Avril Lavigne Blog and Journals

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I felt horrible for leaving things the way there were, so I made a quick, short and sweet chapter are ya before I leave for Seattle tomorrow for the weekend =] Great news! I got my L! I drove for my very fast time today! It was so much fun!! xD Enjoy the chapter! I'll write a lot of my six hour or more ride to Seattle ;D

I worked so hard on this banner! =]

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Break Your Little Heart

Chapter 19

Alex's POV

　

 

 

I woke up the next day, wishing yesterday was a nightmare, but I knew it wasn't when I saw the picture frame smashed on the floor, things thrown everywhere. I groaned, not wanting to face reality, I checked my phone to see if there was any messages, there was one text message.

 

Avril!! =]

 

It sent this morning at 8:35 am. How...I thought she was dead. I blink back the tears, it had to be my imagination. I opened it.

Alex, I love you and miss you so much! I wish I could see you, but I can't. I left a note for you at a near-by park.

 

I threw my phone, screaming, it had to be a nightmare. Jack came running into my room.

"What's the matter?" he asked, I looked at him, he noticed I was crying, suddenly his expression turned to sympathy, "Alex..."

I ignored him, continuing to glare at my phone that was on the floor at the door, I'm surprised Jack didn't step on it. He looked down and saw it.

"Why is your cell-phone on the floor, dude?" he picked it up.

"No!" I yelled, jumping off my bed and tackling him and get it, it was too late though. He saw the text.

"I thought..." he started, obviously not getting it. And to why I was freaking out, "How is this possible?"

"I don't know! Okay!! I thought she was dead too!" I sounded horrible, like I wasn't really there. I was empty. He looked at me, with his mouth open. He passed me the phone.

"Text back. Do it, do it now," he said with a lisp, I forced a smile. I quickly texted back, I had hope she was still alive.

 

How are you? Are you okay?

 

I sent it with shaky hands. Not even a minute later there was a text. I looked at Jack, he looked frightened too.

I'm okay, I'm in the hospital, it blows

 

 

"Let's go!" I yelled, getting up and dragging Jack out the door.

 

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Sorry its so short! But at least you know she's alive! I'm so happy that I felt horrible for almost killing her off xD I probably flunged (sp?) my english test today because I was thinking of ways to get her back in the story, but its still not going to be much longer though, not much to add to it I think.

I'm so excited for this weekend!! I'm going to Seattle, on Friday, going to buy a lot of clothes xD, then on Saturday I'm going to the Glamour Kills tour!!! Eeeep!! I haven't told you the best part yet...I get to meet All Time Low!!!! EEEEKKK!!! I have a meet & greet from their Hustler's club, its sooo exciting!!

Okay, now on to the sad part, I had a breakdown yesterday, my brother was suppose to pick me up for school, and he didn't, I phoned home twice, no answer, and I worked at four, school ended at 3:25pm, I didn't have my work clothes with me, if I didn't I would've walked straight to work, it takes me half an hour to get there, but I didn't my work clothes, so I had to walk home, half an hour, felt like shit the whole walk, almost crying, not because I was going to be late for work, but because I'm depressed right no, I don't know why but I am, believe me I know I am.... by the time I was home, it was four, I yelled at my brother for not picking me up, my parents even told him to pick me up, when I got to my room, I started crying and shit. It sucked monkey balls xD

Anyways, enjoy the chapter, you know I'm depressed when my chapters are depressing...

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Break Your Little Heart

Chapter 18

Avril's POV

　

 

 

　

I woke up from Alex getting off the bed, he looked at me with guilt in his eyes, he regretted it. I felt a lump form in my throat.

"Avril..." he started, I immediately got up, and gathered my clothes and left without a word, of course before I put my clothes on, I felt tears pour down my face. I heard Kara call my name and to stop, I couldn't. I had to get out, I couldn't take it anymore, it just seems like whatever Alex and I do ends up being regrettable. I felt rain hit my skin, the weather matched my mood, I heard thunder too. I kept running though. I reached a tree before I fell to the ground, letting out loud sobs. I heard someone's footsteps, they were running.

"Avril!" Alex's voice yelled, why did it have to be him. What ever he says is going to sting even more. I quickly moved behind the tree, so he couldn't see me, I was still on my knees, my jeans were muddy now. The thunder cracked, I faintly heard Alex yell, "Fuck!" I peered around the tree, he was on his knees with his head in his hands. His shoulders were shaking, I felt bad for hiding on him, but I had too. I watched as the others found him and picked him up off the ground, Jack hugged him. Their mouths were moving, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I stopped looking, I pulled my knees closer to my face, I was hugging them. I let out a sob, I couldn't help it, I hoped they didn't hear me. All that hope was gone when I saw Kara beside me, she gave me a small smile. She was sitting down, she put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me to her.

"What's wrong? Why did you run away from Alex?" she asked, she was worried, I knew she was.

"H-he regretted it...I saw it in his eyes!" I cried, she didn't say anything. I just there wasn't anything to say.

"Let's go back, I'm getting cold, and I'm sure you must be freezing," she pulled me to my feet and lead me back to the house. I didn't complain, I wanted too, but no words would come out. I could see the house now, I felt some strange in my stomach. It made me want to puke.

"I can't..." I whispered.

"Yes, you can, just face your fears. Alex loves you, if he didn't he wouldn't have ran after you," she reassured me. She opened the door, and pushed me in. I stood there like a stone. I felt more tears form, I didn't know it was possible to cry this much. Alex was sitting in a chair with a girl sucking his face off. I turned and pushed Kara out of the way and ran out the door to my car, which I forgot was there the first time.

I drove to a park, I pulled out a knife I had in my car just in case, and grabbed some paper. I walked to the slide and sat down, I pulled out the paper and wrote to Alex.

Alex,

I can't live like this anymore. I'm sorry.

Goodbye..

Love Avril.

I put it in my pocket, I grabbed the knife and put it to my wrist and cut deeply. My phone rang, it was Alex, I answered it.

　

Alex's POV

 

 

　

I didn't know what was wrong with Avril, she took off running, and she was crying, that was the worse part. I bolted after her, but when I got to a tree, she was gone. I yelled 'Fuck' and fell to my knees, I couldn't help it but I cried. The one I love so much it hurts, ran away from me. I hurt her. Everyone caught up to me, they were saying things, but I wasn't listening, I heard Cassadee's name a few times, and 'you fucked up again, you asshole!' someone hugged me, I'm pretty much it was Jack. Before I knew it, I was sitting on a chair, and someone was kissing me, I didn't know who. I didn't care, I just kissed back, I opened my eyes for a second and saw Avril standing in the door way with a very hurt expression, she ran out. I pushed the girl off me, it was Cassadee.

"What the fuck, Alex?" she said, she didn't see Avril. I felt horrible.

"I can't do this, I'm sorry," I whispered, I wasn't even sure if she heard me, "I'm in love with this incredible woman, and I keep fucking it up, I always hurt her. I'm not going to anymore, Cassadee, I was going to use you to get to her," I looked at her, she looked shocked, but then it changed to disgusted. She slapped me.

"You fucking asshole! I can't believe you would even think of something like that!" she yelled, "But..." her voice got softer, "since you told me before she even saw-" my face fell, "she saw us didn't she?" I nodded, she sighed, "You fucked up big time, but there might still be time, go after her," she pushed me off the couch, why does every girl want me to go after her? Cassadee doesn't even know who I love, I started towards to the door, "and Alex?" she asked, I turned to look at her, "Don't fuck up this time," she winked at me, I nodded and ran out the door, I got in my car and pulled out my cell phone. I called Evan, he didn't answer. I tried Avril's phone, she answered. (A/N This is where Avril's POV stopped)

"Alex, I love you so much, but I can't take it anymore," she cried, "I want out, I'm in so much pain..." I heard her cry out, I was scared.

"Avril, where are you?" I heard the panic in my voice.

"I'm ending my life for you, I can't live witho..." her voice faded away, I looked at my phone, reading the words, 'CALL ENDED' I hit the stirring wheel, screaming. That's exactly how Kara found me too. She opened my door and hugged me, "She's gone!" I yelled, letting grief take over, tears pouring down.

"It's okay..." she sounded like she didn't believe herself, she started crying too. We sat there like that for over an hour. She finally let me go, "Alex...I'm sorry," I suddenly had déjà vu, how everyone said sorry to me when my brother killed himself. I pushed Kara away.

"If I can't have her, then why should I live?" I asked, "Why does everyone I love kill themselves!" I raised my voice. My parents died in a airplane crash the same year Avril left me. Kara watched me have my fit, waiting for me to calm down.

"Alex, we love you, we're here for you. Just let us help you," she pleaded.

"If I die," I gulped, "I would be with Avril, and my family... I looked at Kara, she was crying again, "I'll let you guys help me though...I can spread Avril's story," I got out on the car and hugged Kara. We walked back inside, everyone stood up when they saw us. Kara started explaining what happened, I couldn't stand the sad looks given to me so I went to my room. I saw a picture of Avril and I, we were sitting on my bed, it was taken last night but we printed it out so she can take one. I let tears fall.

Flashback

 

"Alex, I could never live without you," Avril said, kissing my cheek, I grinned.

"Really? I mean that much to you?" I asked, smirking. She playfully smacked my arms, "How about we take a picture of us? To remember this night forever," I suggested, she nodded. I grabbed my camera, and took some pictures.

"Alex, I love you so much. Don't ever leave me okay? I don't know what I'd do if I saw you making out with another girl," she looked at her arms, it the first time I realised there was some scars.

"Avril..." I grabbed her arms and kissed the scars, she started laughing, "did you do these? Or was it him?" she grimaced when I said him.

"I...I did them, to make the pain of what he did to me go away, it made me feel better..." she whispered, tears falling, "and because of you..." she hesitated. I made her do this, I grabbed a sharpie, and started writing on her arm, "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Writing the word 'LOVE' on your arm," I said it like it was obvious.

"And why?" she asked, I let go of her arm, she looked at it and laughed when she saw I made the 'O' have eyes and a smiley face.

"Haven't you heard of To Write Love On Her Arms?" I asked, she shook her head, I sighed, I got up and searched for the card of Renee's story, I couldn't find it, so I went on the computer and went to the website and started reading the story,

"Pedro the Lion is..." I started, "Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.

She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.

The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms..." I finished reading, I looked at Avril, she was crying. I printed out the picture of us, before I got off the computer. I handed it to her, she grinned at it. "Remember, I will always love you, no matter what," she nodded, "don't ever cut yourself again, promise?"

"I won't, but I can't help it if you hurt me a lot, then I can't promise that," she whispered.

End Of Flashback

D'= See, I'm depressed right now. I'm sorry about this chapter, my mind switched what I should do, this story is only going to be one more chapter, sadly. It's going to be in Alex's POV obivously, just saying what happened after a few years gone by and stuff. Then, I have a new story in mind! It's not going to depressing, I promise.

 

OH! Might post tomorrow, if not, I won't post till maybe Sunday, if not, then Monday, I'm going to write it down on paper first though, since I have a over six hour ride to Seattle xD

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Eeek!! I'm writing so much now! It's just flowing out of me, lol. Anyways, this chapter is so cheesy xD

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Break Your Little Heart

Chapter 17

Alex's POV

　

 

 

I was terrified, I wasn't talking about Avril, she's not the one for me, I was talking about Kara...I know its strange and fucked up, but I was, at least I think I was. My phone rang for the tenth time, it was Avril again, I decided to answer it.

"You've reached Alex's phone, leave a message after the beep..." I was faking it, "beeeep," I rolled my eyes at myself, it was stupid.

"Alex...I don't know what's wrong, but I need to talk to you, and soon. Rian invited me to stay here, but I'm not sure if I will, I just," I heard her sigh, "I love you," she hung up. I sat down on the ground, I couldn't keep doing this, I'm hurting too many people at once.

"It never felt right, calling this just friends," I suddenly made an idea for a song, I ran back home, forgetting who was there.

"Alex?" I heard a few people say as I ran by to my room, I slammed the door shut and picked up my guitar and started playing.

Hey there, its good to see you againI stopped for a second to write it down on a piece of paper, I heard the door open, I looked up to see Avril.

It never felt right, calling this just friends

I'm happy, if you're happy with yourself

 

"Hi," she said, I nodded my head to show that I know she's there, I wrote down the next lines.

Take off your shirt, your shoes

Those skinny jeans I brought for you

We're diving in

There's nothing to lose

 

 

"Alex, do you love me?" she asked, I looked up at her, she was looking down at her feet, "I mean, what you said back there, it just made me think that you loved me..." she explained trailing off. I started playing my guitar quietly and murmuring some words.

I'm gonna break down these walls
I built around myself
I wanna fall so in love
With you and no one else
Could ever mean half as much
To me as you do now
Together we'll move on
Just don't turn around
Let the walls break down

 

"Alex, are you even listening to me?" she asked, sounding hurt. I looked up at her.

"I don't know what to tell you," I whispered, I wrote down the next verse.

I used to wear you like a ball and chain
I'd run and hide at the call of my name
It was obvious
You were too much for me
Oblivious, I was young and horny

In retrospect, I wouldn't do it again
Stop talking shit to every one of your friends
I'm not the same boy you knew back then

 

"Avril, I'm not good for you, you know that, I'm a man whore, okay. I made out with my best friends girlfriend while dating Cassadee, when I'm still in love with you, and two years ago, I was dating Lisa while still in love with you, and when we first met, I was dating Jasey and fall in love with you, and in-between those years I made out with chicks and kept picturing them as you," okay that just made it sound like I was in love with her, "but lately, I've been thinking,"

"No, don't think, just do," she said, "You want me, then have me, Alex, I've been waiting for you, and now I think I'm ready to commit to you, I'm not afraid anymore,"

"Avril, I'm still dating Cassadee, I'm not about to break up with her just to date you, you broke mt heart last time we tried," I wrote down the chorus again. I saw Avril shake her head, I looked up at her confused.

"No, not date. I want to marry you, Alexander William Gaskarth," she used my full name, not many people like to use it because its so long. My jaw dropped.

"Avril...I'm only 19, I'm not gonna get married right now," I watched her face fall.

"but you were ready to marry me two years ago, you were seventeen!" her voice was raising.

"Exactly, I was young and horny," quoting the lyric I just wrote down.

"what the fuck, Alex! So is this how its gonna be? When you want to get married, I don't, and when I do, you don't? Or did you just want to marry me to fuck me?" she asked, she was angry, "I don't even know who you are anymore, Alex!"

"I'm not the same boy you knew back then," I said quietly, quoting again, finally, I knew what I wanted to do, "Avril, can I play a song for you? I just wrote it," she nodded, I started strumming my guitar and started singing.

Hey there it's good to see you again,
It never felt right calling this just friends,
I'm happy if your happy with yourself,
Take off your shirt your shoes,
Those skinny jeans I bought for you,
We're diving in there's nothing left to lose,

I'm gonna break down these walls I built around myself,
I wanna fall so in love with you and no one else,
Could ever mean half as much to me as you do now,
Together well move on, just don't turn around,
Let the walls break down,

I used to wear you like a ball and chain,
I'd run and hide at the call of my name,
It was obvious you were to much for me,
Oblivious, I was young and horny,

In retrospect I wouldn't do it again,
Stop talking shit to every one of your friends,
I'm not the same boy you knew back then,

Cause I could break down these walls I built around myself,
I wanna fall so in love with you and no one else,
Could ever mean half as much to me as you do now,
Together we'll move on, just don't turn around,
Let the walls break,

I can't breathe my body's shaking,
Got away with the way you take me,
Cause you break me down,
You know you break me down,

I'm gonna break down these walls I built around myself,
I wanna fall so in love with you and no one else,
Could ever mean half as much to me as you do now,
Together well move on just don't turn around,
Let the walls break down,

Tear down these walls I built around myself,
Let the walls break down,
Tear down these walls,
Cause you break me down

Let the walls break down

 

"Will you let me break down these walls, Avril?" I asked, it was so cheesy, but I'm sure she loved it, or I hoped. I watched her face scrunch into confusion, then suddenly, she screamed in joy.

"Yes! Oh my god! Alex, you just wrote that? Is that what you were writing?" I nodded, it all made since now, I guess I do love Avril Lavigne.

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 I love writing this story!! Oh, I keep forgetting to ask, do you like have it switches between Alex and Avril's POV? I find it really good, because it gives me a chance to write in a different style, you know? Aynways leave comment telling what you think!! Or not, doesn't matter xD

Eeeeekk!! I can't believe I did this! i'm so evil! xD xD Don't hate me!!

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Break Your Little Heart

Chapter 15

Alex's POV

　

 

 

I just got off the phone with Cassadee, we weren't dating, I just told Avril that because...well...to honest, I don't know why I lied to her about having a girlfriend. I told everyone else that we weren't dating, Kara knew me better than that, Cassadee wasn't my type.

My phone vibrated, I looked at it, it was Cassadee, I checked the text.

Miss you already =[

 

I knew Cass had a crush on me since the she first met me, I know I shouldn't use her like this, but I had to make Avril jealous. I quickly texted her back.

Miss you too can't wait for you to come here

 

I sent it. I was planning on making a move on here when Avril is around, but only when she's around. I sighed heavily. Jack quickly turned his head, we were on our way back to Cockeysville, Maryland, I know it doesn't sound like a real place, but trust me, it is. Rian and I both live there, though it seems like Jack and Zack live there as well since they're over so much.

"What's the matter?" he asked. I frowned at my lap, I felt so guilty.

"Nothing, just thinking," I replied, I heard Zack muffle a laugh, I turned my head and glared at him, "What? Have a problem with me thinking?"

"No," he started laughing out loud now, "in fact I'm quite shock," I knew where this was going, I narrowed my eyes at him, "by the fact that you can actually think, I thought it hurt too much for you to think," suddenly everyone in the van started laughing. I shook my head and looked out the window.

"Fuck all of you," I mumbled.

"Aw, Alexpoo isn't a happy camper," Kara said in a baby voice. They really knew how to piss me off sometimes. Couldn't they tell I didn't want to be bugged? The van went silent.

"Alex?" Zack asked, I nodded to show I was listening, "Since you have a girlfriend, would you mind of I asked out Avril?" Kara gasped. I didn't know what to say. I was still in love with her, just the thought of Zack, one of my best friends, dating her, it hurt, "I mean, if you're okay with it, if you don't want me to its fine, I completely understand," he quickly explained.

"Zack...I..." I tried to think of words, I looked at him, "I'm uh...I'm still..." I looked at Kara, hoping she'll know what I'm trying to say.

"Alex is still in love with her, Zack, that's what he's trying to say, but being the stupid idiot he is, decided he wanted to date other people instead of keeping himself available just in case she came back, so yes, you can ask her out," I glared at Kara, she smiled at me, "I know what you're doing, Alex, and its not fair to Cassadee or Avril," she said quiet enough so only I heard her. I pulled out my phone and texted her.

I don't know what you're talking about

 

I have 2 talk 2 u after

 

She replied, I nodded slowly, I went back to staring out the window. Fifteen minutes later, we drove in the driveway to Rian's, and I, house. Kara immediately grabbed my arm and pulled me away from everyone else.

"What the fuck are you thinking! Using Cassadee like this! Its horrible! Don't do it, Alex!" she said angrily, "Just date Avril, you know you want too!"

"I can't! Everytime we date, one of us fucks up the other, its not worth the sting," I back at the other, wanting to get away from her as soon as possible.

"Alex, I know I don't know Cassadee very well, but I bet, she'd be pretty fucking pissed if she found out about this, I'm saying this because I'm best friends with Avril, I'm saying this because I care about you, and if you go through with this, neither will want you," she narrowed her eyes, "unless, you're planning on really dating Cassadee and don't care about Avril's feelings..."

"What?! No! I love Avril!" fuck...I gave away what I was going to do, shit, "I mean...I...uhh..." I stuttered.

"I knew it. Alex, please, whatever you do, don't hurt Avril," she looked down, "just promise me this, since you already hurt some people's feelings..." she said quietly.

"I...I did? Who's?' I asked, I watched her shake her head, 'did Kara have a crush on me?' I thought.

"It doesn't fucking matter, Alex, just promise me," she was still looking down.

"I promise..." she started walking away, "Kara, wait!" she stopped, but didn't turn around, "I'm..." I can't believe I'm going to say this, "I'm sorry, I didn't know," she finally looked at me, and smiled a little.

"It's okay, just don't tell Rian that I had a crush on you,"

"You what?!" Jack yelled, oh shit, "You," he pointed at Kara, "and you!" he pointed at me, "You two...oh my god!!"

"Jack! Shut the fuck up! Nothing happened!" I grabbed Jack's arm and started pulling him farther away from everyone.

"Why! How could you do this, Alex! Rian's one of your best friends! And you...you..." he tried to find words.

"We didn't do anything, that's what I'm trying to tell you, Jack, she just had a tiny crush on me, that's all," I explained, I hadn't realised Kara was beside me.

"Actually...it wasn't a tiny crush..." I looked at her, she was blushing, "and I'm not quite over it,"

"Not helping!" I quickly moved away from her, "why!" I reminded myself of Jack, "You know nothing can happened between us right?" I asked her, "and since when?"

"I know nothing can happen, and since ever, I always had a crush on you, but lately its been growing into something-"

"Don't!" I stopped her.

"Haven't you ever wondered why it would be like though?" she asked. I actually never thought of her that way.

"Kara...you're with one my best friends, I could never do that to him, you know that," I looked at Jack, he was speechless for once.

"So you're telling me, after all these years we've known each other, you never thought about what it would be like?" she started moving towards me, for once in my life, I was frightened of a girl, "not once?" I gulped as she crept closer, I shook my head. I can't believe Jack wasn't doing anything.

"Kara, don't," I watched her grin, I can't believe this is happening.

"But I want to, I want to know what it's like to kiss the great Alexander William Gaskarth," I saw her eyes look down, probably at my mouth. She bit her lip, and moved even closer, we were only inches apart. Why is this happening to me? I felt her lips touch mine, she started moving slowly, waiting for me to respond, I can't believe this but I actually responded, Rian is going to kill me if he finds out about this. I felt her smile as we made out.

 

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I did NOT plan on this, it just happened xD I'm evil, I know, now he has THREE girls wanting him, one is his best friends girlfriend! Bad Alex!! haha!

Double post!! Eeeek!! I personally think this chapter is great, a filler, but great, one of my best xD Enjoy!! Oh! New banner, tell what you think of it!

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Break Your Little Heart

Chapter 14

Avril's POV

　

It's been two years exactly since the day I left Alex that note. He didn't come after me, a part of me wished he did, the other part was glad he didn't. His band had another album out called So Wrong, It's Right, it was amazing. He used the part I wrote for Remembering Sunday, but he didn't give me any credit for it, I didn't care. I never encountered Deryck after that night Alex saved me. I wasn't dating anymore at the moment, whenever I do date someone, I always picture Alex.

"Avril? We're here," Evan said, he was always traveling with me on tours, to keep me safe. I looked at him and smiled.

"Already?" I was nervous, it was the first show in Baltimore in two years. I was always scared Alex would end up coming to the show, and it scared me, "that was quick..."

"Don't worry, everything will be fine, I hardly doubt he would go," we both stood up, we were on a plane. I nodded slowly.

"You're right, its silly to worry about it," I replied. We walked off the plane and headed to the luggage area. I looked around the airport, I had a strange feeling he was here. He wouldn't recognize me anyways, I dyed my hair blonde, and I had a pink streak in the front.

"Avril? Is that you?" A familiar voice asked, I jumped, and slowly turned, relieved to see it was Kara.

"Kara! Its been too long!" I hugged her, "What are you doing here? Picking someone up? Or dropping off?" I hoped for the latter.

"I'm picking up the guys, they just finished shooting a music video in LA, can you believe how far they've come?" she sighed, I started to panic. He was here, my strange feeling was right, "So how've you been? You look amazing! Are you here for a show? Alex is gonna flip when he sees you!" my stomach did a flip when she said his name.

"Um...yeah, I'm here for a show next week, I have a world tour coming up, and my manger wanted to start here," I explained, "how's he been?" my question was drowned out by she screaming in enjoy when she saw Rian and the guys walking towards her, I looked around an escape or to hide.

"Kara!!" Rian yelled as he ran to her, he hugged her and kissed her. I saw Alex look me at me strangely, "Who's your friend? She looks familiar," Rian gestured towards me. She whispered in his ear, I'm guessing telling him who I was. As soon as her lips stopped moving, he hugged me. The other guys gave him a weird look, "I miss you so much," he whispered. I smiled, good to know two people missed me. He let me go, he went to stand next to Kara, he put his arm around her waist.

"I'm Jack Barakat," Jack introduced himself, I laughed, he held his hand out for me to shake. I walked up to him, I looked up, and winked at him, and hugged him, "umm...did we know each other before?" he asked confused. Kara and Rian were laughing, Zack and Alex looked very confused.

"Yes, you do know me, you kissed me before!" I laughed, backed away for him, I looked over at Alex, he looked amazing.

"I..I did?" Jack asked, he was very confused. I rolled my eyes at him. Suddenly something clicked in Alex's eyes, he figured it out.

"I thought you weren't coming back?" he asked, he looked angry, "why did you come back?"

"I have a show here next Saturday, so I'm here for a week, then I'm gone, and won't come back until I have a show here, I put off playing here because of you," I explained, Jack and Zack still haven't figured it out yet, "I'm not here to get back together with you, Alex, but it would be great if we can be friends,"

"Yeah, we can friends, but we can't be anything more, cause I have a girlfriend," Alex looked down at his shoes, "Do you...do you have a boyfriend?" he asked.

"No," I answered a little too quickly. I looked at Kara, she looked surprised.

"You have a girlfriend, Alex?" she asked, "How come I never heard of this mystery girl?" she demanded, "Is she here?"

"No, she's with her band right now," he looked at me, "have you heard of Hey Monday?" everyone, but me, gasped.

"No, I haven't," I answered, "Anyways, I have to go," I saw Evan waving me over, "it was nice talking to all of you again, you guys should come to my concert next Saturday," I suggested, all of them except Alex, nodded. I started walking away from them, but Alex grabbed my wrist.

"Wait, Avril," he gulped, "I've missed you so much," he smiled at me, I smiled back.

"I missed you too, but you have to let me go, Alex, we're just friends, remember?" I really did miss him, I wish he didn't have a girlfriend. Suddenly, my song, Girlfriend, popped in my head, I grinned as I walked away, I turned and waved at all of them, "Call me!" I yelled. I had a plan forming in my head. It was evil, but I'd be with Alex in the end.

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Short, I know, but its not gonna be sad for the next few chapters!! I have this whole thing planned out, its amazing, and funny and just awww!! lol, comment if you like!! 

 

I promise the chapters after this will be happy!! This one made me really sad =[ Anyways, I went to the doctor on Monday, he said I might've had H1N1 last week o.O And I had a very creepy dream about, the guy I have a crush on, about his brother o.e It was very odd, and gave me the shivers the next day, all day! It was so scary and creepy, cause his brother is younger o.O Anyways, enjoy this chapter! I will start writing the next chapter, I have some ideas for it!

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Break Your Little Heart

Chapter 13

Alex's POV

 

 

　

I shouldn't have left Avril like that, but it hurt me to sing those songs, and all she did was look confused. I was sitting outside my house, well, my parents house, Avril never came looking for me, she didn't do anything. I guess she doesn't about me. I blinked tears away, it wasn't suppose to be like this, I'm not going to start being weak because a girl doesn't love me back. I heard my mom call my name.

"Alex, its starting to rain, you should come inside," I shook my head, I know I should listen to my mother, but I don't want to see Avril. I heard her sigh and go back inside. The rain started coming down harder, but I still didn't move.

"Alexander!" I heard my dad yell, "Get your ass in this house right now!" I wasn't in the mood to take this shit from my dad right now, so I just fingered him, I know I shouldn't have done that but I couldn't help it. I felt him grab my arm and pull me up. I looked him in the eye, suddenly he let go, but in a way that made me lose my balance and fall on the ground. I looked up at him, I never seen him cry before, I'm sure its just the rain, so I doubt he is now. He just turned around and walked back to the house.

"What the fuck?!" I yelled. Why was my life so fucked up?

I finally decided to go back inside once since it was storm outside, I went straight to my room, Avril looked up from my bed once I walked in.

"Alex, I-" she started saying.

"-Save it," I cut her off, "I don't give a fuck what your about to say, I know I saved you from that asshole but that doesn't change what I went through," I looked at her, I hope I made it clear enough.

"Fine, I can see that I'm not wanted here, I'll just stay with Jack or Kara, at least they would want me," she stood up and started packing her stuff. I didn't stop her either.

"Fine," I said quietly.

"This is it then? I go and almost get killed, and you save me, and don't fucking want me anymore? Why didn't you let him just kill me!" she yelled, "You could saved yourself all this regret,"

"I don't regret it..."I whispered, "I just don't know if..." I trailed off.

"If what?" she asked angrily, "If we can't be together, can we just be friends? I don't want to lose you, Alex," she was pleading now. As soon as I opened my mouth, I couldn't believe what I said.

"No," I never seen someone look so hurt, I broke her heart, I couldn't hug her, I couldn't move. I watched her fall to the ground into sobs, because of me. I walked out of my room, before I made it to the stairs, I stopped. I turned around and saw Avril in my room, just sitting there, crying. "I'm sorry," I whispered. I ran down the stairs and out the front door, my parents yelling after me.

　

I went to Jack's house, he didn't live that far from me, I knocked on the door, Jack's mom answered.

"Alex? You normally don't knock, what's wrong?" she asked, she moved aside to let me in, "You must be freezing, here let me go get you some towels for you to dry off, Jack! Alex is here!" she yelled that last part. I heard Jack run down the stairs.

"Gaskank? What you doing here? I thought for sure, you'd be fu-"

"Jack Barakat! You finished that sentence and you'll be doing the dishes tonight," his mom warned, Jack apologized, "Here you go, my dear," she handed me two towels. Both of them looked at me, like they expected me to say something.

"Alex?" Jack said, "are you okay?" I shook my head in response, immediately Jack hugged me, "What's wrong? I've never seen you like this before, well except that time your brother..." he trailed off. Jack finally let me go, "Hey, wanna play some video games? I can call up Rian and Zack, we'll make it a guys' night, how does that sound?" he asked, I smiled a little, it was forced, he could tell too.

Jack always knew how to cheer me up, before I knew it, I was laughing and having a great time with the guys, of course, we were drinking, I had a lot to drink too, so I was drunk. I wasn't sure how I got home, but I did. I woke up in my room, I looked around for any sign of Avril, there was nothing except a piece of paper. I read it,

Dear Alex..

 

 

I'm sorry. By the time you read this I'll be gone, and I'm not coming back this time. We hurt each other enough, maybe we're not meant to be together. I do love you, I just wanted you to know that, I loved you so much it hurt. And it killed me that we couldn't be friends.. I know All Time Low is going to make it big. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine, I'm going to continue my music and such. So you'll hear about me. Which reminds me, I wrote this verse I think will be go great in the song Remembering Sunday :} Feel free to use it.

I'm not coming back (forgive me), I've done something so terrible.

I'm terrified to speak, (I'm not calling, I'm not calling)

But you'd expect that from me.

I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt

Now the rain is just (You're driving me crazy, I'm)

Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind

Keeping an eye on the world

So many thousands of feet off the ground

I'm over you now

I'm at home in the clouds

Towering over your head

I'm sorry I fucked up so much...tell the guys and Kara, I'll miss them so much :(

Love, Avril <3

 

I fell to my knees, I couldn't believe she was gone. After all this, nothing changed, she still left me, I guess I couldn't blame her, I was the one who said we couldn't be friends after all. It was my fault she's gone forever. I felt tears run down my cheeks. I heard my door open, I looked up and saw my Dad. For once, I wanted to hug him, I wanted him to tell me everything was going to be okay.

"Alex..." he started, it must have shocked him to see his own son on the floor crying, I guess he didn't know what to say, instead he walked over to me and bend down and wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. I hugged back, it took a girl to leave me to make him act human towards me.

"S-she's gone..."

---

 

 Aww!! What did you think? Too sad, just enough? Not enough? I wanna know!! haha.

Sorry it took so long!! I was sick for the past week, and couldn't think at all!

 

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Break Your Little Heart

Chapter 12

Avril's POV

 

 

　

I watched Alex fidget in his seat, I was so glad he came for me. He looked at me and smiled.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, I looked down and blinked away tears, I always got teary when someone asked me how I was feeling, especially when I'm not fine.

"I'm uh...I'm fine..." I'm glad my hair covers my face when I looked down. I felt tears run down my face.

"No, you're not. Av, I know you cry every time someone asks if you're okay when you're not," Damn, I forgot I told Alex that, I looked up at him, he was worried about me. It was strange having someone love me so much.

"Really, I'm fine, p-please d-don't..." I couldn't talk anymore, I started sobbing loudly. Alex immediately hugged me tight.

"Its okay, you're safe now, he can't hurt you anymore," he whispered, he was so caring about me. He let me go, his hands still on my shoulders, he looked into my eyes, "I won't let anything happen to you, I promise," I smiled a little, he leaned towards me and kissed me lightly.

　

I woke myself up from screaming loudly, Alex looked scared, really frightened. I hugged him.

"Avril, I don't want to lose you," he whispered, he thought I was die? I hugged him tighter.

"You will never lose me, Alex," I let go of him, he looked sad, I never seen him like this before.

"I uh...wrote a song for you, I wrote it the day you left to go be with him," the way he said him was frightening, I watched him get off the bed and grab his guitar, and started playing,

He woke up this morning and put on his shoes
Starting making his way past two in the morning, he hasn't been sober for days

Leaning now into the breeze, remembering Sunday, he fell to his knees:
They had breakfast together, but two eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs

Now this place seems familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs, left him dying to get in

Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl?

She's been running through my dreams, and it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me

Even though she doesn't believe in love, he's determined to call her bluff
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut

Waking the neighbours, unfamiliar faces
He screams, though he tries, but he's only denied
Now he's dying to get inside

Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl?

She's been running through my dreams, and it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me


Well, I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home...

Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl?

She's been running through my dreams, and it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me

He stopped playing, I didn't realise how much pain I put him through until now, I feel horrible for it.

"I wrote two songs, this one and another one called Vegas, do you wanna hear it?" he asked, I nodded, and he started playing again.

Tonight, we lie awake
Remember how the coffee made us shake on those long drives?
One more long night

Another seven days
Heartbeat racing
The interstate, my home tonight
For one more long night
I'm sure as hell the happiest I've ever been

We can't hide, we let go
We've got more than we know
My friends are a different breed
My friends are

There's a ghost in this room
I think I'll name it after all of you
And watch it hang over my bed like decorations celebrated
Memories, they came and went in light of all the time we spent
Listening to everything our parents told us not to take in

Now make a change
I'm counting down
The mile marks to every town
And falling more in love
With the distance put between us

We can't hide, we let go
We've got more than we know
My friends are a different breed
My friends are everything
Make this last, take it slow
We've got it all figured out for now
So let us live our lives without a doubt

Tonight we lie awake
Remember how the coffee made us shake on those long drives?
One more long night
Another seven days
Heartbeat racing
The interstate, my home tonight
For one more long night

From coast to coast, I'll make the most
Of every second I've been giving with this crowd
Without a doubt, you're all I dream about
At night we lie awake
With stories taking us back to the nights we felt alive
The nights we felt alive

I would've married you in Vegas
Had you given me the chance to say "I do"
Couldn't make it anymore obvious, could you
Be anymore obvious

I would've married you in Vegas
Had you given me the chance to say "I do"
Couldn't make it anymore obvious, could you
Be anymore obvious, could you?

I wasn't sure if this song was about me too. I just looked at him in confusion.

"These two songs go together, this one is called Vegas and the first one was called Remembering Sunday, they're about you," he was looking down.

"I didn't know I hurt you that much, Alex, I'm so, so sorry," he stood up suddenly, I had a feeling he was angry at me.

"Avril, I spend months worrying about you, I didn't know if you were alive or no. The way you left, it was like you didn't give a fuck about me, or anyone here, then he called, he told me that you...that you hated me and n-never wanted to talk to me again..." he ran out of his room, I haven't realised how much he loved me until now, and it scared me. I just stared where he disappeared. Tears rolling down my face.

---

I used the first verison of Remembering Sunday, I like it better then the CD version. I promised to post again soon, maybe today =]

 

It’s been only 1 month since Canadian-rocker Avril Lavigne and her husband, Deryck Whibley decided to call it quits on their 3 year marriage. Friday night Deryck was seen out and about in las Vegas with his new girlfriend, Hanna Beth Merjos.

 

oh my god?

What do you think Avril or Hanna Beth?

 

So, so sorry I didn't post for like ever!! I was morbiddly depressed, but I'm all good now! EEEKKK! Novemeber 14th, I get to meet All Time Low!!! Eeeep!!!I'm so excited!!

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Break Your Little Heart

Chapter 11

Avril's POV

 

 

I looked outside through my window, the leaves blew lightly on the trees. It cloudy and looked like it was going rain too. I wanted to go out there, it matched my mood perfectly. I missed Alex Gaskarth, that's all there is to it. My heart throbbed at the thought of him, I started sobbing again, this usually happened ten times a day, Deryck always locked me in this room, he only let me out if I had to go out.

I heard the door open, I winced, I knew what was coming, Deryck only came in if one, he wanted sex, two he was angry and beat me, or three, he wanted to yell at me for being so 'loud'

"You fucking bitch!" it was number two, I felt his fist connect with my shoulder, I fell off my chair onto the floor. I figured if I just lay there and do nothing, he'll just leave me alone, "You fucking called him!" I didn't know what he was talking about, who's him?

"I don't know what you mean!" I cried, I wanted him to stop, he started kicking me.

"You know exactly what I mean! You fucking called your little boyfriend!" he yelled, he kicked me really hard, I started coughing, he's going to be the cause of my death if he keeps this up.

A few days after that, Deryck came in with a evil grin, I looked at him in fear either he wanted sex or he killed Alex...I secretly pray he didn't kill him.

"What? Don't want to make love, maybe you'll produce a new Alex? Since the original is dead," I couldn't breath, he can't be...no. He's lying! Everything went black, the only I remember is Deryck pulling his pants off.

Alex's POV

 

 

　

I hope I wasn't too late, I just landed in LA. I had looked to see when her next concert was, it was tonight at an arena. When I got there, almost no one was there, I actually managed to sneak into the building. That's when I saw her, she looked tired and depressed, I wanted to yell her name but I couldn't find my voice, everything was in slow motion, I watch her walked to Deryck, she didn't want to be here, I could tell, Deryck looked pissed off. He lifted his arm, his hand was a fist and he punched her, I couldn't believe it.

I wanted to run to her, but my feet were stuck were they were, I was watched her fall to the floor, crying out. It broke my heart, I wanted to help her, I tried to scream for her, but nothing came out, what was wrong with me? Deryck turned and walked away from her. She just sat on the floor, crying, I could hear her saying my name, she wanted me to come for her, save her.

Finally I found my voice. And strength to move, I ran to her. "I'm here for you, Av, come on, let's go," I whispered to her, I pulled her up, in my mind I saved her. But in reality, it was Evan who went to her, it he who helped her, he comforted her. Not me, no, I was too chicken to move, or whisper.

I watched Avril be picked up, Evan looked at me, his expression was unreadable, though only a retard wouldn't see the sadness in it.

I finally moved, I walked to him and Avril, he gave me a piece of paper. I opened it up.

Dear Alex,

Please come...please! He keeps hitting me and...and raping me...please, please come save me. I need you more than anything right now. I'm sorry.

Avril Lavigne

I didn't know what to think, I felt rage, and sadness at the same time. I want to take Avril from Evan and go back to Maryland. But I don't, I just look at them. Evan, then, motions for me take Avril from him and I do. I looked at Evan, he looked very depressed, who wouldn't be if your best friend was being beaten.

"How long?" I asked, he seemed to understand what I meant.

"Long enough for Deryck to give up looking for her...and you," he added, "I can't stand to see her like this, Alex, just keep her safe," He handed her to me.

"Where are we going?" Avril asked quietly, her arms wrapped around my neck.

"Home, we're going home...somewhere safe," My grip got tighter on her. I kissed her head.

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So, does it make any sense? Ack! Please comment!!