A whiskey lullaby
You wonder sometimes why your alive and what is the point of you being placed in this world .
I thought it was to be with him and raise a family and have a happy life to compromise for the really crappy teenage life I had. But nope it was to have 5 years of pure happiness and then the world giving a big f you and dump you in right back in hell
Here I am walking down the quite streets of franklin it's raining and I can hear the quiet rap of thunder in the distance . I am just in a t-shirt and my black skinny jeans
My vans are soggy from all the large puddles I didn't care to doge I dont know where I am walking but all I know it is to get away from that house where all to suddenly my Life was ripped in half and then stomped into the dirt.
I looked up and wiped my eyes I noticed that I was in the park I walked to the nearest bench and sat down I pulled my knees up to my chest and sobbed longing for him to come up and place a hand on my shoulder and pull me close and tell me everything was going to be fine but I knew all to well that was never going to happen.
I pulled my hands up and wiped my puffy and blood shot eyes I was soaked to the skin and my hair was stuck to my head but I didn't care all I wanted was him
He was my life my only exception the person that taught me that love was real and I could have it I knew and loved him for 5 years .I had fallen hard for him hard and didnt really try to change it.
He asked me out on the 29th of September 2004 at his birthday party he confessed that he liked me for a whole year but didn't have the guts to tell me.
I liked him too but was too terrified to tell him incase he didn't like me.
From then on we were inseparable he was my first boyfriend my first kiss and most of all my first love
He showed me how to play guitar and how to cook boy was he the best cook he made the best breakfast pancakes around and was the only person who knew how I took my coffee .
I looked down at my small White hand and saw the ring he gave me 2 days ago
we were supposed to go for dinner but his truck wouldn't start so instead we stayed in and watched waynes world for the hundreth time. he was sad I told him we could. Go out for dinner the next day but he said we had to tonight I thought it was him just being the perfectionist he is .
I dropped it I rested my head on his lap but there was a bulge in his pocket I wanted to be comfortable so I asked him to take his phone out of his pocket his face went red and he went into shock he stuttered saying he couldn't I asked why and looked down at his pocket again and noticed it was small and square I looked at it again and gasped realising what it could have been but didn't jump to conclusions about it he reached into his pants pocket and took out a velvet black box and mumbled better now or never he opened it and there nestled a little silver ring with a single perfect sized diamond in the middle he got up and bent down on one knee in front of me he told me he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me wanted to have children with me and buy a little cottage where we could grow old in with me
he slipped the ring that fitted perfectly on my tiny finger lifted my chin up and kissed me he wiped the tears from my cheeks. And said Hayley Nicole Williams I love you and i am never going to leave you.
The next day he was called for a two day business trip in meridian to scout a new band .He smiled like crazy that morning when I asked him why he said he was so happy his truck didn't start. I kissed him good bye I didn't know that would be the last time I would kiss him
I got up from the bench and slowly walked home it was still raining but I didn't care I got In the door and walked up to our bedroom I stripped from my soaking clothes and took a shower the water made my skin red and it would have hurt if I wasn't so cold I turned of the shower and put on my underwear I opened our chest of drawers it smelt like him I grabbed out his favourite jimmy eat world t-shirt and his pyjama pants I slipped them on and went over to our bed I slid in and grabbed his pillow it smelled like him
I cuddled up to it and wept
I cried until I couldn't breathe as the memory of the worst conversation I have ever had replayed into my mind
It was 6 o clock and I was expecting him to come home. I was serving the dinner when I heard the doorbell ring i wiped my hands laughing as I walked over and opened the door asking who I presumers it to be him if he forget his keys but It wasn't him it was two police officers one tall and one just a bit shorter standing in my door way with rain dripping off there hats he small one asked if we could talk I invited them in an showed them to the living room the small officer asked me who I was to him I replied as of a day ago his fiancée they both looked at each other with pained expressions and the tall guy exhaled and told me something I though I would never hear in my whole life especially about him.
They said He was driving home from meridian when a truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and veered across the road And smashed into his truck and flipped it into a ditch they said he had a piece of metal through his side and was alive when the ambulance reached him he asked he officer to give me something it was a bag and also to tell me he loved me with all his heart....moments later ...he passed on
The taller officer returned with a bag and a box with his belongings In the officer set the box beside my feet and passed me the bag I set it down and let the 2 officers out .
As soon as the door closed I sobbed and curled into a ball on the floor I must have fallen asleep because when i woke up It was morning I wiped my eyes but the tears just kept on coming I dragged my self over to he couch and saw the bag the officers told me that he asked them to give me I opened it and there was wedding magazines and a bow-tie in the Bag he must have been more excited about the wedding than I was I flipped through the magazine and written on the back cover was a note it read
I can't wait to see you walking down the isle and becoming my wife I saw these and couldn't help myself
boy did I get some weird looks from the checkout girl hah well I don't care because I'm marrying you not her
I love you with all my heart"
He had his name signed and an x I broke down and cried I couldn't move I just stared at the note on he back of the bridal magazine tears streaming down my cheeks
~end of flash back~
I walked down stairs and saw photos of me and him my eyes wandered around the room until my eyes settled on the bottle of wiskey in the corner we didn't drink it but my father had it When he visited us I walked over and downed the bottle my throat was on fire.
sobbing I searched the fridge and found he bottle of vodka we kept for when friends came over I also grabbed the champagne I bought for the dinner I was making for you when you got home I dragged my self to our room crying I laid on the bed drinking the vodka
When I was finished I stumbled into the bathroom I searched for the bottle of pain pills I had for my migraines I threw the pills on the bed and searched for a note pad I found one and stumbled back to the bed rather messily I wrote what came to my mind trying to grab hold of the words that where coming into my head but I couldn't grab them I was drunk and to tired I threw the pad on the ground and took two tablets for the headache I felt coming on I laid my head back and thought about my life with him ..
Joshua neil farro my best friend my soulmate and my lover
I cried as I inhaled the scent from his t-shirt I grabbed joshed iPod from the locker beside me and turned on our song
A whisky lullaby
Josh used to sing it to me when I couldn't sleep and now I felt my eyes drift closed
With the scent of his t-shirt and the song playing I fell asleep dreaming about my only love Joshua neil farro
oh my god i cant believe i posted this its my first one i always wanted to post one so here you go i hope you like it and you guys please tell me how to post a banner thanks guys :)