... beautiful? Was that the word?

"I called you Bammie," Ville said, picking up my skateboard and examining it. "Hmm. You should probably call it a night, darling. You've done some pretty serious damage."

"Would you stop it with the nicknames and the 'darling' crap already?" I exclaimed, snatching the board away from him. He was right, it was definitely out of commission. Bastard. "You're really creepy, you know that?"

"So you've said," Ville grinned with a small nod. There was an uncomfortably long pause, during which we simply looked at each other. He looked so eerie in the glow of the moon and streetlamps. I hadn't even realized that night had actually fallen. Before I could make an excuse to leave, he laughed softly. "You've got a wicked right hand, you know."

"Um, yeah," I said, feeling my face heat up a little. "Look, I shouldn't have done that. And I probably shouldn't have been such a dick to you today."

"But that's who you are, isn't it, Bam?" Ville said knowingly, jerking his head to get his hair out of his eyes. "You're a dick to hide the fact that you have feelings."

"And what do you know about my feelings, exactly?" I said defensively, hugging myself as a brisk wind blew through the trees on the other side of the skatepark.

"I did come across you crying your eyes out in your backyard yesterday," Ville pointed out, no venom in his voice. He actually looked a little sympathetic. "And yeah, I know what happened. I talked to some neighborhood kids. I'm sorry for what I said today, by the way. That was awful of me."

"Whatever," I said with a shrug. "He wasn't my boyfriend though. Not... not really."

"Not really?" Ville said, cocking his head to the side. "What does that mean?"

"It means that this part of the conversation is over," I said quickly. Ville recoiled slightly and took a step back.

"Right, sorry," he muttered.

"Yeah," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Listen, it's late. I gotta get home. You want me to walk you to your place?"

"Why?" Ville asked, his eyebrows knitting in confusion.

"There are lots of crazies in this world, Willa," I said, walking past him and heading for the gate. "You're free to head home by yourself if you'd like, but there are lots of pervy old men who'd love to have someone like you for a night."

"Erm, yeah, I'm coming," Ville said, scurrying to catch up with me. "And it's Ville, you know." I shrugged, figuring that if he could call me something lame like 'Bammie', I had every right to give him a doofy nickname too. We walked in silence the whole way to Ville's house, which was just around the corner from mine. He turned to me from the driveway and gave me an awkward wave. I returned it wordlessly and walked back to my house where the porch light was gleaming alone in a sea of darkened homes. I tossed my now useless skateboard into the trashcan near the mailbox and dragged myself up the sidewalk, bracing myself for further discussion with my parents. When I walked in, though, Ape merely came into the hall to tell me to get to bed before disappearing into the kitchen. I didn't have it in me to argue, and sleeping didn't really seem like such a bad idea. I could hear my brother snoring from his bedroom as I walked into my room and shut my door. I fell into bed, still fully clothed, unsure of how badly I felt over the way Ville was steadily infiltrating a part of me that I'd only ever let Jordan see.

Chapter 20 Killing Loneliness

It has been three days since Dee and Bam left, Jo went over to April and Phil to see if they could help with the wedding. Dee called two days ago and said that the printers office would send everything over within two days, so today would be the day that the wedding invitations will arrive.

‘April? Can you help me with booking everyone a flight to Finland? We have to book 17 flights since the rest of the people are already in Finland’ ‘Sure hun, come on, let’s go over to the computer. We will figure something out’ She said while grabbed Jo by the hand. ‘Oh you know.. maybe we could hire a private jet. Isn’t that cheaper?’ Jo asked ‘Yes we should do that. I’ll arrange it’ ‘Okay, but we’re paying for it haha’ Jo said smiling. ‘We have to get the plane for the 20^th so we have about 7 days to let everyone know what is going on. We have to send out the invitations if they will come today’ Jo said. ‘Okay but first I have to ask, and don’t get me wrong but you got bigger.. Are you pregnant?’ April asked with her eyes shifting to Jo’s belly and then Jo’s eyes. Jo blushed a little and then a huge smile appeared on her face ‘Yes, Ville and I are expecting a baby and we have to think of a way to tell our parents’ Jo said to April who couldn’t stop smiling widely. After a couple of minutes she said ‘Hold on.. first we’ll arrange the private jet and then we’ll talk about telling your mom’ Jo just sat next to her thinking about how to tell her parents. She was sure her sister wouldn’t approve of it but what could Nancy possibly do about it. Jo found herself waking up from a daydream when she heard April talking to someone on the phone. April was taking care of the plane and when she hung the phone she told Jo that it was all settled. The 20^th of this month they could go to Finland with 19 people. ‘Now we can talk about the baby. How long have you been pregnant? Have you thought of something about how to tell your mom?’ She asked. ‘11 weeks now, and yes I have but I think it’s lame..’ ‘What is it?’

‘I’ll show you what Ville gave me okay, just a sec’ Jo said while getting up walking toward the car where she kept her purse. When Jo came back she showed the little green baby bodysuit to April and Phil. ‘Aww, that is so cute!’ April said while grabbing the little bodysuit. ‘Well I was thinking about getting the same one but only it has to say I love my grandparents..’ Jo explained but then April started shaking her head ‘No, you shouldn’t do that, why don’t you call them and just say it like it is? You know if Bam and Dee ever expect to have a little one I hope they just tell me, not with to much things around..’

‘I can’t just call them I want to have Ville around. I think we should tell them together if we don’t send out a present, haha. I’m like so scared that my dad is going to be mad at me’ Jo said. ‘Why would he be mad?’ Phil asked with a frown on his face. ‘Well he probably thinks that we get married for the baby’s sake if we tell them before the wedding. You know, with my parents it can go both ways, or they will be very happy or they will be very angry at me. But my mom said that she and my dad were happy that we’re getting married’ Jo said.  ‘See, if they are happy that you’re getting married why wouldn’t they be happy that they’re going to be grandparents?’ Phil asked. ‘I would love to have grandkids’ April said with a big smile across her face while Phil nodded a yes. ‘Okay. But you have to promise me, if you run into them in town don’t tell anything. I’ll call my mom tonight. I have to go back now. By the way, have you heard anything from Bam yet?’ Jo asked while getting up. ‘Yes he called us last night, he said it was much fun to be at Dee’s moms house. They’ve been skating and stuff.. so it’s going well’ April told Jo who was smiling widely. ‘Okay good it means that Dwayne didn’t kill him haha. Well I’m off now. See you later okay?’ Jo asked while walking to the front door waving April and Phil goodbye. ‘See you!!’ April yelled after Jo and then she heard the door close.

‘Aww, I’m so happy for Ville and Jo. Do you think they thought of a name yet?’ April asked Phil. ‘Don’t be silly woman, it’s to early to think of a name’. They argued for a while before April went cleaning the house and Phil got back to his work.

Back in the house the guys were still filming some bits for the show but they couldn’t do much since Bam was out of town. Jo pulled up at the driveway and parked the car where there was a open place left. Jo got out of the car and she saw Ryan walking up to her ‘Hay Ry! What’s up?’ ‘There is a package in the mail for you’ he said while walking back inside with Jo.

Jo saw the box and figured out that the invitations had arrived. Jo opened he box with Ryan standing next to her ‘WHAAAAAAAAH!!!! Those are awesome!!! How did Dee knew that?’ Jo yelled and screamed while running around the house jumping up and down. ‘Calm down! Come here and show me!’ Ryan tried but Jo just stuck out her tongue and ran upstairs with the box.

Jo grabbed her phone and called Dee. It didn’t took long for Dee to answer ‘Hay hun! How are you?’ she asked ‘Dee! You’re amazing! I got the invitations in the mail today and they look awesome! Just what I wanted. I mean every single one of them is in a little black box with the two silver hearts engraved on top and when they open it they have to make the puzzle before they came see what it means. Whaaaaaah I’m like so happy right now!’ Jo said while she jumped on her bed with the box in front of her placing all the little boxes around her. ‘I’m glad you like it. Now send them out before your time is up haha. Do you miss us already? How’s the house? Is it still in one piece? What did you do today?’ Dee asked.

‘Duh of course I miss you guys. The house is good, it’s still whole and alive haha. I went over to Ape and Phil’s today. We booked a flight for all of you on the 20^th’ Jo told Dee. ‘That sounds good hun! Tell me more tomorrow, I have to go now, my mom, Kaley and I are going shopping’ ‘Oh wait.. How’s Bam?’ Jo asked. ‘My Bammie is fine, having a great time with Seth. I really have to go now Jo. Bye hun! Love you!’ Dee said ‘Love you too! Bye!’ and with that they both hung up the phone. Jo then decided to call Ville but no one answered. Jo shrugged her shoulders and got up from the bed.

Jo walked downstairs and made herself something to eat. She just sat down at the table when her mom called ‘Hi mom. Something wrong?’ Jo asked. ‘When were you planning on telling me the big news?’ Catherine demanded. ‘That depends.. what is it you heard?’ Jo trying not to give it away that easily ‘Well, a certain someone send me and your dad a dozen roses, eleven pink ones and one deep red one. The card said Eleven pink ones from your baby and one red one from ours.

And Ville called me to ask if we got the flowers.. so now you tell me..’ Catherine said. Jo paused for a while ‘Uhm.. ha! Yeah I guess I can tell you now, I was planning on telling you guys tonight, I was probably coming over but now you already know.. yes I’m pregnant, you guys are going to be grandparents!!! Whaaah isn’t it awesome?!’ Jo explained. ‘Where are you now?’ She asked. “I’m at Bam’s , I have to babysit the house for a couple of days, why?’ Jo asked ‘I’m on my way! Bye!’ Catherine said and hung up the phone before Jo could respond

Jo didn’t know what to expect now, her mom didn’t sound mad but not happy either. Jo ate her meal and went outside to find the guys still filming.

‘Ryan?! Can you come her for a sec?’ Jo asked. ‘Yeah what is it?’ Ryan asked while walking over ‘Listen, my mom is coming over and I have now idea how she will react, will you stay close? You know my mom is a bit of a lunatic right haha..’ Jo asked Ryan who was laughing ‘Yeah I know, don’t worry haha’ and he went back to the crew. Jo sat herself down on the skate ramp and tried to call Ville again. this time he did answer his phone ‘Hello love. How are you? Sorry I didn’t answer your call before, I was busy talking to Seppo’ he said. ‘Aww don’t worry about it. Listen I wanted to tell you that the invitations are here and they are awesome thanks to Dee’ Jo said. ‘Sounds good. Well I’m sure I will see them when Seppo and the band get them. Did you talk to your mom?’ Ville said chuckling. ‘Yes, she just called me about five minutes ago and she’s on her way over here. Thanks a lot by the way for that’ ‘For what? Something not good?’ he asked in a worry now. ‘I don’t know, she is really weird. First she sounded mad for not telling her and then her voice turned into happiness and then she told me with a blank voice that she’s coming over. I don’t know what to expect, but Ry is here and he knows my mom so I guess it will turn out fine’ Jo said while getting up from the skate ramp and walking  toward the tree top casino where she was alone. ‘I think so too, what can she do about it? Disown you? Haha..’ Ville said not taking it very serious. ‘That is one option haha, now let’s not talk about that anymore, I have to do that when she gets here. Honey? Are you alone right now? I wanted to ask you something..’ Jo asked ‘Yeah I’m back home right now so I’m alone.. what is it you wanted to ask?’ ‘Well.. I was wondering did you think of a name for our baby already?’ ‘Isn’t that a bit soon? Well there a two names stuck in my head for a while now but I don’t want to tell you over the phone. I’ll tell you when you get here. So how are Bam and Dee?’ Ville asked quickly trying to change the subject ‘They are doing great. Why don’t you want to tell me? And why is it too early?’ Jo asked changing back the subject ‘Well it is too early since there are a lot of things that could go wrong.. and I don’t want to tell it over the phone’ Ville told Jo. ‘Oh okay..now I’ve thought of two names myself and now I’m not telling you either’ Jo said sticking out her tongue know that Ville couldn’t see it ‘Oh what I wanted to say before I have to hang up’ Jo continued ‘I think it’s really sweet that you send my parents the roses’ ‘Aww thank you darling. I also send my parents the roses and they loved it. They are so excited and they can’t wait until the wedding’ Ville said. ‘I can’t wait either. Fourteen days is too long to wait. But I have to go now, I just heard Ryan calling out my name, I believe my mom is here. I love you baby’ ‘I love you too sweetheart. Bye’ and they hang up the phone.

Jo walked downstairs out of the tree top casino and found Ryan waiting at the bottom. ‘Your mom is here, she is waiting for you in the kitchen’ he said while he looked at Jo walking down the last to steps of the stairs. ‘Is she mad?’ Jo asked worried. ‘You’ll be surprised to see what her state is right now’

They walked toward the house into the kitchen. Ryan opened the door for Jo who walked in first. Jo saw her mom standing at the kitchen table with a huge plastic box. ‘Mom, what is this?’ Jo asked when she reached the table. ‘I’m giving this to you and Ville. I kept your stuff from when you were little, clothes and toys and everything. I have a similar box for Nancy too for when they every decide to have kids’ Catherine said while taking the lit off and showing the tiny clothes. ‘Mom? Are u serious? How do u feel about me being pregnant?’ Jo asked curious ‘I’m super happy for you guys. but why didn’t you tell me right away. I’m kind of disappointed in you’ ‘We didn’t tell you guys because we wanted to get used to the idea first. Did you tell dad already? And I wanted to ask you if you could come with me to the post office. We have to send out the invitations for the wedding, oh wait that reminds me I have to book grams a flight, I don’t want her to be in the same plane as the CKY crew haha. I’ll be right back, make yourself comfortable’ Jo said running upstairs to her laptop. Jo booked a flight in minutes and ran downstairs with a little black box in her hands. She handed out he box to her mom ‘Here you go. You and dad have the first invitation’. Catherine examined the little box before opening. ‘Beautiful’ was the first thing she said before she opened it. ‘What is this? A puzzle?’ she asked ‘Yeah mom, a puzzle. And tell Dee it’s beautiful when she’s back, Dee was the one with the idea haha’ Jo told her mom while she looked at her putting the puzzle together. Ryan sat next to Catherine with his eyes on the invitation ‘It’s really pretty. That is an awesome picture of you and Ville’ he said when the puzzle was done. Catherine let a tear fall out of her eye when she saw the whole thing in one piece. Jo got up and hugged her mom ‘I love you mom’ ‘I love you too’ Catherine said before getting up, she wanted to grab the box from the table to bring it upstairs but Ryan insisted that he should do that. Catherine and Jo walked behind him toward the guest bedroom where Jo has been sleeping for a couple of weeks now. Catherine’s eyes filled up with tears again when she saw all the stuff that Dee and Jo already bought ‘Aww, look at this, and this, aww it’s so cute, exactly your style..’ she said while grabbing the little clothes from the shelf in the closet. ‘Yeah Dee and I went shopping and Dee got a little crazy with it..’ Jo told her mom while showing her a tiny black beanie ‘Why a little crazy? You need all this you know’ ‘Haha, Dee told me the same thing. Can we go to the post office now, I want to send out the invitations to Finland today’ Jo said while she took her mom by the arm. Catherine and Ryan followed and Ryan closed the door behind him. Once downstairs Jo grabbed her keys and walked outside saying her goodbye’s to the rest of the crew.

Jo pushed the button on her key that will unlock the doors so her mom and she could get in.

They drove off toward town. Catherine told Jo to stop at her grandmothers house to bring her the good news and the invitation. Jo pulled up in front of the post office and went inside to send out the invitations. The lady helped her and Jo was back outside within half an hour. After that they stopped at Jo’s grandma’s house.

Jo’s grandma almost cried when she got the invitation to go to Finland and when she heard the big news she really had to sit down for a while. Jo told her that she didn’t had the same flight as everybody else but she was going on the same flight as Jo. Jo went a day before the rest went to Finland so grandma had only six days to get her stuff ready.

The afternoon past and Catherine and Jo decided to go home. Grandma had been talking the whole day about what she was going to wear and stuff like that. Jo had a great time and seeing her grandma doing so good made her happy.

Catherine drove back to castle Bam since Jo was to tired to drive. The engine of her bmw made her sleepy and soon she dozed off .

Catherine pulled up in front of the house and called Ryan to come outside. Ryan came walking out ‘What do you want me to do?’ he asked seeing Jo still sleeping in the front car seat. ‘Can you lift her up to her bedroom or something so she can sleep further? Then I’ll go back to my house’ Catherine asked before hugging Ryan and leaving the car keys with him. She walked toward the other side of the car and kissed Jo on the top of her head, then she walked to her own car and drove off.

Ryan tried to lift up Jo but she woke up. ‘Hay Ry, what are you doing?’ she asked with a sleepy voice ‘Uhm I was trying to take you up to your room but you woke up’ he answered ‘Where is my mom?’ Jo asked while getting out of the car herself ‘She went home’ Ryan said while putting arm around Jo’s waist to support her unbalanced body. ‘Let’s get you upstairs and in bed’ he said.

They walked up the stairs and Jo feel asleep as soon as she felt her head on the pillow. Ryan took off her shoes and put a spare blanket over her. He looked once more before leaving the room.

Chapter 11 you make me feel special.

Part 1.

Jo woke up because of her phone buzzing in her pocket. When she looked around she saw everyone was still asleep in the plain. She flipped her phone open and saw she got a text from Dee she raised her eyebrows and opened it. 'It happened' was all the text said.  Jo's eyes widen the second she read it and the second after she stood up and turned around to look behind her to the seat Dee was sitting. Dee looked up from her phone to Jo and smiled. 'Hello sleepyhead' she said to Jo who smiled back. 'With it you mean you know?' Jo asked Dee and she nodded yes back. 'Wow that was uhh.. fast Dee .. I mean I know you.. how long was it that Jay had to wait' Jo said grinning. 'well long.. but well... I really like Jyrki as in.. I think he is the one you know for real.' Dee said while putting her phone back in her pocket. The girls talked some more for over an hour until Dee finally started yawning and telling Jo she was going to sleep. Jo already having her eyes at her feet agreed and returned sitting down and putting her head on Jussi's shoulder. 3 hours later everyone was woken by the stewardess who told them they were near the airport. Dee not waking up turned around and put her hoodie over her head not even in the mood to wake. 'Daremo you have to wake my love we are nearly there' Jyrki said to her while trying to shake her and turn her around. Dee didn't cooperate and turned around again now pulling her legs up in the chair. 'aww Jyrki leave her for a moment.. she hasn't slept that much the entire flight so she what slept for 2 maybe 3 hours.' Jo said to Jyrki who looked at Jo with huge eyes. 'she has been awake almost the entire flight? She is insane well I hope she can cope with Bam Margera then since he is directing the video.' Jyrki said to Jo who started grinning happily. 'Bam is directing?? Wow I would love to meet him well that means if I get to meet him.' Jo said while already putting some things back into her bag. 'off course you will meet Bam.. your coming with me to the set or else I am not going.' Jussi said while giving Jo a morning kiss. Dee in the meantime still refused to wake up. It wasn't until Jyrki started humming to her that she started giggling and stuck her head into view from under her hoodie. 'Ha! .. I knew you couldn't resist that love.. how are you feeling today?' Jyrki asked her while softly touching the bruise she got from Jay which was now becoming lighter and lighter. 'So I get to meet the skater? Wow that's awesome I can't wait to get of the plain now.. how many days are we shooting?' Jo asked Jussi in the meantime while Dee snuggled up against Jyrki fumbling with his left hand. 'Better.. so are we almost there yet?' Dee asked in a harsh voice she always got in the morning while waking up. 'We are shooting for 2 and a half days.. so loads of fun in Hollywood!' Jussi said to Jo who was messing with his hair now. 'we will land soon enough.. so are you coming with us to the set or are you dropping of your brother first?' Jyrki asked her while she got out her phone to check the time it was earlier. 'Dropping of william first and then I will come to the set.. Jojo are you coming with me or are you going with the boys?' Dee asked Jo while fumbling again with Jyrki's hand. Jo got up from her chair and turned around in the seat to look at Dee. 'well I was thinking of going with the boys.. but only if you don't mind I mean do you need me or not?' Jo asked. 'hmm no it's okay just wondering since I'm stopping by my place to get some things.. but its okay you go with the boys.' Dee smiled at Jo. Jo smiled back and sat back into her chair.

The plain landed and everyone got out and got their luggage. They walked up to the exit where a Van was waiting for them to pick them up. Next to the Van stood Joseph one of the directors of the video. William and Dee stopped a cab and Dee kissed Jyrki goodbye while getting in the cab taking her luggage with her. 'are you sure you want to take your luggage with you love?' Jyrki asked her. 'yes I have way to much stuff with me and I need some other things before I dump the rest at my place.. see you in a few hours alright?' Dee answered him before kissing him and closing the cab door. Jyrki sighed and walked towards the others to get into the van. 'why the sad face Jyrki?' Jo asked him in surprise since he looked a little down. 'ohh nothing just missing minun rakkauteni.' He said while he sat down in the van. Everyone half laughed. 'ohh dude you got it bad for her.' Bazie said while patting Jyrki's shoulder. They drove over to the location where Bam was already waiting for them to show up. They all greeted the skater and Jussi introduce Jo to him. 'Hey Bam this is Jo my girlfriend.. she is a fan off course' Jussi said half grinning while looking at Jo who blushed a little. 'hey Jo nice to meet you.. so how on earth do you manage to keep Jussi.' Bam joked while shaking her hand. Jo started laughing while Jussi made a face. 'Pff I have no idea.. I guess I have a lot of patience then.' Jo answered him. They then got into the location and Bam showed the guys around the set was heavily influenced by the guys favourite movie Lost Boys. With huge green screens to create the backgrounds. 'wow amazing set Bam.. you guys took some effort making this.' Jyrki said while walking around on set. 'Thanks we start filming in the afternoon since it is only 9 in the morning now and we need to shoot a lot at night to you know for the bar scenes and all so if you guys want to see some of town you can go now or whatever.' Bam said while sitting down lightening a cigarette. 'Ohh cool to me I need some more sleep if we are making it a all nighters.' Timo said while lightening one to. 'Sounds good to us Bam we need the sleep but I have to wait here first.' Jyrki said while getting out his phone texting Dee. 'For who does he have to wait?' Bam asked Jussi who was sitting nearest. 'His girlfriend..' Jussi answered him and Bam raised his eyebrows. 'He has a girlfriend? Your kidding right? Jyrki and a girlfriend now that is interesting' Bam said while grinning. Jo just shook her head at the two of them grinning probably having a inside joke she thought. They started talking about the plans of what they where going to do this afternoon and in the night. Jo just hung back in the sofa she and Jussi where sitting on and listened with her attention more to her I-pod which she had on.

Meanwhile back in Hollywood Dee and William reached Williams apartment and had dropped of his stuff and took his car over to Santa Monica so that Dee could get hers. 'So are you sure you can manage without me?? I know you kid you freak out fast.' William said to her and she just sighed. 'I'll be fine William I promise.. it will only be difficult in the beginning but I'll get use to it.. I mean I didn't freak out when I went over to Finland on my own you know.' Dee said while grinning widely. 'okay just to make sure and all you know I trust you kid.' William said and messed up Dee's hair. 'wow kid you need to do your hair again the pink is fading in the back here.' William said to make her pout at him. 'I know alright but when?? I have like no time you know!' Dee said laughing now when they pulled up on her driveway of her apartment building. They got in and Dee started unpacking and repacking her stuff quickly throwing stuff away she never wore since Jyrki half bought her a new wardrobe. After a hour she was done with some help of her brother. They where drinking coffee when Dee got the idea to go to a hairdressers now. 'ohh god William please come with me I know you hate those places but I don't want to go alone my hair takes a little of forever you know... please..' Dee begged her brother to come with her even showing her puppy eyes to him now. William rolled his eyes at her and then gave her a smile. 'Fine I'll come with you.. but if it takes longer than 2 hours I'm out kid!' He said while Dee got up from the chair she was sitting in grabbing her bag and suitcase. She managed to keep only one suitcase but with enough of Jyrki's bought clothes in it so that she wont hurt his feelings for not bringing it. 20 minutes later they pulled up at the hairdressers in Hollywood. Dee got overexcited when she walked in she loved this places they always did amazing haircuts and stuff. The girl smiled and greeted them when they walked in and William took a seat in the waiting area. 'Okay babe what can I do for you today? More pink?' The girl asked Dee. Dee looked over to William and gestured to him to get over. 'Will what shall I do? I was thinking about all black again with Purple strands in the back?' Dee looked at her brother and he grinned. 'All black again? Wow haven't seen you with black hair in what 3 or 4 years I like the idea though kid but as you know every colour suits you so.' William answered her and sat down in the chair next to her instead of the waiting area one. 'Okay good black it is then and I want some more layers in my hair... a little wild like with bangs but the back has to stay long.. hmm yeah I'm up for bangs that's over 2 years ago that I had those.' Dee said all happily while grinning and the girl got out the stuff. 2 hours later Dee was done and looked completely different then when she walked in 2 hours ago. 'Ha! Like I said kid you look good in every colour although I really like the black.. what do you think Jyrki will say?' William asked and Dee burst out into laughter. 'Ha completely forgot about that .. I have no idea I will find out soon enough though the location is only 15 minutes from here.' Dee said while the 2 of them got in the car. In the car Dee texted Jyrki it said : please don't freak out!! Xo.

Jyrki received Dee's text a little minute later and read it while frowning. 'Hmm that's weird..' he said out loud while reading it again. 'What is? Did something happen to Dee?' Jo asked and everyone looked tense into Jyrki's direction. 'Uhh I don't know she just texted me this.' Jyrki said while showing the text to Jo who started giggling the second she read it. 'Ohh god... nothing happened you'll see.' Jo said while sitting back again. William dropped Dee of and Dee hugged him and kissed his cheek before getting out the car. ' Thanks Will.. I will miss you but I'll keep in touch okay and as soon as we are around here somewhere I'll contact you okay?! I love you!' Dee said to him while releasing him from the hug. 'Sure do kid! I love you to and I will miss you. You're my world remember that!' William said and Dee closed the car door and he drove of with Dee waving after the car. 'Well here we go then.' Dee said while dragging her suitcase after her and her bag on her back. She opened the door of the building and walked in looking around of where she had to go. She saw Joseph again and stopped him. 'Hey I know you .. Hay I'm Dee the girl from the airport I was pink first.' She said while introducing her self. 'Ohh yeah hi .. wow almost didn't recognise you.. I'm Joseph.. are you looking for the others?' he asked her while looking at her from head to toe. 'Uhh yes could you tell me where they are at?' Dee asked and he grinned gesturing her to follow him. Dee followed him all the way to the back of a hallway he saw her half fighting her luggage and offered to take the suitcase. Dee handed it over and followed him. They then half walked into a door that said Bands dressing room. 'Okay here it is.. do you need some more help?' he asked her while Dee took of her sunglasses to make him even more stare at her. 'Uhh no thanks you did enough already so just through this door then?' Dee asked him while pointing at the door taking over her suitcase again. He nodded yes and walked out of sight. Dee took a breath and pushed down the door handle while pushing open the door and walked in. She looked around the room a little out of breath of all the walking and fighting her luggage and smiled. 'Hey guys sorry it took so long had some thing to take care of.' She said while half the rooms mouths dropped. 'Wow.. nice hairdo chick!!' Jo said and walked up to Dee first to give her a hug. 'Ohh yeah the hair. Thanks.. so uhh.' Dee said still looking around the room cheerfully. Jyrki was right in front of her scanning her with his eyes while grinning. 'Minun Rakkauteni.. you look absolutely beautiful as always.' He said to her while putting his hands and arms around her waist pulling her closer to him. Dee just dropped her bag and suitcase and leaned against his chest while he kissed her. 'That's his girlfriend?' Bam asked Bazie who stood next to him. 'Ha! Yes that's Dee we told you she was alright.' Bazie answered him. 'Wow... she is freaking hot.. I mean I'm jealous right now.' Bam grinned while walking over to them. Jyrki let go of Dee and introduced her to Bam. 'Love this is Bam Margera.. Bam this is my girlfriend Daremo.' Jyrki said while Bam took Dee's hand and gave her a hand kiss. 'Aww just call me Dee everyone does so.. nice to meet you Bam.' Dee said while he released her hands. 'Nice to meet you to.. I'm guessing you changed over the last 3 hours or so since half the room is staring at you with huge eyes. ' Bam said while Dee chuckled. 'Oh yeah I did a little 3 hours ago I was pink.' Dee said and bam smiled. 'So what were you guys doing before I entered the room?' Dee asked while Jyrki guided her over to the big chair he had been sitting in pulling her on his lap into his arms. He never kept his eyes of her completely while twisting a lock of her new hair around his fingers and stroking her almost gone bruise every now and then. Dee didn't seem to notice any of it anymore she got use to it. Bam started explaining what they wanted to do for the video and she loved hearing the concept of it. 'wow that sounds amazing.. I loved the lost boys movie so I think it is absolutely great that your making a video like it.' Dee said while smiling. 'well we start shooting around 5 and it's 12 now so.. you can get some more sleep or something like that if you want to.' Bam said to everyone once again. 'Ohh god sleep please for me I have slept like what 3 hours in the plain.' Dee said while chuckling. Jo agreed with Dee to go to the hotel and get some sleep. 'You need the sleep Jussi.. believe me.' Jo said while Jussi was already walking around again half hyper. 'Okay. What ever you want then we will go to sleep.' Jussi said walking over to Jo grabbing her hand and pulling her up from the sofa.       

Once they checked in and got their room keys everyone got dead tired. They all walked up to their rooms and got into bed real fast. Jyrki helped Dee with her suitcase into their room. She spotted the bed and let herself drop on it while looking up at the ceiling. 'Crap' she then said and got up again. 'what are you doing love?' Jyrki asked her while following her into the bathroom. 'Taking of my make-up and stuff I don't want the sheets to get ruined.' Dee said while washing her face. Jyrki just waited for her to be done and followed her back into the bedroom. Dee sat down on the bed and took of her hoodie and pants throwing them over a chair and opened the covers. 'No pyjama's??' Jyrki asked her with his right eyebrow lightly raised while looking at her. 'Hmm no takes to much effort to get it all out my luggage now so.. and besides you already seen me naked so it's no big deal.' Dee said while throwing the covers over herself. Jyrki smirked and got into the bed as well wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck and collarbone before dozing of into sleep with her. At Jussi's and Jo's room was a different story.  Jo tried to get some sleep but Jussi was so hyper he couldn't leave her alone. 'Jussi please get some sleep.. stop that! Jussi!!' Jo laughed while Jussi continued poking her in her side. 'I can't sleep right now I have to much energy..' Jussi said while kissing Jo. Jo rolled her eyes and sat up in the bed. 'Okay then what do you want to do then?' she asked him while poking him back. Jussi pretended to sank into thoughts but looked at Jo real fast with a cheeky grin on his face. 'Well..' he said while pulling Jo closer and kissing her passionately.  It only felt like seconds to Jo that he got rid of her clothes and was pulling her on top of him while still kissing her intense. Jo kissed him back while sliding her hands into his hair. He then switched and was on top of her moving his lips down to her neck while she moaned softly into his ear which gave him the intention to make the next move. He was very tender taking his time to ride more into the moment. Jo never experienced this side of Jussi and enjoyed every moment that ticked by. A hour later they both finally doze of into sleep with Jo laying in Jussi's arms.

Back in the rest of the hotel Dee had woke up again with Jyrki talking. She sighed and got up and went for a quick shower. While drying her hair with a towel she heard a knock on the door. She walked towards the door and opened it finding Timo Timo outside of it. 'Hey Timo.. can I help you with something?' Dee asked him while gesturing him to come in. 'Hmm no actually surprised someone opened the door.. I can't go to sleep weird enough I'm to excited for the video so.. how about you I see you just went under the shower.' He pointed at Dee wrapped in a big towel. 'Ohh sorry I forgot give me a few okay be right back.. and well if Jyrki wakes up well yeah then he wakes up.' Dee said while going back into the bathroom giggling. Timo looked around the room and saw Jyrki still asleep in the huge bed they had.a few minutes later as she said Dee came out of the bathroom dressed again. 'So did he wake up yet?' Dee asked Timo and he nodded no. 'Pff for the love of god... Jyrki.. wake up!! You have like a hour left to get ready... Jyrki..' Dee shook him but he didn't respond. Dee looked over at Timo and shrugged her shoulders. 'I guess he doesn't want to wake up then.. hmm let's go.' Dee said to Timo and was about to walk away when she felt a pair of arms wrapping around her and pulling her back into the bed. 'Holy shit! Woooow!' Dee said when she fell back and Jyrki laughed. 'sorry love .. did I scare you?' he said to her while kissing her cheek. 'No you didn't but please get up to get ready.. you have 55 minutes left now.. Timo and I will wait in the lobby okay ?' Dee said while unwrapping his arms again and getting up to get her purse again. 'Okay.. so your leaving me here all by myself.. no just kidding my love I will see you in the lobby.' He said while getting up and walking towards the bathroom. 'Dude!! Next time please wear some clothes for gods sake!' Timo said while he walked out the door with Dee who giggled. Jyrki smirked and got under the shower. While walking down the hall Dee and Timo knocked on everyone's door to see if they where already awake. The only had success with Archzie since Bazie , Jo and Jussi where all not responding. 'we can text them later.. are you coming with us Archzie?' Timo asked him. 'Sure sure see you down in a few have to change first and put my shoes on.' Archzie said while closing the door again. 'Hmm okay well shall we then?' Timo asked Dee holding out his arm. Dee laughed and slid her arm under his and they walked down the stairs into the lobby. Once in the lobby they sat down at a table by the hotel window to look out at the people on the street. 'want one?' Dee asked Timo offering him a cigarette. 'Ohh don't mind if I do... so are you coming with us to the video shoot?' Timo asked her Dee looked up and smiled. 'Off course don't want to miss it all and as I saw you guys have to ride motorcycle's in front of a green screen that must look hilarious... and well Bam asked me and Jo for the bar scenes if we wanted to be in it sort of.' Dee answered him. They talked some more and a few minutes later where joined by Archzie and Bazie. 'Hey you woke up to?' Timo asked him. 'well yeah Archzie over here was being a little to loud knocking things over while getting dressed.. besides I have to be up anyway to arrange everything you know.' Bazie said sitting down next to Dee who gave him a kind smile. 'Good afternoon B!.. whaah I like your shirt' Dee said to him pointing towards the zombie shirt he was wearing. Bazie grinned widely before answering. 'Well thank you I like your outfit to.. when did you get the brilliant idea to wear it?' Bazie said to her. 'What you guys have seen me in a skirt before... okay I was more punk then and look more Goth now..' Dee said laughing while sipping her coffee. It didn't take long for Jo , Jussi and Jyrki to join them. About 30 minutes later everyone was down in the lobby ready to go to the shooting location. 'Whoa!! Your wearing the boots.. do they hurt already?' Jo said while pointing towards the boots when Dee walked up to her giving her a hug. 'Ha! Look who's talking miss I'm trying the heels again.. and no they don't hurt funny enough.' Dee said while they walked towards the van that was driving them to their location. They all got in and drove of towards it. Once pulled up front of the building Bam was already waiting outside for them. He looked very hyper since he was to excited to shoot the video. 'Hey guys had some sleep. My my the lady's look beautiful as I may say.' He said while giving both Jo and Dee a hand kiss keeping his eyes a little longer on Dee. 'Ohh jeez..' Dee said while rolling her eyes and turned to Jyrki telling him something in French. Jyrki smirked he got Dee's message all right. 'well Bam Bam I see you like my girlfriend?' Jyrki said to Bam while wrapping a arm around Dee's waist who was grinning. 'Huh?? Ohh no I wouldn't dare she is yours so.' Bam said while quickly looking away feeling a little uncomfortable since he did like Dee. 'well let's make this video!' Jo said trying to change the vibe in the room. Everyone laughed then and they went to shoot the video.  Jo and Dee just hung back watching the guys do their work. 'Ha! Looks like Bam liked you.' Jo said to Dee while giving her a elbow in the arm. 'Ha.. pff I don't know don't care really only got eyes for my vampire over there.' Dee said while Jyrki looked at them sitting on the ground in a corner. They where offered chairs but the girls refused them and sat down on the floor instead. The band shots were done and now Jyrki had to stand alone in front of the green screen shooting some scenes. 'Omg  he is checking himself in the camera lens.' Jo said while Jussi , TT and Bazie joined them Archzie had tog o to the bathroom. 'Yeah for some strange reason he always does that when there is no mirror around.' Jussi said while wrapping a arm around Jo's shoulders. 'Ohh that's just bad.. I mean Bam is talking to him and he is checking himself in the camera.' Jo said while both she and Dee started laughing. While they were having fun Jyrki had a hard time focusing on what he was suppose to do. 'Jyrki?? Hello.. your not doing it right where are you looking at?' Bam said while he yelled cut to the camera guys and walked over towards Jyrki. He then saw that Jyrki was looking into the others direction. 'Are you guys kidding me your like done for 5 minutes and your already drinking!' Dee said while laughing when Bazie handed her a bottle. 'don't tell me that you are distracted by her?' Bam asked Jyrki. Jyrki smirked 'sorry a little I will try to focus so just walk that way and do my thing with the camera.' Jyrki answered him while taking a glance over to Dee. 'Pff that's it!!... Dee!! Can you come over here for a second?' Bam yelled over to the group while laughing at Jyrki. Dee got up still holding the bottle and walked over giggling. 'You called??' Dee said while chuckling. 'Uhh yes can you do something for me.. well let's put this down and sorry.. can you stand over here a little.' Bam said while taking the bottle from Dee and moving her somewhat next to the camera. 'Uhh okay.. but why do you need me  to stand next to a camera?' Dee asked Bam who smiled. 'since vampboy over here isn't concentrating enough he keeps looking over at you guys instead of doing his job.' Bam answered while gesturing to Jyrki to start walking again. Dee just smiled and watched. The shot went prefect now and Jyrki flirted more with Dee than with the camera making her chuckle even more. When Bam called it's a wrap for the shot Jyrki was so hyper and eager to put his hands around Dee that he almost knocked the two of them to the ground. 'Omg love.. here have a drink.' Dee said while handing him the bottle and kissing him once. Which he wasn't satisfied with and slid his hand behind her neck and pushed her face closer to his and kissed her again for a longer period. 'Hmm better let's go party!' Jyrki said while letting go of a half stunned Dee and taking her hand pulling her after him. 'Great where are we going?' Jussi asked way to hyper for a party. 'Uhh let's go to the rainbow bar!' Bazie answered and they all agreed. 'Guys wait I'll bring the camera if it's alright by you we can shoot that scene then and tomorrow the bridge and all.' Bam said while telling Joseph already to bring the camera.

Down in the rainbow bar the drinking really started and Dee was watching with huge eyes. She never saw any of them drink this much the drinking they did after their gigs seemed like Childs play now. 'are you joking me? Jojo are we the only ones sober now?' Dee asked Jo while not even thinking of touching her drink now. 'Huh what?? Sorry honey.. yeah I guess you sort of are since I'm getting a little bit light headed to here.' Jo answered her while sitting down at the bar with Dee. 'great'Dee said back to Jo chuckling a little. She looked around the bar and was looking for Jyrki but didn't seem to find him. 'Super great!' Dee said sarcastic now. She sighed and walked outside and slid down the wall near the door. She lit up a cigarette and looked around in Hollywood it looked kind of amazing to her again and she wondered why she ever left here. She then saw and heard the door opening again. 'Dee are you out here?'                  

Chapter 19  You know I love you too.

‘your fucking kidding me right?!’ Dee yelled from her and Bam’s room upstairs. Jo opened her eyes and got up from the bed to walk towards their room. Dee sat on the bed holding her phone against her ear arguing with someone. Bam sat in the bed watching her and spotted Jo at the door he waved her to come in while shaking his head. Jo got in the room and sat herself on the bed next to Bam. ‘what’s wrong?? Did something happen?’ Jo asked Bam with confused eyes. ‘ohh yeah something happened the flight got cancelled so.. we are not leaving  tomorrow but 2 days later  something went wrong with the booking.. she is pissed.’ Bam said pointing towards Dee getting madder and madder at the person she was talking to at the phone. ‘ohh that’s no good.. I mean that means she will only have a week with her family… poor you’ Jo suddenly said to Bam while grinning. ‘How do you mean poor me? Ohh god please don’t tell me her brothers are that bad?’ Bam asked Jo who shook her head into a firm yes before bursting out into laughter. Her phone then ranged it was Ville and she excused herself from Bam and walked out the room. ‘Hello?’ ‘My darling!! I have missed your voice how do you feel today?’ Ville asked her. Jo explained everything that had happened between her and Dee and that they talked it through but that Dee was leaving her in a couple days to visit her family in Chicago. ‘Aww darling, I’m sorry to hear can’t you go to your mom instead then??’ Ville asked her. Jo froze on the spot she hadn’t told her mom yet that she was pregnant how on earth was she going to explain this to her mom when she got sick to her stomach in the morning. ‘uhh maybe I will, we’ll see I have to go now.. bye I love you!’ ‘I love you too sweetheart’ and they hang up the phone. Jo then started thinking again how was she going to tell this without having her parents freak out completely thinking she was only getting married to Ville because she was pregnant. ‘I’ll tell them soon enough but not yet.. after the wedding maybe’ Jo said to herself getting up from the chair she sat down in and walked up the stairs again towards Bam and Dee’s room to hear that Dee had stopped yelling and was now bugging Bam. ‘Babe!! What are we suppose to do… I can’t leave her here on her own.. we have to think of something’ she said to Bam who was sitting on top of her not letting her go or get to her phone. ‘we will figure something out.. so do you think your brothers will like me?’ he asked and Dee started laughing spotting Jo at the door. ‘ohh Jo come in.. I was about to tell Bam about my brothers.’ Dee said grinning ‘ohh that will be fun..’ Jo said getting in the room again sitting down next to the couple. Dee then took a deep breath and pulled on of her hands out of Bam’s grip. ‘well here it goes.. Michael my oldest brother you will love.. he is not that difficult I connect the most with him he’s the guy version of me and yes that is possible but he is overprotective well they all are but he is mainly the man of the house since my dad died 8 years ago’ Dee said eyeing Bam’s expression before continuing. ‘well Dwayne is a little difficult.. for some odd reason he doesn’t like skaters well he doesn’t like rock music either the weirdo listens to hip-hop all the time.. I call him a wigger every time he is around since he annoys me like a lot. And then you have Seth my twin.. well you will love him to since he is a skater/BMXer and adores rock music and me he actually thought me how to skate and he is only 2 minutes older than me the cool part is we look nothing alike.  But yeah those are my brothers two of them will love you probably well one of them I am absolutely sure and well one of them I don’t like myself either. So no big deal there.’ Dee said grinning. Jo then burst into laughter looking at Bam he was totally mind blown. ‘Aww Dee poor guy will be nervous as hell to meet your family and you didn’t even mention that they scared all your other boyfriends away.’ Jo said laughing so loud that Dee joined her. Bam’s head snapped up and looked at Jo. ‘All of them?? Are you serious?? I mean hello I’m marrying you and she just tells me that they scared all your other boyfriends off.’ Bam said with his eyes wide. ‘aw babe don’t worry that much they will not do that to you.. well they will try but they have to do with me then since I will be a pain to them if they try to and they hate that.’ Dee said calming Bam down wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him down to kiss her. Jo rolled her eyes and jumped of the bed still laughing. ‘I’ll go make us some breakfast.’ She said while heading down the stairs she still wasn’t comfortable with the fact when Dee and Bam got so close to each other she missed Ville even more having to face that.

Once downstairs Jo started making pancakes she was up for them. Well it at least was something her stomach could handle without freaking out and having her run to the bathroom. Jo picked up a plate and sat herself down at the table and was soon joined by Ryan and Raab. ‘Morning Jo how are you feeling today? Did Ville call you yet?’ Ryan asked her while sitting down getting himself some pancakes. ‘Ohh yeah he did, and I’m fine I feel way better today.’ Jo answered him. Ryan smiled and they talked some more about the wedding at Jo’s parents. Raab just sat there eating while Dico and Rake almost kicked down the door. ‘Good morning!!!’ Dico yelled through the house Jo started giggling and continued talking to Ryan. Bam then got downstairs followed by a annoyed Dee since they almost kicked the door out. ‘Ohh great Brandon now I have to get someone to fix this again!’ Dee said walking towards the door that was half hanging out of the frame. ‘Aww babe don’t worry we’ll just get a new door. So what brings you idiots here??’ Bam asked them. They laughed and pointed towards the cameramen. ‘Our new season remember?? They are filming all this shit.’ Dico said laughing half running around the room. ‘Ohh great well you guys uhh do your thing I’m on the phone.. Jo would you care to join me when I’m done with this I want to go shopping with you for babystuff.’ Dee said to Jo. ‘ohh really?? Oh okay awesome I’ll go get myself ready then.’ Jo said following Dee out of the kitchen upstairs to her room. Dee sat herself down in the living room dialing Jyrki’s number. It took several rings before he picked up. ‘Hello??’ ‘aww Jyrki.. good to hear your voice did you arrange everything yet??’ Dee asked him. The fin laughed at the way Dee greeted him and started informing her about the place Ville and Jo where getting married and that they where still playing the wedding. ‘Aww wonderful Jyr.. Kiitos.. ohh how I am uhm.. good little restless though’ Dee said towards him telling him Bam was about to meet her family. Jo then walked down the stairs and heard Dee talking some Finnish on the phone. She rushed down the stairs and sat quickly next to Dee. Dee snapped her gaze up and met Jo’s ‘Hold on a sec please… Jo it’s not Ville it’s Jyrki I’m talking to..’ Dee said to Jo and she relaxed and smiled in return. ‘Okay sorry.. just got overexcited.’ Jo answered Dee getting out her own phone texting Ville.  ‘aww it’s alright hun I understand now if you don’t mind..’ Dee said to her going back to the conversation with Jyrki. Dee had just put down her phone when Bam walked in the room. ‘Hey babe, what are you girls up to?’ Bam said walking over to her kissing her. ‘hmm shopping, baby is it alright if we uh.. take the hummer?? Since we have a lot of things to pick up for Jo.’ She said glancing over towards Jo who had her mouth hanging half open.  Bam smiled and handed her the keys to the hummer and kissed her again. Dee and Jo walked out and got into the hummer while driving towards Philly.

In Philly Dee went insane running into so many stores it made Jo half dizzy. ‘Dee  slow down!! Your making me dizzy! Haha.. do I seriously need all this stuff??’ Jo asked Dee seeing her pick out a thousand things at once. ‘Ohh believe me you do.. and I know.. remember me going shopping with Liz?? When she was pregnant with Dwayne’s child..’ ‘yes you where gone for 4 days then.. shopping everyday..’ Jo answered her while smiling remembering when Dee had gotten back she went half nuts since she was covered in babystuff for 4 days. ‘well yeah she had twice as much as we have now so.. ohh god look at the cute clothes!!’ Dee said holding up black baby clothes. Jo just rolled her eyes at her and followed her around the stores. At the end of the day they had absolutely everything you could imagine a baby needed. The hummer was packed.  ‘Your insane you know!!’ Jo said to Dee while they drove back to west Chester. ‘I think it’s the guilt .. I mean I’m leaving you soon and I don’t want to.. you have like no place to go.. and I certainly don’t want you to hang around with Ry all the time.. don’t get me wrong hun.. you know I love you a lot you’re my best friend..’ Dee said while they drove into the city. ‘it’s okay hun I wont get mad at you we talked this through and I will figure something out to do when your gone.. but you know I have to stay here I can’t go to my mom.. since I have no idea how they will react when they find out I’m pregnant..’ Jo said looking out the window having the same arguments again in her head about her family. They rode in silence for a bit both of them didn’t know what to say to another. Dee they pulled up at the drive and parked the car. ‘Okay let’s get your stuff out oh god I can’t wait to show it all to Bam.. I mean I want a little one to eventually and maybe this will give him some hints.’ Dee said grinning hopping out the hummer towards the back to open the trunk. ‘Hold on.. you want a little one to?? That is like awesome…’ Jo said helping Dee with the baby carriage they picked out. Dee nodded yes and giggled. ‘give me a sec okay I’ll get the guys. Be right back okay don’t move or lift or you know!!’ Dee yelled while getting inside the house. Jo laughed and got out her phone taking a picture of the carriage and the rest of the stuff in the hummer and send it over to Ville. She got a text back second later but before she could type one back her phone rang it was Ville. ‘Hello love did you see the picture’s?’ Jo asked him. Ville sounded really impressed and happy on the phone. ‘You got that all today?? Your insane I mean look at all the stuff it’s a lot my darling.. but it’s great Dee really is a shopping machine now isn’t she.’ Ville said to her and Jo chuckled. Dee then came walking out with Bam and the crew and pointed towards the hummer. ‘okay all of that we need to get in here.’ Dee said standing in the door opening.  Bam’s eyes grew big and he looked over at his soon to be wife. ‘Your kidding right you got that all today?’ Bam asked her Dee just smirked and walked over towards Jo gently pushing her to the side to get the carriage.  They brought all the stuff in without breaking any of it since Dee went nuts when they almost dropped something.

Days had passed fast and Dee and Bam had to leave today. Jo got up already feeling lonely and they weren’t even gone yet. She walked down the stairs into the kitchen to find everyone up and busy. She had to get out of the way of Ryan who walked passed with suitcases out the backdoor putting them in the hummer. Jo walked up to the fridge and got out something to eat. ‘Morning hun!! I’m so sorry for the hectic over here.. I hate this’ Dee said sitting down next to Jo at the kitchen table. ‘oh I don’t mind days went fast huh.. your leaving what in a hour or so?’ ‘yeah kind of now are you sure you can handle it for us to be gone for a week?? I left you my keys of the house and the keys of my lambo.. yes mine bam just gave it to me..’ Dee said holding up the keys for the purple Lamborghini. Jo grinned and took them out of her hands. ‘yup ready for it.. what’s a week anyway you’ll be back before I know it.’ Jo said while playing with the keys.  ‘good just checking you know since I know you need me right now.. I’m so sorry again for leaving you.’ Dee said getting up and putting her plate in the sink. Jo smiles and told Dee it was okay. The girls spend the next hour talking more about the wedding. That hour flew by as if it where seconds and Dee and Bam had to go. ‘See you in a week hun!! Love you and I will miss you!!’ Dee yelled out the window while the hummer drove of. ‘me to hun!! Get back soon!!’ Jo yelled after the hummer and got back inside the house.

Next day in Chicago Bam went extremely nervous when they pulled up in the driveway of Dee’s moms house. The main reason was that Dee’s mom and her 3 brothers where waiting outside. With their girlfriends for them to show up. ‘Oh god which one is who?? And oh my god they look like they can all kill me babe’ Bam said to Dee before they got out the car. Dee just chuckled and took his hand walking up towards her family. ‘Hey guys!! We made it.’ Dee said walking over to her mom to hug her ‘good to see you back dear .. ohh I guess this is Bam then?’ Dee’s mom asked Bam. ‘uhh yes I am nice to meet you ma’am.’ Bam said while holding out a hand Dee’s mom ignored that and gave him a big hug. ‘We don’t shake hands in this family we hug.. hmm Dee wasn’t lying about you.. you are very good looking.’ Dee’s mom said and made Bam almost blush. ‘okay babe let me introduce you to my brothers.. this is Michael and his girlfriend Kaley..’ Dee said Bam shook hands and hugged them both introducing himself.  Michael was very tall and had the same brown hair as Dee his girlfriend was the same height as Dee and blond she was very good looking. ‘Okay over here we have Dwayne and his fiancée Lizzy and their little girl Britt.’ Bam laughed from the inside since he already felt the vibe Dee had describe to him that he wouldn’t like Dwayne but he did like Lizzy and Britt both red haired looking very much alike.  ‘and over here we have Seth my twin as I told you we look nothing alike.. Seth this it Bam Margera.’  Dee said to Seth who got excited immediately. ‘Hey Bam nice to meet you and how awesome your going to be my brother in law!!’ Seth said to Bam giving him a hand and a hug.  Bam liked this boy he was the skater type alright with his baggy jeans and long dark brown hair under his beanie. Bam looked around and notice that non of them had the same eye color as Dee only her mother had the same green eyes. The rest of them all had brown eyes even her twin. ‘okay now since we introduced each other we can go inside and eat.’ Dwayne said towards the rest of them. Seth and Mike moaned immediately since they both wanted to skate with Bam first. ‘Aww let them go out and have some fun before dinner.. alright boys?? You go have some fun.’ Dee’s mom said.  Bam didn’t get the idea immediately until Dee pulled him after her into he backyard. ‘Seth do you have some boards left for me and Bam?’ Dee asked him Seth grinned and walked back into the garage coming out again with two skateboards. ‘Are we going skating?’ Bam asked Dee when Seth handed him the board. ‘Duh off course I mean hello skater family.. well if you don’t count on the idiot sitting inside.. I told you he would act dumb now let’s go.’ Dee jumped in the back of Michael’s  truck and of they went towards the skate park.  At the skate park things went nuts all the kids there went insane while seeing Bam skate there. Dee just grinned and watch the entire show Bam gave for the kids together with Seth who too had the time of his life since Bam was one of his idols. ‘Is this normal when you guys go out?’ Kaley asked Dee while the girls skated the smaller ramp away from the hectic. ‘hm sometimes Kales.. not always.. you’ll get use to it from time to time and besides he love the attention so..’ Dee said rolling back over to Kaley’s side.  ‘Aww he seems really nice though I like him Dee.. he suits you well and Mike and Seth like him to a lot..’ Kaley said to Dee and the girls giggled. They sat on the ramp for a while looking at the crowd that formed around the guys. ‘hmm yeah he does now doesn’t he.. I love him a lot you know.. I would go insane without him.. by the way Kales would you like to be one of my bridesmaids?’ Dee asked her. Kaley’s eyes shot up in excitement ‘do I?? ohh my god I would love to!! Thank you!!’ Kaley said while throwing her arms around Dee.