i don't know if i should make this a story or not, you decide :) thank you to omgitwasyou for urging me to repost this, you're awesome dude! :)
We sat there for something that felt like hours, long hours of waiting but there was already nothing to wait for, she knew it, we all knew it but nobody would've thought that this could happen, not even me and it doesn't even matter what i felt or did not felt towards this person, i never wished something like this to happen to him, he was gone, like he never existed.
The silence was killing us all but we were afraid to talk because of her, i wanted to get up and try to comfort her, with a hug, a word, anything but i knew she won't be okay because of it. I looked at her as she sat at there motionless, her dark green eyes staring down, filled with emptiness, she looked empty, empty without him. I hated this, if i could i'd make him alive again, just so she could be the same again. I looked at my friends, i'm sure they had the same feeling of emptiness and they wanted to help her but we were all afraid to speak, to hurt her even by trying to comfort her. She probably wanted to be alone, we knew she didn't really needed us but at the same time nobody dared to leave because we all cared for him and for her. I looked at the doorway when her mother stepped into the living room, looking tired, he wasn't a stranger for her ether, her eyes were red from crying countless hours and i couldn't even imagine what his family must've feel right now but honestly i cared more about Hayley now, she will never be okay, he was so much for her, this was too much for her.
- Anyone wants anything to eat? Mrs. Williams asked quietly not wanting to break our mourning silence, we shook our heads almost in unisson and looked at Hayley again as if to tell why we couldn't do anything but to be here for her still not knowing what to do. When she head the news first she was in shock, than the realization came and she was ready to kill anyone or break something, anything that was in her way, i was scared that she'd loose her mind but than came the silence, she just sat there and stared into space and it was even more scary than to hear her rage and pain filled screams.
- Well i will be in my room than, if you need anything the others are in the kitchen, i nodded and Mrs. Williams gave me the most painful smile before leaving. We stil sat there, not moving from our places, i suddenly heard sobs that came from the kitchen, my heart winced in pain, Hayley looked up, the look in her eyes was scaring me.
- Shhh it's okay, calm down, somebody comforted the crying person in the kitchen, the sobs calmed down and we could only hear soft crying, i opened my mouth to speak when Hayley rose from the couch but she stormed out of the room, i jumped to my feet afraid of what she could do.
- Can you just shut up! she yelled angrily as she stood in the doorway of the kitchen, some of her family and his were sitting around the kitchen mourning just like we did, i walked up to Hayley and stood right behind her ready to hold her back.
- Hayley, calm down, her older sister said standing up, he was important for all of us.
- He was important to me, so shut the fuck up! Hayley yelled, i came closer, she was in so much pain that she hated the whole world and didn't even knew what she was doing anymore.
- Hayles, come on let's go now, i whispered placing my hand on her back, she turned around, her eyes staring into mine, Hayley it's not her fault, i whispered, she strated shaking, i grabbed her hand gently.
- Fuck off, i don't need your stupid pity! she pushed me away, i felt like someone just punched me right in the face, i could hear her foot steps on the stairs and the door of her room slamming shut. Everyone looked at me with sorry eyes, Lucie came up to me and hugged me gently.
- She didn't meant it, you know it, she whispered before pulling away, i hugged her back and nodded.
- Yea, i turned away and walked away but i didn't want to go back into the living room, Jeremy stood in the door way, looking so tired.
- You okay? he asked me, i nodded my head.
- I'm gonna check on her, i said and walked to the stairs, i found her mother in the door way of her room, looking worried, i heard Hayley's heavy sobs echoing against the walls, she sounded like she was choking.
- Have some rest Mrs. Williams i'm gonna check on her, i said, she nodded unsure before going back into her room and closing the door. I sigehd heavily and pushed the door of Hayley's room open. She sat in the coner of her bed, shaking and crying so hard that it was hurting me. I came closer and sat next to her, she didn't even noticed.
- How could you just leave me, she sobbed into her hands, why did you do that! she was shoking on her own tears. I took a deep breath before wrapping my arms around her.
- Leave me alone! she snapped trying to push me away but i kept holding her, she shruggled against my firm grib but finnnaly stopped and lowered her head.
- Hayley it's going to be okay, don't blame him, i whispered hugging her against my chest, she let out a whimper before grabbing my hands in hers and leaning her back into my chest, i kissed her hair.
- It's so unfair Josh, she whispered, i can't believe he's gone, she whispered trying hard not to break down i could feel it, i nodded my head understanding.
- I know, i can't belive it too, i whispered and kissed her tear strained cheek, she shook her head violetly and suddenly pushed me away.
- You can't fucking feel the same way as me right now! she yelled, you're all so fucking hartless! she yelled as she jumped to her feet and ran out of the room.
I closed my eyes and sighed hearing her run away as everyone called out for her and she yelled at them. It was all more than painful but it was real, something i wish could never happend.