Rock N Roll Therapy

Today's Therapists - The Dollyrots

In our newest installment of Rock N Roll Therapy, Kelly from The Dollyrots gives you personal advice from a female perspective.





blackparadegirl: okay so my best guy friend has a girlfriend whos a grade above him and she has cheated on him numerous times and every time he forgives her. they have nothing in common and they are always fighting. she cheated on him with his best friend and now they are no longer friends yet for some reason he continues to stay with her. i hate seeing him be contintuously hurt by her and i wish i could talk to him but he knows that i have never liked her(she said stuff about me being a lesbian and stole 2 boyfriends from one of my friends) and he also knows i really like him(like as more than a friend) and i'm afraid he would think that i'm just trying to break them up.

how can i tell him how much i hate what she's doing to him without seeming like a bitch???

Kelly: Ahhh. Well… this is a tough one. Boys are dumb. Yep. For some reason this girl had a hold of him. I won’t speculate too much but I bet she’s pretty, popular and/or puts out. For some reason this boy is really into her and you know what… I’m sure he knows she’s no good. I think the best course of action is to just be positive and cool with him. Focus on letting him know how nice, fun, unsmelly, smart, and awesome you are. Eventually he’ll get tired of being dumped on. Especially if he knows he’s got a good friend or maybe girlfriend in you. SO just keep being you, if he doesn’t get it, you probably don’t want him around.




fob06stump: I don't have many friends and I don't have a boyfriend. Even my best friend isn't always there for me. She will blame things on me then she will copy something I do. She is ALWAYS competing with me and I'm sick of it. Now I have to spend the next 4 years in highschool with her! The reason I need a boyfriend, is that I believe boys [to girls] are better to talk to. To confide in. They will listen. I need someone like that. I have no one to talk to. I have so many thing I want to talk about to someone.
Now, the annoying people in my life....there is this on kid who keeps calling me EVERDAY! I have my parents tell him I'm out of town and not to call for awhile. But he does anyway! When I tell him to get away, he'll just keeping following me or something. He's taking this way too far. Someone please help me on these random problems I have.

Kelly: Okay so your first dilemma: your best friend is not the best friend. This happened to me on a number of occasions. I was so upset at one point I decided to write my best friend a letter. It was honest and non accusatory and very dramatic. I told her she was ignoring me and hanging out with all her cheerleader friends even though she was always saying how terrible they were. Long story shortish… a few years later she called me (we’re friends now) and said she had found it when she was moving AND that she was sorry. She would have never seen it my way back then but she understood now. High school is a tough time… everyone’s figuring things out, friends change, you will change. Tell her how you feel. She might not get it but at least you will have tried. Find good people and always make new friends.
As far as boys being better friends for girls… I hate to say it but I think you might be right. I mean not always but in a lot of cases. I have a lot of girl friends that I wouldn’t want to live without. On the other hand I’ve always had a lot of boy friends that I didn’t want as boyfriends but who were really great to talk to and hang out with. AND although I do think it is possible for a girl and a guy to be just friends I think a lot of the time there might be a secret crush. At least that’s what I found out the hard way… people calling me a tease, saying I lead them on…how was I supposed to know the guy that asked me to go on the weekend camping trip had a crush on me the whole time! So just be honest and have fun.
I felt a lot of the same things you’re describing and started keeping a journal. It felt so good to get it all out. I look at them every few years or so and I’m so happy I did it. It helps me remember who I am and how much work I’ve put into growing and being me.
As far as the kid who won’t leave you alone… as long as he doesn’t seem scary (staring in your window at night or naming his band after you, teehee just kidding) just deal with it. I mean, let him know in a nice way that it’s hopeless and eventually he’ll move on to a situation where his feelings are reciprocated. The poor kid, you must be AWESOME! Don’t forget it!





gempoot: well, i don't mean like taking my own life here, what i mean is that whenever i go in front of these people it's like my spirit wants to fly away, what's worse is that i need to enter our dramatics club so that i can make up with my grades i got a flu and yeah skipped school for a while and the exams. and yeah im planning to join a band but im too shy what should i do, i could like faint and turn pale when im in front of people, and my music teachers says i should sing too.. what the hell i can't do that with this curse on me.

Kelly: Hey there… so I’m not Panic! At the disco but I do sing in a band and I was terrified when I started and I did get mono in high school and missed 156 classes one year… So lets see… first issue for you to triumph over is the grade thing. From what you said it seems like you know what to do about this… join the dramatics club right? Maybe get a tutor? I had to do that. It stunk BUT I ended up getting a scholarship and if I had gotten just one more answer wrong on my Algebra II final I wouldn’t have qualified! I’m sure deep down you know this but education is your way to a better life… that or rock n roll. (half kidding)
Okay so this joining a band thing. You have some friends who play instruments or want to play instruments? Well get three or four people together and start playing. No need to know how to play anything, just as long as you listen to a lot of it. When Luis and I started The Dollyrots he was the only one who knew how to play an instrument but everyone else caught on real fast. Our first practice sessions consisted of us all learning Ramones songs. Once we got those down and a few others we started writing together and that was it!
It seems like you know what you want but are a little afraid of it… that’s totally normal but at some point you have to just get over it and do something awesome! Maybe it’s music, maybe it’s rocket science..no shame in either. Confidence!





lessthananoutcoast420: The last time I posted I told you about my girl friend of 3 1/2 years and my first real love left me for my best friend of 8 years. I told you how hurt I was and asked what I could do to get over this bullshit. What I don't know (maybe I did) if I told you I started drinking twice as much as I did before this happened (and I drank a lot). In my last year of middle school all through high school I became addicted to priscription pills and popped pills all the time, until I had a near death experience with pills, then I quit. When my girl left me I turned to pills, again. I also, stopped liking music (music is my life), stopped writing (writing is a passion of mine), quit school, and shut myself off from the world, and just sat in my room always fucked up. During this time I learned to deal with this and kinda be okay with it because I realized no matter what I love this girl, I always will (no matter how many times or how hard she breaks my heart) and I can't not be in her life. I would go insane! Also, as for my best friend, he's my best friend. He'll always be apart of my life. He's the reason I'm alive today. I love this, guy even though he's an asshole at times. I've told them that I'm ok with this. Everything is alright. Even, though in my mind I fucking hate it. I see him hold her like I did, rub her back like I did, kiss her like I did, hug & cuddle her like I did, hold her hand like I did, ect..., ect... and it fucking kills me inside. When I get drunk with and they're next to me all fucking over each other I go insane inside, and want so bad to cry, but don't. One night when I was drinking with them they were almost having sex in front of me. I couldn't take it and I had a fucking drunken meltdown. My girl calmed me down and talked to me. I told her I can't stand to see them all over each other like that, she told me it wasn't going to happen anymore and that she always loved me. She even kissed me and gave me a huge hug! That's not how it happened, though. It still always happens and I still feel the same inside. How can I make this stop? Also, how do I tell them not to have sex in a room I can just walk into while that's going on (I've walked in on them 3 times)? I kind of think I can never stop this. If that's the case I'm thinking of moving away. Should I just move?

Kelly: Man… I’m sorry. My suggestion would be… as tough as it is, to get away from them & kick them both to the curb – in a nice way. It’ll be hard but not half as hard as sticking around would be. Sometimes being forced to branch out and find new friends is the surest way to find people that appreciate you for who you are. When we first moved out to Los Angeles a couple years ago (from FL) we had to leave a bunch of old friends and bands we knew behind, and at the time I was sure I we wouldn’t find the same sense of community in CA. But fast-forward a couple years and the people we know now are totally rad. I think you know what you need to do; just find a new scene. You sound super sweet, I’m sure you’ll find awesome new friends AND the love of your life! Stay strong. xo

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