boyfriend....should i tell him i do this??
so., this guy has been my boyfriend for a bit more than 2 months. the problem is: i cut. i have for a long time now. he hadn't seen the scars unltil about 3 sundays ago. i had 3 new scars (really noticeable) that were made within the week hidden under wristbands. we were lying on the bed and i was talking about how im allergic to sun. i twisted my hand in a way that pulled some wristbands down and he saw the dark scars. he asked me to show him my wrist and i said no, it all went pretty much like this:
him: i saw something. let me see, what is it that you have there?
me: nothing
him: ok, if you have nothing then why can't i see?
me: because there's nothing there
...silence...
me: i fell at school in some metal thingies.
him: then why dont you want me to see them?
me: i dont like those scars, i just dont want you to see them
i ended up showing them to him and he asked why i had lied, i just said it was stupid to argue about this and to forget about it, that i was sorry.
i felt so awful. it was the first time i lied to his face that way.
i love him to death and i dont wanna take the risk of losing him to this. sometimes....sometimes i rather stop cutting than lose him. but i just cant stop any of them, i cant stop cutting, i need it. i've tried to stop once and ended up doing it 2 days later.i'm just so scared to tell him. i dont know what he thinks about cutting. im afraid that if i tell him, that wil end up braking our relationship. im afraid that he'll see me in a different way, that he might even stop loving me, that he might hate me for not telling him. but how can i? it's so hard. i havn't even tried to do so. im just so afraid. i dont know what to do.
him: i saw something. let me see, what is it that you have there?
me: nothing
him: ok, if you have nothing then why can't i see?
me: because there's nothing there
...silence...
me: i fell at school in some metal thingies.
him: then why dont you want me to see them?
me: i dont like those scars, i just dont want you to see them
i ended up showing them to him and he asked why i had lied, i just said it was stupid to argue about this and to forget about it, that i was sorry.
i felt so awful. it was the first time i lied to his face that way.
i love him to death and i dont wanna take the risk of losing him to this. sometimes....sometimes i rather stop cutting than lose him. but i just cant stop any of them, i cant stop cutting, i need it. i've tried to stop once and ended up doing it 2 days later.i'm just so scared to tell him. i dont know what he thinks about cutting. im afraid that if i tell him, that wil end up braking our relationship. im afraid that he'll see me in a different way, that he might even stop loving me, that he might hate me for not telling him. but how can i? it's so hard. i havn't even tried to do so. im just so afraid. i dont know what to do.
Related Groups:
Rock N Roll Therapy
